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Joined: Apr 2004
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hrt1,
No worries... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I had a long weekend. My H called on Friday left me a nice message..(it was hard to listen to, the way he spoke..being all nice...He is like a double personality sometimes - either really nice or just plain moody)...

I called him back but we ended up playing phone tag till Sunday. I spoke to him then and we had a nice conversation although there were moments when I did detect that impatience of his...but I moved passed it. I guess not seeing him left me feeling prity down all weekend <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />...Yesterday I ended up calling him and asking him over for a movie...he called back and said he was tired and could not make it...I had hoped to see him...I don't know how to get to the point of not missing him! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I know it will take time, but dam I just want it to happen already....

I ended up going shoping yesterday and I bought some nice furniture for my bedroom <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />...I got something that was different than what H and I planned to get... Now I have to wait for them to get it into the store...

I seem to be in that slum for days now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />...I try to feel better but I have lost that spark I had just couple of weeks ago....I think that whole insident with him coming over in the middle of the night followed by such a nice day and then the 180 by H has thrown me off more than I wanted to admit. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />...

I am thinking of going to see a movie tonight, just to fight this feeling of not wanting to do anything...

How was your weekend?
Enjoy... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Daisy


Me: 30 WH: 29 WH: left May 8th, 2005 Now: no contact with WH since 07/02/2006 Ark on Plan A plan a tips and musings...get grounded here betrayed spouses...............JUST BE STILL...........
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I had a really tough day yesterday....
I feel so stupid and pathetic these days...what am I holding on to...My H left me...why can't I get that through my head and move on....
Instead I called him several times last night...he was not there and I did not want to leave a message...then around 11pm it was busy...I just ended up going to sleep feeling really low and down on myself...
I still have the message he left me on Friday on my answering machine...it is really short but I played it this morning and it made me cry...I know I should not keep it but I cannot make myself let it go...
Now, H started working the same hours as me and we work in the same place, just several buildings from each other...so I drove and kept my eye out for him, I feel so dum...

I seem to have really taken a slide down from where I was just a couple of weeks ago...I don't know what happen...I really want to see him...it is not good, because I really feel as though I have no choice in the matter, it is just a need to be with him...dam!

On top of it all, two night in a row I have had a similar dream...both about H coming back home...makes me cry when I wake up in the morning...

It is so much work to feel better and move on, I feel exhausted...but I got to keep going...

Daisy


Me: 30 WH: 29 WH: left May 8th, 2005 Now: no contact with WH since 07/02/2006 Ark on Plan A plan a tips and musings...get grounded here betrayed spouses...............JUST BE STILL...........
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I am so sorry things are so bad for you right now.
If you look back though, it probably all goes back to the night he came over at 4. I don't know him too well, but he sounds an awful lot like my boyfriend. And if he is, I can tell you what he is doing.
He felt like you were slipping away, moving on without him, he realized that and pulled you back in. (the late night visit) He KNEW what he was doing and did it to get you back to where you were before he left. Men can be amazingly good mind and emotion readers. He knew he could pull you back in, and he did. Now that he knows he can still affect you, he feels like he is still safe and doesn't have to treat you with respect again until you start to move away again.
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but if he is like the guys I know, it is all just a game.
If you want to check him, don't call or make time for him for about two weeks. If he calls, answer is, but keep it short like you have to go somewhere and can't talk. If he wants to go out, tell him you are busy and have other plans. See what happens. I can almost promise he will start calling alot, come up with small reasons to stop by or make up ideas to get together.
If he does this and then backs WAY off when the two weeks is up and you are available again, I would put down the law for what you feel is acceptable for your relationship with him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
I know it isn't that easy, trust me, I KNOW! But over the last month, I have really begun to find myself and RESPECT me and my choices. And you know what, he is taking notice of that and shows me A LOT more respect and treats me 150% better.
Give it a try, it works, I promise. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

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hrt,
I guess I don't want to believe that it would be a game to him, but the fact is that he may not even realize that he is engaged in this game....

