Tgal...

You are task oriented, so I get that. I was too. We multi-task in a lot of ways, but when it's big, we take one premeditated bite at a time.

What I found out was how much my brain wanted to give me what I want. Pretty much 24/7 desire to do so. You have all these things brewing in the back on burners you didn't know you have. I began with separate and equal for my first bite...much bigger than you think. Ownership then comes in, like it was the main thing...other stuff rolls on.

Let God direct your path. Do not judge yourself for thinking about one thing and not another. Trust yourself to have all of these new ideas brewing, mixing, growing...main thing? Don't do tv, movies, entertainment too much. Then you'll get to hear more of what you're thinking.

LA

I'm back from vacation...and I saw your other thread. Great idea. What did you decide on exposure?

You separated your finances (which I forgot to applaud you for); how is that working out? Also, I've been thinking of you as we started the cleaning out, as well. Began with the garage. Half is redone...really nice feeling looking at the half.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Today we do a bit more, and I'm looking forward to it. 15 minute chunks are delighting my DH, because it was overwhelming him thinking of the whole project and doing it until it got done at one time. When we complete the garage, we start on the rooms...have already tagged the get rid of stuff...then we reward ourselves with new carpeting throughout. Yippee. I'll keep you updated, if you want.

Am starting back to the gym tomorrow, again. Still want to be workout buddies? H wants to go for a walk today (it's gorgeous) because gym is closed. Don't know if that counts as a work out.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LA

Welcome back..hope you had a wonderful restful fun vacation!

I also took time off....I left at 12Noon Thursday 4/13 to attend H's mother's family's reunion out of state. Rode w/ H & my MIL.. Always enjoyable & great food...& really felt I needed few days to just get away. Returned to work Wed 4/19.

Lots going on..started several time to reply, but something came up. Then over the weekend

• • worked on exposure list,, letter to friends/family, & sq dancers
  • tried to compose letter to WH as well as reply to you, but guess wasn't time as words just did not come.
  • also, did some reading online
  • ordered "Torn Asunder-Workbook" & "Boundaries in Marriage" book & workbook
  • Then my daughter came after work on Sat, to spend night & we went thru some of stuff have in garage taken out of attic.

Yesterday, had little better luck with words- were flowing, but randomly & not in any order, form, etc. which will post for your comments, etc. but first will reply to your 4/16 post

"and I saw your other thread. Great idea."

• by this do you mean " sending WH letter owning my part and suggesting 90 Day Trial like in "Torn Asunder"?

"What did you decide on exposure?"

• That I would definitely do so..
  In fact, started w/family over Easter weekend. Will complete when cousin gets updated list of all names, addresses, phone & emails updated.
  ( Learned for fact that WH did bring OW to meet family few weeks ago, as I suspected )

"You separated your finances (which I forgot to applaud you for)";

• I thought about it, but never actually did

"15 minute chunks are delighting my DH, because it was overwhelming him thinking of the whole project and doing it until it got done at one time. When we complete the garage, we start on the rooms...have already tagged the get rid of stuff...then we reward ourselves with new carpeting throughout. Yippee. I'll keep you updated, if you want"
Love this idea as I'm with your DH -explain more how doing it..Yes definitely keep me updated!

" Am starting back to the gym tomorrow, again. Still want to be workout buddies?"

• I joined bunch here at work each up $20, as encouragement for losing weight. Group called "Biggest Loser" - whoever loses most get the money-estimated at around $600.Weigh in each Monday - even though I was busy over weekend & didn't eat but 1 meal each day I gained 2 lbs from last week - very disheartening & discouraging ! Yes, still want to be "workout buddies". Waiting on Dr office to call to get appointment to see if exercise will injure my neck problem before I check into joining a gym

Here in no particular order, rhyme, or reason are things came to mind yesterday..

