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Oh frank...Just re-read your post.

I am sorry..but none of us feel the way you wrote about...it was completely out of line.


me:37 BS; s:7; xh:38; OW:26;eloped w/OW 1 wk after D: 12/29/03. OC born 3/17/04. Happy! Blessed to be the mother of a wonderful son..great profession..Life's good!
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Okay-
I just spoke with Steve.
He pretty much matches everything that Frank has been saying.
His toughts are I'm doing a great job showing her the door is open. I must first get out of the door way too let her in. Stop all negitive talk about otherman now. He is using the same tact against her from his end. Talk about him is risky and avoid it unless she wants your help when is is bad to her.
Stop lecturing her that is coming off as hurtful and judgemental. You can share your feeling and concerns but don't present in a way that belittles her. This makes me look less attractive.
Continue Plan A and be consistant in my change. Applogize every time she talks about what I did and plead ignorance. Demonstrate the new me and not roll into traps that lead to anger and judgment. Because she will need to feel its okay to come back when it crumbles with him.
When I told he about the text message discovery, he asked if I have been taking anger management courses. Nice compliment. I think I'm still in shock over seeing those words.
Also, gave me advice about the divorce. Recommends that I go to my lawyer ASAP. Ask for primary custody of daughter because OM is not to be trusted.
Do not sign and agree with anything until the 11 O'clock hour. Last minute. Do not cause delays, just dont hurry and use all the time given.
He says plan B is a mistake right now. I need to show her the door is open and its her choice to come back. Plan B and a filed divorce is a tough because of the rules of communication. Also, she will see your choice to Plan B as a angry reaction to her filing. Not a loving road map home.

I have to say that I had expected to find text message trash. It's just the timing and her words that really hurt me badly.
WW responding to OM's afternoon post proves he is pushing her.
Yes, I agree that she has told him lies about me and how horrible I must be and unstable and unsafe. Think about it. It is a horrible lie, however she must do this in order to keep him at bay and justify herself. She don't want him thinking she is a tramp that just dumped me because she was lonely and the reason its taken 8 months to commmit to him is because what I might do if she does. This strings him along and buys her time.

OK, you have a professional opinion...Get to it and good luck with this.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.

I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
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Sigmound...I mean LEMONMAN... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

[color:"red"] You are dangerously close to letting YOUR OWN ISSUES AND HANG-UPS AND FAILURES AND SUCCESSES play too big of a role here.

This is NOT happening to you again, his (Dazed) WW is not yours. This is a situation removed from your own.
[/color]

LOL.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> that's funny. because I feel I'm the ONLY one here on this thread NOT understanding that...

My situation is my situation... if I was speaking to MY situation.. I would sound EXACTLY like what the people here are telling him or more like my last post....ANGRY AND BITTER....

EVERYTHING I tell DAZED is "PURE HARLEY"
Not that I don't try to pump him up with positive thoughts once in a while.... THAT IS WHAT PEOPLE NEED TO DO A GOOD PLAN "A"!!

You don't think all the negative thoughts most people post here aren't already going through his head???

You don't think people OUTSIDE this board like his family and friends are telling him the same things (KICK HER OUT)

WE KNOW BETTER...... we understand the components of an A.....
WE are supposed to be different......

The guy is trying soooo hard to follow what Harley says he should do.... PLAN 'A' for 6 MONTHS.... or until your love is dieing... (LB... clock starts over)

His love is still strong for his WW....

BUT EVERY SINGLE TIME HIS WW ACTS JUST LIKE HARLEY "SAYS" THEY DO and waffles a little.....or she has contact which is what WAYWARD SPOUSES DO.....!!!

HE gets BARRAGED WITH PLAN B.... KICK HER OUT..... LET HER LEARN..... DIVORCE HER....

How do you expect this guy to stay strong and do WHAT HARLEY SAYS HE SHOULD DO..... NOT ME....NOT MYYYYY FEELINGS ARE.....WHAT HAAAAARLEEEEYYYY says to do.......

I mean he had a phone-up with Harley and a day later hit a little setback and everyone was screaming PLAN B.....PLAN B..>!!!!

THAT... IS.... NOT.... WHAT.....HARLEY....TOLD ....HIM... TO..DO...

And the poor guy spent HOW MUCH? And in a day... everyone here is undermining everything the PROFESSIONAL tells him to do..

I just try and reinforce the principals here....I mean if you don't believe in the principals here... what are you doing here???

So....it's not me projecting MY issues here... I'm projecting HARLEY's principals....here.....at Harley's site....

