. . . WH wants a D. After 2 As beginning over a year ago and 6 months of Plan A, I finally asked WH if he wanted a D and he said "Yes, I do want a D."

I am a little relieved to know what he really wants, but heartbroken that our little DD will have to go through the sadness and pain that will surely follow.

And, to make things worse, WH just cashed in several thousand dollars of from MY account to pay for a trip he's going on with his buddies next week.

I'm feeling really sad right now.

Stop the cash withdrawals...freeze accounts and get lawyer asap.

Listen to Peach.....go do the D walk but let him do all the actual work. You just have your plan.

It isn't the end, just a turning point. Plan with direction. Don't throw any towels anywhere....... ok?

L.

I agree. Get lawyer. Tell lawyer to make it HARD for the poor wittle wayward one.

Make him do all legwork. Don't help him at all.

He can reconcile with you if he hits rock bottom...or his heart takes a u turn. It has happened before ok? Not all of us end up divorced...even I know that.

Oh, Peach and Orchid, thank you for taking the time to respond. I am so sad right now. I just took DD to the video store so I could plant her in front of the TV and cry alone, and she won't see me.

Our broker is WH's best friend and one of the guys he's going on the trip with, so if I freeze the account he will alert WH . . . I really have no idea what WH has done with this money, since I trusted him with my savings before I found out about his As.

I kind of think he means business about the D, since it doesn't appear he has been in C with the OW, AND he hasn't taken any steps to reconcile since DDay No. 2, which was 6 months ago. Instead, he told me the other night that I "haven't changed," "I'm controlling," and he feels "claustrophobic."

What should I do, other than see a lawyer?

Go open your own bank account and start funneling funds into a safe place. Keep a journal of all incidents.

Does his best friend have a family or W you are close with? What about exposing to his family?

L.

Gasp! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> How could your husband cash in several thousand dollars from YOUR account? It had to be a joint account, right? Was this pooled money or just money you were saving? Does your husband know this is YOUR money, or does he think it is joint assets? If his broker buddy cashed in money that is yours alone, then he's broken the law. I'm a little unclear on this.

Do as the others have said. Get your own bank account, in your name only. Take all the cash that remains in the brokerage account and put it into your new solo account. Do this while your broker is on vacation with your husband.... somebody else in the office can surely make the transaction in his absence. Then change brokers.

When your husband and broker buddy come home from vacation you can tell them what you've done and why. The divorce is pending and you need to protect YOUR assets.

I will do this first thing Tuesday - thanks!



His best friend's W works on a different floor in my building and we are friendly. She is also a very good friend of WH's 1st A/OW. I don't think she has any idea, since the 1st A occurred before I found this site and discovered the importance of exposure. I haven't exposed the 1st A because I believe C ended (when I told OW No. 1 about OW No. 2!).


To WH's family? I exposed the 2nd A to two members of his family who I really like and trust and who also work with WH and OW. They have been sympathetic and kind but ultimately supportive of WH. Blood really is thicker than mud. Is there any purpose to exposing more at this point?

I think WH has been dreading telling me that he wants a D (maybe because he knows I have been trying) but when I asked him, he just came out with it. That is why I think he really means it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

It is my money. Many years ago, before the market crashed, I gave WH around $70,000 to invest. I have no idea how much is left (questions about finances have always been big LBs with him, which I tried to avoid). The money he took was from my account.


I will do this first thing Tuesday. Thanks.

I guess I just trusted him too much. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

OK. So you gave him $70,000 of your money to invest.... was the account he invested in put in both your name AND his name? If so, it was no longer just YOUR money... it became a joint asset when you let him put his name on it.

Still, open a new account and get everything in it that you can get your hands on. If you work and have direct deposit, make sure you change that over to your new account as well. The fur will fly when your husband gets home, but there will be plenty of time to work things out financially. Just make sure you get back what was yours.

