They don't ask where we are at but last I heard he doesn't want to have one done because he says he has not had SF with anyone but me. I told him that doesn't matter I just want to feel safe.

I have other question. My part of my weeding ring fell of because of weight loss. Do you think I should take off other half?

I also found out that one of my main EN is admiration and SF. His is conversation. Our roles in the book are a little reversed. Did anyone else have this situation. He is reading the books that is a good sign right?

I am sitting here and wondering about something WH told me this morning. He said that he has been reading the books that I have like HNHN and SAA. He said that he doesn't think that he can fall in love with me again because I have LB with him for years. I have been reading here also and I don't want to be one of the wineing spouses that wants change right away BUT I feel I am wavering.

When do I start asking question to him. When should I say move in or move on? I want to plan A at least till we move in June but that seems so long.

WH has taken me off all the credit cards and is going to give me a monthy amount of money. I don't mind the credit cards because I don't use them anymore. As for the money When I get it in the joint account I will be moving it so he won't take it back. I am not really understanding the reasoning about what he is doing. Did anyone of you have this problem? WH showed me his room in the barracks today. Then he became distant. I don't know what his plans he had this evening. I hope he isn't doing anything stupid.

I have also found out that when he is on the computer at home he is looking a porn. Should I be concerned about this?

I would ask him to get STD tested. Just for your piece of mind.

Who knows about the money thing? But protect yourself financially.

Leave your ring on. You are married.

This stuff takes time. Stay in Plan A. Don't let him move back in yet.

Does porn bother you?

No the porn does not bother me. The ring is loose. I don't want to loose it. I will where a sub till I resize.

Some women don't like their husband looking at porn. It never bothered me. Of course, if it got to be the only thing he did, it would.

Get the ring resized. I still wear mine, and WH has been living with the OW for 3 years. I will take it off the day our divorce is final.

Well I went off for the week end and I had a good time. I came back to find out that my WH had snooped around and found out that I knew some of his emails. The big one was his private one that he was leaving notes to OW. He has changed every password he has now.

When I tried to tell him what I did this weekend hee said he did not care. I really don't like how dark he has gotten. I feel Plan B coming up fast. I really do not like the man he has become.

He used to be an open book. Now there is no trust between us. I really know it is going to take time but I am not sure that I can handle him the way he is. I can't be a friend to this sort of man.

If he doesn't care then why does he stay around? Why does he even want go for a walk with me? Why does he care to snoop?

I went out with a guy friend today and I told WH I was going to and WH said I went on a date. That really hurt because I can not stoop that low and say those things. I really can handle this today. I am sorry I sound so down. My tears are flowing hard now.

I sort of knew this might happen but I had really had no plan for it. He only wanted to talk about what he wanted to talk about. Passwords. I really could not give him the answer he wanted because I well I just couldn't. I have tried to be transparent and told him I would be if he wants to try for his trust in me. He just said he doesn't care. I really hate those words.

M.,
A couple things jump out at me in your posts. I think your husband is fully engaged in an affair and is setting the groundwork to leave you for the OW. You need to block OW from your email if you haven't done so already, and you need to reexpose the affair to his work, both of their families, etc.


Could possibly be that OW is making threats to cause you physical harm and someone is trying to anon let your husband know.

He is trying to set you up so that you are supported by family when he breaks the news to you that he will not be joining you. This also gives him the freedom to alleycat around with OW while you are gone.
Like I said, he is preparing to leave you-on his terms.

He will do nothing. The work falls on the shoulders of the BS. Keep up a great Plan A.
Classic WH fog speak
My CH said this as he was making plans to walk out on me and file for divorce. IMHO it sounds better if you say I'm having a MLC, rather than I'm leaving you for OW. Just another way of avoiding responsibility.
I'm sorry but I almost fell off my chair laughing at that one. He is looking everywhere to find fault with you so that he can justify his dirty little affair. BTW-it is NOT your fault. It is apparent that any books, counselors, etc. will be lost on him at this point because he is deep in his affair and he does not want it to end.
Again, it sounds as though he is preparing to leave you. I strongly advise you to get some credit cards in your name now. You need to have credit in your name alone, you do not know what your future holds for you. You don't have to use them but you need them for emergencies. I am a little leary of him having access to your bank account.
If he is depositing $, make sure the account is set up so that he is not a signature on it.

Because he wants to know how much you know about his little affair so he can cover himself. He is probably keeping you around right now because of the trouble he'd get from his superiors. I would get a keylogger program for your computer. ML posted a link to a good one for $39.
He is trying to make it look like you are doing the same thing as him.

M., I'm not sure you grasp the severity of your sitch. You need to come up with a plan if and when your WH walks out that door. Plan A is great but from the things your WH has said and done, you also need to start looking at how to take care of yourself and your children if he walks out that door. Start lining your ducks up. Good luck. My heart goes out to you.
S.

