Todd - Those matters are NEVER the subject of a POJA. They are pre-requisites for recovery and reconcilliation and as such are rightly non negotiable and eminently reasonable.

Thanks BigK. I am happy to hear that they are not part of POJA.

That is a tad convolluted dude. First, you should not turst your WW in any way shape or form. Big mistake if you do. Second, the only way you can ensure that she never has another affair is a) go into recovery and b) ensure you are meeting her EN's. Eventually you may learn to trust her again but blind trust is gone forever.

If I place trusting my WW as a precondition to recovery, I might as well get divorced now.

s for the rest, you are requiring radical honesty, total transparency and absolute NC. Those three are givens. Counseling is a bonus but a reasonable one.



You do realize that it takes two of you right? I mean, I know you are Superman and all that but seriously.

I suggest you email your terms to WW. Let there be no confusion.



ToddAC,

Your WW is Latina, Catholic, raised in a strict family. Assuming she is out of the fog, how do you expect her to deal with it? I ask this because I have a similar dilemma with my WW. Is it denial or coping behavior? How does someone face the fact that they committed a mortal sin, betrayed their family and faith and became a puta?

I wouldn't make acceptance a prerequisite for R. I would demand the other three and work this one out in counseling. Give her some time. From what others have said, it might be a year or more before you and her are on the same page with this one.

Morning menu is solved: crushed Oreo omelettes. I am going to write a book for all single fathers.

The same night that DS3 became so upset, WW decided to get plastered. She called me, crying, and repeating over and over that she hates what she did to our family. Now recall, sober, it was all my fault because I exposed. IOW, no exposure, no problems. At least for her. Albeit her confession was from a drunken tongue, it is still a positive sign. But, smart money says that if I talk to her this weekend, and she is sober, it will again become my fault.


A year? Geez. Don't know. Hey, I am lost honestly. When you say you wouldn't make acceptance a prerequisite for R. Acceptance of the conditions? Or what?

in vino veritas

Pijo: Sorry for not being up on your situation...the thread is too long for me to get any sense of what is happening. It is the new "idiotville"...congrtaulations on that.

What is the cliff notes version? Are you and the Cheating wife back and working it out? How was the trip to Florida?

Lem

Lemonman,

Disneyworld was great in the sense of a family vacation. Plan was for WW to go to Mexico at the end and we go to Houston. DD1 kicked up huge fuss at the airport. Miami police got involved and would not allow us to separate in Miami, WW begged to go to Houston. We went to Houston. She was being very nice. I was being very depressed. I ahd looked forward to being away from her. I sucked it up and lived with it. After about a week she got sad and told me she was homesick for Mexico. I lost it and told her to get out and go to Mexico. We bought her a ticket and she left. We were in USA without her about a week and then came back.

Except for a few procedural emails initially, I have insisted on NC with WW. I have adopted the attitude that this separation is permanent and I shut her out of my mind completely. I know the separation will not be permanent. In a few weeks I expect she will come back (as we agreed) and we will discuss our future(s). Beyind that I have no commitment.

I am a full-time single father and I do mean full-time. I don't expect much of anything to change until she comes back. She has until Oct 29th to return on her existing visa. I have no idea when she is planning to return. I hope it is not any time too soon.

The DDs are doing great. They don't have any idea that the separation is long-term because, at this moment, we don't really know. DD1 gets upset sometimes when she talks to mommy but as soon as she hangs up, she is fine again. Other times she is not bothered at all and most times she can't even be bothered to talk to mommy because mommy's calls cut into her play time with her friends due to time zone.

Did you know about the love letters and photos? They were a godsend. They killed OM for me. I now see the A clearly for what it was. I bought WW a Spanish version of The Road Less Traveled and told her she could not come back until she read it.

I have been asking myself the question whether I am happier with WW or without her. I am happier without her. For me to be willing to R, I will have to see significant changes upon her return. If that doesn't happen, I will buy her a one-way ticket to wherever she wants to go.

She is staying with SIL, SIL's OM and MIL in Mexico AFAIK. Beyond that, I have no knowledge of what she is doing and I really don't care. I feel totally free from her A and from her. I get lonely sometimes but I ask myself if WW being here would cure my loneliness. The answer is no. I do not want a WW in my life. If a potential FWW returns from Mexico, we will see. I have made no decision as to what will happen. I don't really care either way because it wouldn't make any difference if I did.

That is the Cliff notes version. I expect WW will come back in maybe 5 or 6 weeks.

Thanks for posting because I was really hoping to get your input.

That was never the intent. I told bigkahuna my reasons for the thread but, to quote Forrest Gump, "that's all I have to say about that".

Besides, we don't offer coffee. If you want coffee, stay with IV.

ToddAC,

Are you still up? DD2 is a little upset in the stomach. I think she ate too much Oreo omelette. Anyway, I am not sure what to do. Okay, I have put the lime in the coconut but I don't know what comes next. You have three sons. Any ideas?

Apart from Oreo, what else is in an oreo omelette Pio?

Is she reading RLT BTW?

You drink it all up.

Am I awake? Isn't that like asking if Big Ben is going to strike?

If Big Ben were in Paris, he would be striking constantly making demands like only having to keep time 5 hours a day, never on weekends and get 4 weeks off a year (paid).

As far as the Oreo omelette, eggs, cheese, crushed Oreos, a little bit of water (never use milk to stir the eggs). From there DD1 likes non-blue Skittles and a fruit roll-up on the inside. DD2 prefers chopped jalapenos with chipotle sauce and honey on top.

Is she reading LNPDA (Spanish version of TRLT)? I have no way of knowing.

Oops! almost forgot - they both like whipped cream on top.

If Big Ben were in Paris, it would have quit working a long time ago.

Who is it that got mad at us today for French bashing? Nams? Or someone else? Must have been Nams. She got mad about many things today. Yesterday, whenever. Did she inspire the discussion about yams versus sweet potatoes?

nams is (I think) neutral on the French bashing but she seems to defend the Dutch. It is Ahuman that is the francophile. She and Diane Lane have something in common.

There is another French apologist, luna. In fact, doesn't she live in Quebec? And previously lived in France? And is from Italy? Or do I have the sequence messed up?

Nams is sensitive to the wooden shoe. I don't get it. We've shown them the leather shoe and they keep wearing the wooden shoe. It is analogous to chop stix that the Chinese use. We've shown them the fork...but they insist on using those chopstix.

Back to French bashing? Tsk, tsk.

Yeah, I missed you'll too.

hey larousse,

How are you?

Hey, are you a good cook?

If so, wanna share a recipe for a main dish? I am hungry.

I'm eating pizza, lol.

I'm fine, ty Todd, how are you?

I know some dishes but must of them have some Mexican ingredient in them. Like the Chicken poblano, it's made with chicken sans bones, chile verde chilli, cream and corn. Chile verde is the big Mexican chilli, that is usually stuffed of meat or cheese, it's used also in stripps, stripps of cebolla with stripps of the chile verde and cream, one tortilla and you have a taco.