Hey, L2S. It was good to see that you're still alive and kicking.

My situation is still EXACTLY the same. No steps in any direction, just the same. I'm still here, and he's still there. The girls graduate next month, then the last one will this time next year. So, we'll see if he can hold out, or not.

Well, YOU have certainly had an interesting week! I'm just wondering about you needing proof. Do you need it for yourself, or do you actually need it for the divorce? Would providing proof of the A, help to protect you financially? I'm not being sarcastic, I truly am just curious. When I D'd, I left with nothing but my freedom and the girls. And that was enough for me. I didn't want any strings attached that could enable him to have ANY say in my life. I asked for nothing.

Ironically, NOW, after these years and the girls being grown, has he decided to help me out, all on his own. He calls it reimbursement of the past years. I call it guilt. Either way, it comes in handy, and I won't complain! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I know what you're going thru is truly devastating! I can't imagine hearing the things you did. I would never of had the guts to wire the phone, or anything like that. Because I KNOW what I would hear, and I KNOW I couldn't handle hearing it.

Besides, I didn't need proof. He confessed on his own. He sat me down and told me everything, because he couldn't handle the guilt. Well, I couldn't handle the deception, because this certainly wasn't the first time! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, you take care and keep us posted! Hang in there, and take care of yourself and your DD!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Jennifer

He has a nasty streak a mile wide. I believe that if I don't have some proof that I can hang over his head (apparently though he doesn't care that people know he's having an A) he will try to get as much as he can. He hasn't contributed 50% since the first year we were married but in my state it's equal distribution. How's that for a kick in the pants!!!!

You're right though. The freedom and peace of mind will be worth so much more than $ in the bank. My H won't confess to anything. He keeps telling me he loves me and wants it to work but is afraid things have gone too far and too much as happened to recover our M. He lies to me and lies to OW. She has no clue how much he is lying to her. At least I know that when his mouth is moving, it's a lie most of the time now.

I want to remain angry. When I get sad I start thinking about the would of, could of, should ofs. OW told my H that she doesn't want to see him until D b/c she should feel the pain and loneliness that I've been feeling as punishment for what she has done. But, then she turns around and says that she gave her all to this R and that she is proud of the way she has loved him and that this is the best thing she's ever done!!!!!!

Oh, well. Another day. Have a great one.

I guess I would just hate to see this drag out for you, for too long. It sounds to me like it's all 50/50, no matter how much proof you have.

I agree that angry mode is probably one of the things that keep us going. So be ANGRY!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> But also, allow yourself to feel ALL of your feelings, so they'll be purged. Slowly, once it's all out, you will be back to your ol' self, again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Do not worry about what the OW is thinking. It doesn't matter. SHE will be the one to have to LIVE with her choice! She's aware of his anger and abuse and HAS to know, that there are violent tendencies. The signs are all there, and it's up to her to acknowledge them. Her "new" future will turn out to disappoint her, but by then, YOU will be long gone with YOUR "new" future, looking back, saying to yourself, "How did I live like that for SOOO long?" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Just keep looking and moving forward to your's and your DD's new life! It WILL be good!! One day at a time! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Take Care...

Jennifer

L2S, are you around?

I'm still here. Still learning way more than I want to know but learning what I NEED to know.

Still need some "court-worthy" proof. Everything I have is circumstantial or is something that I've learned from someone who wouldn't want my H to know they told me; don't want to create problems for that person. I would like to have stuff that would keep things in my favor during the process. I'm not interested in destroying him just in making sure I get my fair share. Of course, that will never happen. He'll get 50% but hasn't contributed that since our first year of marriage.

My darling H is trying to live a double life. H tells the OW that he never talks to me except about business stuff. Bull!!!! He talks to me the way he talks to her!!! I have lunch w/him, dinner w/him. H tells me he loves me!!!

Latest is OW has "broken" up w/him. Has gone out w/another man. My H told her it would be over if she did that. She did it but he's still trying to call her. Today he went to her parents' home to do some work for them. He's probably going to cry on their shoulder to get them to talk to her. From what I know her whole family thinks he's the best thing that has ever happened to her. How sad that they think a married man carrying on with their early 50s daughter is the best thing that has ever happened. Geez, what her life must have been like up to now!!!!

