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Todd would you ask for the song Mujeres Divinas? Let me know if you do it. Divine Women. I like it. You bet larousse. BTW, I do think women are divine. I bet it is a great song. Trust me, when Pio's DD's hit their teens, Pio will clean his shotgun constantly. All I can say is that God knew what he was doing when he gave me all sons. I remember when I used to pick up Father's daughters for dates. And I was one of the good guys. Yeah, right! I had one father chase me down the street because I brought his daughter home late. At 4:00 am. And drunk as a skunk. But hey, I was only 12. I didn't know better.
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Todd, from the mouth of Dr. Harley, 'Affairs are the deepest wound a BS can get, there is not justification for an affair but sometimes there are reasons for one'. Harley is very clear in stating that he doesn't recomend reconcilation per se but that he discovered that many times the couples themselves asked him for a reconcilation plan. Knowing that forgiveness is so hard to achieve he says that he doesn't advocates that in his plan specifically. Instead he tells the WW or WS to compensate the BS. A reparation of the damage that in the long run would make the marriage better than it was before. And I completely agree with the above.
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Pio - I have no clue what ANY of us did to upset Kiwi. It's very unlike her to sulk like this. Maybe she has a life too?
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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This is the part of MB that I have the problem with. I am a minority of one so keep that in mind. Your WH made you unhappy but yet you didn't cheat. What is the difference? The difference is in how each of you process and act upon unhappiness. Some spouses feel a sense of entitlement. Others feel their affair is justified because they are unhappy. As my glorious WW put it: if you don't take care of your crops, someone else will. Nevermind I was flat on my back dying and in and out of the hospital. Even to this day, she feels suprememely confident that she was justified. Or so she says..............
Dr. Frank Pittman explains the concept of "you can make your spouse unhappy, but you can't make them unfaithful" extremely well. I would typically post a portion of an article he wrote, but it irritates Pio, so I will refrain this time. Why do you think this places you in a minority Todd? Gee I think everyone agrees with this for sure. Some people have really bad coping mechanisms and have an affair. DER.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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For the 1000th time, I am not disagreeing with any of that. For the record, I think it is a useless mental exercise at this point in the game and, once again, is your single greatest obstacle to wanting to R with your WW.
...
Dr. Harley simply says there is plenty of time to deal with that later - right now, let's just get the couple back together and then work out the details. I Don't see any conflict in the good doctors.
One does an autoposy of the A. The other saves the M. They are two people describing different facets of the same problem. Pio I 1000% agree with you. You've nailed it.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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I wanted to share this story for my gringo friends.
I friend of mine has a piece of land in a very remote are in the Cortes Sea, it's called Bahía de los Ángeles, almost at the middle of Baja California peninsula, to the West.
Well this location has had ups and downs since it was 'discovered' by Spanish misioners in the 17 century. After a miners boom in the early 1900's, with a French and a British colony, with wineries included, now it is a turistic spot for people with airplanes, money, time or just a pasion for hard to find paradises.
Along the years many Americans rented land there because until recent years they could not 'own' land in a beach. More Americans are settling there and as the conditions of survival are hard they tend to meddle with the local population.
Well, one of these gringos was coming to the town of Bahía the los Ángeles from a day in the inland and he hit and killed a buck, called Berrendo, there. He felt so guilty that he went to tell the local police about it. Then he went to my friend house to tell him what had happened. He was miserable. Later that night my friend and other of his friend decided to go look for the buck, to eat it of course, there were there in the middle of the night when they come across with the police officer, and then other people to whom the gringo had told about his accident, were there too. Realizing that it was crazy to justify why all of a suden all of them were there they decided to orginize the search and find the buck. They find it, they gave it to my friends friend, the more acomplished cooker and all went to sleep. They even joked about inviting the gringo to eat the buck with them that weekend.
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And for those concerned that I will become a bitter old man if I don't forgive, don't be concerned. I am very good at it. You don't think you're bitter now?
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Trust me, when Pio's DD's hit their teens, Pio will clean his shotgun constantly. All I can say is that God knew what he was doing when he gave me all sons. Boy can I relate to this. God gave me 3 sons for a reason.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Well, BigK, the only way I can say "hi" to you these days seems to be on someone else's thread, with most sincere apologies to Pio for the intrusionette. (it's only a small one, you see...) And an austere, genteel, MB gender-neutral "hello" to you, BigK.
t&l
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Thus far, I have a drummer and a guitarist (myself). Still looking for another guitarist, keyboards and bass. I know a great bassist, but he plays in a jazz band plus he plays in the symphony orchestra. Too bad.
Nonetheless, I have already launched my songwriting career. I am currently writing the lyrics to an song entitled, "You Can't Trust a Woman". I have the basic music set already and just need to fill in the verses and middle eight and I am set. Then fill in the band members. I hope to have an entire album written before our first practice.
Okay, I abandoned "You Can't Trust a Woman" for now. Way too personal at the moment. Wait until I get back from the mariachi and perhaps a Corona or two and I will finish it. Meanwhile, I just penned the second one. Nothing great. I wrote it in five minutes so keep your expectations low. This is not Jackson Browne or Bob Dylan; it is lite pop rock music. It is called "Again".
