At a party at the Country Club. I am sure they will be out till about 10pm. I really think her parents are not a strong force to encourage her to work. I fear her constant "going" to them when she feels bad or preasured is a bad thing for us working things out.

I really don't think they are saying anything like, "you need to leave him" but I don't think they are being an encouragement either to work things out.

I just have to turn it all over to God and hope that this is Him guiding things.

I was shocked she fussed her attorney out today. That was a real shocker. Hey, at least she cares something about me.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

She told me she did not want to ruin me and that was what was going to happen if she did not do something (whatever) that is about the petition.

Yes, all of that was very unneccesary.

You know waiting, I am praying she will "see" and "hear" the Lord tonight in a big big way.

Lady

Maybe your wife needs a dose of reality. She still probably thinks the divorce will be amicable and easy. After a year or so you two will be friends but not husband and wife and she still managing the finances at work...

I totally agree with SH about not changing anything at this point. But somehow she needs to be told some “facts”.

The lawyer’s petition is so precise and overwhelming because he is realistic and knows what he is doing. He has been there and done that.

Situation: A long-time marriage. A successful business. Assets, properties and so on. A common workplace (and he knows your wife won’t work there after a divorce). He also knows that after thrashing it out there will not be an ounce of goodwill left. Therefore he is getting all the info he needs. He is basically doing his job.

Just like your lawyer will take the petition and make you sound like St. Waitinginlove and your wife like a horse-show groupie.

If she tells you tomorrow that she is carrying on with the divorce tell her not to bother with a new petition. Ask her how she sees you two interact a year after the divorce. Ask her about her job. Try to get her vision of the future.

Waiting I hope she doesn't listen to her parents advice especially after they have been to a drinking party. She wouldn't go to that party would she?

Lady

No she is at their house for sure. I called her on land line.

She said:

then you said:


I think the point of her comment about pressure was to let you know that she doesn't want to come back because you 'made a difference' she wants to come back because she thinks it's a good idea. Yes, she's looking at your actions. Yes, she's trying to figure out if you've changed. But, maybe she's looking when she thinks you're not just 'acting on good behavior' and you stating that you're trying to make a difference isn't helping you as much as you'd think.

Just a thought.


Get some rest tonight. No needs to meet tonight but yours.


It is what it is - and it's fairly natural in a lot of cases. You can't do anything about it so there's not much sense worrying about it.


In other words, they're not pressuring her. She doesn't want to be encouraged. She doesn't want to be discouraged (probably). She's trying to figure out what SHE wants.

Mys

Mys


The most true statement on my whole thread at this point I think.

Heck. She seems to say it every single day. She doesn't want to stay married because you want to. She doesn't want to stay married because your kids, her parents, the neighbors, the pastor, a poll at the office, your parents, <etc>, want her to. She wants to stay married because SHE wants to.

The good news, is that if she makes a decision to stay, you won't have to worry about her committment to fixing the marriage. It will probably be instant committment. The bad news is that it's nerve wracking to be in that position and really understand that she is not open to influence or manipulation (from you) on the matter.

Mys

Be still and pray. Withdrawl is not easy to get through Waiting, and very frustrating at times for the BS. Lets pray hers ends quickly.

Lady

I am trying to remember the post I saw today about being still for BS's. It was so appropriate for me.

WOL

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...800#Post2911075
Those words have been very appropriate for me too.

Lady

WOL, did she explain why she wanted to get away and spend the night elsewhere? I would be quite concerned that she is doing this in order to talk to OM from the comfort and safety of her parents home. Is she still carrying on her affair? Does she feel entitled to carry on her affair because of the divorce papers?

This is something that needs to be addressed with her. And I hope she has not manipulated you into silence with her last dramatic reaction when you dared object to her cruelty and assert your feelings.

As mysache pointed out, this is all about what SHE wants, and in typical selfish, callous WS fashion, everyone else be damned. She needs to feel the pressure of her actions and how devastating her callous, cruel selfishness is to her husband and her children. She should be pressured to do the right thing, not enabled in following her own "wants," which are based on selfish, fogged out thinking.

This is why you cannot to afford to be silent; be honest with her about your feelings. Don't let her intimidate you with her past bully tactics. She feels that her personal "wants" should be obtained at the expense of everyone else and this should be pointed out.

When will you be speaking to your lawyer about her divorce petition? Has he seen the papers? I wonder if she understands that divorce will not be pleasant for her and you won't be going along to the slaughter easily?

Mel

Yes she said she wanted to get off by herslef and think about everything. She was genuinely ticked at her attorney. I am not sure what to expect there. I have been really reminding her how ugly a divorce will be.

Told her I would not roll over either. I basically told her today that if the divorce went to court the way it was that I was pretty much done and there would be no more bread winner because I would be bankrupt. I think she saw some reality today. That is why she wanted to leave and go think.

I really hope she has not called OM but I really will not know for sure. I am being very honest with her about my feelings though.

SH recommended I not get an attorney yet. He says I have plenty of time and delay for the sake of giving her more time to see things changing.

I would have said I will be talking to an attorney in about 10 days but now I don't know. I know at the very minimum she will be changing the petition to much smaller stuff. I don't know if that changes the timeline any. Also, her shark of an attorney may not move forward with a wife/client that is not willing for him to have all his guns in the game. In other words if she makes him back off, he may say, just forget it. I don't need the practice and tell her she can't win without all the guns in the game if you know what I mean.

Don't know, I could be thinking wishfully but that is all I have at the moment.

What did she ask for in the papers as far as your assets, homes and children?

I disagree with SH on one point. You need to see your lawyer ASAP. You don't have to tell your WW, but you should see your lawyer so that he or she can start preparing your case.

How you long do you have before you answer? You need to know this so you don’t run afoul of the civil procedure rules in your state.

Pretty interesting advice.

Goodluck

Lem

Everything Mel. That is the best way to put it. Temp and Perm Custoday, but she says she did not want that. She says she told Atty she didn't want our home and wanted us to do 50/50 on the kids.

Whe she saw (she did not have a copy) the pet.of Div. she freaked out. I mean was mad and crying. She told me about it when I came home today. (I had given her a copy to read)

My hearing date was 2/1 but I had 30 days to answer. I don't understand all that but SH said that I answer the petition on the very last day and have my atty ask for an extension to prepare and court would do that, giving me more time to help her come out of the fog and see me as changed.

I have some atty friends so I plan on talking to one of them Monday without hiring him and have him to let me know how long I have to answer, etc......

I really hope she has not called OM but I really will not know for sure. I am being very honest with her about my feelings though.


In your response to her petition...if it get to that...you'll be asking to discover some information too...Like a copy of her father's cell phone bills for the last 6 months or so and his home phone bill for Oct, Nov, Dec and specifically January 14/15. Just by asking you may get your answer directly from Wife immediately. Infidelity may not be relevant to a no-fault divorce petition but it is relevant to the custody dispute...and I think you'll be entitled to discovery. It will also demonstrate to wife how ugly this is going to get. Don't forget to ask for it.

I've kind of left you alone with the posters more experienced with your situation but I am watching and will chime in now and then.

Mr. Wondering

Thanks for the legal advice Mr. W. I would not have thought of that at all.

I hope it does not come to that. I am hoping this weekend something clicks.