• • so much need to do, overwhelmed, so do nothing
  • don't know/remember things I enjoy doing, except w/ WH, maybe reading/sewing??!
  • at some point - my dislike sports & WH not willing to compromise/negotiate outweighed desire, benefit being w/ WH
  • enabled, allowed, tolerated alot of things from WH out of fear, avoiding conflict
  • need to figure out what/why at some point I gave up became lazy, complacent (sp?); no energy, alot things took to much effort vs benefit ; no will power / self discipline, let self & things go
  

•

• Thanks to you, LA realize that had/have

• .alot expectations about alot of things
  .I am re-active
  .that I look to others for approval, etc/
  . worried / afraid what others think of me - really dislike that as know when younger I didn't!
  .that I put up walls &/or a front to protect me from hurt, letting very few close or to see "me" or what/who I thought was "me" - now having hard time trying to figure "who" I am, what my beliefs, truths, values, principles, etc. are

• • At some point I chose /& began
  . to avoid conflict, just went along, believed did not good to argue, get upset, etc., so why bother, as my opinion/point of view was not listened to

• My part in our marriage decline, as I see it, since WH has made choice not to discuss..
. lazy, complacent
. took things for granted
.didn't meet WH needs,
.quit going to softball games
.not able to sq dance & chose to take WH remarks that I was inferior since unable to learn / keep up with his pace
. snored, had separate beds
. neglected house -
. smoked

My truths (?):
• must keep word / promises
• must do all I can to save marriage
• don't / can't bear guilt for my part, if fails
• regardless of my part - no behavior, etc on my part excuses/justifies WH actions, behavior, affair,
• Don't tolerate / forgive easily lies / stealing
• Trust has to be earned

Will post letter to WH for review, comments, etc when done.

Thanks for your patience, & advise...most appreciated & welcome !
Have a great day!

PS -- Oops! Forget to mention that on way back with WH from family reunion, that I got upset,calmly, but sure still LBs I said his taking OW to meet family was disrespectful to me, & hurt me lot, especially since I understood was saying our situation was my fault; that after year should be able to choose...

Hiya!!! :::waving at you enthusiastically:::

"and I saw your other thread. Great idea." I said this to mean you started a new thread with a specific question to get others' feedback. I have no idea about the Torn Asunder 90-day trial thingie. I read it too long ago. Ack.

My "owning my part" letters were just that. To own to myself and to him what I am aware of, have changed in myself, and why I can commit to those changes with a glad heart. Helped me to grow...never got a comment on them from him. It was for me.

"You separated your finances (which I forgot to applaud you for)" Hear this? .... That's the sound of me unclapping. Yeah...get your brain around that sound, will ya? Do what you say you will do...otherwise, you are lying to yourself...and Self gets ticked.

"• enabled, allowed, tolerated alot of things from WH out of fear, avoiding conflict" Okay, your power...these are things you chose...and you can choose differently. Facing your fear of conflict and stating your thoughts, feelings and beliefs anyway, is how you stop this self-cycle.

"• need to figure out what/why at some point I gave up became lazy, complacent (sp?); no energy, alot things took to much effort vs benefit ; no will power / self discipline, let self & things go" Consider you're depressed, not lazy or complacent. You gave away your power for decades--that is enough to depress anyone. There's no energy leftover because you're using it up inside, in turmoil and conflict. Exhausting. Think of the cleaning out of all the rooms of your house as the physical parallel analogy to what you're doing inside. The more you do, the more energy you will have. Both inside and outside. See your power in each step.

Has nothing to do with will power...you believe in making yourself do stuff you don't believe in...and have a hard time then making yourself do stuff you do believe in. You can clear out stuff for 15-minute increments, both emotionally and physically...internal decisions to let go and emotional/mental ones to let go. You can do this.

Change your perspective...stop choosing the one that says, "Why? What good will it do?" Change it to "Everything I do matters. I matter. I am."

'Cuz that's truth.

"• At some point I chose /& began
. to avoid conflict, just went along, believed did not good to argue, get upset, etc., so why bother, as my opinion/point of view was not listened to" And where was the damage you were doing...by avoiding conflict? Who were you devastating, ripping apart? Why?

"• My part in our marriage decline, as I see it, since WH has made choice not to discuss.." Stop right there. Your part cannot decline. It remains to this day HALF of the marriage. That you chose to base your power on what your WH allowed or didn't is YOUR choice, not his.

"My truths (?):
• must keep word / promises" Why? What belief do you have that says you must do this?

"• must do all I can to save marriage" Again, why? What is your belief?

"• don't / can't bear guilt for my part, if fails" What do you mean by this? You have born a lot of guilt and shame, some of which was not yours, yet it made you feel more powerful, less helpless. If you do everything within your control, to save a marriage...then you can't fail, can you? You succeed, regardless of what the other half of your marriage does.

"• regardless of my part - no behavior, etc on my part excuses/justifies WH actions, behavior, affair," Powerful truth here...his choices are his. Good truth to have.