Oh well. I'm trying not to get bitter over it all. I really should be thanking her instead of thinking badly of her. I'm wondering if she has seen too many "red flags" to think this is a good thing.

If she has broken it off it will be impossible to get proof of them together but I imagine it won't be long before it will be someone else. He now calls me, then her, then his second exwife all in a row!!!

He's a real Casanova that husband of mine!!!!

L2S...glad to see that you're doing ok. I've been thinking of you. Just protect yourself.

I'm sorry, I'm not in a good way to reply much. I'm kind of going thru a change in my situation, which is pretty well draining me. I posted a thread on it that tells all about it.

Anyway, you take care, and keep coming here. You're on your way to a healthier and happier place!

Jennifer

I have learned that the love of my life is having multiple simultaneous affairs!!!!

He is still playing w/his 2nd EXW. Still trying to get the OW to continue seeing him. They are very much in love. The OW is playing him right now and is trying to force his hand and force him to divorce me so that they can be together. She feels "bad" about what she has done and can no longer pretend that everything is okay and that they are a "married couple" as long as he is married. Wow, what a revelation!!!

He has another woman on the side that he sees for sex only. This doesn't even count me, his wife!!!
I'm gather info now and will see lawyer soon. I can't wait until the day I am no longer married to whatever it is I find myself married to. I'm incredlbly angry w/myself for believing his lies for so long. I have allowed this "man" to abuse me, use me, manipulate me and put me through sheer ****** for the last 9 years. I should have left the first time I found out he was cheating but no, I was "in love" with him and thought that my love and devotion would make a difference.

Looking back, I could throw up at what I have subjected myself and my daughter to. I'm playing a game w/him right now pretending that I love him and want to make our M work until I can get my ducks in a row. I'm hoping to have them all lined up in about 2 weeks. Then, boom. I'm gone and so is his free ride. Can't wait to see his face then!!!!!

I am seriously considering showing/telling the OW what I know. I know she has put herself in this situation but she is right where I was at seven months into the R; madly in love. He is such a charmer and says and does all the right things. I have no doubt he will do to her what he did to me. She may not put up w/it as long as I have but she will get a taste of it I'm sure.

Oh well, I don't want to get bitter. Right now I am learning so much about what he has been doing that I am angry and frustrated and mad and sickened that I'm not too, too sad. I know that will come. I just have to remember that I am going to be fine. I'll have my life back and there will, at some point, be someone else in my life that deserves to be there.

Say a prayer for me.

Well, I'm sorry that it has come to this. Don't beat yourself up for not leaving the first time this happened. What matters is NOW and your future. You WILL be free to love again! One day at a time, L2S.

I am now split from my fiancee'. So I will be able to relate to your saddness, when it hits ya'. I'm crushed right now, but I know it was probably for the best.

Take Care...

Jennifer

Oh Jennifer. I'm so sorry. I was really hoping and praying for you that everything would work out okay. But, like you said, maybe it was for the best.

I know that I will be incredibly heartbroken when everything is done. I'll be alone and he'll be w/her. I just have to keep reminding myself of everything this man has done to me and put me through. I have to keep reminding myself that he is not going to leave the other women alone. He'll continue to chase them and string them along. I just won't be the one worrying.

Sad thing is though that she totally trusts him and he is lying to her at every turn.

Oh well. Not my problem anymore. I have thought about telling her what I know AFTER I get the papers signed and filed. Don't know if she would truly hear me out though.

Oh well. Life IS 2 short to be so unhappy. There's got to be someone better out there. I just need to learn to lean on God more for my happiness. I've got a lot of healing to do.

Take care. God bless.

Hey, L2S! I think we both have alot of healing to do, now.

I think it will be a huge relief, when the grief passes. I, too, keep thinking about some of the negative things that occurred, and the things I WON'T have to worry about, anymore. I was in a very peaceful and content place, at one time, for about 10 years, until this. So I will do whatever it takes, to return to that place!