I feel a little better right now. I read some posts here and it does help to see people fighting the good fight and moving forward with their lives, working on themselves, etc...

I will not call him today...yesterday was really bad and even though deep down somewhere I knew I should not call and that I was opsessing again (I really knew that), I chose to not stop and just kept on calling justifying it to myself that I really just wanted to talk to him....I got to toughen up! I feel better now. I need to take out my flashcards again with the words 'do not call' out whenever I get so desparate! That is when I really should not call since it is no longer a choice I am making! Dam.

Thanks for being here and writing to me....it helps a lot....

I got to pull away...I was prity good last week about not calling him and waiting for him to call but I guess when I called on Monday to ask him if he wanted to come over for a movie that did not do me good...eventually I ended up feeling that I was giving again.... I called him because I wanted to see him, not because of a movie, I lied to myself...I am working on this...it is hard...

I guess it is back to working on me and doing what I think is best and moving on with my life...

As to what is acceptable, well my life would be easy if I knew the answer! I am still figuring this one out, wish I was not...I hope this will not make me a hopeless case....

Thanks a bunch..!
Daisy


Eddited to add:
You know what? I just realized it is middle of October! My H left in May. I did not think I could make it to October. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> I feel good! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Last edited by white_daisy; 10/12/05 04:41 PM.

Me: 30 WH: 29 WH: left May 8th, 2005 Now: no contact with WH since 07/02/2006 Ark on Plan A plan a tips and musings...get grounded here betrayed spouses...............JUST BE STILL...........
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Morning hrt1,
Hey how goes it over whereever you are? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I am feeling prity good <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />...well it is kind of too early still to tell. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

You know I had another dream tonight, I don't even get why, since I was not even thinking about it much last night....I guess the stress is getting to me...but the dream was different...apparantly H had left some girlfriend pregnant just couple of years back (ok, not true in real life - so I've been told <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />) and now he was getting back togher with her <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> and taking care of the kids...he was taken care of a 4 year old boy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> in the dream and we saw each other in a store and I was so heartbroken to be there to see him with children...In reallity H changed his mind about having children (that hurt) and I remembered that even in the dream....

Anyway, I woke up feeling a lot of pain <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />...now I feel way better, but boy 3 heavy dreams in a row....why???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> Must be the stress.....strange....

Anyway, hope you are well.....

read you soon.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Enjoy<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Daisy


Me: 30 WH: 29 WH: left May 8th, 2005 Now: no contact with WH since 07/02/2006 Ark on Plan A plan a tips and musings...get grounded here betrayed spouses...............JUST BE STILL...........
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hey hrt1,
I know you don't post over the weekends...just want to share some things <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />....Hope you are doing well.

I seem to be doing quite good these days...After the bad day on Tuesday I was feeling really good the rest of the week...On W I went to see a movie..on Th H called and wanted to go see that same movie...he left a message and I called him back on Friday morning...I was feeling prity good on Th and I really did not even want to talk to him then...

Friday I left him a message and he called back in the evening...I usually don't pick up...but I did that time...I had plans for Friday night so I was feeling good...we talked and it was nice...he asked what I am doing and I told him I am going to listen to a piano performance...he wanted to go out to a club and get some drinks...then later he asked who am I going with (I wish I had someone but I was going alone)...and I only had one ticket. He went on to ask me if he could come 'tug along' that he would try to buy a ticket at the door...I know I should have said NO! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> but I was slightly surprised by that and I just said ok....We had a nice time...then we went to the club and had some drinks...I had a good time there as well...

You know when I first met H I was not really too social but over the years I have become more so and I am reaching a level that I like and am comfortable with. I was really upset when H actually told me I have no social skills one week before he left <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />, (he did apologized but it still hurt to have him say that….)

