Hi Jean -

WH's ONLY plan that I know of right now is to Refinance the house & roll all of his lovely debt into it. I went to the library yesterday & put Total Money Makeover on reserve(Dave Ramsey book). I have read about the "snowball" effect before on various websites & thought I could implement that. I have also visited the Motley Fool website - they have a lot of great advice there. I absolutely hate the fact that I have cc debt.

While I was out running around today I decided I would come home & look on-line to see what townhomes or houses might be available near my work. It would be nice to cut my commute down from 25 miles to 10 or so. That would save a lot of time & I could work a little longer, make more $$.

Hi Luna - Hope you are having a wonderful weekend. Thanks for you support & the hug!!!!!! I have been a little low today, so I needed that!!

Kim

WH is looking more into the Dave Ramsey plan - I don't really know how it works when you are unable to pay some of your creditors. Basically WH said (in a note) that the advisor told him to skip 3 months of credit card bills so he could build up a $1000 emergency fund. WH's note today said he didn't know if that was a good plan that he could be "forced" into bankruptcy and it only took 3 creditors to do that.

He also said that if that happened it would effect me & that neither of us would be able to buy a house for a long time.

My question is this: If WH does ruin his credit, how does that effect me? We do not have any credit cards together. My name is on the mortgage, his is on the deed along with mine.

So....if I keep my credit rating really great & his is down the drain what happens?

I am so up & down emotionally today. This really sucks. I am tired of waiting. That's the problem. I don't have a social life to speak of & I am lonely.

Done venting.

Kim

Kim..call the Dave Ramsey show and he'll give you his materials for speaking on the air. He'll also give you advice on how to get your finances in order. He would never recommend not paying creditors for 3 months to force bankruptcy. That's very bad advice. He's on many am stations..go to his website to find the time and station in your area.

Thanks - Well, supposedly this is what one of his "coaches" told WH to do. I spoke with this "coach" for a while & he didn't advise me to do that, but I am in much better shape than WH is financially.

Hmmmm....I will call into his show --- Would love a book!!

Kim

Guess who is still trying to manipulate you into refinancing? You do see that he is just using fear tactics to manipulate you, don't you?

I used to listen to Dave Ramsey every day and I did read a couple of his books. I don't think not paying your CCs is sound Ramsey advice. I think he would say, make minimum payments on everything, yard sale, ebay, cut out the cable and cappuncinos, downsize in vehicles if possible...

So you and WH don't have any joint debt at all? Just his name on the deed, but not the mortgage? I am wondering if it would be possible or advisable to see about getting WH's name off the title since it is an asset that his creditors might want.

Is his main problem just some credit card debt? I don't think filing bankruptcy on some credit cards is a good idea at all. If he talks to them and doesn't hide from them, they will work with him.

Of course, this is all his problem and his spending habits would have to change or no amount of moving debt around will help. Even if you two reconciled, refi to pay off CCs is a scary idea to me.

I would run a credit report on yourself and see if his stuff shows up. I need to do the same thing.

The laws have changed and it is not impossible to file bankruptcy on credit cards. They have to be paid.

The law has changed; however, credit cards are still dischargeable but they take your ability to pay (income) into consideration. If you can afford to pay them then they will make you continue paying all or a portion thereof. Seek a bankruptcy attorney's advice.

Sorry if I missed more above...I just read jph's post and wanted to clear up the misinformation.

Mr. Wondering

Yes, ML You are right - 100%. Got a call from WH today & he is back to the refi. He using this logic to try to persuade me: I gave him all of my tax info so we could file joint & get more money back. Because of this reason he is stating that our finances are tied b/c we are doing our taxes joint.

I am tired of his manipulation.

I am back WAY DARK again.

Jean, jph & Mr. Wondering:

I did some research online today. The only way my credit can be affected is if we have JOINT accounts. We have NONE. No checking, no cc, mortgage is in my name only. Something could show up in error, so I will need to stay on top of that.

I can't listen to anymore of WH"s messages & I am tired of receiving notes about the refi.

OWH called me today. Said that his wife has been leaving to go to work two hours early and has taken a route closer to where WH is staying. She had told her H that is was over a month or so ago, but we are now both suspicious that things have kicked back in. OWH doesn't sound like he will take the unfaithfulness much longer. He is afraid of losing custody of the kids. A lawyer told him his chances were not good even with the unfaithfulness.

OWH and I exchanged more info & I suggested the voice activiated recorder......

I have decided that some kind of 180 plan is in order. I need it just to keep myself sane & it will be good for me to start doing things more for me - whether or not WH notices.