Just allow yourself the time to grieve, as painful as it is. The more you get it out of your system, the sooner you will recover.

As far as sharing anything with the OW, I wouldn't. I think she deserves to live out these hard lessons on her own. She doesn't deserve any "Heads Up". What goes around comes around. Let it BITE HER IN THE you know WHERE!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Because you want to know something?? It WILL!! If you feel some kind of need to help her, then just pray for her, and let God handle it. YOU don't need to.

Anyway, just hang in there, and keep moving forward. This is ALL we can do! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Take Care...

Jennifer

Hey, Jennifer.
Yeah, we do have a lot of healing to do.

I am so excited about my future. I know it will be hard and I know I will be lonely at times but, that's preferable to what I have had for the last few years.

The game I'm playing right now is so hard. Pretending to love someone that is so deceitful to so many people, including the one he now professes to love enough to divorce me, is hard.

I'm finding out that a lot of people, know what's going on and have for some time. I am apparently the proverbial "last to know". But you know, I believe God has allowed everything to be revealed in a way that I could not refute it, could not turn a blind eye to it, could not ignore it. I might want to stick my head in the sand and pretend that my DH isn't a totally self-absorbed jack*** but I can't.

He is what he is and what he is isn't anything I want in my life or my daughter's. We want out!!!!! As quickly as we can get there. I have just about everything in place so that I can drop the bomb on him, make a couple of calls and it's all in place!!! I am looking forward to that day, hopefully end of this week or first of next.

I will update you on what happens. Should be fun. If you see something weird in the night sky, it might be the fireworks when my darling H realizes that he has been busted, I have the proof and me and my insurance and money are a thing of the past in his pitiful life!!!!

Have a great day. I sure am!

You sound good, L2S! Keep that strength, for you and your daughter.

You have alot to look forward to! A whole new way of living, the way YOU wish to! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Keep me posted on how this goes. I'll be waiting to hear back on this! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Take Care...

Jennifer

Well, still on the ride. Looks like I may not have everything I need in place until early next week but, hopefully, next week will be the start of the rest of mine and my daughter's lives.

H is still clueless about what I know. Still trying to have his cake and eat it, too. Still trying to get me in bed all the while professing true love to the OW and telling her that our relationship is just related to the business. What a low life!!!

Still playing the same games regarding church. He doesn't want me; he wants her. Wants me only for insurance and $. On the one hand tells me "go to church, it's okay. I promise I won't get mad. It honestly doesn't matter if you do". So, I did. Now, he's mad and doing the "did you see him", "did you speak to him", etc. crap. He's got a lot of nerve.

I really need to stay in the frame of mind I'm in right now. He has no idea how what he is doing is helping me stay resolved to get this over with.

How on earth could I have been so stupid for so long? Wasting precious moments of my life and my daughter's that can never be recovered over such a person. I am angry at myself for being so stupid especially when I've had close friends and family members (not to mention many people on this site) telling me to dump him and get on w/my life.

Oh well. I guess this is where the "better late than never" saying comes in. At least I've finally seen the light. I know that many women (and men) probably deal w/this type stuff for a lot longer, maybe for life. At least I am blessed by God to have a wonderful family, good friends, a good job and a thrifty nature. We'll be more than okay. We'll be fine.

Hope this finds you well. More as it happens!!

L2S, you are doing awesome! And don't beat yourself up over not doing this sooner. Because as you said, it IS better late than never! What matters now, is that you're doing it! You are now gaining back your self respect, making some wise moves, and getting things done! Good Job! You ARE on the road, L2S, so keep going! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Let me know how you are. My thoughts are with you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Take Care,

Jennifer

Well, latest is that the OW has broken it off w/him YET AGAIN. Perhaps she's not as blind and stupid as I've been thinking. She apparently thinks he is addicted to pain pills. I do not think that he is but, I didn't think a lot of other things that have come to pass either.

