Attached is the letter i sent OM's mother to expose the affair and stop OM's mother from bothering my DD12.
Let me know what you all think.

Mrs.xyz,

First let me say that I’m so sorry to have to meet you this way.
I have wanted to write you and or talk with you for quite some time. As you probably already know your son OM, has been having an affair with my wife WW for at least six months. There affair has most likely helped bring and end to his marriage and is close to ending ours as well. Besides me and WW have been together for 15 years and she is the love of my life, we have one beautiful daughter that is now paying the price of WW and OM’s actions.
As if there affair is not enough to deal with, the main reason I’m writing you for my DD12.
My daughter:
Because the thought of even looking at you scares her to death, she has not been able to go into the school library in four weeks. Why, you ask? Because of very poor decisions on behalf of WW and OM, my daughter and niece have both been exposed to there affair. The girls have been with them while they have spent time together this year doing things such as calling, swimming, and even on a dinner date. DD12 is heart broken over this affair and is scared to death of facing you. DD12 being of twelve years old believes that OM is the monster that has taken her mommy, turned her life and family inside out. Because her little heart is so full of pain she can not bare looking at you much less speaking with you. Out of respect of my daughter and niece I ask that you not attempt to contact or speak with the girls at all. The last thing a kid needs is to feel scared while at school. The place they are at all day should feel safe and comfortable.
Please, don’t take this as a personal attack on you or your job. As a wife and mother I hope you will understand.
To help you understand why my daughter feels this way:
There affair dates back to late March early April of this year. Yes, I do have proof to support my accusations. This on going affair between OM and WW has caused great pain in the lives of our family. These past weeks have been really devastating on me and DD12. The past months the two of them have spent all the free time together; on the phone, lunch breaks, after work hours, week ends, and now living together in his apartment. This all has inflected great pain on me and my daughter that words can not began to describe.
Again, please respect my daughter’s wishes and avoid her so she can feel comfortable while at school. I hope you respect my decision to contact you myself about this matter and not the school first. If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me any time.
Thanks,
BS

Dazed...

Could you give your WW my email address? (it's in my signature below) I don't think that it's wise to bring her to this site yet, but it might help for her to be able to talk to a FWW...I had some of the same issues regarding insecurity and my h being gone all the time (working)...I too did not "trust" his Plan A changes...I never felt truly loved by him...my life is a whole 'nother ballgame now...I have never felt so much love in my life...I feel so blessed to be with my h...Your WW seems to be wavering, and I "wonder" if she might be able to benefit from my insight...I would definitely be willing to give it a shot...I even have free nationwide long distance, and if she would be interested I would be glad to call her...I do have a pretty mean case of laryngitis right now, but I still think that I could croak out something of usefulness... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm not sure how you could tell her that you "found" me, just make sure that you fill me in on that part of things should you decide to give her my information...

Mrs. Wondering

Mrs. W
That is a great idea. may be a tough sell. I will just have to see if I can come up with a way to make the offer to her. The cost of talking to SH was a turn off to her.
Another bump in my road is one of WW consultants is my former sister in law. She was also a WW that left her marriage for OM just one year ago. My WW goes to the lost sole for advice. I just found out a week ago that my WW's sister incouraged and aided in the affair of my WW. When WW asked what she should do, Sis says go for it and have a fling. It your husbands fault he's not home with you. She allowed WW and OM to meet at her house and she drove them around together. my ww could really use a pro-marriage person for advice.
Here is what I sent WW in email today:


