me to lady ...... I am going to hit up everyone I know to try and raise the money.....

He says we can get an emergency hearing once I can get it filed.... I just need to get this done like yesterday.....

I know this is going to make WH mad when he is told he has to pay but these are his choices and now he has to live with it..... At least a little bit of reality will slap him in his face..... It may really push him away but he leaves me no choice anymore.... if he had been a man and done the right thing by me we would not have to go this far....

Yes that's right, it's his responsibility. No need to feel bad about it. I hope you find the money quickly. Please don't let DD know you are filing, I have a feeling she would tell WH. Let it be a surprise!!

Love, Lady

















































}

Filing for separation is a GOOD THING..

Will cause LBing from the OW..

More reality will set in for him.....

You are gaining his respect...THAT'S ESSENTIAL!!!!

I don't know about repect Mimi, anger yes .... respect I doubt..... I do feel he will get very angry. I just talked to my brother and he feels as well that WH is bluffing and really has no desire to file anything.. I don't know but either way he will pay.....

Oh I am sure this will cause some riffs between him and OW. I am sure she will not be happy about him having to pay me money.... I think she has told him he does not have to pay anything.....

Now its just getting the money together.... I will figure out a way...

Oh yeah this will be some reality for him, I am sure not enough though to make a difference......

Oh...the money...what all OW loooove so much! And OM incidentally...I think it goes back to the "taking what's not yours" stuff...

When there is less money there is less money to feed the affair...and the OP with.

No more shopping sprees for OW! IF money is tight, she may not get that exotic vacay she is dying for! If money is tight no more romantic dinners...time to call pizza hut honey!

Yes it will shock him. It will make him respect you b/c you're not taking his crud.

Get ready for the firestorm...almost like when you expose. My xh could NOT believe I had enough gaul to subpoena his finances...even though some took as long as a year to get..and even ones I did not get were falsified.

Let the WS know he's dealing with smart, cool-headed, thinking MB diva. He'll get the message soon. You don'thave to mention MB though.

Step back..do the B. Get the money together...have a garage sale if you have to! Sell the man's stuff! They're just taking up space...you'd be surprised how much you can come up with by just having a garage sale! My neighbors made 250 last weekend in four hours! and they hardly had anything out there imho...son even sold cookies and lemonade. alot of the men cutting lawns wanted lemonade btw...plus it was fun!

When the money is tighter...and he sees the TRUE love of his life standing up for herself...and walking away...and making him stand accountable there will be a season when he will bond with ow tighter...and against you. But that is why you're going dark.

quicker and longer you stay dark the better chance they have to LB all over the place.

Less money..More Stress for the WH...and reality of the cooking/cleaning/laundry/seeing one another squatting on toilet and morning breath for a while along with an appearance in court for the both of them...YEA, BOTH...

You are gonna subpoena OW aren't you? At least do as I did...and NAME HER BY NAME SPECIFICALLY in your divorce documents...which will be included in final decree.

In my D, there are TWO ow's names in it...

Monkey...and FV!

Ahhhh...legal immorality immortality!

Let them become infamous OW!

And you stay dark. Stay dark as can be.

It is only a matter of time until they begin to crack. You just let them do it. Don't feed the affair. Take away their fun money. Take away their dignity and their pretend morality by exposure legally. Your WH will wake up I suspect within a year...two at max as the experts say and say..."OH my god...WHAT HAVE I DONE?"

My xh is doing that now!

Peachy,

I am just going to go for the legal seperation for right now at this time. Not to say it won't come to the divorce thing later. And if I decide that I will be naming her in it.

I have to be honest I am not yet ready to go for the big D. I am not saying maybe later I won't but for now I just want the money issue taken care of.

I don't feel qite ready or strong enough to go all the way with a divorce because thats not what I want right now. But who's to say in a few months.

Before I go that far I need to be sure in my own heart thats what I want. Thats not to say he won't do it and if he does so be it then I will counterfile on adultry charges... I have to take this one day at a time and at my own pace....

I am glad that you talked to an attorney that can help you. I know laws are different everywhere but I will just pass on what the attorney told me. Legal separation is not a stop gap to divorce. A LS would end up costing me as much if not more than a D. The lawyer told me to file for D so I can get a temp order of support. Then, I can sit on the D for up to a year if things turn around.

Just something to ask your lawyer about.

I have a different viewpoint than Jean.

I guess it varies in each state.

I only got a LEGAL SEPARATION. In my state, you have to be legally separated a year anyhow until divorcing..

I got the LEGAL SEPARATION to protect myself financially with absolutely no plans of getting a divorce.

The way I felt was that my WH would have to get a D if he wanted one. I knew he didn't. He was putting on a show for the OW...an expensive show, at that.

