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piojitos #1695298 11/14/06 02:12 AM
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The lowest speed I can get is about 2000 RPM and I am having trouble keeping the clay off the walls. It is a really messy hobby.


LMAO.

Quite a visual. I am sure booka has an apron you can use.

2regret #1695299 11/14/06 02:13 AM
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Beth - I will find the Harley quote. I totally disagree with MEDC on this issue. He is out of step with Dr Harley.


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
booka #1695300 11/14/06 02:17 AM
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booka,

You need to read your post over and over again. You are a troubled man and need to examine your life and yourself. Your post is offensive on so many levels.

ToddAC #1695301 11/14/06 02:26 AM
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Glad you said that Todd. I was beginning to think I was in the minority on that one.


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
bigkahuna #1695302 11/14/06 02:31 AM
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BigK,

If you could find the article for me that would be great. But I'm not too sure I will be signing up for that school of thought!

I've been married 21 years - It's over two already since I have enjoyed a man. I'm only 40 not 80! You are suggesting I wait another 4 years! I'm even jealous of the hamsters. Have some pity...

Todd,

I don't think Pio mentioned how he broke his toe. I bet it will be a good story though.

Beth

bigkahuna #1695303 11/14/06 02:32 AM
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Hey BigK,

No, you are not in a minority at all. His latest post really pissed me off. As far as I am concerned, if he wants to continue posting on TKO, he needs to get real. Of course, it is not my thread, but I cannot tolerate that kind of nonsense.

ToddAC #1695304 11/14/06 02:35 AM
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Beth,

Being married for 24 years I understand. I doubt I could wait 5 years either but now is definitely too soon by at least 12 months I would say. And you ARE still Legally married.


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
2regret #1695305 11/14/06 02:36 AM
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Beth, FWIW, I do understand. Chew your knuckles off, then your knees, toes and elbows. Then, you have the right to talk, lol.

bigkahuna #1695306 11/14/06 02:36 AM
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I mean lets face it - you would be attracted to a tree at the moment if it waved at you. You are not in an emotionally healthy place IMO. 12 months minimum post divorce would be my thoughts.


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
bigkahuna #1695307 11/14/06 02:41 AM
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Todd - Booka's posts are a reason I have been doing a bit more skimming and a little less posting here.


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
ToddAC #1695308 11/14/06 03:42 AM
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Of course, it is not my thread, but I cannot tolerate that kind of nonsense.


Have we ever been able to decide whose thread it is anyway? last I heard, larousse decided it was hers and wasn't open to any discussion about the matter. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

bigkahuna #1695309 11/14/06 03:53 AM
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Booka's posts are a reason I have been doing a bit more skimming and a little less posting here.

So you've been posting in a witheringish effort, eh? Try to impress ME with all your big words.

BTW, in some southern states dating your sister/cousin before you are divorced isn't even illegal.

Todd,

With my 2000 rpm minimum speed, I have discovered that getting the center of mass of the clay correctly positioned is extremely important. This is definitely a learning experience. At first I didn't have clay so experimented with Playdoh. It just flew right off. It doesn't really stick to much of anything except clothes and ceilings.

Hey I got to watch EDtv last night. I haven't seen it in years and had been hoping to see it again. I had forgotten what it was really about. What I saw was the entire USA rooting (excuse me - cheering) for Ed to get involved with his brother's girlfriend. So everyone wanted her to cheat on her boyfriend and Ed to betray his brother.

Then we find out Mom dumped Dad because of an A and, when Dad shows up, Mom cheats on OM with Dad (and Dad dies of course). So the whole movie was about infidelity and the entire USA national TV audience loving every bit of it. Funny I didn't remember that from the first time I saw it.

piojitos #1695310 11/14/06 04:14 AM
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2regret,

I have seen that before about the toe and it is what I told WW in the words I was able to squeak out between my tears and anguished crying. There isn't really much you can do for a little toe AFAIK. WW is having a luncheon for 10 Latinas today at the house and spent all day yesterday cooking. Of course she wants the yard to look nice and we had recently expanded the garden so I have been digging holes in gravel all week.

Keep in mind we live in the desert. The yards are watered but the waste areas around the houses are covered in gravel to minimize maintenance. These houses have been here since about 1983 and the gravel, having been replaced over the years, is now about 3 feet thick. So WW had a truckload of sand brought in and dumped it over the gravel. The sand is about 4 inches thick. It looks great but to plant anything, you have to dig. If you have never dug in gravel (settled with years of sand and dirt), I can tell you that it is extremely difficult to do. I dug approx 30 holes in the gravel to plant 30 cacti (cactusesesus?). WW just kept buying more cacti so I dug more holes. Then I went yesterday to the Jebels to get really big rocks to accent her garden. I fell yesterday in a sand dune while carrying a rock and hurt my leg and scrapped up my arm. Let's keep in perspective that I hate gardening. I get back and she has had yet more sand delivered. I ntice that the trees need pruning so I do that so her yard will look nice all the while she is in cooking. Did you know you can make baking powder from baking soda? That saved me a trip to the store.

So I did homework for DD1 after I picked her up from art class. I got them ready for bed and in bed. WW still in the kitchen. DD1 has bad cough and is vomiting so I get out of bed to take care of her because WW is still in the kitchen. I go downstairs to get her some water. WW asks what is wrong with DD1. I tell her. She says "oh". I turn back around to go up the stairs and four of my toes go on one side of a wooden trunk that WW has placed decoratively at the base of the stairs and my little toe decides to take the road less traveled. WW comes out to see what is wrong. She assesses the situation and goes back to cooking. I crawl up the stairs and give water to DD1. DD2 is sound asleep in her bed with her arm around her library book that WW had promised to read to her before she went to bed. I get DD1 to bed and crawl back to my bed and get in and discover that our sheets suddenly weigh 30 lbs when they weren't nearly so heavy hours earlier. Maybe it is more than 30 lbs because I can't understand the tremendous pressure they are able to exert on my throbbing foot. I do learn that there is absolutely no way I can position my body to prevent this pulsating pain from emanating from my foot. At some point, WW came to bed.