"• Don't tolerate / forgive easily lies / stealing" You don't really forgive lies, stealing, cheating, easily...we cover them up and conspire to forget them. They aren't forgettable, either...we just bury all our junk, piling it up for later...remind you of a physical habit you have?

"• Trust has to be earned" Actually, trust is given when it is earned in the eyes of the bestower. Nothing wrong with having conditions met before you place your trust in another. You need to earn your own trust, Tgal...there is where your most needed to do for you list begins.

"PS -- Oops! Forget to mention that on way back with WH from family reunion, that I got upset,calmly, but sure still LBs I said his taking OW to meet family was disrespectful to me, & hurt me lot, especially since I understood was saying our situation was my fault; that after year should be able to choose..." This is important and I'm not getting it. Are you saying that you said to WH and MIL that you believed him taking OW to meet family was disrespectful? And then what...I got lost.

Great to see you and hear from you. Good job on the exposure at Easter weekend. And speaking truth in the car on the way back.

LA

Hi!

Lots going on..learned this morning that my job assignment
here will end next Wed., May 10...not what
needed today...really down today.
Need prayers, please.
Will try to give more detailed update later today
or at home this evening-provided T-storms aren't so
bad they run me off computer!

Hope you are having a great day!

Already in prayers and thoughts...will up the amperage.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LA

Part 1

Lot has happened in weeks since Easter – extremely stressful, hectic, productive & enlightening.

House Restore Project: New electrical box installed
New ac/heat unit installed – attic unit moved for better air flow & doing so created more storage space within ez access to attic stairway, all new sealed ducts, 2 additional air vents added to Den for total of 3 to provide better air flow with high ceiling, along with all new grills vents in all rooms, new return air grill, both which make look better, and a digital programmable thermostat, which enables temps to be set higher than with old unit while still keeping comfortable & conserving energy !

It has rained Friday night & Saturday last few weekends, so postponed some of things needed to do.
With daughter’s help have gotten most all Xmas stuff sorted, & stuff keeping put in storage containers we got half price, but need about 4 more to complete.
We’ve also sorted thru several of boxes took out of attic. Trying to decide best size containers for storing stuff keep. Feels really good to make some progress at last !

Hoping rain lets up today soon enough to go & price plywood, doors, locks, etc. for next step.
Need plywood to deck the attic for storing stuff & especially need door to replace door from house to garage as present one does not shut leaving about 1” gap/opening for air leak..not to mention security!

This week has really been stressful..at times almost felt was at breaking point…
As at work under time crunch to get all paper work done for VISA’s for group of guys to travel out country next week…when some are traveling so unable to get some paper signed need & had their passport, etc needed to start process of getting VISA…I’m expected to get them in week even though normally takes 2-3 weeks !!

Wednesday got home from work, fixed dinner & watched TV w/ son & his friend. After movie watched was over, another of his friends came by & all 3 went outside. I was preparing things to go to bed, when one of son’s friend’s came in house saying I needed to call 911 as my son was having a seizure! I called 911 while going outside to check , son was at end of driveway in street, ambulance seem to take forever..& while waited call WH who was out of town on business. ( WH said he was sorry I had to deal w/ alone !) After ambulance took son to ER, I got dressed & drove to hospital where spent hours waiting for tests; finally released him at about 4:30am Thursday to come home. After being up 24+ hours straight, no way could focus on work or able to sleep!
I strongly suspect that despite fact son had seizure in Jan last year,from taking & then stopped taking Zantex (sp?) cold turkey that is what happened this time as well. Combined with his not sleeping, eating properly and trouble with mother of his child. Will take few days, but he will get around to telling me what happened. I did tell WH about this that as his father felt he should know.
WH called me Thursday am, to find out how son was – he is cut & scraped up pretty bad on his face, arms & legs from being on concrete. Although WH also called yesterday AM to check and again in afternoon to let me know he was on his way back into town, did not come by to see son nor has he called him!. Know it’s DJ, but WH is in his “avoid it & it will go away” mode.

Then when went to work yesterday, only to learn that my assignment/job would end next Wednesday! Doesn’t seem to be end!


I did realize dealing w/ this was that when I am scared like was I get angry…
Also at one point that like WH I would like to run away & not deal w/ it..but chose to stay try to figure way to deal with & figure out my feelings, emotions, etc. Felt resentment that had to deal w/ alone, that son again chose to take drugs knowing what would do..etc.
Did feel strong that I was able , with God’s help (most like HE carried me) to withstand and not fall apart.

