Thanks Ben,

I appreciate you replying to this. I look forward to hearing more, when you feel up to it. Your story could be helpful to many of us here.

Well, GooD Morning! How was the party?

We had a GREAT time!

Oh, wow!

I had a great time; drank a little too much red wine, but otherwise, enjoyed my time. The food was marvelous (I had escargot, followed by sauteed shrimp on a bed of pasta in cream, slirp, yum). I hung out with my work buds, had some more wine, laughed my lovin' a$$ off. The company was great, and I needed the break. The only time I really thought about WH was on the drive to the restaurant; we've gone together to every party, it was unusual to be driving alone, but a little liberating too.

My sister moved back to town last week. We have grown VERY far apart since our teen years, and haven't been able to relate much. Since I started going through this roller coaster ride, she has been very supportive. If there is one thing my big sis knows, it is broken hearts and betrayal. She is set on working on herself and becoming happy prior to getting into another R, and I am hopeful that she does. We spent the day together yesterday, going to Lowes and picking up Christmas stuff (some decorations for the outside of the house). We had lunch together and talked a lot. She helped me put the tree in and get it decorated. DS came home from Dad's around 6PM and actually helped decorate the tree this year (he had very little interst last year). It was a good day.

Oh, BTW, Saturday was spent ripping out my old carpet and installing my new carpet tiles (6 hrs from start to finish). It looks great and I feel stronger for having done it. I'm proud of myself.

Good for YOU! Wow, no hang over...LMAO I sovled mine with drinking a liter of water at 4 in the morning...LOL

I woke up at 8 and was still drunk...all good! I laughed so hard...it really was a good night!

You are so awesome! Party, new carpet, decorating...what a lose for WH!

((((((SL))))))

It does sound like you had an awesome time. I know that I needed it! I danced with the janitor at the party. We have several pictures taken! everyone was laughing...GN (Good Neightbor and I tag teamed him). We call him Kool-aid! He's so funny!

I was so tired from all the dancing at the end of the night! Best time I've had in a long time! I SOOOOOO needed it!

SL,

You party animal. I am glad you had such a good time at the party.

Like I said before I think plan b is serving you well. I agree with Rin what a loss for the WH.

I think that no matter how this journey ends for you at the end of it you will be stronger for it.

If the WH can't see that it is his loss.
You are doing great. If I ever need my carpet replaced I will let you know.

Hey Frog,

I'm doing pretty well; the party was a nice break, which I needed badly.

I made a big mistake today. I was looking through my old emails to find a login for an account of mine, when I came across some emails from WH, prior to me going to Plan B. I began reading one in particular that I remembered pretty well from the time he sent it. He spoke of how he felt so ashamed of his actions, and how he did love me, but felt unworthy of me. It brought back those feelings of wanting so badly for things to work out. I tell ya, that is not a good feeling to have in Plan B. I really don't feel that WH will ever come back, and that is what I am preparing for now. I have been preparing to get to a point where I can move on. I read that email, and the emotions welled up and my chest tightened; fighting back the tears. I guess, when I can read that email, and learn to separate that person from the man I'm dealing with today, and all other days (wayward), I will be ready to move on. It will be a good indicator. This is a momentary loss of ground, and I'll bounce back, probably when I'm at home with DS and busy with him, but for this moment, I so wish that email had been followed with actions to heal our M.

It's a WARM winter day, the sky is crystal blue (it even LOOKS warm); I went to Bertha's and had some mussels for lunch and am winding my work day down.

I've always had a happy soul, and moments like that can never take that away. I do still long for my husband. The difference is, now I wonder why?

Oh, and Frog, about that carpet, well, you may have to give my hands and hamstrings some time to heal; lots of manual labor makes silent a worn out cat...

SL,

I can't imagine the feeling. I can say I admire you for your strength.

One of the hardest things is knowing at one point in that persons body existed someone you adored. That was the hardest thing for me. Looking at her knowing that at one point the shell that I saw held something I loved more then my own life.

What was in the shell for some time was something I detested. I got to the point I couldn't live with just a shell anymore. Remember what you see and read have to be backed up with actions.

You cannot backslide he needs to come meet you, if he wants to save this M.

Again I can't imagine but you seem much better and you will get through this.

My FWW always says "This too shall pass".

Good luck.

Frog,

I have no intention of backsliding. I don't see any value in asking anything of WH at this point. If he feels that the damage is done, and there is no going back, even AFTER I responded to his emails stating that I am willing to work toward recovery, AND after I sent Plan B letter, which states that I will be willing to work on recovery when he can commit to NC with OW and committing to the M, well, I've left the door unlocked. I don't want someone who is unwilling to examine themselves and change their life for the better.

I've noticed that many people will move from relationship to relationship in hopes that THIS person will be the RIGHT one, and all of the previous R problems will disappear, never to exam themselves in the situation. Luckily, I have always had enough respect for myself to examine how I came to where I am, and that is what I'm doing now. I recognize the things that may have pushed my H away, and am reconciling in my mind why I did so (the stress having our DS caused a lot of resentment from me to him, and him to me). I hope to come to an even higher peace with my sitch and be closer to moving on as the months go by. These things you can't rush. Even life on your own is a bit of a roller coaster...

