I am sorry to hear that your son will probably be living at home forever. That must be very difficult for him.


Yeah, I don't think forever is unreasonable. To varying degrees many parents do just that, whether financially, or by taking care of their grandchildren so that their children can work, etc. Generally what I do for my kids doesn't feel like a sacrifice - my kids are my life, and they used to be my husband's life as well. That doesn't mean that child-related activities consume/consumed my/our entire life - I have a career I enjoy and way too many animals - but when you have as many kids as I do, childraising in not a mere two decade interlude. By the time my youngest finishes college and perhaps returns home for a year or two afterwards, I will be getting close to 70.

In my case, everyone is worse off because of the divorce - our kids, myself, and my husband, who has essentially lost the family that used to be so important to him. If he is happier now, he certainly does a good job of hiding it.

I know, Nellie, and as always, I'm sorry you are still suffering so much. It can't be good for anyone. (((Nellie)))

As far as my son: This is another issue that (as a mother) I worry about, because my ex is one who has a revolving door of (his words) stbx-girlfriends.

My son (and in fact, all my adult children) have been a thorn in the side of almost all of my ex's relationships. I won't even go into how he picks these women, because none of them seem to be interested in much other than his money and what he can give them. Our kids see this, and have no respect for the women (not one has had a stamp of approval from the kids). Respect for their dad is at an all-time low, also.

I worry that his current flame will get tired of them (she and my ex) not living together and force my ex to push our son out on his own. There's been issues surrounding this already.

So see, I am not only a second wife, but a first one, and a mother. My son (who is 21 but more like a 16 year old) is getting some very mixed, confusing, and hurtful messages from Dad.

Yet, he adores his dad (of COURSE, I'd want it no other way). He *wants* to stay there. I always thought it was best that he did, but now I wonder.

It doesn't have to be suffering to think this way (as Nellie2)...
I'm very close to that too... and I understand why she thinks so... I'm with one child (4), and I can just imagine if I had 6...

Re: if there are more divorced who never remarry...
I don't think so...
Many (most?) women cannot have 'fulfilled' life with no 'their man' in it... (The same as with men... Btw, I see less and less differences between men and women... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />)

A very good friend of mine divorced 14 years ago... has a daughter (now 19), not that she didn't remarry, she never had a lover...
I asked her why... She said - all those compromises, fear of what she might bring into life of her daughter too, how her daughter will accept the gay... she said - it's not worth it putting so much effort to have - what?... She likes their life, peace above all...

I'm a bit different though...
I don't want to give up romance, friendship, sex (all together, with one man, if possible <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)... but I don't think I'd live with any man for a long long time... till my son leaves my/our home, I think...
The more time passes by, the more I think it'll be so...

And I'm fine with that... Even now, I have no man in my life, but I'm just the happiest person as I could ever be (most of times <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />).
I do enjoy life with my son so much; I compensate him all I missed when was married during his first 2 years of his young life, when I was in sorrow, devastated, depressed...
NOW my son really has me, all mom's love and attention he needs.
The man I could fell in love with should be very very special to make for him some space in my life too, to 'move' even a bit, my son from the place he's now in my heart and in my life, to 'adjust priorities'... and I don't think he exists at all... Not SO much worthy, anyway...

And, no, it is not my dissapointment in men...
It's just my knowledge about them, living with them (from my own experience and from experiences of the others), i.e. about myself... now...

Belonging to Myself (I love your name!)... gosh... to have made that decision BEFORE rushing forward (as Nellie did, too) is so wise. I really wish I'd given myself the time to do that. I might have found out some really interesting things about myself.

One decision, just the one, set in motion a chain of events that I wasn't expecting... didn't foresee... though I know now that I had the wisdom inside of me all the time (I sound like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz now! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />).

Life is about doing the best we can with what we have NOW. That's really why I began this thread in the first place. Yeah, I made some choices that, in hindsight, weren't the best. Still, I am *this person* now. Today. I have to work with that. And maybe I can share a few do's and don't's for others behind/beside me. And others can share their own journeys... which is exactly what happened here.

We've got someone who rebounded into marriage (me) and someone who has chosen to remain single until her children are grown (Nellie) and some souls in-between. Nobody can say that we haven't seen all sides represented here (or darned close to it).

This has been a great thread, and I thank each and every one of you (once again) for your contributions.

Thanks! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
(It has even more value considering it as replacement of my original one (when first started coming here)... (ex and never again and late)-Belonging to Nowhere <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)



Well, you lost something and gained something else... the same as us...
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
As with whatever we choose...
Feeling that by making a choice we gained more than we lost makes all difference...

New-

I too rebounded into a new marriage. It wasn't perhaps the smartest decision for me emotionally because I was still healing but I do not regret it.

My love is incredible with my H. I have never ever had a relationship like I have with him. Just to go to sleep with him every night and know I will wake up with his arms around me is such a blessing!