WW-
I love you.
I’m sorry about the way I have been acting. You know I’m only trying to fight for you, for us. The past six weeks I have been asking you to tell me what to do for you. Today we are only growing further apart.
I have been trying to be patient, but the thought of you making memories with him each day kills my heart and hurts my head. You can not imagine what it’s like knowing the love of your life to choose to love and be loved by another. The only thing that eases my mind is Kaylee and spending time with her. As wonderful as that is, it only takes the edge off the pain like a pill. The only time I can eat or sleep is when Kaylee is near. The last six weeks have taken such a major toll on me. I can’t sleep any more than an hour or two a night, I have lost 30lbs. I can’t think of anything but you and seeing you smile at me with love in your eyes again. The girl in the picture was my girl. Her smile was so pretty. I pray for the day I will see her again…. I just can’t stop thinking of you, I love you.
It seems I’m supposed to be doing something for you, to save our family. Kaylee wants me to do something to save our family. She was so happy to us hugging and loving each other Sunday night. She was so excited. She thought you were home to stay. When I tucked her in she told me thank you for loving mommy and she would pray for us. The next day she jumped right out of bed to run down stairs to see you. She was so heart broken. Later on that night she was mad at me for not doing something to keep you at home. You know why I packed your stuff. Saturday morning and then not coming home Saturday night. What would you have done if you were me? Then on top of it all I could not sleep Sunday night and came down stairs to see if you were awake to talk to me and you were talking to him and earlier you couldn’t talk to me and not wanting to pressure you I went on up to bed. Yes, I was hurt to see that. I just wanted you to stop me at any point while loading your stuff up. You never even tried to stop me or come back home. I set and cried on the couch waiting for until I found you car at his house at 5:30AM.
I’m sure you don’t want to here this stuff, but its real…The whole in my heart and tears in my eyes are real. The loneliness that I and DD12 feel when you’re gone is real.
Let’s just give it one last chance. Say three months to see if there is anything left for us. If your love with him is true, then three months will mean nothing. If it’s really love between you two and mint to be then three months will not change anything in the end. No commitments after three months, just stop and look at were we both stand.

Just look at how pretty you are….This was taken almost one year ago just after my birthday before we moved.

Dazed...

Do you think that it would help if I emailed her first? I could do so with the offer to listen and share my experiences with her...no judgement...

You'd have to let me know a couple things...

1. What email address is the best way to reach her...

AND

2. How you would want me to say that I came to know of her...I think that telling her through MB's would be okay, since she knows of SH and all, but I'll let you make that decision...sometimes WSes feel "bad" around counselors because they fear being labeled the "bad guy"...you could let her know that I have been exactly where she is (not that long ago, just look at my signature)...who am I to pass judgement?

I would like it better if she contacted me first, so that I could better gauge how best to approach her, (my sales training <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />) but I'm willing to go any possible route that she will allow...I would eventually love to tell her how AMAZING a recovered marriage is, AND how possible that it is...I would really love the opportunity to actually talk to her...

Mrs. Wondering

Mrs. W- Thank you so much for reaching out to me. May god bless you and your family!
I don't know what to think about WW any longer.
You know I gave OM's mommy the school librian the letter requesting she have no contact with my DD12 plus gave some details about how immoral her son and my wife are.
Well-knowing OM is a mommas boy... He got called out on the carpet last night. WW promised my DD12 she would come over last night by 6:30 and they would spend some time. Me and DD12 drove by OM's parents house at 7:45 and there was OM's truck and WW's car. They spent several hours working damage control over there before WW called me at home.
Of course WW was steaming hot mad at me. She accused me and my DD12 of lying about everything. WW took OM's and his mommy's side about everything I wrote. It was just sick to listen to. There is no doubt the women I knew is gone.....Get this she now tells me that she misses our daughter so very much that she wants to come home and me leave. Let me tell you I ripped her apart for almost an hour about why that was never going to happen. So, at this point. She trashed our house Saturday. Told DD12 to think of her as dead. Told me she was never coming back. Left with most of her cloths Sunday. Now wants me to leave our home so she has a place to live. Oh, yah- almost forgot. Mommy told them she could not live there while they were both still married. WW called this morning to talk to DD12 of which I said no. She preseeded to tell me she slept in her car last night. I ask if she needed some cheese with that wine. She did not like that. Now says I through her out of her home and is blocking her from her daughter.
So, I went to the lawyer this morning and paid the retainer cost and turned in my papers. All that is left is for me to sign the doted line and turn it over to the court. No I don't want to do this. However, She told me she knows she will get everything if we divorce. ha ha... Also, now wants me to leave so she can move back. I'm now thinking she may pull something legally to make that happen. I have to protect my DD12 and myself now. After that Saturday morning melt down DD12 does not even want to talk to her much less see me leave and her move back. That was antother point i tried to make last night. DD12 will NEVER accept OM now. She knows he is the sorry SOB that took her mommy and broke up our family and is ruining her life. Why would she ever accept him. I reminded my WW that my mother did the same thing to me. As a result I moved in with my Grandparents and lived with them for 3-1/2 years. Of which 2 years I did not speak to my mother and to this day we have no relationship. WW was just speachless. WW is really out of control right now. My plan is file the papers. Have her served at her work place. Serve her a Plan B letter at the same time. This will protect my DD12 from crazy mom, other man's presents in her life, my home for DD12 and myself from the maddness. I'm still in love with the wife I once had. I pray I will some day see that women again. I'm losing hope that I ever will. She is so far gone I can barely see the women I knew just seven months ago. She is only a shell of the wonderful, caring, fun loving women i fell in love with. It's just so hard. You know I met her when we were 12 years old. I walked her home from school and holding her hand for the first two weeks of school. I can still she that warm smile she used to have. It's just too much for me to take. 21 years later that women is now the possesion of another man. I just get sick thinking about it.
Does any one think I should wait to file the final paper?