In the last few months OW had him asking permission to take a pill. OW didn't want him to take; wanted him to use natural remedies. Doesn't always help when you've had 3 back surgeries but, OW had him doing that anyway. Now, OW thinks he's addicted so she is scared by him taking a handful of pills in over a year.

Their break-up isn't what I wanted to see happen but, this has happened a couple of times over the last weeks so may not be permanent. Will know more today or tomorrow.

Papers should be ready tomorrow and I will give to him this week. Need to get a few sentimental things out of the house first. Will try to do early this week. I'm really not looking forward to what is going 2 happen when I do give him the papers. He is going to hit the roof. He doesn't want me except for $ and insurance but, he's going to hate to see me take his security blanket away.

You know, the saddest thing of all is that the 2 kids that he put first for so long are now gone. His darling son won't even speak to him; hasn't spoken to him since their blow-up a few weeks back; wants nothing to do w/him. He has now gone up north for a job. His darling daughter who went for a whole year not speaking to him is now up north w/her boyfriend and calls all the time but that's only b/c daddy is still shelling out the dough. His family has never had much to do w/him. Now the OW who he wanted to divorce me for has broken up w/him. His fall-back woman (his 2nd EXW) is still around though. Maybe they'll get back 2 gether. It won't last though and he'll continue cheating; I have no doubt about that.

BUT, me and my daughter will be happy and free. She's a great age now and we can travel and go and do and have a wonderful time. I know that God has something great in store for us and I know that he has a wonderful man out there somewhere and, in His time, He'll reveal that person to me or vice versa.

I'm really sad about the whole thing but trying hard not to dwell on the broken dreams, broken promises, etc. It's much easier that way!!!!

Hope all is well w/you all (whomever reads this).

Jennifer - I think you're about the only one that replies anymore. That's okay. I'm sure there are so many on here that really need the help and direction. I have made a decision and my issues are really just chatting more than anything.

I have learned so much from all this. I pray to God that I will never be so stupid and blind again. Knowing what I know now, I imagine that most of our marriage was one big lie after another. He does it so easily and I felt so guilty for so long about my past and my lies regarding it. Now that I know how much he lies but treats me so terribly over what I've done, I just get angry thinking about it.

Oh well, back to work.

Just wanted to say hello and update you on what's going on. Look for fireworks in the night sky this week!!

L2S, It sounds like you've been doing well.

I would like you to check out a place where I've been posting. It's a Codependency board, and the people there are great. It has helped me ALOT since the split with my XF. So many there are going thru what I am, AND what you are! We are focusing on our recovery, and trying to figure out why we are drawn to the types of people that we have chosen in our lives. It is VERY well worth looking into!

Here is the link, and I hope to see you there!

www.allaboutcounseling.com

Click on "Discussions", you can enter your nickname, or just click on the "Just READ the discussions", then a window will come up for you to agree to the guidelines of the site. Just click on that, and you're THERE! PLEASE do this L2S! It will be WELL worth your time!

Let me know if you have any trouble finding your way. I will help you with this!

Jennifer

L2S, had a little scare, there! I thought you had an evil twin on this board, but thankfully it was a false alarm!

Anyway, I hope you saw my post to you, right above this one!

FYI posters, this is NOT the same L2S as the visitor here today! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Take Care...

Jennifer

Just a bump for L2S. I hope you get a chance to look at what I posted above for you. Please take a look at that site and let me know what you think.

Hope all is well!!

Jennifer

I did go to site but haven't had much time to really see what it's all about.
I really hope you're doing okay.
I'm having a hard time convincing my H that it's over and we need to move on w/our lives.

He suddenly says he loves me and will do whatever he has to in order to regain my trust and love. He'll install GPS on his vehicle, he'll be accountable 24/7. Sad that it took D to wake him up.

Oh well. Wish me luck. I'm sad and hurt and mad and angry and all those emotions but I'm also determined. He has hurt me enough. It would take just a few short months before he's back to his old tricks.

Just be strong, L2S!! The games will continue, so just try and stay focused on what you need to do! You're doing great.

That site is about codependency. MANY there are going thru what you are, and me, for that matter. I would love to run into you there, sometime! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Take Care,

Jen