Well, if this helps, this is exactly how I felt until about two months ago. And then when G, aka Ms. Right, popped into my life, it all changed. So, it's good to feel happy and content on your own, but just realize that you should never say never - just when you feel you'll always be alone, the right guy might pop into your life and make you eat your words <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Uh-oh, I forgot to write that I do 'never say never'... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Really, I'm aware of that... you never know... (and, for my initial is also G, moreover is twice G, might be lucky too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)
And if you think That Mr. One I (now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />) think doesn't exist to change my mind pops into my life... well... I guess eating my own words would be with a great apetite. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey, hey, hey!! You guys keeping our thread alive, or what? I love it!

coachswife,

You know, I regret some things about the beginning of our relationship A LOT. I don't regret marrying him, but I regret the decisions I made to get to him. I have done my very best to make amends with those I harmed, and as I've said until you all wanna bop me -- I am blessed.

AGG and Miss-Belonging,

You guys continue your dialogue... I'm enjoying just being along for the ride.

And AGG (((AGG))) - platonical hugs to you, buddy, for bringing the testosterone into an estrogen-heavy thread! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

As a second wife, married my first time, both of us with children (his 8 and 2 when we began, mine 7), we have been married for almost 8 years now, have had 2 more children. We have had custody from the start. Had I not have married him, his kids would have missed out on a mom who was stable, reliable, and always there to raise them and care for them. No, I can't "replace" their "real" mom, but, at least I fill a role as needed. We have had struggles, as all families do at times, but, we have survived, and live as normally as most. I have a marriage that has not seemed to leave the honeymoon phase yet. Even first time marriages usually can't say that after 8 years. What I am now encountering is my son who just turned 15 has begun to resent my husband verbally repremanding him, infact claims to hate him, with a passion. My husband has an overbearing way of dealing with the kids when they have done something wrong or to make him mad. He has a way or a tone to his voice that makes the kids shrink. I can't explain it. The kids can't stand up for themselves or argue or defend themselves or their actions when he comes down on them. I don't know what to do. Life has been so sweet with our marriage, now the issues have begun. Both other parents are involved, including my husband's x's x-husband. We all get along pretty well. Our kids are the main concern, even though our marriage is our top priority. Can someone tell me where I can look up all the abbreviations that are used on this site?

I'm the second wife and I don't see any problems. My husband has wonderful relationships with his first wife and I really love his son and he loves me.

Jen,

Welcome to MB! I hope this will help you.

Most Common MB Acronyms:

MB = Marriage Builders

WS = Wayward Spouse ("betrayer")
FS = Faithful Spouse ("betrayed") some use BS = Betrayed Spouse
WAW = Walk Away Wife

OW = Other Woman
OM = Other Man
OP = Other Person
OWH = Other Woman's Husband
OMW = Other Man's Wife
OPS = Other Persons's Spouse
OC = Other Child (S's and OP's)

S = Spouse
SO = Significant Other
W = Wife
H = Husband
DW = Divorced Wife or Dear Wife
DH = Divorced Husband or Darling Husband
SAHM = Stay At Home Mom
SAHD = Stay At Home Dad

D-Day = Discovery Day
DV-Day = Divorce Day
A = Affair
EA = Emotional Affair
PA = Physical Affair
EMA = Extra-marital Affair
MLC = Mid-life Crisis
MM = Married Man
MW = Married Woman
SF = Sexual Fulfillment (in context)
EN = Emotional Needs
LB = Love Bust(er)
POJA = The Policy of Joint Agreement
SAA = "Surviving An Affair"
HNHN = "His Needs, Her Needs"
G&T = "Give & Take: The Secret to Marital Compatibility"

Relationship Acronyms:
DD = Darling Daughter
DS = Darling Son
MIL = Mother In Law
SIL = Sister In Law
FIL = Father In Law
BIL = Brother In Law
GP = Grand Parent(s)
SM = Step Mother
SD = Step Daughter
SF = Step Father (in context)
SS = Step Son
BF = Biological Father/Boyfriend
BM = Biological Mother
GF = Girlfriend
STBX = Soon To Be Ex

MB specific Acronyms (CB MB forum members)
CB = Coined By
PTC = Patience, Time and Consistency (CB & NSR... for Plan A to work!)
P.U.S.H. = Pray Until Something Happens (CB & NSR... see Inspire (20))
TDNT = That Do Nothing Thing (CB & NSR/RMA)

Generally accepted Acronyms:
BTW = By The Way
IMO = In My Opinion
IMHO = In My Humble Opinion
IMVHO = In My Very Humble Opinion
LMAO - Laughing My *Rump* Off
LOL = Laughing Out Loud
ROTFLMAO = Rolling On The Floor Laughing My *Rump* Off
EOM = End Of Message

Many others can be found at Alphabet Soup Explained
Please note:? usage of some of the Alphabet Soup acronyms are frowned upon due to lack of proper decorum?

