FYI, I would/will not have a relationship with no women until the divorce....just wanted to make sure everyone knew that. And yes, I am/have been (we have been sep. for a year & I did know she was with someone) trying to do everything I can to save my marriage.....I sometimes blame myself for alot of what has happened (for NOT being an a-hole and letting her do whatever she wanted), but trust me....I don't want this divorce at all....I would be more than happy to raise this child and give myself and my family a happy and loving life....that's all I want...that's all I will ever want

whatdoiwant;

Because Kentucky IS a paternity presumption state you should consult with an attorney to insure that you are not "presumed" the father and on the hook to financially support OM's biological child...should that inevitably be the direction you and/or her take.

I'd hate to see you end up divorced AFTER the child is born and yet still be forced to support the OC.

Just consult with an attorney and find out what your rights, duties and obligations are. The sooner the better. For all I know your WW may be able to just write in your name on the Birth Certificate, with or without your knowledge and if you don't catch it within a certain time (1 or 2 years)and fight it in court then YOU'LL FOREVER be stuck paying no matter what. Your current daughter is relying on you to protect her financial future with you.

Further, don't beat yourself up...any choices and mistakes you made were predicated upon the HUGE mistake/choice your wife made to engage in an affair. Absent the affair you wouldn't be beating yourself up at all.

You will make it.

Mr. Wondering

WDIW, if you are serious about wanting to save your marriage go over to GQ2 and start a thread. There are many that can help you with a plan, even some men in your shoes.

Wow I think its great that you want to restore your marriage, and I don't think it would be impossible but I have too say if you already were having troubles before she got pregnant then, moving on my be your best solution, she may just be coming back too you because you are a provider and maybe this other guy could never provide for her like you can. I would look at her true intentions. I don't believe in divorce but in your situation you have every right too leave her, you have Gods permission and if I was you I would take that permission and feel free. Move on and find a woman who will be faithful and loving. I know if I would have gotten pregnant from my affair I dont' even think i would have wanted my husband too reconsile, and he even told me if I was too be pregnant the baby would have had to be put up for adoption, because we don't believe in abortion. It would have been my choice not too continue the marriage if I wanted to keep the baby. Thankfully I was not pregnant and its not something I have too deal with, I know you must be hurting but don't beat yourself up over a choice your wife made, you need too feel free from her affair and that might mean leaving her. May God help you in your decision's and guide you with your choices. Jess

WDIW,

As a man who has raised an OC (he's now almost 21 and in college-which I am paying for), I can tell you that it doesn't have to be the end of your M if you still want it to work! Your WW's fog is still thick. She is trying to sit on the fence and NOT decide which of you she wants. She still hasn't given OM up! Plan A your a$$ of and break through that fog!

If you want the M to end, you can let it go, but if you want your W back (as opposed to your current WW), keep working. Maybe read Dr Dobson's "Love Must Be Tough" for ideas on making her to decide. I'm not saying an ultimatum, but she needs to know that it is going to be you or OM and that she can't have BOTH! It isn't an ultimatum, it's a boundary.

Also, be aware that even if she imediately says she wants OM, it doesn't have to be that way. The M can't be over till YOU say it's over. It just gets more complicated.

Keep working and the rest of us will keep praying for you!

Mark

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