Kim

Kim, if he would have her followed and get the goods and then expose, he could probably kill this affair fairly quickly. She does not want to lose her family. Has he done any exposing? Would it help if you advised him on this and maybe referred him to the book Surviving an Affair? Would he come here?

I sure do wish you would go dark and just stay that way.

Melody -

I asked OWH about hiring a PI, but he said it was too much $$. And then he would just find out what he already suspected. I believe he could use MB tremendously. I didn't mention the site today, but will suggest coming here again when we talk.

I asked him if he told his wife that we had spoken the last time. He said no --- I told him that he might tell her, b/c that would be a way he would know if they were in contact. That every time we spoke, she would call my H and give him a hard time. Then my H would call me and give ME a hard time.

I will ask him how much exposing he has done to her family. According to WH, OWH pulls that line all the time with her family. Of course, I exposed to her family last summer. I'm just not sure how much her family really cares.

I wish I could have given OWH more info - where WH is staying & where he works. I have asked WH for Insurance Cards for DS so that should tell me something.

I AM going back Dark. Supposedly my Plan B letter to OW had some effect on her ( according to WH). What do you think about me resending a copy with another note? And giving another copy to WH?

WH has not thought the finances through. If he doesn't get his act together, then I will have to get a legal protection. Then our assets will be frozen ( the house)!!

I thought I might send a copy of the Plan B letter again TO OW. With a note stating that "I am still in love with the man of my dreams, my husband. His son is suffering dearly by not having his father home. I will continue to believe in my vows and believe in my husband to do the right thing."

Kim

Ugh. WH called three times today. I have managed not to listen to the last message. I am trying hard to go back Dark.

I pray that one day my holding back from just lashing out at him will pay off. He thinks that things happen to him, not that he creates his own consequences. Things happen to him because of his choices. Things don't happen because of his choices.

Kim

"He thinks that things happen to him, not that he creates his own consequences. Things happen to him because of his choices. Things don't happen because of his choices."


DITTO with xW.

Kim,

If the OW is a dimwit, one more letter won't make a difference. In fact it will lose it's effect.

You have made your impact. Give it time to sink in and show up.

Meantime, you have to work on protecting at the very least, your financial assets.

take care,
L.

Hi GG - so you've experienced this too!

Orchid - I just want her to know I am still hanging in there & I STILL LOVE my H.

I'll think about the letter some more. I did e-mail OWH this morning - telling him that I am not discouraged and I am going to stick this out. I encouraged him & asked him how much exposure he had done......

On another note> DS had a function at school today. WH showed up. I had a feeling he might. So, there we both were. I don't know if I handled this right, but didn't know what else to do. I ignored him.

I enjoyed the function, cheered & participated. But I ignored WH. He came up to me & asked me about summer camp for DS. Asked me if I got his message. I shook my head & turned away.

Most likely, he is thinking this: Well, Kimberly is one cold-hearted .......... Can't even look at me and answer a simple question. Just shows me that we will never be able to work things out. Just shows me that I need to be with OW.

Maybe I should have talked to him about DS's summer schedule?????

Kim

DS and I went out to eat & watch people sing Kareoke (Sp) tonight. Was fun, but too much country for me....

Just trying to get out more ----- I should try to get out more with friends.....

I CAN do this.

Anybody got suggestions on how to behave to WH when I "run" into him?? Ignore him unless he speaks to me?

It's not me that's putting up the wall. He is. I don't think I am obliged to speak to someone who has stabbed me in the back.

Kim

Kim:

In Plan B, you are supposed to be DARK..that means making all efforts to avoid him and if you run into him try to get away from him.

Talking to him or him seeing you meets ENs. You don't want that to happen.

The goal is for the OW to have to meet all of his needs and for you not to have to deal with your WH..in order to safeguard your love for him.

I think you did great at the school function.

Thanks Mimi ---- It's great to have some reassurance!!!

I wish you guys could have seen me. They made the parents get out for a hoola hoop competition. I didn't know I could hoola!!! I was tearing it up - Everybody was clapping for me & I won a blue ribbon!(I had the moves goin')

Mimi - how often did you counsel with Steve? I am going to shoot for once a month. Wish I could do more!

Kim

Sending a note today about camp schedule......Also told WH that if he couldn't get his tax stuff together within two weeks, to just give me mine back. Otherwise, I would be happy to pay for the accountant to do ours together.

He has been using taxes as a way to get us to refi anyway. He says that since I want to do taxes jointly with him I am admitting we are "financially linked."

Hope you all have a great day!

Kim

Did that work for him? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />