So, update on the locks. I CHANGED THEM!!!

This evening was WH weeknight with DS, so I went out and bought new deadbolts for the front and back doors; placed them right before DS returned home. WH knows of other ways to enter home, but I still think that changing the locks will make a point. Truth is, living here alone, I don't always feel safe. I live in a very safe area, but you never know, someone may figure out that I am here alone, and target this place or ME. I've thought about that, not that it keeps me up at night; nah, I leave that to my dogs. (It's always something with them) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

What are the other ways he has to get into the home? Neutralize those entry points as much as possible. Don't just make the point. ENFORCE it!

HI, checking in on you...

See that's the same reason I want a dog...Dh is not really happy with the thought...he doesn't want to have to make arrangements for it when we travel...I can understand where he's coming from but if he continues to work nights...I'm getting one...especially with the serial killer being caught a few blocks from my house.

I mentioned that on my thread...

Well, it seems like you are doing really well from what I read...I'm so happy to hear that!

I also agree with KA about the other point of entry...if WH can get in...what about others? I would recommend doing what you can...did you install those locks yourself? If you did congrad...I love a woman who can handle her own...I'm like that...as you may know! LMAO

Well, an old entry into the basement is a bit shabby, so I will need to replace the door, which will take some cash, so I'll save for that. Other than that, the house is safe. I plan on placing one of those reinforcement bars against the door to ensure no entry, but I would still like to change the whole thing out soon.

If he did attempt to 'break in' he would look like a total A$$, and I would definitely know about it. For now, things are safe, and new locks are in place, so I'm happy about that.

I really feel better having made this decision; fear kept me laboring over this for a while now, but I realize that it really can be a useless thing in this situation.

Silent,

Good for you with changing the locks.

Forget about the rest of the stuff it costs too much. Just go out and buy a cheap alarm system.

The signs that say this home is protected by ..... are usually a deterant.

What would be funny is him coming in and getting arrested OOPS then you saying oh that is my WH. No worries. LOL.

Forget about the dog. Unless you get a gaurd dog which isn't safe around the kids they are usless they will lick the burlger to death.

Besides all that you seem at peace. Looks like plan B is fitting you OK.

Good luck.

My greyhound is definitely useless against intruders or even warning of one, he loooooves to sleep. My terrier, however, will jump up and take off when hearing someone enter the house. She only barks at people or other dogs passing by the house or our neighbors dogs, so she can be a good indicator of something happening outside the house. We got a delivery one day from a florist, and she scared the living crap out of me with her sudden, shrill bark.

I don't really think of my dogs as protection, so much as alarms.

I'll be holding off on the door change until I have better cash flow, but it will need to be done in case we sell the house, so I'll just include that on my list of improvements and submit to my lawyer.

HI FROG!

SL- I have to agree with Frog plan B does seem to be fitting you. I have been so concerned about you in the past. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Alarm...LMAO...that's exactly what a terrier is...LOL...an alarm! I like that!

hope you have a great day! I just love your personality...it's So well rounded! LOL

Being in Plan B has afforded me much time to think. Sometimes too much...

This past week, I accomplished some things that have to deal, directly, with my former R with WH.

I had asked my Wh to change his address over a month ago, and he finally did.

I had found out recently that WH was entering the home when I am not there and not informing me of such, so I changed the locks on Tuesday.

My WH helped my brother change the water pump and timing belt on his car this past weekend, and DS kept wanting to go out into the garage to see him, and DS kept talking to him on the intercom (so I heard WH's voice--which I haven't in a looooong while)

All of this being said, I am again saddened by the course that my life has been thrust.

I read post's regarding BobPure's recovery and I hear of others, who were blessed to find MB in the beginning of their fight against the A. I was not one of those fortunate people. I did not find MB until long after the affair was over, WH came home, and I was failing miserably. I was never there to help him find his way back. I was not his lighthouse. I was a driveling mess, who cried often and wanted WH to stop ignoring me. It was the most awful experience of my life, and when I couldn't take it anymore, I asked WH to leave. At that time, I did work on Plan A without knowing it, while WH continued his A, turning to PA. When OW went back to her H, I told WH that I wasn't going to wait forever, and that he needed to make a decision about coming home. Well, the ultimatum worked! My tattered WH came home to mourn the loss of OW. It was awful, I was treated as if I was to blame for his behavior; that he didn't love me anymore, but would try. I still hadn't found MB at this time. He was home for 4 mos before I found MB. Once I did, I tried to learn what I could, and started to work on a better Plan A.

WH took on another EA, with coworker, and told me 'we're just friends' and I told him that was unacceptable behavior in a M. We could not agree, WH told me he COULD NOT be happy, so, in my foolishness, not seeing this as a bump, I asked WH to leave AGAIN... He complied, as usual.

