Mel, Bit, and Send,

Thanks again for your help.

I do have access to the computer at home as it is just a family computer. It is nothing to fancy and we only have a dial up connection.

I know she pays most of the bills electronicly. I never see the actual printed versions, I really never have asked to see any of them or questioned where they are. If I ask right now, I am afraid it may tip her off. I earn the money and she spends it! It wasnt always this way, I used to do it and she took it over to lift the burdon from me as I work alot of hours. I do have access to the online checking account records. I do peek in there periodically.

I am not that great on computers. My biggest fear with loading the keylogger software is messing the computer up. Are they complicated to load? I thought the plug in hardware keylogger might be the easier one for me to install considering that I am pretty much computer illiteret.

Mel, I will email you and hear your idea.

Thanks everyone!

Melody Lane stated that 20 year old men do hook up with 40 year old women.

How true, my sister has been living with her boy toy for the last couple of years. She is 50 and he is in his early twenties.


k.d.'s heartbreak

Hey Torn-up,

There is a really good spyware by spectorsoft called EBlaster. I use it. Got me all the proof I needed and then some. Actually found out more than I wanted to know, so please be prepared,
Here is the link:
http://www.spectorsoft.com/products/eBlaster_Windows/entry.asp?affil=479
You could use a family members credit card and pay them back so there is no record to you. You can download it right from the web site. If you don't want her to know, be sure to install in stealth mode.

Good Luck!
MyBad

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Your actions speak so loud I can't hear what you say
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Thanks MyBad,

That looks like a good one!

Your welcome my friend,
Just think, your very own virtual PI and for a lot less $$$$. I found it was worth every penny!

Best to you and your quest for the truth!
Keep us posted, I would be interested to know if what you suspect is correct. The signs sure are there.

MyBad
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Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
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Hi all,

The W has been nice the last few days until last night. She was just "cold", I asked her if everything was alright, she said she was tired. I have been plan "A"ing the heck out of her. Nothing major happened, no LB's, when she said she was just tired I left it at that.

Well good news, I finally got a keylogger software loaded on the computer(Thanks to a certain LEGAND on this site, You know who you are!). I set it up to email me once a day. Is that about right? Im not sure what the emails will look like yet(I just loaded it last night) hopefully I will be able to understand the script. I dont know if she has been on the computer yet today or not.

I am not really sure what the outcome of all this will be. I am very nervous right now, maybe I dont want to know. The day seems to be going very slow!

Have a great weekend!

I have discovered she has 5 different emails with the help of the keylogger. I have the password for three of them and have looked in there. I cant find anything except for jokes and letters regarding childrens activities etc.. For whatever reason I think she uses one of them as a place to store emails. I know this as she sent me an email and it had a weird email attached to it and I questioned what it was. She said "storage". The other one she has not accessed yet.

The computer is a "relic" it keeps locking up on her and the kids, and saying it is out of memory. There is plenty of hard drive space left on it. I am not sure, but I think it is running out of virtual memory after she has been on there awhile. Will a keylogger cause this? The computer will not complete a scandisc or a defrag. She called some computer person and he told her there could be spyware on there. I could see where she was looking into a spy sweeper program. I had to remove the keylogger, I did run a defrag and it passed. It took forever(over four hours) as she never runs it. I told her that was probably the reason it kept locking up. I hope she bought it.

I will wait a few weeks and try to put it back on to snoop a little more.

She has been pleasant this week except for when she gets off the computer, she is frustrated. OOps

I will keep on snooping!

Tu2

I am concerned that she is "frustrated" when she gets off the computer...get that back on there and if she finds it act stupid about it....

buy some RAM and install it yourself, it is pretty easy....that is what it sounds like to me..or even better, spend $500 on a new computer with that program on it....

There's something there that smells crappy....and underneath it all it'll be crap.....stay strong...

TornUp

Actually it is shocking advice. Follow it at your peril.

BigKahuna, please elaborate! Our recovery seems like it has fallen off the tracks during the last week or two and I find myself constantly offering this kind stuff, "what can I do better?", "what do I need to change?". Basically any time there is a hint that I'm not 100% happy, she blows her stack at me and I try to make the peace again; usually trying to figure out what I need to do.

I should have been more specific - The advice to not expose and not snoop is terrible advice. It's a staple of ending an affair.

Meeting EN's is of course the way of recovery and re-building love in a marriage along with eliminating Love Busters.

Dr Harley has 4 basic concepts

1. Rule of Care - meeting EN's
2. Rule of Protection - avoiding LB's
3. Rule of Time - 15 hours undivided attention per week
4. Rule of Honesty - Radical Honesty

Maybe you should start another thread to discuss these things and your specific situation.

TornUp, there may be some spyware on the computer that is bogging it down. Go to http://www.lavasoft.de/index.php and download Ad Aware Personal SE. It is free software and is an excellent spyware deterrent. It can remove most spyware from your computer.