~ Snow

I think at the outset he put some in a joint account and some under my name . . . but the money he just took out came from the account that is in MY name only. I received a debit notice in the mail. I will close out this account while they are gone. I just wonder how much is left. I guess it's not really important, because it's just money, but now I have no savings.

THIS IS ILLEGAL!! If his buddy OK'd the transaction, he can go to jail for it.

When you pick up the check to close out the account that is in your name, ask then who approved that transaction for thousands of dollars. Then call the cops and report the theft.

~ Snow

Trouble is, I don't think WH's friend (the broker) knows about WH and his As, so he is probably trusting WH as well and thinks it's okay. I would hate to see him get into trouble for that.

Why don't you expose the affair, stung? It is probably the most effective thing you can do.

I divorced a guy who is ahem.. supposedly a broker...he's cfo of an investment company...and these guys are well...dicey to deal with. They are soooo good at manipulating other people's money and getting it to work for THEM that it's just like a cutthroat business deal getting them to be decent to you when it comes to division of assets...they know where and how to hide them trust me hon.

I'd also somehow retain a forensic accountant if I could do so...I could NOT afford one when I d'd my xh. He squandered in one weekend over 30k in las vegas with his present little cheap tramp of a wifeypoo. He never did an honest disclosure about his financial affairs to the court either...even when he was compelled to do so. I had several contempt trials against the man. I won them, but in the end, he won b/c it was the tip of the iceberg that I was able to bring before the courts.

Please do as I tell you if you are dividing assets. Protect your kids. A WS is like a man or woman on crack. Addicted and high. Would you trust YOUR banker if he or she was smoking a crack pipe? Would you trust them to make sound judgements with money? Nah. They're just wanting the feeeel sooooo good high. Would you trust a doctor with a life or death surgery if he was daily smoking da pipe? No way. And it is in this line of reasoning that I plead with you to do the right thing for your kids. Don't ask for too much, be reasonable at the outset when working w/lawyer and forensic accountant. Show all pertinent papers regarding properties, investments, monies, etc. But when WS comes back from his little partying with the boys, I would have things dealt with already. Just one more thing outta the way.

ML - Based on your advice (and others here) I did expose the affair - not to everyone, but to key family members. Now that the A appears to be over, is there any reason to continue exposing?

Peach - Where can I find a forensic accountant?

When you go to the bank also request a copy of all prior statements, beneficiary designation forms and all transaction vouchers on file. They may want to delay sending you a check until the securities are sold off. Just tell them you will be back to pick it up. If your husband has been "planning" to divorce you for awhile I am concerned you may have already been taken advantage of. Especially notice if there are any forgeries or fraudulent withdrawals. If he cleaned you out...you may have the OPTION of recourse against the bank.

Also, before the crap hits the fan and he is aware you are taking measures to protect yourself financially, take all the financial documents you can get your hands on and make a copy at Kinko's. Even 2 or 3 year old documents. If some are in old box's in the basement just sort through particularily for bank statements, tax returns, mutual fund statements, etc. Your attorney will need this info and WH never needs to know you've got it.

To summarize, cover your backside, do not sit back and believe that everything is just going to be alright. Make certain it is.

Mr. Wondering

Your divorce attorney will have a few referrals that he/she works with on a regular basis or just look through the yellow pages. If you have some private questions I am a tax attorney you can email me below and I try to point you in the right direction at NO CHARGE.

BTW, the more info you give them the easier their job becomes. If you get ALL the info you won't even need one. The forensic accountant only gets involved if WH has been moving money around, withdrawing funds, hiding cash, opening safe deposit boxes, etc. The F.Acct. will try to get to the bottom of your WH's financial tomfoolery. Save yourself the money now by copying everything.

Mr. Wondering

P.S. - Peachy - are you planning the Atlanta get-together. Mrs. Wondering and I will be in town to visit her family for 5 days around Halloween. We'll be on south side with family and Canton with friends.

Aren't they still in contact, though? Do they not work together?