I was just joking about the ramera BTW. I don't recommend using either term on our WWs. What was the term that Juanillo 23 used in Conair? Maranita? I don't know what that one means so I definitely would not us it.

The eighth and final time I talked with WW telephonically Thursday night, she said she wanted us to get back together. At dinner the next day, she said she wanted to be on her own and that we can never get back together because I cannot forget her affair, which she didn't really have anyway, and that she cannot accept that I abandoned her and betrayed her through exposure.

She shared with me that best friend is doing everything to convince her to D me and second best friend is persuading her to R. My guess is that she talked to 2BF before calling the last time Thursday night and she talked to BF just before last night's dinner.

Can you hit a moving target?

My bet is she will R if you are willing to accept that the A was your fault. She is negotiating - or trying to anyway - and you wan't cooperate. If the A was your fault, she has nothing to be guilty of. The infermities are pawns in the game. You offer tumor, she offers OM's impotence. She is trying to find a way that she can save face.

It is borderline insane BTW but that is how it looks to me.

BTW, WW told me that when she sold the house she held a garage sale. A little background on WW's garage sale prowess is in order. Many years ago, she decided that my stereo system was too obtrusive for 18th century decor. She sold my Marantz 2270 receiver for five dollars! Five dollars. She also sold a professional level handheld CB radio that my Mother gave me for two dollars. Garage sale people love my WW.

Remember the doll collection? She had one doll that was a large one, in fact, life sized. Everyone hated that doll because its eyes looked authentic. It reminded me of a Twilight Zone episode in which Telly Savalas mistreated his DD's doll. The doll talked and one day it said to Savalas: My name is talking Shiela....and I am going to kill you. Of course, later the doll scared Savalas and he fell down the stairs to his death.

WW paid $350.00 for that doll in 1990. It was supposed to be an "investment grade" doll. She sold it for $50.00. Less than 24 hours later, the new owner was found dead at the bottom of the stairs.

WW told me she sold all my books. My books were a source of joy for me. I had many first editions from noteworthy authors. She probably sold them for $0.50 each. She also sold my CD and DVD collection. She did not sell any of my guitars. She is still alive. As she put it, when you abandon your spouse and leave your stuff behind, that spouse has the right to sell everything.

I am a vindictive SOB. Mark my words here and now: I will sell every doll in her GWTW collection. Now, they should be good investments. I will take the money and replace my book collection as best I can. She has no idea the impact of her selling my books. I feel like a part of me has died.

DS3, a/k/a "the relentless one" just called. He is trying to get WW and I to go with him to view his home under construction. He wants me check the work quality. He wants WW there for obvious reasons. He even tried to plan dinner with us afterwards. I told him no. That dinner last night was more than enough for a while. He will not stop. I taught him well in that regard.

Pio, forgot to mention. Last night, WW told me that she had not been happy in our marriage for over twenty yesrs. She also has not loved me for over twenty years. She said in fact, she now understands that she didn't love me when she married me, that she felt obligated. And you said only historians could revise history.

Why did your mother make you pay her two dollars when she gave you the radio. Wasn't it supposed to be a gift?



All WW's say that. You know that already. I said only historians could rewrite history and get away with it. WW's rewrite history - they just can't get away with it.

Let her stew. Avoid contact. Leave her in the oven a while longer. Right now she is only half-baked.

Todd,

I would suggest you to concentrate on the basic things you need to consider getting back to your marriage.

You could write a letter to her explaining what do you need from her...

- Stop all relationships or friendships with men, specially OM.

- To go to MC, maybe you would like to try the Harley's, Steve or Jenny*, because of their understanding of the affair dynamic.

- A trial separation with dates and outings with out presure for both parts but without any of you dating anyone else.

The letter could also explain to her that you could forgive her affair or affairs as long as you have the opportunity to heal from it. You could introduce the concept of radical honesty and asure her that you are ready to start an improved relationship with her as long as she has the intention to commit to the marriage and to understand the impact of her past acctions and to take responsability for them.

You don't have to take responsability or accept blame from exposing or leaving the house... But you can earn some points by showing empathy, maybe showing her to have empathy. You can say -I understand the distress exposure caused you. - I can see how you felt lonely when the tornado happen. Etc.

If you have the proves of her affair you could show them to her, so she has no doubt that you know what went on.

You don't have to fight with her or try to convince her of your point of view...

If she says she doesn't like therapist, you can tell, Yes, I know you don't like them but I ask you to consider it for my sake.

You can validate her feelings without agreeing with them. Then she doesn't have to fight to make her 'feelings' understood.

Many posts ago you said your WW had problems seeing you ill, maybe that's part of her lack of empathy? If she doesn't mention it she doesn't have to face the severity of it or the pain it caused you and she can pretend that you are the strong man she married to.

You can also tell her that if both of you would get together again you would expect her understanding and caring during your recovery process and that you need to be able to talk to her about your illness.

That kind of letter would be like a pre B letter in which you show her what do you need to reconsider the end of your marriage. You have a right to demand NC and honesty but also you can offer somethings in there to make it easier for her to consider your demands.

I sincerely hope that it's not too late for her and that she can give a turn soon.

You could also ask her how does she imagine you could both be together again. What's her propousal...

Just some ideas Todd, what do you think?

I just read about the books...

Tell her you changed the titles of your stocks and will !

I agree. Fun with [censored] and Jane and See Spot Run were probably worth a lot of money now!

I have just finished reading Bill Bryson's book "The life and times of the Thunderbolt Kid" about growing up in Des Moines in the 50s. He writes very amusingly about [censored] and Jane. I grew up with them as well. He found them a totally alien family, in fact he was sure they were aliens. If that's from an American, can you imagine what it was like for a kid from NZ where TV hadn't yet arrived and it was her first look at Americans?

Have any of you heard of Bill Bryson?

BTW, that was very funny, Pio. As was the CB radio for two dollars, as was the rash.

Perhaps you should warn people who aren't aware of your sense of humour. Perhaps put "warning, joke ahead".

I have nothing to add to either yours or Todd's situations. I don't think I know enough about your wives' culture enough to comment.

I still have a [censored] and Jane book but I forget the title since it has been in storage so long. It reads pretty much like the original books and is illustrated in the same way and has a similar binding. In this book, [censored] and Jane are married and Jane does Amway and is a double diamnod jubilee. Oddly enough I think [censored] and Sally MAY be having an affair but I can't remember for sure. It was a present from my sister.

As far as humor goes, not many people read this thread anyway.

BTW, the black and white referee shirt was almost a good idea for settling arguments between the DDs but unfortunately I forgot to do one thing.

which was.....?

attach the whistle....?

No. I forgot to BUY the whistle.

So, basically, you're just a guy wearing a black and white striped shirt.

I don't know why it is but both girls always want to play the same Gameboy game at exactly the same time - regardless of which game it is. I am trying "jump Gameboy game" but DD1 always seems to get the tip due to her height advantage. Tomorrow I am going to start jumping drills with DD2 so she can build up her vertical leap.

Well, er, when you put it that way...yes.

LOL, the perils of modern life (and having 2 DD's who compete for the same toy - luckily, having a boy and a girl they weren't really interested in the same stuff).

When I had my DD, one of my g/f's came to visit me in the hospital and said "YOU would have one of each, wouldn't you."

I thought that was rather a nasty remark.

I just started watching Separate Lies. I'll let you know how it turns out later.

Great choice. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

We watched The Clearing last night. It was on so we watched it. Whaddya know - another infidelity film.

I've never heard of Des Moines let alone Bill Bryson.