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No. I just don't have the energy for hatred, anger or resentment yet. I know I should be feeling all of these things, but I don't. huh? that has nothing to do with "forgiveness," Steph. It is quite normal and healthy to feel anger at injustice, though. That has nothing to do with forgiveness. I guess, maybe instead of forgiving him, I'm not holding it against him...does that make sense? Do you mean that you are WILLING TO FORGIVE him?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes, I mean I am WILLING TO FORGIVE HIM.
I just figured that I wouldn't be able to forgive him yet (or willing to forgive him) if I were angry at him. That's what I meant.
BS (me)-26
WH-27
Dday-August 2006
0 kids
Married 4 years
NC established 1-26-07
status-working on it
"Sometimes, I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough...but I'll stand back up."
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That makes more sense. You can forgive him [when appropriate] and you should be angry at him. He has mistreated you. You will probably be angry for a very long time, that is PART OF a healthy, normal recovery.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I know what he has done is awful and the ultimate disrespect, but does it make me a doormat to him if I never get angry? Does he need to see me angry? Or, will that push him further away and into divorce?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not deliberately keeping myself from being angry for that reason, I'm just wondering.
BS (me)-26
WH-27
Dday-August 2006
0 kids
Married 4 years
NC established 1-26-07
status-working on it
"Sometimes, I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough...but I'll stand back up."
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Hi y'all!
Todd you're a gentleman because you looked at my idea of managing artists, gave it some thoughtful discussion & responed with a thank you. Sweet & gentlemanly.
Tonight I was at a fund raising event for the cooperative gallery where I sell my work. Area restaurants donated soups, bakeries bread & the artists bring the desserts. We sell bowls (not made by potters) which people fill with soup as often as they like. We have art work people bid on in a silent auction. Great soup (my favorite food) & it's fun to see most of the members.
Lots of people came & there were plenty of people helping out. The auction goes on for 3 weeks or so then we have a party on the last day for bidding. We'll see. Most of my work received bids which is nice.
No time for chatting. I want sleep. G'night.
Formerly nam
here since 07/31/03
coastal, CT
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I know what he has done is awful and the ultimate disrespect, but does it make me a doormat to him if I never get angry? Does he need to see me angry? Or, will that push him further away and into divorce?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not deliberately keeping myself from being angry for that reason, I'm just wondering. Do you feel angry? Maybe you don't feel angry at all right now. Many don't at this point. But if it does come, you don't have to hide it. You just have to channel it in a positive way without lovebusters. Anger is not a bad thing, it is a healthy response to injustice.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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gone. I'm shy.
Last edited by nams; 09/28/06 07:24 PM.
Formerly nam
here since 07/31/03
coastal, CT
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WH just called me. He wanted to know what I found out from the lawyer today. I told him what she said and he's OK with everything! He honest to God wants this divorce!!!!
Now I'm crying for the 2nd day in a row. How pathetic am I.
I'm tired of talking to him and getting upset every time.
As predicted, nothing I said last night got through.
BS (me)-26
WH-27
Dday-August 2006
0 kids
Married 4 years
NC established 1-26-07
status-working on it
"Sometimes, I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough...but I'll stand back up."
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I never actually had a lot of anger Stef. At first I felt like I deserved it. Eventually, I realised no one deserves it. Every marriage has problems but an affair was a choice by the WS. Took me a few weeks to get that.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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WH just called me. He wanted to know what I found out from the lawyer today. I told him what she said and he's OK with everything! He honest to God wants this divorce!!!!
Now I'm crying for the 2nd day in a row. How pathetic am I.
I'm tired of talking to him and getting upset every time.
As predicted, nothing I said last night got through. Remember what I told you: talk is cheap with a WS. You are crying over the words of a confused, falling down drunk. Go by his ACTIONS, not his words! What he said is nothing more than classic WS FOGBABBLE. Go eat a peach and quit your crying, hon. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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It's hard to remember that when I'm talking to him and he's willing to do whatever it takes to get a divorce and doesn't even sound like he feels bad, which I know he doesn't right now, but it doesn't make it hurt less.
He isn't taking any actions, good or bad.
BS (me)-26
WH-27
Dday-August 2006
0 kids
Married 4 years
NC established 1-26-07
status-working on it
"Sometimes, I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough...but I'll stand back up."
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Snif* no one has asked for any of MY parody songs.
Well, all right, if you insist. You all know It's a Small World, right?
"Flard's Dino Land"
by Neak, age approx 14
*Inspired by actual events*
It's a world of land mines and kitty poops,
Fla-ard stuck his hand in and then said "Oops,"
It is riddled with all kinds of kitty gloops,
In Flard's Dino Land.
Chorus:
Kitties love Flard's Dino Land,
Much more than they like their sand,
Flard, he tries to have them banned,
From his Dino Land.
Well, whaddya think? Broadway, here I come!
Okay, well yes, I guess I can kind of see that, but....but.....but......fine then! I can tell you don't want to hear Mom's and my duet rendition of "Mammaries (All Alone in the Moonlight)" either.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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If he is so willing to "get a divorce" then why hasn't he filed?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Agree with ML Stef - let him file. You do marriage remember? And stop having pointless conversations with him about divorce. Let your lawyers do that
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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If he is so willing to "get a divorce" then why hasn't he filed? Because A) he doesn't think he can yet. And I didn't realize until today that he can. I thought the only grounds he could file under is irreconsilable (sp?) differences and in IL, a 6 month separation is necessary first. My lawyer told me today that he could file today under mental cruelty if he wanted. IL is not a no-fault divorce state. I didn't tell him that tonight. And B) he can't afford it. My parents are paying for my divorce, but he doesn't have that luxury. And he doesn't really like to deal with things, he would rather me do it and him follow my lead. Which, if this does happen, will benefit me. I so don't want this!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
BS (me)-26
WH-27
Dday-August 2006
0 kids
Married 4 years
NC established 1-26-07
status-working on it
"Sometimes, I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough...but I'll stand back up."
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Todd would you ask for the song Mujeres Divinas? Let me know if you do it. That song title is slightly wrong. larousse, the corect title is "mujeres ... ¿adivinas?"
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Don't sweat over something that has not happened. You have enough to worry about!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Agree with ML Stef - let him file. You do marriage remember? And stop having pointless conversations with him about divorce. Let your lawyers do that My lawyer advised the same thing as well...let him file if he wants it and I don't. I didn't call him, he called me and wanted to know what I found out. I just told him the bare essentials. I didn't want to have this conversation.
BS (me)-26
WH-27
Dday-August 2006
0 kids
Married 4 years
NC established 1-26-07
status-working on it
"Sometimes, I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough...but I'll stand back up."
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with most sincere apologies to Pio for the intrusionette. You have always been invited to post here. I think you must be still upset that I still have you on my ignore list. That wasn't specifically your fault. You simply got caught by the "no vowels" rule.
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See it's like magic. ML is like Lemmonman - speak her name and she appears. Did you ever see the movei "Candyman"? Where you said that 5 times looking into the mirror and he would appear with his hook hand and gut you? I think there was at least one sequel. [looking into mirror] lemonman... lemonman... lemonman... lemonman... le
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