I think Shattered has it pretty well nailed, mhwag. Protecting yourself, and your children, against the repercussions of the worst-case scenario is not a LB or anything else but good common sense.

Well this past hour has been a big one. OW called me and we talked for a half an hour. She told me right off that my WH just called her and she told him that she will be calling me and telling me he called her. Did that make sence? Well I was glad she called. She said she is leaving the country. In 12 days. I feel sad for her because that is what she has to do for her husband to come back. The sad part is she has to leave 3 of her childern her w/ her MIL till husband gets back on R&R in a month. Then all kids go to the states. WH called her to ask her if she was the one emailing me. She called me to tell me that she would never do that she would sign her name. She was mad at me before because she had gotten caught. Her words. She does not like the military involved.

As for the the passwords my husband found he said he found them when he was looking for his ring. He knew right where the ring was.


As for the money it will be going straight into an account I saw to that. Then I will put it into the account of my choosing.

WH is still not living in the house and I am not sure if he will. I don't think I want to think about it for a few days.

I finished reading the LB's book. Boy we have both been LB for a while but I have to say he was doing different ones than I. I had angry outbursts he had all the others. bt we did them with the same amount. He does not want to read it though. I will hold onto it for a while.

Knowing he has heard her I know the withdrawel will start over again but he now knows she is leaving. I just hope this helps him understand everything.

Sounds like OW's husband has read about the importance of NC and has set an absolute boundary of radical honesty right from the start. That's great. That and the enforced complete separation will help, assuming the online posting goes away.

About the emails, be careful about believing what she said. She's still a WW and too soon in withdrawal to be believed much...and as you said, now the clock starts over.

Hang in there with all the patience you can muster while protecting yourself.

Yes, be cautious. I would not be too trusting of her.

About 10 mos ago, spoke with OW on the phone. She told me she would not talk with my H if he tried to talk with her (I had asked her to respect my family and give us a chance to save our M). She was so sincere and genuine. And, she was LYING. They were already in contact at that time. And, obviously, based on my sig line, the A has not ended.

I do know that if WH wants to come home he is going to have to be very transparent. I can not handle him have this much secretsies. I know not to take the OW word as far as I can throw her but I have to admit when the note posting was happening she really did not post that many. Ratio 30 WH to 2 OW. So it is a sign that she is trying to stay away even if she does break down.

WH messaged me this morning that is a first in 2 months that is wierd. I will not get my hopes up though.

My WH just got his Article 15. He has 14 day restiction and 14 days of extra duty. $500 dollars taken for 2 months and demotion to E-5. The demotion was suspended for six month pending good behavior.

This is good news because he will be able to do some of the things that I had hoped he would do like go to SSGT school and we will be moving in June.

I told him about OW calling me and he acted surprised. I told him that he shouldn't act that way. I told him I knew she was leaving soon again he acted surprised it got old fast.


OW from what I have been hearing is having some big issues with her DD bio father and her BS H now. That part of the reason she is leaving. I am sure that the scarlet letter that this very small community has put on her pushed it also.

My WH said that because he has to be cautious thathe will not want to talk about the A till we move. I can understand why but it is very AAUUGGHH!!!!

Any thoughts???

He has to be cautious, but he posts 30-odd messages on a board somewhere to the OW in spite of a continuing order from his commander for NC? He has to be cautious, but he calls her about emails and violates an order for NC again? He has to be cautious about talking to his wife until you move? What? There haven't been any secret cameras or microphones installed in your home to spy on you and your husband while you talk about his adultery. Nonsense. He's just putting you off, telling you that you don't have any right inquiring into his fantasy world.

He got extremely lucky with the Article 15. Actually, because he's AGAIN disobeyed the order on 31+ more occasions you've told us about, he should be losing that strip. His "good behavior" has been to disobey orders and lie to you about NC. I certainly hope you aren't optimistic about him remaining at his current rank for very long.

Too bad about the OW. <shrug> Her problems are some of the consequences one encounters when choosing to cheat on her spouse. I have to wonder what caused the split from her DD's biological father.

Well got off the phone w/WH. We talked about the fact that we both were not ready for him to move home. I really have only to requirements at this time.

1. To be transparent
2. Get STD tested (which he replied that not going to happen.)

He didn't tell me his reasons.

He want me to go back to home state if we are still living like this in 6 months because he says it is not worth it.

He says he can't trust anyone right now. I mean ANYONE. I told that is sad to hear.
Over all the phone call was pleasant. I had to get off because I needed to walk the dog. Still do, I'll write later.

What does one do when one tends to get tired more by the end of the day because of emotional tiredness?

Also did any BS ask WS out on a date?

He says he can't trust anyone right now...

HA HA HA HA, That's a good one from a cheater isn't it.

******, he can't even trust himself to do what he is supposed to do but he can sure project that onto others. Unbelievable some of the things the WS can come up with.