About the gardening, all the while I am working even in the moonlight with nothing but a drop light to illuminate the ground I am working on, I am telling myself that this is all so that WW can show off her garden to her friends for her perfect Brie luncheon that I won't get to sample one morsel from and I am wondering what is wrong with this picture. I cancelled golf both days this last weekend so I could work on that garden. I have spent the last 5 days NOT meeting my EN's.

piojitos #1695311 11/14/06 08:17 AM
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Pio. sounds like you need a hobby, other than G's gardening, to keep D talk from flying out of your mouth. Though it sounds like you've done everything right regarding your "wheel", pottery just may be too frustrating for you at this point. After all, with clay control is something of an illusion. You & the clay work together, you can't push it past its limits without it falling apart & you're left with a lump.

Not everyone can forgive an affair & the behavior surrounding that & move on into a loving relationship. That doesn't make you wrong or bad, just human. While I agree love is a verb, feelings need to accompany the actions & I'll bet sometimes the damage done has been too much for that to happen despite our best efforts. If the other person doesn't do their share, & more, doesn't that leave resentment?

Sounds like you've been meeting G's ENs very well yet she isn't meeting yours. Perhaps you need to talk about that rather than D with her. Maybe this is why you didn't want to post R stuff, the advice that follows. Tee, hee.


Formerly nam here since 07/31/03 coastal, CT
piojitos #1695312 11/14/06 08:53 AM
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Can you someone please tell me the name of the site where I have pictures uploaded?

Thanks in advance.

nams #1695313 11/14/06 08:54 AM
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Hi Beth,

I was married 21 years also so for me the 1 for 5 rule would also mean not dating for more than 4 years. Don't think so. There is a big difference between dating & dating with looking for a new partner in mind.

Emotional health is critical but there are levels of readiness. Being clear you're dating to get out & be with men other than the one you've spent 21 years with is quite different than sizing a date up for a relationship.

My opinion regarding dating before the papers for D are completed & signed vary on what went on in your relationship & for how long. Again, emotional health is critical.

For example, those who have been on the battlefield of infidelity or trying to save their marriage for, say a year or more, have more experience with evaluating the health of their marriage & its chances for survival. They have also been forced to evaluate themselves & their behavior in the process. This is assuming MB types not those with their heads firmly up their ...

From this evaluation & work comes emotional health. Who's to say it will take you 4 plus years to be in a position to spend time with a man on a date? Who's in a better position than you & your could be ex to evaluate the chances for your marriage to continue?

If on the other hand, if you're running out the door looking for sex (booka, are you reading) because you miss a man (booka, in your case a woman) in your bed, well, that's unhealthy.

Just because it's written doesn't mean it applies to all. It may take some people 4years it may take some more, it may also take others less.

Is it fair, is it moral? This is a very personal thing to determine. Mental & emotional health are key as is the effort put into saving your marriage.

In booka's case, sorry to keep using booka as an example here, but it does illustrate a point. It appears he did much work trying to repair his marriage without his WW being on board. This didn't work out for them which isn't much of a surprise, it does take two to save a marriage. But is he ready to date just because the D is finally going ahead? IMO no because he's skip a bunch of necessary steps. He seems to have flipped a switch that goes from married to single without anything in between. People will get hurt & I'm hoping it's not his daughter.

In my case we had one year of fake recovery then a year & a half of separation before the D was final. ex was out of the house for a year & a half. I felt I'd done a lot of the necessary work, both on my own & with a IC to date with the intention of just spending time with someone other than the man I'd been married to for 21 years. Was I relationship material? No. Date material if we were both clear I'm wasn't looking for a relationship? Yes. Am I ready now? I think I'm ready to consider a relationship.


Formerly nam here since 07/31/03 coastal, CT
bigkahuna #1695314 11/14/06 09:03 AM
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If you would rather I didn't post here, I will gladly cease.


Me: 48 XW: 44 DD: 15
Lived Together: 7 Married: 18 Total: 25 years
W announced divorce 11-3-2006, I moved out 11-7-2006, served papers 11-8-2006. Divorce final 12-19-2006. Life gets better every day.
booka #1695315 11/14/06 09:08 AM
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booka, I think people are trying to point out to you that your behavior seems impulsive, among other things.

You have jumped so quickly from married, trying to work on the relationship, one sided it appears, to single. Without actually being single.

There is an in between that is very important to recognise.


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nams #1695316 11/14/06 09:11 AM
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Good morning Todd!

I'm off to gallery sit this morning, doing my share of the cooperative gallery responsibility of keeping the doors open. Very important if we want people to buy our work.


Formerly nam here since 07/31/03 coastal, CT
booka #1695317 11/14/06 09:17 AM
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If you would rather I didn't post here, I will gladly cease.
Booka,
Please continue to post.....you post things, knowing that people might bash you but you post the truth..........Not something everyone may want to here but it IS the truth and it WILL be a learning experience for you and I as well as others here.
If you screw up you admit it.

I've learned from you so please stick around.....Besides, if you mess up then I'll know what not to do <grin>

JS


Me 44
WW 32
S 12 D 8 S 5
M 12yrs
W Moved out 07/22/06
ww served me divorce papers 10/04/06

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