I hunted around and found the cheapest attorney that I could find who wrote up the agreement exactly the way that I wanted it...

Thanks for the info mimi, I guess it really is state dependant. I would prefer a LS, but the attorney said it just isn't worth it in TN.

I would find out how long you can sit on D papers in Oklahoma.

Jean:

Be careful with your attorney...

I had an attorney that tried to rip me off, wanted me to not only D my WH but also to sue him in court, wanted part of our assets...

I almost ran out of his office..

I can't understand why he would tell you that a legal separation isn't worth it.

It would give you opportunity to save your marriage if that is your choice.

Well actually the first lawyer i talked to told me both cost about the same. In Oklahoma there is no seperation period at all. So in actuality a LS in Okla is the same thing as Divorce without the final decree.

So this is were i am with this. I don't know whcih way to go. I did tell WH when he brought up D last month when he was mad I didn't want it and I told him if it ever happens it will be him to file it.

I do not want it but it may come to where in the long run its better, I just don't know.... This is something I am struggling with now. But I have to do something to get some money in here and show WH I am tired of the games and will not take any more crap from him....

I think for now i will probably just go for LS and if WH files then at least I have an attorney.....

From a financial standpoint, why would a divorce be better?

Oh it wouldn't be Mimi. I don't want a divorce I was just trying to weigh all the options.

I am going for legal seperation and thats it for now. Now if WH does file for the D then at least I will have an attorney.

I truly don't want a divorce, but what I wa ssaying in the end it may not matter wat I want of WH does. ...

I just want my finances in order for now. I will worry about the other stuff if and when it happens....

I think what the attorney is saying since they both cost about the same is why just do LS when in time you may have to file the D and it will cost you again.... Well I will cross that bridge when and if I come to it.... But I don't see me filing.... I am leaving that to WH and he can pay for it.....

I just remembered something, seems WH told his sister a few eeks go when he was talking about the D that he would be not have to pay me anything but CS. Well SIL got mad at him and said what about alimony? He says I won't have to pay that , she said who told you that he said somebody... She told him ok think what you want but we will see..... So seems someone has told him he won't have to pay alimony.... Wow is he in for a shock.....

Oh yeah another thing my MIL is going to help me out with some of the money. She can't do it all but she is willing to give me part of it.... She says take him for all you can get..... And to think this is her sn and she is that disgusted with him she is willing to help me take him to the cleaners....

I believe Reality is gonna suck big time for him .....

she sounds like a wonderful, wise and supportive person!

Sell the power tools.

Hurting -

I am so HAPPY that you have found a lawyer who can work with you on this. That is fantastic. In my state, a LS costs just as much as a D too. The first lawyer I called said they didn't do LS anymore, just D. That you could "postpone" it if you wanted. I haven't called her back. I guess these days they figure that you aren't going to reconcile????

& just wait til he starts running out of $$. My WH has only been gone for a week and 1/2 and has already asked for money from me!!!! He is so nervous about $$$.....They can't stand it!

I know you can get the $$ for the fee. YOU CAN DO IT!

Kimberly
D-Day May 14th
DS age 6
Married 13 years
Plan B 10-11-05 NO Contact yet!!!!!

I am going to do it Kim..... I am getting this done as soon as I can.

I just talked to my mom and she said she woould help some to.

so if things go like I hope i should be able to get this done next week.

My mom says you know he is going to be mad when this happens because he thinks you are just sitting there taking all his crap. But she said he will calm down in time. She seems to think he may try and come home then just so he does not have to pay but still try and see OW.

I told her no way that goin to happen. He would have a lot to prove efore he ever comes home now. She told me once he is served be prepared he is going to be calling and knocking on your door raising ******.....

I don't know about that , yes I believe he is going to be mad because he does not think I will do it but I don't know about him bothering me. I do know one thing I will not allow him into bullying me at all.....

Let Reality Hit.......

Way to go!!!!!! I plan on insisting on a No Contact letter from my WH before he gets to come home.

You have a great MIL. My MIL totally disagrees with what my WH is doing too. But, she is still on his side a bit(wants me to refinance with him).

Are you ready & prepared for him to come knocking??? What are you going to say/do??

Kim

Well actually I am not prepared for it because I don't think he will. He may try to engage me out of anger but not to come home. If by c hance he does come knocking though first question will be are you done with OW? If he says no then its bye until you are done. If he says yes then here is his list .......


1. N/C letter to OW
2. MC
3. Move out of OW's and stay with his sister until I feel comfortable having him come home
4. Take it slow and spend time together
5. No SF until he has been tested for STD's

So if he wants to do those things then we stand a chance, if not then that means he does not want it bad enough...

Maybe its harsh but thats the only way he can prove to me he would be coming home for the right reasons and not just on a whim..... Been there done that won't do it again ....