(((((Silent)))))

How I feel your pain. I too blame myself in part for contributing to my kids's sadness. It takes 2 to make and break a M, so I'm at fault too. They never asked for parents to divorce. I'm sure they thought we would be a family forever. It's not fair that my WH put us in this situation. How selfish!

DD has pretty much disowned my WH. She's a teen, she knows what he's doing.

DS is young, he knows WH his living with OW, and knows he's not living here anymore, but he's having a real hard time of it. He told me that 2006 was a bad year. Kids his age shouldn't have bad years! I see years of counseling ahead for him. So sad!!!

Prayers to you and DS.

Thank you catgirl,

I'm just trying to find a way to help my DS cope, since he's only 4y.o. it's a bit sketchy. I do all I can to reassure him that I love him, and I'm here, listening.

I know that I am in Plan B for at least 2 reasons. One of which is to attempt to recover my M, and two is so that I can be away from the abuse of WS. I think I'm starting to lean toward D now. My WH is in his 3rd R since '05. Talk about disrepect. I'm angry today. I'm angry with myself for carrying on like some idiot, sad with the departure of my husband. He's been gone for a year and a half (mentally, emotionally). One day, I wish I could hold my family together, the next, I'm angry that I have to work so hard to try. I have resentment. That's not good.

I think Lousygolfer nailed it when he said that my WH has opened the door up that leads to divorce and said, "Hey, here's your sign..."

((((((((SL))))))))

Happy New Year! IMHO, I think that you are handling the sitch with DS perfectly. You are validating his feelings and that's important! I don't see how you can handle the sitch any better.

Have you asked DS if he's spoken to WH about it? THe only thing I can think of is to reinforce that he needs to voice his feelings to WH. I'm sure that you have explained to him that it's important to speak up about how he feels. Beyond this, I don't think that you can do anymore than you are.

Also, I wouldn't kick yourself to hard...you have done SOOO much...I'm sorry that this is adding to your pain...my heart goes out to you and DS...

Being that L's his age, I can relate to having to deal with your DS...

Brighter skies ahead! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> There's always a rainbow! Have faith!

SL,

I am so sorry for this latest turn of events. Just know there are two choices and the one you are making although painful is probably the right choice.

The alternative is to have a role model living under your roof showing the DS the wrong ways to treat a woman. To be in an M etc. You are also showing the DS that women are strong and independant.

That may not sink in at his age but as time goes on he will see what a parent is supposed to be.

Now when he is hurting never say anything negative about the WH. Just show the DS love. Tell him you understand how he feels but it is just not possible.

AGain I wish you luck. I think you are doing great.

I NEVER say anything negative to DS about WH; I actually tell DS to tell WH the things that he tells me so that his father can talk to him about it. I know he is only 4, but DS is having the same separation anxiety that I am. I don't attempt to give DS answers to questions that I have none for. I have sent a message to WH to please discuss this with DS if and when it comes up, as he is asking more and more often about the situation. I don't want my DS to think that it is NOT okay to discuss these things. I can't control how WH handles this sitch, but I HOPE that he and DS will have a more open and honest R than WH demostrated with me.

I have been observing DS's behavior, and I SEE him being happy, and then suddenly, DS will stop what he is doing and say that he wishes his daddy lived with us. I'm sure that when he is performing activities that his dad would normally do with him on their weekends together, it reminds him that he can't just turn around and talk to his dad.

Maybe I'm just overreacting, but it hurts me. I'm learning open honesty myself. I've always been honest, but sometimes without compassion. I've definitely learned to think about being in someone's position when responding.

Times like this, I become angry with my situation, and how easy it seemed to all fall apart. I never wanted my son to have to feel the sting of abandonment. I hope that WH can help to reinforce in DS that he is not alone. I dunno, I wish that I didn't know the pain of divorce, but I do, and that litters my mind with my own pains from the past. I guess this will help me to understand more fully what was going on when I was a kid, and absolve myself FULLY of any responsiblity I thought I owned for ending my mother's second marriage.

SL,

I am sorry and wish I had an answer for you. As per usual you are doing the right thing.

Sometimes age appropriate talking is all you can do. He is four years old so understanding the stich will be nearly impossible for him. He understands you guys aren't together but the why would be difficult.

Like I said before just shower him with as much love as you can. Having that much love can offset some of the other negative consequences.

I wish you the best.

Thanks Frog,

Giving love, time, attention, affection to DS is my number one priority.

I still have some bad days when getting out of bed is like peeling off an old sticky bandage, but I still get up...

LOL...that's my girl! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Stronger now, then ever! Kudos!

SL,

Well that is the best you can do.

Good for you.

I have a question regarding taxes.

I have attempted to set up an LSA for the last six months with WH; he has yet to approve the most recent draft, on which I stated that I would be filing taxes as head of household; he would file as married filing separately (I think?). If he has not signed the LSA, but has been out of the house for 6 months, can I continue with my plan to file as head of household, without the LSA in place?

I placed a call to my lawyer regarding this sitch, and hope to hear from her soon. The laws for filing state that being separated for six months allows me to do this, but I want to be sure I have something to back it up, in case WH throws a fit over this (he has a lot of untaxed income for 2006).