It seems that I got confirmation this evening that WH IS, in fact, in another A. WH called the house to speak to DS, as he does every night. He missed him, so DS asked me to dial him back. I did, and DS spoke to his daddy, and hung up. About 10 minutes later, I received a call on my house phone, picked it up, and there he was, my WH.

He said, "Hey, what's takin you so long?" and " Where are ya?", I said , "Uh, J, this is C" and then the line went dead. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I know his voice, it was definitely him. He mistook me for the OW; must have redialed the last number and not realized he got me instead of OW. It shot me straight through the heart. I haven't heard his voice in almost 2 months, and then when I do, it's to talk to OW. WOW---Zooooom, Bang, straight to the heart.

I sent a text message telling him to NOT do that again, as this is tough enough without being mistaken for Other Woman.

OUCH! I thought I had come further in getting over him, but it hurts like H3LL, as all of the other injuries to my heart. I called my sister, and cried my eyes out. I know that he does not do these things to hurt me, as 'I' don't exist in his life anymore, but it DOES! I can't wait until it doesn't hurt anymore; that will be a good day!

I've learned so much about myself, and feel much stronger now than even a few months ago, but I still feel like a little teenager with a hopeless crush when I am hurt by him. Boy, that really hurt. I hope I will be able to move past this more quickly than the previous stuff, as I do not have to witness it, but I wish he could feel the crushing blow that he just dealt me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> It sounds horrible, but I wish he could feel the knife slipping into his skin and gliding down his back. It's awful. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

SL:

((((SL))))

As WH can be such bast***s

LG

I'm so [email]d@mned[/email] hurt right now. I wish I didn't feel this pain anymore. I ask myself regularly, how long does it take to get over a broken heart. This pain is excruciating. I'm winpering like a [email]d@mned[/email] baby right now, the tears are blocking my vision, and I feel like such a fool for thinking that Plan B may help him to wake up. Well, it's helped him to move on, and although it hurt to hear him mistaking me for another woman, I need to know these things

I just got off of the phone with WH! It was mostly me talking; I said that if we are going to break the silence, better make it good. I told him that I did not want him to be punished for his A, but I did want a MAN; I wanted him to man up and scream that he will do everything in his power to work on bringing our love back, as that is what I am willing to do. I said that I was hurt by the call, and I am hurt by his actions. He apologized and began to say how beautiful a person I was, and how amazing I am. I told him to prove what he says, until then, don't call me again.

I don't expect to hear from him again...

Good for you, SL.

I'm glad you called him back and said what you did.

I'm sorry for your pain tonight.

((((((SL))))))

~ Marsh

Thanks Marsh,

I don't know how much sleep I'll get, cause this is a little bit of a set back, but I feel like a lot has been lifted from me by expressing my hurt to WH. He was receptive, and I felt my husband show up a bit, but, as I said, I don't expect anything. I really just used this slip on his part, to give me a chance to reach through the fog and shake him a bit.

Oh, I forgot, I asked about OW, and asked if she was married (he said no--which, who knows if it's true). I also asked if she knew he was married (he said YES) so I let him have it. I said that no good woman would date a married man, and that she is NO credit to the female species (very even keeled, no crying or screaming). I asked him if he was having sex with her or anyone else (he said NO--again, he's wayward so I don't know) I told him that he should protect himself and his family from his actions by wearing a condom when and if he has sex to avoid STD's as well as pregnancy with OW, as that would be utterly disgraceful, not that his actions were not.

I also told him that I know HE (my former husband) is in there somewhere, and I heard him break up a bit. I told him to work on finding him again, as looking outside of himself will not help him. Boy, I said so many other things, and do NOT regret not a one.

Now, I'll just slither back to Plan B darkness.....

Wow, SL, you're an amazing girl!

You really are!

I don't believe in accidents.

I think his 'mistake' was meant to be...providence..

And I think you did exactly the right thing.

You gave him alot to think about, and obviously you touched him at his core.

Good.

Giant Kudos to you for what you did and said tonight.


~ Marsh

I, too, do not believe in accidents, but I see this as a call for me to wake up. My husband is gone. WH is with another OW. I cannot say what he is thinking, but his actions show that marriage is not for him. It's not like I didn't already know this, but last night was a death blow to that last thread that we had. I can't see how he could go from enjoying his VAST amounts of free time with OW to coming back to this devastation. WH KNOWS that I KNOW about his infidelity now, and I can see the guilt pushing him further away, not bringing him home. It's been his MO during all of this.

I will definitely need the Plan B time to sort this out with myself, as I am no longer peaceful inside. It's stormy in there...

((((((((((SL))))))))))

I'm sorry to hear that you are in pain today. I also believe that there is a reason for everything and perhaps it's not the reason that you are thinking to show YOU.