Divorce/Custody Acronyms:
CS = Child Support
CP = Custodial Parent
CPS = Child Protective Services
CSE = Child Support Enforcement
DCW = Dept. of Child Welfare
GAL = Guardian Ad Litem
FOC = Friend Of the Court
MSOL = Marital Standard Of Living
NCP = Non Custodial Parent
PAS = Parental Alienation Syndrome

-Alphabetical Order-------------

A = Affair
BF = Biological Father/Boyfriend (based on "context")
BIL = Brother In Law
BM = Biological Mother
BS = Betrayed Spouse... some use FS = Faithful Spouse
BTW = By The Way
CB = Coined By
CP = Custodial Parent
CPS = Child Protective Services
CS = Child Support
CSE = Child Support Enforcement
D-Day = Discovery Day
DCW = Dept. of Child Welfare
DD = Darling Daughter
DH = Divorced Husband or Darling Husband
DS = Darling Son
DV-Day = Divorce Day
DW = Divorced Wife or Dear Wife
EA = Emotional Affair
EMA = Extra-marital Affair
EN = Emotional Needs
EOM = End Of Message
FIL = Father In Law
FOC = Friend Of the Court
FS = Faithful Spouse ("betrayed") some use BS = Betrayed Spouse
G&T = "Give & Take: The Secret to Marital Compatibility"
GAL = Guardian Ad Litem
GF = Girlfriend
GP = Grand Parent(s)
H = Husband
HNHN = "His Needs, Her Needs"
IMO = In My Opinion
IMHO = In My Humble Opinion
IMVHO = In My Very Humble Opinion
LB = Love Bust(er)
LMAO - Laughing My *Rump* Off
LOL = Laughing Out Loud
MB = Marriage Builders
MIL = Mother In Law
MLC = Mid-life Crisis
MM = Married Man
MSOL = Marital Standard Of Living
MW = Married Woman
NCP = Non Custodial Parent
OC = Other Child (S's and OP's)
OM = Other Man
OMW = Other Man's Wife
OP = Other Person
OPS = Other Persons's Spouse
OW = Other Woman
OWH = Other Woman's Husband
PA = Physical Affair
PAS = Parental Alienation Syndrome
POJA = The Policy of Joint Agreement
PTC = Patience, Time and Consistency (CB & NSR... for Plan A to work!)
P.U.S.H. = Pray Until Something Happens (CB & NSR... see Inspire (20))
ROTFLMAO = Rolling On The Floor Laughing My *Rump* Off
S = Spouse
SAA = "Surviving An Affair"
SAHD = Stay At Home Dad
SAHM = Stay At Home Mom
SD = Step Daughter
SIL = Sister In Law
SF = Sexual Fulfillment (in context)
SF = Step Father (in context)
SM = Step Mother
SO = Significant Other
SS = Step Son
STBX = Soon To Be Ex
TDNT = That Do Nothing Thing (CB & NSR/RMA)
W = Wife
WAW = Walk Away Wife
WS = Wayward Spouse ("betrayer")

I too am enjoying and LEARNING alot from this thread...I just don't have much to contribute as I'm not remarried nor even in a relationship right now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Anyhoo, just had a quick question for NBII....are you now married to your OM? I ask for no other reason than pure curiousity.....feel free to tell me to buzz off <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

DW

DW,

I met my (now)H after the divorce was filed but before the divorce was final -- so -- some would say it was my second affair. Legally, it was, since I wasn't yet free to date... and morally, I suppose it depends on your morals.

The OM mentioned in my sig line was a one-time hop-in-the-sack (I will never say we made love) TERRIBLE CHOICE and my (then)H would not (could not) forgive me. He began another series of affairs (he'd had several during the marriage) and our marriage ended.

We both (my ex and I) see the harm we caused the marriage, the children, and each other. Had I not left him (which in the end, I did) I don't know that he ever would have realized... he has since admitted to more wrong-doing than I ever even knew about in our marriage.

It's interesting to note that my H does NOT think that we began as an affair, no matter how you look at it. Both our exes had moved on (or had someone moved in) and to him it was just a matter of legalities and time.

I, OTOH, have felt great guilt and shame over the years. This is why I say "Do what I say, not what I do"... And rebounding into another relationship so soon was not a wise choice.

Immovingon,

Thanks for all the hard work on the acronyms!!! Very cool.

Hello and welcome to MB, jenstermor and bryeek!

jen,

Problems with teens... yuck. Everyone has them. It's a hard time of life for the kids and the parents, to be sure!

Do you feel that your H is too tough on your son? When you say "the kids shrink" away from him, what does that mean?

Just kidding a bit... to refresh the day, or bump up your thread <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Refer your H to anger management classes.
ASAP!

And, some other ones, related to dealing with teenagers... reading some books about it too...

(Please do not tollerate that.)

Hi everyone,

Just a short note to let you know that (after Tuesday) I will probably be off the internet for awhile, or longer... but will be back as soon as we're able. If all goes well, we won't have a break in our service at all...

...but, frankly... lately, things haven't been going too well... so I'm being pre-emptive. Just in case...

I want to thank each and every one of you for your candor, care and humor throughout this thread. It has been a wonderful MB-experience for me, and I hope to all who read it, as well.

Bless you all...