To be continued…

"doing so created more storage space"

Uhm, Tgal? This could be a BAD thing. LOL!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

So you have progress on the house...tremendously good stuff...and daughter is helping, you are making decisions on stuff and reaping the benefits...and proud that you know you achieve at work, though they end your contract...you take with you the knowledge of competency, correct?

And you got inside yourself enough to see why WH is a CA...feels good...however, you stay present because your fear of not being present is greater than the fear to run away...and that there wasn't anything at all to deal with...but to BE present, correct?

This is your son about him, not you. His choices. Your choice to be present...feel your own emotions, don't distract in your thoughts to decisions which aren't yours...and the resentment will abate. You are capable and whole...nothing more required of you when you got to the hospital than to listen and know, be a witness and a presence...and Tgal? That's a heckuva lot...considering the urge to run, right?

No one-upping over WH...no judgment on him....let his choices be choices...do not take those into yourself...they corrode you, not him...these silent DJs...your expectations are bolstering your judgments and building your own resentments.

You were there. You stayed present. Your fear of falling apart would be something good to look at...what it looks like to you...because I have experienced God being present the most when I am truly in pieces...broken open wide. No shame. Learning how to let him into all of me without being in pieces came after that experience...

LA

You're right.."doing so created more storage space" could be a bad thing..will make choice not to let it & just at as being better place to put Xmas decorations so easier for me to get on my own, without having to have help! ;o)

Yes, I know I am good at what I do. Also doing best I can to stay in present, with no expectations of/for future, to trust that if God brings me to it, He will see me thorough it & remember that always in past when door has shut, window always opened elsewhere that was better!
Beginning to believe all this is His way of telling me I need to have more faith, lean on Him & His promises instead of human substitute, find & go back to church ???!!!
Does feel good when I let go of being scared, the fear, etc.
Was aware of resentment, judgement of WH as was experiencing feelings, thoughts,..moments of holding on to them & letting them go...

Being with daughter has been so much fun! Making progress with dejunking feels great & inspires me to keep at it & do more!

"Your fear of falling apart would be something good to look at...what it looks like to you."
Not sure understand what I'm to look for..???

Thanks for being you & for your patience with me on this journey..
I feel I'm beginning to be alittle stronger most time, but have long way to the goal line...I need to have patience with me as well, which is hard lesson for me..eager to get to same place you are... I take alittle longer to "get"/understand your advice.."to everything there is a season" .. ya' think!

lst B'day party for my great granddaughter is this evening.
Should be fun, if rain stops in time.
Thanks again. Have a great afternoon!

What does "falling apart" look like to you? What image do you see...what would happen if you fell apart?

Oh, great grandaughter...did you know I'm gonna be a grandma in December? I think I forgot to tell you!

I'm in your place, same as you, Tgal...the present. We all are. Know that...no finish lines or roads...all is now...so you know you aren't alone, ever.

Yes, God brings his message to you all the time...you're opening to it and really getting it...I believe, because you faced your fear...lived it...what if H left...so that God could get in....great insight on yourself.

Patience with self? Hey, ACCEPTANCE of self. What you've feared most...brings patience.

Pleasure being here with you is half mine...thank you, also...for coming back, sharing, and being you. You ripple around the world, Tgal. Know that.

LA

Congrats on being Grandmother! It's great..get to play with them, spoil 'em, & then give 'em back! Not to mention seeing the "mommy curse" in action! LOL!
"What does "falling apart" look like to you? What image do you see...what would happen if you fell apart?"
Have to give this some thought..

Both may be in the present -here & now, but you are better knowing how / at handling it or whatever correct word should be..what your beliefs, truths, etc are...that's what I am aiming to be. Acceptance of myself will take time..lot of old habits to replace, etc.
Even learning to listen to God, have to overcome my fear..that will listen to wrong voice..

Find there is healing, strength and alot to learn by coming back here, sharing myself overcoming my fear to do so, ..
so guess if honest is selfish in lot ways. Want to get to where I can help others as I have been helped.


BTW - did I mention that SIL's husband told her few days after Easter he wanted divorce in the middle of them selling their business & has been really verbally abusive?
Told about this site, but she said she'd not ready yet.
TxGal

Know that you have been and continue to help others with every honest post. Stop judging what help is...sharing is far more helpful than "help."

You're doing that. Your choice. Your risk...and sharing anyway.