Again
Every time I try so hard to see
What is wrong with you and me
You just want to cry
Why should I even try?
I’ve been going round and round with you
I am dizzy don’t you feel it too?
No, you don’t feel anything it’s true
Why do you persist in being you?
(Middle Eight)
Happy times were when we didn’t try
We could look inside each other and cry
Now you got me wound up like a ball
And all I can do is cry, that’s all.
Again.
(lead guitar solo)
Every time I try too hard to see.
What there used to be with you and me.
I can’t focus my eyes.
I will never try
Again.
(Repeat and second and third stanzas and close)
As for the melody, I picture something moderate in tempo, melodic with some obvious sad overtones and a little syncopation because of the lyrics structure.
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Hi thndrnltng, your name is a little difficult to spell, lol. This is not Pio's thread, he says he has one but I've not seen it.
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Yes, I have some bitterness now. The point is, I will not keep it with me for long regardless of how R goes or doesn't go.
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Todd, I'm not qualified to comment the lyrics but I don't understand or like the word ball in there. Lol.
By the way, it seems creative efforts, as well as memory excercises, can do wonders to your brain. Also equilibrium, exercises where you teach yourself to use the hand you use less.
Last edited by larousse; 09/27/06 05:54 PM.
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Hi thndrnltng, your name is a little difficult to spell, lol. The name came from what I wanted to do to Neak's husband about the time all his affair feces hit her poor rotating blades. Actually, I had in mind more lightning than thunder, if the truth be told. LOTS of lightning. Fricaseed alien kabobs! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> But the name was kinda long to keep typing over and over...that's why I shortened it to t&l. I couldn't spell it either. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> This is not Pio's thread, he says he has one but I've not seen it. I think he's used all his thread in the effort to stitch his shredded life back together again. And more power to him, too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> And to you all, for that matter. Although you may have to use your own thread, if Pio is out. t&l
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thnrntng, thanks for making light about your id name.
Now that we are talking about lyrics, you have very good ones if I can remember correctly. You may share your talent in Todds new rock group.
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Oh great. Now another name to keep track of on this thread. At least we chased away MelodyLane. Welcome T&L - I have no idea why you think I am so hard to track down.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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I'm not sure my labor and delivery parodies (Puffy the Perineum [Puff the Magic Dragon], Put Your Foot on My Shoulder [Put Your Head on My Shoulder], Hemorrhoids [Feelings], etc.) would be quite such a welcome addition on this thread, as one might think... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
However, just for you, Larousse...
"Ain't no sunshine when she's one
And she wants her labor done...
Ain't no sunshine when she's two,
Going home, and mad at you.
Ain't no sunshine when she's three,
Longing for delivery...
Ain't no sunshine when she's four,
Mad as hops, can't take no more.
Ain't no sunshine when she's five,
And her mood just takes a dive...
Ain't no sunshine when she's six,
With those pains your drugs don't fix.
Ain't no sunshine when she's seven...
If it ain't he-l-l, it sure ain't heaven.
Ain't no sunshine when she's eight,
Wants to push, but not to wait.
Ain't no sunshine when she's nine,
Though her labor's going fine...
Ain't no sunshine when she's ten,
Hates your guts, won't push again.
No, no, no, no, no, no, blah, blah, blah.
t&l
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Oh great. Now another name to keep track of on this thread. Puh-leeze, BigK. Not so effusive and kissy-kissy. Someone might get the wrong idea......... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> t&l, retreating to the safety of her own pad, there on the feminine hygiene products aisle
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I have read too many BS posts accepting blame for the affair. That is wrong and it is much more than a mental exercise to those folks.
As for forgiveness, I am not very good at it, especially for such a fundamental wrong. Can I forgive one day? Yes. Will I forgive? Depends on WW. And I have read countless posts in which forgiveness is described as being for the benefit of Mr. Kite, no wait a minute, that's not right; being for the benefit of the BS. Bullhockey. That is mental gymnastics with folks trying to fool themselves. And for those concerned that I will become a bitter old man if I don't forgive, don't be concerned. I am very good at it. I think this is the biggest difference between me and you, Todd, and Pio. I forgive my H for his A. I don't think you guys are there yet. Forgive me if I'm wrong. I have accepted responsibility for my actions that led him astray and am working on them, not so he'll come back, but for myself, because I wasn't a happy person and I am now. If he were to want to come back, my biggest issue with him would not be forgiveness, but trust. How could I ever trust him again? I talked to my mom today and she also brought up a good point that I need to think long and hard about: I've been fine since WH moved out, I haven't cried in 3 weeks (except last night, a little), I'm not angry about what he's done. Is it really him per se that I want back, or is it the concept of being married? I think I know the answer, but maybe not. Time will tell.
BS (me)-26
WH-27
Dday-August 2006
0 kids
Married 4 years
NC established 1-26-07
status-working on it
"Sometimes, I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough...but I'll stand back up."
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Oh great. Now another name to keep track of on this thread. At least we chased away MelodyLane. Dream on, you foreign devil! It takes more than that to chase off a Texan!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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