And secondly, with computers being SO CHEAP, why dont you get a new computer and a DSL line??

Tornup-

ML is on the money. Go download Ad-aware and install it on your computer. Then do this:

1. Run a diskcleanup on your hardrive.
2. Re-run defrag on it.
3. Install and run anti-virus software if you haven't got it already.
4. Install Ad-Aware and run it.
5. Once it's removed all of the junk, install your keylogger, and re-run Ad-aware again.
6. When Ad-aware identifies your keylogger, add it to the list of 'safe' applications so that you don't get any computer generated alarms on it from Ad-aware.
7. If your computer is still bogged down, go through your startup files and see if you have lots of junk that might be killing your processor/memory.

You should be good to go after that.

If you have the passwords for a couple of your wife's email accounts, but not all, try using those passwords to access the email accounts you haven't gotten into yet. Also try variants of those same passwords. Most people only use a couple of passwords, so it's normally not hard to 'hack' other of their accounts.

Does your wife use any kind of IM software? If so, try those same passwords there too. Once you're in, look for a "enable archive" or "enable logging" feature, normally under preferences. You should be able to start saving log files that show BOTH sides of her conversations that way.

I wouldn't plan on using any of this in court...I don't know how 'legal' this would be...but it normally works to find out what you need to know.

Thanks Mel,

Do you mean the keylogger software I put on, or an additional spyware that may have already been on the computer?
Thats probably not good if she already has it on there.

Your right we should get a new computer, but it has always served its purpose for what we use it for. We are a single income family, and I am putting the wife through school right now. I try to get the most usage out of everything that we can. DSL would probably work much better than dial-up.

I will have to look into it.

Tu2

Owl,

I dont think she uses IM, I know she used to, but I dont see it on the computer anymore.

I will try all those things on the computer. I will see if I can hack into the other emails with the password to the other accounts.

Thank you!

The spyware that Mel was talking about was probably the kind of stuff you get off the internet...not something your wife would have installed. But all kinds of sites can install stuff on your computer...and Ad-aware is pretty good for cleaning that stuff up.

Doing what we'd suggested would not only improve your chances of having the keylogger on there with no other impacts, but make your system run better regardless. Just basic maintenance to help it keep going.

I mean spyware that was already present on your computer. Spyware is secretly inserted on your computer by various websites you visit. I am not thinking that your W put a keylogger on your computer. Do you see what I mean? So, when you run the Ad-aware program, it will clean up your computer and you will then have the room to install the keylogger.

And be sure and follow Owl's advice and run the Ad-aware again AFTER YOU have installed the keylogger. You can easily program it to ignore your keylogger.

Another good free Spyware remover is Spybot. The confusing thing is that some folks on MB have been calling the keyloggers "spyware" and using that term interchangeably with keyloggers - and that makes sense because you are "spying" with the keyloggers. However, the official definition of the term "Spyware" is software that is installed without your knowledge - usually when you access a website that has a lot of pop-ups and you accidentally press "OK" on one of the pop-ups... or when you install other programs and those programs surreptitiously install spyware in ADDITION to the program you already knew you were installing. You want to get rid of spyware because it really does bog down your computer. The reason ML is telling you to install the Keylogger after the spyware remover is so that you can explicitly tell the spyware remover to IGNORE the keylogger ... so that if your wife runs the spyware remover sometime later, it won't detect the keylogger.

BTW...if you have installed "Weatherbug" at any time on your computer --- UNINSTALL IT!! That is one of the programs I keep running into again and again that causes problems!!

Owl,Mel,Ff

Sorry I havent responded, but I suppose that is good thing, as I dont have anything to write about yet.

I have gained access to four out of five email accounts. I have been monitoring them and FORTUNATLY I cant even find one shred of evidence of an A, there are no emails or letters from any unknown people that I can dig up. There are mostly just jokes, letters from old friends and things like that on there. Went through the sent items and the deleted items. I am still working on the last email address. I think I know the password, however it is through her school, and cant seem to access the homepage the way it was recorded on the keylogger. I will keep on trying to get in there. I still need to come up with the cell phone records.

I have to say that this plan "A" really seems to be working really well. She seems to be back in the intimacy stage. I have been recieving alot of hugs and kisses and she seems much happier. I suspect whatever (EA possibily?)may have been going on is probably not happining any more. I guess this is good news! My guard is is still up, I will continue to snoop.

Will update soon!

Oh Boy, maybe I spoke to soon. I just viewed an email and she just registered on the website "MySpace" I did pull it up on the computer and it looked like a dating site.

This is a singles website correct?

She registered under a false name, but city and state were correct. There is not a picture of her in there.

Here I was thinking everything was going well, I am just stupid I guess...