The reason that I reiterate all of this is that I find myself regretting not finding a way to better handle things sooner. I know that sounds crazy; I happened upon MB, and have been loyal to it since, but I was too young in the process to work the boards and get real help, until it was too late. I was too hurt, and wasn't able to be there for my WH. He never felt safe enough to open up to me, because Plan A asked too much of me. I was short sighted.

Now, I'm not fighting any one particular affair; I'm fighting WH's new way of thinking. The full blown EA/PA that he did have, and my behavior after the fact (clingy, needy, inconsolable, beatin down) may have him believing that there is NO way that he could be happy here. I really don't know. I know that Plan B gives me plenty of time to look back and feel regret.

I know that this too shall pass, and I will be stronger and will have better, happier days. I say these things, so that if there are any newbies out there.....

PLEASE LISTEN TO THE ADVICE YOU ARE GIVEN HERE!!! DO NOT GIVE UP AND DO NOT GIVE IN!!!

No matter where you end up, you will not question yourself, or have any regrets. You may be battered along the way, and you will falter now and then, but you will be stronger and you will be a better spouse/partner.

I really don't know where I will end up, but I have gotten so much support from the vets and my MB peers that I KNOW that I will be okay.

Just feeling off the beaten path today, and needed to get this out of my head.

(((((SILENT-MY GIRL)))))

You are SOOOOO going to be JUST FINE!!!!

I ADMIRE your STRENGTH and WISDOM...

Any time from you is such a LOSS for your WH!!!

Oh, Mimi,

You beautiful, wonderful lady. Thank you for looking after me. You're such a good mommy...

I do have to say just how proud I am to know you...

You are definitily an inspiration to ME! I'll have to say an extra special prayer for your son for being blessed with such a GREAT mom! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think I was in a similiar position...feeling the pain everyday and lying to myself about it...making myself the victim day in and day out...when I stopped giving myself that permission...I was able to move on...LOL

The lessons we have to learn the hard way! LMAO

Rin,

You should be proud to KNOW yourself. You've done a great job for your family, and will be repaid many times over for years to come..

Thank you!

I was just thinking about your sitch and I think that awareness is half the battle...You've got that down pat!

Unfortunately, you feel that you failed to be a lighthouse in the beginning...but IMO...BETTER LATE THAN NEVER! LMAO

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

SL:

Ok, enough of the pity party. It hasn't worked out, YET. Remember Bob Pures thread! Sometimes the darkest times are the times that the most growth occurs.... You did things not by the MB handbook, that you didn't have at the time. Know that what you are doing now is the right thing considering the circumstances. He's having the A's, Ok?

The real question is:

What happened with the new shoes and the Work Prom at ALDO'S?

I'm surprised that Mimi, Marsh, KA, etc didn't follow up with that!

And me, being from outside Hon-town, might just want to take W there some day.... Little Italy is too over priced, and since they closed Mencken's Cultured Pearl five years ago........

Hey LG! Yeah, enough of the pity party ON TO Aldo's!!! Thanks for the distraction, I'll get back to the pity party later...SYKE! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

My party is tonight. I have this fab little wrap dress, and went and bought these great Steve Madden peep toe shoes (deep bronze) and borrowed a poppin red clutch bag from a friend. I'm gonna pull my hair up, put on some make-up and have some fun. It's really a nice place, of course it IS pricey (but I'm not payin')!!!

We are having the four course deal, with wine and cocktails before, during and after. My boss also prepaid for a hotel room for me and their daughter (we're best buds), so afterwards, we may go out, and then we will put on our jammies and crash (No driving to speak of). I've been looking forward to this and, despite my inner thoughts, am going to have a smashing good time! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ah, work PROM...in the words of Ferris Bueller, "It is so CHOICE." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

SL:

Are you going to be showing some "Toe Cleavage" tonight? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />


Have fun!

LG

WOW, looks like we will both be partying it up tonight!

I hope that you have the best time! YOU sound hot! LMAO

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Ooooo, cleavage... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Rinder, we're some lucky gals, Hot Mama! You have fun, now, with that hubby of yours... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

SL,

Nobody can be perfect. You have done the best you can. Be proud of that.

It is not your imperfection that caused the deterioration to this point. He has had his opportunites as well and chose IMVHO the wrong path.

As far as the party sounded cool hope you had a great time.

Good luck on your sitch.

I say it is better be alone and happy then to be married and miserable.

You sound happier right now. That may be what is needed.

SL...answered your question over on Techie's thread. The very short version. Some day, when I'm up to it, I'll relate the long version. Still brings out the anger and resentment. Later... ben_dover49