Wow, you really hit a lifelong fear in yourself...listening to the wrong voice. Why not write down what your thoughts are...what you hear...to see where they come from? Past statements by past and present people...until you listen to them, not act from them, they don't get out of the way...fear brings them to you, over and over again...work on the fear. That's packaged into acceptance of being human, doing damage, doing greatness, all of it...and accepting yourself.

Fear.

Not your enemy...part of who you are...have you seen the exercise on posters are doing under "SJAJ & LA'S OWNING ALL YOUR VILLAGERS" thread?

Thank you for the congrats on grandmahood.

When you will believe in yourself, you'll know that you cope instead of live, handle instead of feel, and then you'll be present, with me. You will. I promise. All this is just realizing what already is...God's design recognized. No fixing yourself.

LA

"Know that you have been and continue to help others with every honest post. Stop judging what help is...sharing is far more helpful than "help."" Judging is one habit really have to work on..never thought that just by my posting what

• I honestly thought, felt, etc. would/could help others..although I've been helped just by reading & seeing myself in post by others...lightbulb moment !

"Wow, you really hit a lifelong fear in yourself...listening to the wrong voice. Why not write down what your thoughts are...what you hear...to see where they come from? Past statements by past and present people...until you listen to them, not act from them, they don't get out of the way...fear brings them to you, over and over again...work on the fear. That's packaged into acceptance of being human, doing damage, doing greatness, all of it...and accepting yourself.
Fear.
Not your enemy...part of who you are...have you seen the exercise on posters are doing under "SJAJ & LA'S OWNING ALL YOUR VILLAGERS" thread?"

• Will check this thread out!

• I have believed that fear is my enemy since at times I'm so afraid that I am stopped from doing anything, just focused on fear.

Okay, I need a Tgal check-in...

Been cleaning out rooms...rearranging rooms...getting new carpet and now DH wants to put cabinet doors over our in-wall bookcase in the bedroom.

Does it end? He's talking about redoing the kitchen...

Oy!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Yeah, I'm exhausted and thinking of you...and yes, we began in the garage and it has made all the difference.

(A little Robert Frost steal there.)

LA

Checking in, as requested..better late than never, hun!?
Don't have any time at this new job assignment to check MB as keep me really busy & it's much more physically demanding than what I've done in quite awhile -blessing day goes fast,& curse that has caused my herniaed (sp?) disk in my neck to act up... so barely have enough energy to fix supper, take bath to release pain in my neck, shoulders & arm. Not too mention the added stress of longer drive & lots more traffic! Haven't even felt like reading!

Had some really bad days - mentally & emotionally lately,
barely able to hold it together & do what must do.
Finally venturing into some of what I believe are truths..
alittle peaks at time is all mind will allow, before
shuts down. Really upset with myself for believing WH words instead of his actions. Have been working on exposure letter to send to his immediate& out state family & all of sq dance groups know WH/OW dance at (most will get email of letter. Have had trouble trying to get the right words on paper; looked for example here, but haven't found any.
so will post before sent as do not it to sound like jealous, jitted wife want to keep as much dignity, self respect as possible!
Not sure will get much support from WH family as they tend to avoid getting involved, but at least hope to let them know my side of truth.


Latest is that WH & OW are gone for week in your state for sq dance vacation.

Have really miss ya' & your words of advise, insight, experience & wisdom..not to mention your humor!

Thanks for caring & hanging in w/ me..

Hanging with you is a privilege, Tgal...

Thank you for the update.

Where is the SQ dance vacation so I can go and have a few words?

I'm willing to travel.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Exposure letter..."Dear SQ associates, Mr. Blank is my husband. He and Ms. Blank having been having an affair for two years. I wanted you to know this truth and that I want to save my marriage. I can't do that without exposing this truth. I am asking for your help by not believing that they are only partners and friends. I believe marriage is between two people...and when one partner puts another person before their spouse, they destroy the marriage.

Thank you. Tgal."

Done.

Mailed. What if your herniated disk in your neck is where your fear sits and mulls...cowers into a hard knot, causing you pain to protect you, freeze you, cow you...for your own good? And it's not good. Soothing, coping with it might just validate it, instead of releasing it...

You have fear. It's yours...holding it, owning it and knowing it for what it is and acting in spite of it teaches you that your desire is to live in truth, from love, not fear.

Your dignity and self-respect only depend on you, Tgal. Not others. Respect others to think, feel and believe what they will...you have no control, nor would you really want that control, would you? If you had that power, then you would be controlled, against your will, wouldn't you?

You've lived a surviving life...and I think you want a thriving one. What do you think?

