Post deleted by AmiWalsh

Stay strong, CL. You're absolutely doing the right thing.

I have not heard from ww - not even a check in to see how D is doing...I have no idea what this means in terms of what she is up to?

Yes she comes from an abusive background. Her mother died in childbirth...she was raised by an abusive stepmother (unavailable father). she quit school & ran away from home when she was 17. she has serious issues without a doubt and is WAY beyond just being flaky.

I would rather us not use my thread to attack each other...************EDIT********...its just not necessary...we've all had enough of that go on in our homes and heads...

That is so sad. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> As a mom, I can't even imagine behaving like that. Your wife is a hard case, CL....I'm really sorry for what you're going thru.

Lori

Actually, Amiwalsh, I didn't intend it as an attack *******edit************, and was trying to figure out whether that issue would be triggering her fears.

And CL, I do apologize for the thread wandering off-topic to a certain extent. It's a common thing with threads here, but if you'd prefer to stay more focused, that's absolutely fine with me.

Oh and... Pepperband is a "her," not a "him." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

J - please respect this and remove your nasty little dig out of your post!

CL - I'm glad for your courage in this situation. Sometimes providence delivers a gift that you've been given regarding custody. Sometimes biology or adoptions don't promise fitness for parenthood.

CL, Pep is a she. And I agree with her...as always <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

KaylaAndy, as I said, it is not a nasty little dig. I am trying to understand Pep's fears. If she'd prefer to start another thread and leave CL's alone, that would be fine with me. Of if she'd like to end the conversation here, that's fine with me, too.

I am not saying there shouldn't be an open dialogue here - but your post did read like a dig at PepperBand - (who is a she <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> my apologies Pep) - but there was definite sarcasm in tone...which is not necessary....or helpful.

Then I apologize to you and to Pep, CL. No sarcasm was intended in my original post; I would truly like to know the answer to my question.

I saw you pulled it from your post...thanks. You mean your question to pep about fear correct?

CL, I believe that the moderators have cleaned up the problem, rather than me. That's fine; apparently Pep does not want to address the question. And yes, I did mean my question about Pep's fears.

CL,

Just got back from an extended holiday and WOW have things progressed or what?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Good for you!

Stay dark and work on yourself.

And I would not let those whack jobs near your D or try to scare you into anything.

Oh, and by the way, I'm a dude, dude.

k

thanks dude!

let's talk about you for awhile

how are you doing?

are you

eating right?
sleeping well enough?
getting exercise?

are you taking good care of yourself too?

Pep

hey pep - thanks for the inquiry...yes i am doing ok...eating, sleeping - not so much on the exercise...but D keeps me running...by the time we are done our evening - i am exhausted from work and baby - so i crash pretty hard.

I DID have a message from WW on home phone today...she left it when she knew i wouldn't be here...she could have called cell or work and got me but so it goes....

anyway she said:

Hi - its me....i was waiting to hear from you...i haven't heard from you but i wanted you to know that whenever you wanted to talk you should call me, or text me, or whatever.

i love and care about you very much and i love and care about D very much and want to know how she is....there are just things i can't do right now.

she states she is staying at a friends and not with Op. and that there are things we need to talk about - she knows this...so i should call her when i am ready....whenever i am ready - tomorrow - next week - whenever...

whatcha folks think about this one?

i talked to a work buddy of hers and she says - everyone knows whats going on - but WW shrugs it off and acts like nothing is going on...covert until she won't look bad.

I see how conflicted she is

be the lighthouse

Pep

what do i even say? when do i contact ? i thought i should wait a day or so???

Re-center, CL...

You're getting consumed by her again...breathe. Are you in Plan B? Are you dark? I thought you cancelled her cell phone?

If you are in Plan B, then you wouldn't have gotten that call...because it would have gone through a neutral third party...protected you from her voice, her self-deception and her turmoil...which are all hers, not yours.

Can you get the third party in place to email her? Your Plan B letter would be your answer...if you choose.

The way back...your boundaries...your love...your truth...that's the lighthouse. You stay dark...change your number if you must...cancel her cell...she can write to you or go through the third party.

My suggestions...Plan B is an act of love...for yourself and your marriage...good to know you're eating and sleeping well...share your fun with us of being with your daughter...one thing I found very difficult was not having that witness to the poignant and silly moments...

LA