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In thinking now for a few minutes dazed, I completely agree with the Harleys about this.

If you divorce and choose to be in plan A, ten you will need to consult them regularly! Please be faithful in doing this..

If your marriage were say, my patient today, I would probably be visiting you in the ICU. That setting requires nothing less than a specialist. I'd proudly hand you over to somebody who could get you out of the immediate clinical danger so you could recover a little and then move to step down...

Had to do that w/last patient...except she's on her way now to a surgeon...gallbladder disease really bad!

anyhow, you need to continue on regular basis getting "treatment" from Harleys since the D is into play now.

I would also seriously consider doing the counter file...Your WW may very well claim that you're emotionally unstable..or worse! And you need to realize that she is running now...b/c she has literally no real hand legaly to play here. Counterfiling does give more time...My xh beat me to the second filing by a mere four hours (I filed the first time)...he did tat b/c he thought if he got to do it first, then his secret (the affairs and his horrible behaviors) would NEVER come out in the open! Wrongo. I counterfiled against him on two counts. It did buy time though...he waffeled and came home for 2 weeks before Christmas after the filing...then he left again ...man was and is too foggy.

And realize that there is great hope here! Sure is...but then again, we cannot control another person ever...and some WS do not return. Or else we choose otherwise at a later time. You just pray, know you're prayed for, seek wise counsel out (harleys) and get a tight gameplan and a good attorney....get the best you can. And do go after full custody.

I am sickened your WW did this...but I thought she would have done this by last week honestly. I am upset most about the OM being around...the perv. Please do all you can do to make sure DD is NOT around that sick guy. You CAN GET TESTIMONY OR AN AFFIDAVIT OF HIS SICK WAYS from his XW! You sure can. Have her subpoenae'd...

Meanwhile, let your little light shine!


me:37 BS; s:7; xh:38; OW:26;eloped w/OW 1 wk after D: 12/29/03. OC born 3/17/04. Happy! Blessed to be the mother of a wonderful son..great profession..Life's good!
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Sigmound...I mean LEMONMAN... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LOL...I like that. Notice I wasn't the only one who found your posts offensive...but either way, this isn't my life and honestly, I believe that most people end up doing what they need to do in life eventually.

Maybe you are right about all of this and Dazed just needs to grin and bear it and suck up what happens to him here.

6 months of this is what the experts say right? How long has it been already? Days?

Could be.......I am certainly not an expert...so I guess we'll see.

In hindsight it is probably was useless of me to write to you.....I am 100% convinced that you and I are at completely different stations in life and probably would disagree with the color of a black 8 ball, so in hindsight your view and your experiences are far more helpful to Dazed.

It is ok.

Please keep encouraging him, I think he does need it. But please be mindful that I do NOT think this board was created with the full intent to have everyone agree with one view point. This is still an "open" baord with limited censorhsip.

Please also remember, that even "experts" can be questioned.....YES ALL EXPERTS !!!!! I deal with life and death decisions often, and even the "experts" are wrong, so a healthy relfection of it all is not bad.

Goodluck with your own issues and for Dazed, goodluck with yours.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Last edited by lemonman; 11/10/05 02:22 PM.

Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.

I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
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You MISSPELLED SIGMUND...I assume you were referring to Siggie Freud?

Sigmund.

Who was a doc...and btw...Lemon is one as well...

I defer only to somebody with more experience than myself...and more time in dealing with the specific issues at hand....whether medical, or here with mental/marriage issues.

I seriously doubt that your post and the profanity was "Pure Harley"..but go ahead thinking so if you choose.

Meanwhile quit attacking others here who choose to take time out of their busy lives...lemon and I are probably typing this from either a medical practice or a hospital ok? to help out a friend in need. We never slammed you by name...at least I never wrote your name down in my posts until the day you told me you wanted to "play nice"....which I found rather offessive. If you choose to live with faith in your life, then let's abstain from such colorful metaphors as [email]S@@t[/email], b#tch, etc. And let's encourage our friend to seek professional advice and make wise choices.


me:37 BS; s:7; xh:38; OW:26;eloped w/OW 1 wk after D: 12/29/03. OC born 3/17/04. Happy! Blessed to be the mother of a wonderful son..great profession..Life's good!
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Okay-
I just spoke with Steve.
He pretty much matches everything that Frank has been saying.
I disagree -- other than remain in Plan A. He pretty much matches everything I've been saying otherwise.

Quote
His toughts are I'm doing a great job showing her the door is open. I must first get out of the door way too let her in.

I agree. You're still trying to "reach" her. Enough.

Quote
Stop all negitive talk about otherman now. He is using the same tact against her from his end. Talk about him is risky and avoid it unless she wants your help when is is bad to her.
I believe I said -- you're putting her in the position of defending him.

Quote
Stop lecturing her that is coming off as hurtful and judgemental. You can share your feeling and concerns but don't present in a way that belittles her. This makes me look less attractive.
Ahem...exactly! She doesn't want your wisdom. Those are LB's.

Quote
Continue Plan A and be consistant in my change. Applogize every time she talks about what I did and plead ignorance. Demonstrate the new me and not roll into traps that lead to anger and judgment. Because she will need to feel its okay to come back when it crumbles with him.
Ahem, I believe I also told you to become the safe place. Be the lighthouse.

Quote
Also, gave me advice about the divorce. Recommends that I go to my lawyer ASAP. Ask for primary custody of daughter because OM is not to be trusted.
Do not sign and agree with anything until the 11 O'clock hour. Last minute. Do not cause delays, just dont hurry and use all the time given.
I also suggested getting to your attorney. If I remember correctly from earlier in your thread it was to your benefit to file first. Protecting daughter needs to be priority #1.

Quote
He says plan B is a mistake right now. I need to show her the door is open and its her choice to come back. Plan B and a filed divorce is a tough because of the rules of communication. Also, she will see your choice to Plan B as a angry reaction to her filing. Not a loving road map home.
While I think Steve is right about the communication issue -- the only way you're gonna pull this off is to get control of yourself.

Quote
I have to say that I had expected to find text message trash. It's just the timing and her words that really hurt me badly.
WW responding to OM's afternoon post proves he is pushing her.
Let him be the one pressuring her. Right now you're both doing it. If you stop, it makes you the better choice.

Quote
Yes, I agree that she has told him lies about me and how horrible I must be and unstable and unsafe. Think about it. It is a horrible lie, however she must do this in order to keep him at bay and justify herself. She don't want him thinking she is a tramp that just dumped me because she was lonely and the reason its taken 8 months to commmit to him is because what I might do if she does. This strings him along and buys her time.

It will all come to light in time. She thinks she can spin the story to her advantage both ways. OM is not getting the truth any more than you are.

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Okay, seems to me that I was right in line with what the master, Steve Harley, had to say...

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Stop this mess!

Dazed, while the runaway wife is true...my wife was one of them...and is home now.

Stop askign if she wants a divorce. If she wants it, let her go get it. You see, as long as you have pushed back and been loving, she has come runnign back to you. When you allowed her fog to be considered (ie the divorce), then she has been given tacet approval by you to continue.

Stop this nonsense. No talk of a divorce ever again unless YOU want a divorce. Who cares what she wants? She is in the fog...she doesnt know what she wants! You are trying to make sense out of nonsense.

Now, I LOVE Plan B!! But I have to agree that now is not the time. The OM is pushing VERY hard! He is LBing all over the place, even though she wants to spin it as he loves her. Whatever. He is LBing. And here is the alternative to his domineering manipulation...>>>>>>and that is Dazed and his Plan A.

I take this as she really is confused. She really does not know how to do the right thing. The OM is pushing her to do his thing, and since she cant decide herself, then she will isntead follow him like a lemming.

That is unless there is an equal pull in a different direction. Without Dazed in her life right now, there is no white to the OM's black. She will get smothered by this piece of work!

Instead, just as I said (and Steve reiterated), you keep on the positive...on the marriage...on the future. Talk about the OM? That is negative talk so cut that out. Talk about divorce? Again, that is negative talk. DO NOT GO THERE! Tha tis where the OM is living...and trying to drag her. Into his own world of oppressive negativism and sleazy living. You must be the alternative. You must be his opposite. You must never agree to anything he says or does.

You are trying to save your wife from this loser. This is war. Fight it right. You have tools at your disposal. Please do not snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

While no one can make the final decision for your wife...you must know that right now, you are winning! Why do you think he is pushing her so hard? Why are things becoming increasingly more difficult for her? All of the things you told her about the OM...she already knows. And those things have and will begin to eat at her.

This guy dont know it...but he is doomed to failure. The only question then is will you be standing there when she kicks HIM out on HIS butt?!?!

Follow Steve's advice to a "t." There will be time for Plan B...maybe! Maybe you wont need it. But you are going to have to keep depositing love units in her bank like you have been. It is why she is a mess. It is starting to hurt a lot more to leave you! And each day you keep this up, the pain increases. That guy wants her "safe" from you. What he doesnt know is that the pain you are causing isnt being caused by you at all. It is being caused because he is pulling her away from the one she loves.

And once she realizes that (and she will!), she will unleash so much anger on him, it will make his head swim!

In His arms.


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
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4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
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amen mortarman and lexxxy!

I think that doing a good A is wise...but that he needs to also be wise legally now since the d has been filed. The Om may want to turn up legal heat by pushing WW to file for custody or something wierd like that...and he's doing good to be his negative.

In doing a good A, please understand and reread

THE WHOLE TOPIC OF:

CARROT AND STICK OF PLAN A!

In no way does the BS take responsibility for the WS having the affair...that is clear cut in the information for you to read. Read both sides...it definitely has two distinct sides...the "carrot" side where it lures the WS away from the OP...(like your wife aka lemming right now) and then there's the "stick" of plan A which are positive actions, exposure, and truth...

Please memorize that! And get in touch w/harleys all the time!


me:37 BS; s:7; xh:38; OW:26;eloped w/OW 1 wk after D: 12/29/03. OC born 3/17/04. Happy! Blessed to be the mother of a wonderful son..great profession..Life's good!
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JustPeachy is correct on the legal stuff though...dont get caught with your pants down. You must protect yourself and daughter FIRST! So, anything that needs to be done, you do it.

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Dazed,

Do not move out. Hopefully she will stay also. I can't wait to here how OM reacts when he finds out the divorce was filed and you are still standing there loving your wife and she remains on the fence in your home with you.

Let him LB. Allow his insecurities to get the best of him and then he can act the fool. You are the righteous. You are hurt and destroyed but you can be the strong one. In fact, in Plan A you must be the strong one to attract your wife back to her family and out the fog.

My wife used to conjecture that why would she want to stay with me. I was all needy, depressed, angry, bitter, etc. and OM was all fun, new, exciting. She felt so much better about herself around OM. My conclusion...it is not OM that is pulling her from the marriage it is the way she feels about herself with OM versus the way she feels about herself when she is with you. Thus to attract her back to the marriage you must stop the LB's, stop trying to teach her and convince her of everything (she come to those conclusions herself eventually) and stop "accidentally" following her around town and keeping tabs on her (what has it accomplished anyway and how small a town do you live in to "run" into people that often <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> ).

To control your anger towards OM start thinking of him as one of God's lost lambs. Pity him and seeks God's help with peace, love and understanding of OM. Read OWL's recent thread about being careful what you pray for. When you turn things over to God, miracles can happen. Pray for God to reveal his plan to you and for the power to change what you can change and accept what you can not change.

Finally, re-read the carrot and stick philosophy of Plan A.

Good luck,
Mr. Wondering

p.s.- Have you done a thorough background check on OM. Perhaps an internet search would be cheap and you could glean some more information to attack him or at least assist with your custody battle. You must diligently and secretly protect your backside while you continue to Plan A.


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Another thought. I many states you can get a restraining order against OM to keep him away from your daughter. They would love to legitimize their relationship by "sharing" time with your daughter. Also OM will likely LB to high heavens upon being served.

Just something to discuss with your attorney.

Mr. Wondering


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"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Everyone on here wants to help me. Just like I want to help my lost wife. It is frustrating when you dont see results from your work. More so when people don't follow your advice. I'm also a professional in the job place. As a Engineering department manager. I know a our professional perspective is not the same as our personal.
I would have suggested to scrap this deal a long time ago from a non-emotional view.
Two problems with tossing this dieing marriage.
1) I still love the person that was my wife.
2) My little girl should have a mom and dad happy together.

I understand you have to know when to say when.
Lem- You are right. I'm really beat up. That one thread I'm down to is pretty tough. Also, this deal is a train wreck that has happened and is off the tracks and setting there in a smoldering pile of carnage. Trying to put out the fire, get it on the tracks and some how make it roll again is what were all wanting to do. Except WW.