"Does any one think I should wait to file the final paper?"

No, by saying that you should move out instead of her, she may be thinking of taking legal actions against you to do this. You want to be on the offensive on the legal front. File now, ask for custody, and remain in the house. You can always make up later--even after a divorce.

If you have the time, check Mortarman's thread on getting his ducks in a row for his legal case against his FWW. He is now in recovery.

Best.

You have a good plan. I did pretty much the same thing. I would file and protect your daughter. Then evaluate if you want to finish it or sit on the divorce for awhile.

Get started. Protect yourself and daughter. Go to Plan B.

In His arms.

I concur. Your priorities are protecting your daughter, yourself then your marriage. Your WW is in a desparate position and may take desparate action such as presenting false claims of abuse or whatever. I would also get a tape recorder to record any conversation you have with her for here on out. I hope you've been keeping a journal and if not go back and write one up (in your own hand writing) detailing the craziness of the last few weeks. You may need this to support your testimony in court as WW will lie her butt off and try to flip the whole thing on you.

Good luck, W

Yup...time to file. Protect Protect Protect.

any pictures of her destruction tour?

journal of her craziness?

Great job on exposure to OM's mommy.

These guys are right. Make sure you document, record, and photograph. Do not get caught with your guard down. Your wife is unstable right now and will do ANYTHING. Be prepared. And expect ANYTHING!

In His arms.

Thanks everyone:
I do have pictures of the damaged items plus the dumpster full of broken decorations. I have a journal of each night she did not come home. I may be able to contact the hospital the night she took the dozen head ach pills at OM's and came home to me for sympathy. I know i should have called 911 each on the pill overdose as well as the house destruction. Don't worry, i will next time. Tomorrow at 1:30 i will sign the release to serve her.
I just learned she just dumped the guardianship off of my niece...The lawyer that represented us back in April failed to spell my name out with WW's on the legal doc. The doc did make light of our family being the legal guardians but specifically named WW. So-She just signed off on the papers and gave Niece12 back to my sisters drunken Ex-mother in law. The same women we went to court and had Niece12 removed from. My lawyer said there is not much I can do right now. I would have to appeal to the courts at a later date to obtain her myself. WW is going nuts...Tomorrow is Divorce filing day. I'm changing the door locks before WW gets off work tomorrow and me and DD12 are leaving town for the week end. That will keep WW off our backs for bit.
Because of WW's behavior I think I will wait for her to be served before issuing plan B letter. What do you all think. B letter after she is served or before?

Plan B letter...then have her served. That way,, she understands what you are about when the process server shows up.