YOU said that you were trying to reach through the FOG. Perhaps it works, perhaps it didn't...

Did I understand correctly that you told your WH that you were still hoping to reconcile?

The reason that I ask is the other day when you retold your story...I was very sad that your sitch had led you to Plan B...and was wondering if your WH understood that you were willing to work things out should he decide to take that leap of faith...

I mean it seems to me that we can write it, we can say it, but helping them understand and believe it is a different story...

I'm not saying do what's right for you...all I'm doing is trying to give another POV...

I've been on both sides of the fence...and sometimes I think that we all get this one notion in our heads and we can't seem to shake it...who's to say that your conversation didn't shake that notion...

I'm a positive thinker...and I guess that sometimes that can be bad...hoping beyond hope....LMAO...

I'm sure that you are not the only one that this has shaken...please try to settle yourself...you did a wonderful thing! You spoke...with open and honesty...you allowed yourself to show how much you care and are concerned...YOU were true to yourself!

It seems to me that he has to know that you don't hate him...or still angry and hurt...and are still willing to do the work to put your family back together...

Also, I don't believe in back sliding...I feel that once we are aware that it's not possible to return to our previous ignorance...we are all on a new path with new pot holes, and bumps...still moving forward and soon enough...perhaps not as fast as we would like but we will reach a smooth spot in the road... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I hope that something I've said helps...

My DH said to me once try to look at it from both sides...I didn't understand or perhaps I couldn't or wouldn't allow myself to do it...once you can you will have compassion and some kind of understanding for what they are going through also.

Kepp your head up...YOU are doing wondering...and are so amazing! YOU know this! Keep up the great work! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

What you are saying does make sense. I have really tried to think of this situation from both sides. The pain of knowing that WH is with another W is currently overriding my ability to reason with myself, to calm my mind and think rationally in an irrational situation.

He seems so far gone now, and I honestly thought that I was ready to move toward D. I KNOW I am ready to move toward D now, as I feel I have nothing left to lose. Yes, these are my emotions talking for me, and there's no rush to DO anything on my end.




I did send a PBL that expressed my want to recover our M, but I don't know how convincing it can be when he may have already been involved with another OW. I did tell WH that I love him, and want my H back, and that I know that he is in there somewhere. He definitely knows now.

It's interesting, my sister just recently broke up with her BF and moved back home, all because of a misunderstanding. I think that she wanted to come home to work on herself, and didn't take time to convey that to BF. Her BF called her, and asked if this was what she wanted, she said she did not want to break things off, but wanted to work on her problems, so now they are working toward their R again. SLOWLY...

One thing that my friends keep coming back to, and I may agree, is why do I want this man who would hurt me so, in my life anymore. I love him, but am beginning to feel like a fool. Everyone says, 'Kick him to the curb!'. I thought that was what I was doing in Plan B. I'm so confused now. What do I want? I can't see myself filing for a D, but I feel devastated again, I feel like an idiot, and I feel that my friends are losing respect for me. I feel pressure! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I'm having periodontal surgery today (called crown lengthening surgery) to prepare two of my teeth for crowns. Even though I'm not really afraid of pain, especially dental pain, I'm hoping this emotional dip does not lower my immunity. I'm usually a very good, quick healer, so I hope that will be the case.

Well, best of luck today! I'm sure that you will be fine!

Friends...and people saying kick him to the curb...sure that easy for them to say...have them been in a spot that was not the good times...

So often I had to remind myself that this was the bad times...our vows did say "in good times and in bad"...

Everyone think that the bad times will never come or doesn't view the bad times as the bad...the good are there...perhaps right around the corner...but if we don't fight one day at a time...how do we get there...

I can say these thing because I've been there...I've heard the same things...friends still ask from time to time how things are going...now they're hapy to heard that things are going well...

It's out of care and concern for you...no pressure...no hurry...you've been doing great and you can hang in there...

Love is a chose...hard to learn...harder to do sometimes...Plan B is to protect the Love that you have for your WH...think positive... the two of you made a beautiful, awesome, little creature, that amazes you everyday...and your son was created with love...

Hard to see now...and once again I'm sorry that you are hurting and not feeling love for your WH...poor choices on his part...

Be the lighthouse! Shine the light and light the path! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think, for the first time since all of this began, I was the lighthouse last night, and now I need to shine, quietly, but strongly.

These are definitely the 'bad' times, and I told my husband just that last night (reminded me of something I said)
I said that I made a vow to honor and protect him, and that I would NOT break my vow, and I would NOT dishonor that.

I choose to love him, I'm not forced to do so, and, yes, it can be miserable, but I hope that my choices will help me to grow, despite what WH's choices are. I told him last night that I CHOSE to love him.

I really did take the opportunity to express openly and honestly, without LB's or DJ's, with 'I' statements, what was inside my heart and mind. I hope that I had some impact.


Gonna go get my mouth pried open and hacked on now, so I'll check back when I'm home.

This is really helping me to think positively, thanks Rin....