Peach- I appreciate your consistant advice to protect. I agree as a father that is my first priority. Attempting to save marriage is second. I'm going to ask my lawyer for primary custody with restraining order against OM from daughter and my home.
I still think this guy is a control freak. How many professionals on here would say that sexual domination would also go along with a control power trip personality?
I think all the signs point towards this guy being just as I call it.
I do now agree that WW will be in gods hands now. It appears that she will have to live it with him to learn it.
I hate to say it but, it does look as if rock bottom she will have to hit. He will hurt her just like his last wife. I know I have done all I can do to show her there is a path. A woman that can't make a move and a control freak boyfriend. Submissive woman that can't really walk on her own, and a control freak dominating guy.
She will be in for a large helping of mental and physical abuse with this guy.
I will always love her and care about her with all my heart. Do I have hope she will come back. Now i only have a thread.
It comes back to that walk off wife story. It so fits us. Also the comment that another on her made about wanting to hold her husband and tell him its going to be all right. But she just cant because she will never feel the same.
My wife has told the that exact phrase.
The affair was just too far along for me. 6 to 7 months long. I know people that got married in less dating time than that. My wife mentally replaced me with him and actually told me this. Now how do you back up? She can't.
He will have to back rupt her love bank and I would still have to be in contact with her to make this all happen.
I think he will wait for her to become trapt to pull out all the toys in his attic. By then, she will be completely isolated and have no where to run. The path home to me may not exist by then. Her guilt I think will hold her ultimately back.
Yes, I'm down. I have learned so much from this experience. I know every step I took wrong in our marriage. I know if she were to ever really committ herself to me again, things would be totaly different.

Okay- She is all along and needs help. She said she would go to counselor last night. Any ideas and what type of IC to help her find. The last woman she seen really _ucked me over. Told WW to leave me and marriage and was coaching her to grow courage to tell me. WOW.. Same professional that could not remember her name during either of the two visits.

I have not offered the marriage builders site. She did talk to Steve once and did not like it. WW's I'm sure dont like Steve, so whats new.
I suggested she talk to a woman that has stood in her shoes before to speak with. I think she may actually go for that one now.

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I agree with Mr. Wondering except on one point...

Quote
...start thinking of him as one of God's lost lambs.
While this is true, I prefer to look at the OM as a worthless piece of crap that is destroying my wife. And thus, I am his opposite because as Mr. Wondering said...I would be the righteous one.

It is the difference in being a sleazy, immoral OM...or being a man after God's own heart. Of course the Om may be one of God's lost lambs. Who knows? But God did allow righteous people to destroy immoral people and civilizations.

This is about "destroying" the OM through being the light to his wife. Dazed doesnt go down into that cesspool the OM calls home. No...instead he stands at the opening of that cesspool and shines the light in. It hurts his wife's eyes (pain)...but as her eyes adjust to that light, she will realize she is living with a human pile of dung. And she will come running out of that port-o-john toward Dazed's light as fast as her legs can carry her.

Be the lighthouse, Dazed. Let the OM be the outhouse.

In His arms.


Standing in His Presence

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Married April 1993...
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1) I still love the person that was my wife.
2) My little girl should have a mom and dad happy together.

Those are reasons enough to shake the world and bring hellfire down onto the wicked!

The love of your wife and the protection of your daughter's family...only a fool would try to mess with that!

In His arms.


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

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www.backgroundcheckgateway.com

Let's get some dirt on the om.

Lawyer will need that...you can save hundreds if you follow the links here!

Work on making YOU the more attractive choice...that means be loving, but quit chasing the Ww...how do you catch the eye of somebody who takes you for granted? Easy! Be as you were when you were first meeting...you had an air of mystery...you were CONFIDENT AND STRONG!

Again...reread and darn it memorize carrot and stick! It will get your plan A renewed and TOUGHENED up yet still loving!

Can help change perceptions of you too...

If ww wants to talk divorce talk, tell her you're only intersted in healing talk. If she says something about it, say "we can discuss it another day"...don't address it. Only talk D talk with your attorney btw. Do NOT badmouth OM! Let his own actions hang the noose and tighten it ok? Let OM become his own worst enemy!

How do you do it? Don't Lovebust! And don't be the glue that holds the affair together!

I learned this in my life firsthand. When I quit talking about his affair marriage or anything negative about OW/W, they started un-gluing...big time.

But it also makes whenever I do have negotiations or talks with my xh, makes them go smoother...he is not angry, is decent, and I am all for that.

Example: If I have to speak with him or need something accomplished that I am unable to do and something he's supposed to do, I start off conversation saying something always positive. And I leave OW/W outta it. He responds so nicely! Why? He is getting enough negativity from his affair partner/affair wife.

It makes the BS seem like a breath of fresh air! Let OM do the scheming, plotting, etc... and you say nothing bad to WW!

Let the snooping go on in private...no more following, etc...get a PI...and get some dirt on OM. That way if the D does in fact go down, you just slam in outta nowhere on the OM...state only facts with regards to WW (adultery) and that is NOT a LB..it is truth. But you can present to court system that WW is choosing to live with a man who was sexually abusive and perverse to his own W...and that he cheated on his own W...and that can be powerful!