LA

My draft exposure letter to SqD's for your comments, corrections, suggestions, etc.

"Dear SQ associates,

• Most of you know my husband of almost 40 yrs., WH and his “just friend / dance partner”, OW are having a improper, inappropriate adulteress affair,
  In fact they are together in Fun Valley this week and will be attending the upcoming National’s in San Antonio together well.
  
  My silence of the past was honoring my word to my husband’s request , that silence not only enabled their affair to continue, but made it appear that I approved / condoned their continuing affair.
  
  I love my H even after all the pain & hurt caused, and believe & took our marriage vows / promise made before God, friends & family very seriously, therefore I am willing to do whatever takes to save our marriage, which includes exposing these truths and making them known.
  
  
  Since majority of sqd’s attend regularly & are active in church, would like to ask for your help & prayers and to not believe they are only just friends & dance partners. I believe marriage is between two people and when one partner puts another person before their spouse, they destroy the marriage."

(using my editor's pen)

"Dear SQ associates,

Most of you know my husband of almost 40 yrs., WH and his “just friend / dance partner”, OW. They are having an affair. They are together in Fun Valley this week and will be attending the upcoming National’s in San Antonio together well. They have been in this affair for two years.

My silence of the past was my choice, believing I was honoring my word to my husband’s request. I not only enabled their affair to continue, but made it appear that I approved of it. I now know there is no honor in bad promises.

I love my H. I believe in our marriage vows made before God, friends and family. I am willing to do whatever it takes to save our marriage, which includes exposing these truths and making them known.

Since majority of sqd’s attend regularly and are active in church, I am asking for your help and prayers from all of you. I believe marriage is between two people; when one partner puts another person before their spouse, that is an affair.

Thank you for considering my truth and request."


How's that? You rock! I was inserting exactly what you said in one paragraph...and then I read it in the next!

Great job, Tgal...

LA

Lookin' for an update...an hello...anythang? (If I post with a Texas accent, will you let me know how you are?)

LA

Update on how things are going for me...

Have to admit, got cold feet & didn't expose to square dancers! Really wasn't right mental state to handle results.

I really believe visit from my DD & friend was sent from God to rescue me on Saturday,June 26. I really was at the end of my rope, barely hanging on by thread & only thing kept me going was knowing she were coming, so had to pull myself together to be there for her, who in my opinion had/was going thru worse phase in life than me...made me feel rather petty!

I went to Dr on July 3. Got several RX's renewed -antidepressant, & med's for my neck. Also had pain in my leg when sitting or bent it certain way ..which I thought was from lifting,/doing things shouldn't but had to do ..Dr said most likely my lower back. since then not improved & only way I can sit is to take Alieve every 10-12 hours. Dr also told me he is 85-90% sure that the place on my nose is skin cancer, but not the really bad kind & recommended skin Dr. Also, wants me to schedule tests for heart scan, ultrasound doppler for my neck arteries, & chest X-ray. Called skin Dr & earliest can get appointment is end of October !

On Wednesday (19th) last week after work, I treated myself to manicure & pedicure, so didn't get home until after 7pm. Son wasn't home, but came in shortly after..while he was waiting for phone call before leaving again, he had another seizure! This was seemed worse than other two he's had & lasted longer.
I was alone, scared I called WH & totally lost it while talking with him & then 911. Son had come out of it by time paramedics arrived & refused going to hospital, as just cost money as don't really do anything except run blood/drug test & observe.
While WH was on his way to house, he called & we talked...I told him that I couldn't handle things way they are with son anymore; - too much stress on daily basis, wondering if/when he will have another one.
(Thought he'd learned from other seizures, but should have realized that with threat of his car being repossed, etc. he'd take Zanex (sp?) drugs again!)
Maybe next time when he's driving with/without his daughter... that wanted to wait few days, then give son choice to straighten up, get honest job,-not selling drugs out of the house, do more to help out than just take out garbage twice week etc. or live elsewhere, with his Dad or ??? & that if he (WH) didn't continue helping pay for household expenses I'd deal with it., At this point, WH said something like he didn't want to lose me over his son!!!???? That is was still "our" house. We both agreed need to have a straight heart to heart talk w/ son. Will remind him this week & try to set date. Also will inform WH that need to get better security at house, broken windows fixed, door to garage fixed/replaced so can install dead bolt lock & be able to lock it & have alarm system reinstalled & monitored.

Haven't made alot of progress with de-cluttering house..no energy - totally disgusted with myself!!