So, we were walking down the street downtown to get to the club , and it was around 11pm. There were a number of people (mostly young) down there....Now, we have a lot of stabbings downtown as people get into fights at the clubs and pubs, etc. So, there were all these people out, some already drunk, and my H says, in a very loud voice " more obnoxious people, this city is full of them" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />. I thought it was just so dumb to say something like that. What if someone wanted to fight him. If he weight 250 lb, I could understand that, but he weighs about 170 and is six feet tall, and he is definitely not a fighter! I asked him not to talk like that with me that I don't want to get hurt over some remarks! I was also thinking, this is just so typical H! He wants to go out, but criticizes the whole scene even before he gets there! Sure, I am almost a decade older then most of the kids at the club so I act/dress different then they do, but so what, they are there to have a good time...yet H will criticize them all even before getting there...why is he going out if he is so critical??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />.
And H calls me the anti-social one!? Go figure. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
I really just let all that talk go in one ear and out the other.... And sure enough then he tells me he is going out Saturday night as well!

What is he doing? Complains all the time about the scene downtown, the drinking and how 'stupid' and 'obnoxious' the people are but then goes out all the time....Where is his learning curve??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, I had a good weekend...I am going to get some coffee now, just to get out of the house....I went to the store earlier and bought some Halloween candy..I should not have since I already opened the bag and had some...I knew I should have bought it closer to the 31st! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Enjoy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
I hope you are still out there reading....otherwise I am writing to myself <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Daisy


Me: 30 WH: 29 WH: left May 8th, 2005 Now: no contact with WH since 07/02/2006 Ark on Plan A plan a tips and musings...get grounded here betrayed spouses...............JUST BE STILL...........
Joined: Aug 2005
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It sounds like you had a great weekend. How are things going so far this week? Did your H have a good time on Saturday, or was it like usual, going but not having fun? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
I'll be honest, this has been a really hard weekend and week. My boyfriend had to go out of town on a business trip, it just seems like I am repeating the first few weeks after I found out. I don't know why, but I feel like crying all the time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

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hrt1,
I am sorry you are hurting now...the pain is like a pendulum..it comes and goes but over time it balances out and your life settles down again...I have same days..some are good and some a bad...do you think there are some trust issues you are dealing with now that BF is gone for a few days or are you just missing him?

I am having good days now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />...

I spoke to H on Sunday...not the best conversation seeing as he was drinking earlier in the day (went bowling apparently) and said he had drank too much...I am not surprised by these statements any more...yes he went out on Saturday but he said he stayed only 45 minutes, he was disapointed in the music..I don't know if he went anywhere else after....in anycase...I am starting to feel that H and I may just want different life styles and perhaps we are not compatible... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I went rock climing yesterday for the first time (at a gym!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />...It was strange, and I did get all freeked out when I got half way up and it took 3 trys before I got to the top but it was fun! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

H called me yesterday morning (it did sound a bit like he was appoligitic about the other day - but who knows <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />)...He asked if I wanted to go out to a movie and we talked about going tonight...I don't know if we will, I did not hear from him and I will not call him....

Hrt1, I am having a really difficult time cutting him out of my life. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />..I don't relly on him being there but I still want to see him....I look at these posts and the whole Plan B and I think maybe I should do a plan B, but I really fear that it would not work and then I would not see him anymore...Besides I am not in plan A anyway, we are not working on the M.....Sometimes I get a strong urge to discuss reconsiliation <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> but I don't because I really believe it is up to him to come to me....but I don't believe he will... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I had IC this morning and it went well.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />.

I feel prity good today. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hope you are feeling better...if not do share.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Best,
Daisy

Last edited by white_daisy; 10/19/05 02:44 PM.

Me: 30 WH: 29 WH: left May 8th, 2005 Now: no contact with WH since 07/02/2006 Ark on Plan A plan a tips and musings...get grounded here betrayed spouses...............JUST BE STILL...........
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