Imagine! You in court are only stating facts...Instead of painting W as dirty, she is only labeled for what has happened. Adultery. And your "grounds" for seeking custody is b/c of the actions and perversity of OM!

What you will accomplish is classic blame shifting! It is what yoru WW really wants deep down and can give her a way out...she sees you will nto go after her in court...that your actions are only b/c of the dirt of OM!

See? Are you getting it? There can be positive communications between yourself and WW...But do not ever take any BLAME FOR THE AFFAIR...NEVER IN WRITING OR IN SPEECH AS IT COULD BE AUDIOTAPED.

If you play this smart...OM will go down in flames.

And when the WW is coming out of fog, she can get IC or help with you from Harleys and maybe begin to realize her PROBLEMS AND ISSUES WHICH NEED HELP! I fear she does have some emotional issues and maybe some unrealized mental ones as well wich may need help.

But that's only if you two get into recovery together.

Remember...do not LB with WW...Just oust OM with truth! Get the others to do it. You can further deflect and say "but I just let my lawyers do this...I didn't do it"...and that deflects YOU from looking like bad guy in getting the dirt on OM.


me:37 BS; s:7; xh:38; OW:26;eloped w/OW 1 wk after D: 12/29/03. OC born 3/17/04. Happy! Blessed to be the mother of a wonderful son..great profession..Life's good!
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dazed, just wanted to let you know you are receiving excellent advice here. Steve Harley has counselled me three times and he has provided me with great advice even though some may think he is not hardline enough.

The A is a secondary issue here as some may have already suggested. I know you want to kill it today, but it sounds like it is dying a natural death. I don't know if you can speed that process right now.

You need to create a safe place for you WW once it does die. Don't become overly obsessed with the A since it may be on its last legs. Concentrate on making yourself the place your WW want to go when the A does die...AND IT WILL.

No more AO's, DJ's SD's...eliminate all LB'ers.

Mortorman is soooo right when he says "keep on the positive...on the marriage...on the future." When my WW said she wanted a seperation I did exactly what SH and some vets suggested. I told my WW I cannot agree to something that will destroy our M and family and that I believe we can be happy together. This is what you need to to.

DO NOT not talk about NEGATIVES or the PAST.

TALK about the POSITIVES and the FUTURE.

Be a broken record to her and it WILL eventually sink in.

You have been thorugh much and you need to really bear down and fight now. You can do this!!!!


Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006
1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B...
...now stepping towards recovery?????
BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5
My Story
My struggle with an EA
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I agree with Mortarman except on one point...

Quote
I prefer to look at the OM as a worthless piece of crap.

The word "steaming" should be placed in between "of" and "crap" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I really just wanted Dazed to stop fighting OM at his level. To take the battle to OM with righteousness and a pure heart. When you battle the idiot at his idiotic level he might win because he has more experience.

Mr. Wondering


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Dazed,

My wife was the walk away wife...and she is home now.

She had even filed for divorce...been with the OM for almost a year and was making plans. had moved out on me and the kids.

We went to court and I got custody of the kids. That night, she called the OM balling. And guess what? He could not console her! How could he? He was the reason she lost her kids!!!

So, the next day...balling again...she headed to our counselor's office. I knew none of this at the time. After an hour with the counselor...she calls me. says she finally gets it. She finally sees the OM for what he was. That she couldnt believe how blind she had been. Tha tit took a judge telling her that her relationship was immoral and was not a good influence for her own kids. So much so, the judge felt she shouldnt have custody!

You have no idea when she will break (or even if!). The Lord is in control. And if you know anythign about Him, He usually shows up when things look the bleakest...that way no one can claim that they had anythign to do with the rescue. He gets all of the glory!

You know right and wrong...she doesnt right now. Patience and perseverance is what you need. And trust in the Lord. Remember, as long as you follow Him...He has promised that He has your back!

And Dazed plus God is a majority!

In His arms.


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Quote
I agree with Mortarman except on one point...

Quote
I prefer to look at the OM as a worthless piece of crap.

The word "steaming" should be placed in between "of" and "crap" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I really just wanted Dazed to stop fighting OM at his level. To take the battle to OM with righteousness and a pure heart. When you battle the idiot at his idiotic level he might win because he has more experience.

Mr. Wondering

Noted!!! I would like to revise and extend my comments to reflect this correction!

In His arms.


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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