In His arms.

About your niece - is it all right with you if she simply moves in with you or stayes with you regardless of the legal papers? If the other guardian is a drinker, you sound like a much better safe harbor for her. Drinkers care more about their next buzz than about maintaining a good home for children.

Update:
This is WW's latest message WW sent to me.
What should I do with this. I'm suppose to file for the divorce today. Send her Plan B letter Before she's served. Yes, I can see she makes no mention of missing me.
Please advise....

well, i cant believe i've been
gone for 5 days now. i feel sick
really when i think about it. i have
become someone else-someone even i do not know.i am so sad & crushed like i have a whole in my heart. i miss DD12 so much. I dont know what else to do. I have become this horrible person whom you probably think only cares about myself.
please believe me that is not what i am trying to portray. I want to be a mother to kaylee-I have the constant feeling like I am always forgetting something- u know what i mean- i guess cuz I am not seeing her. BH, please--I need her so much-I'm sure even more than she needs me. i feel so empty--please-I will do anything. please - I am sitting here at my desk crying-I am so empty & sad.
i know i need help.

Proceed as you planned. She has offered nothing, she proposes NO changes in her behavior toward you or even her daughter. She is just feeling sorry for herself.

Unless and until she offers a plan to change things for the better, you have no reason to alter your plans. Protect your daughter and yourself. Continue on as planned.

God Bless,

JL

well JL, i pretty much always read any time i see a post from you. and i will have to say, i do not know DKS's story at all, so maybe he has already done this.

i read that note from his WW and it breaks my heart. i have been there, "i know i need help."

i understand why JL says she is just feeling sorry for herself and he is right. i can recognize that too, because i have been there <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

the problem is, in that state, she cannot offer a plan to change things for the better. she is very lost.

can you help her get into IC? can you show her how to get the help?

Ditto what JL just said.

One thing though. Let's say your WW means what she says in that last message. That she will do anything. Okay, here's how you help her...

Send Plan B letter this afternoon, see your attorney and have custody stuff served by Monday. The PBL will tell her how to get things straight. it will show her the way out of the fog and how to get home. At the same time, the custody/divorce stuff, as well as NC with her, will show that you mean business, that you will protect the family. It will also create a sense of urgency in her. She will see everythign slipping away. Her pain will be that she can no longer cake eat to stay out of pain. Now, no matter which way she goes, she will be in pain. So, might as well go home and not lose her life.

So, listen to JL. Send PBL this afternoon and call attorney and tell him to file immediately.

Stay on mission. Let her deal with the mess. And we'll see how things come out in the next few weeks/months.

In His arms.

FL, he does this through his Plan B letter. it will state things like she must begin counseling, she has to end all contact with the OM forever, to include a NC letter. The PBL is a map for the WS.

Since you are a FWW, would it have helped if you had a love letter like that? One that said that your husband will no longer tolerate your betrayal, but still loves you enough to show you the way out of your mess...the way home?

My guess is "yes."

Plan B is made for what he is going thru. And for her.

i just went back and read just part of this thread, the most recent stuff.

i withdrawal my comments <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

MM, yes, your guess is absolutely correct.

FL,

In understand your ambivalence to my response. It does not seem very charitable, but the key point is that she is still in the A. She just got done tearing up their house and every picture in it. She has told her H and her daughter where to stick it.

She needs to face the consequences of her actions. I fully agree this woman needs IC badly. She has some issues that MB cannot address. However, she is the one that is going to have to face them, and perhaps her H filing for divorce will force her to look at things from some other angle. At least the filing will protect H and their daughter from her outbreaks and other issues including financial.

So my "harsh" reading of her message is reflected in the fact that she did NOT even apologize for what she did the other day, much less indicate a willingness to stop or consider stopping the affair.

He has a plan, nothing has changed except that his W is starting to realize she is losing something but...she cannot seem to remember what it was. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> It is a sad thing.

So at least Dazed has two points of view to consider.

Hope things are looking up for you FL.

God Bless,

JL