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Joined: Mar 2003
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medc~

In my reactionary mode, *your* post rubbed *me* the wrong way, but then once I really thought about it, I realized your view is exactly what my view would've been on a situation like McB's and my own, BEFORE my adultery, and what happened in the aftermath.

It is almost so unbelievable, that I don't even like to bring it up much here... because a lot of people just don't fathom it. Can't fathom that some of these BH's actually count their OC as a very personal blessing, sent straight down from God. It doesn't make sense, does it? It goes against human nature. But *some* of these OC's are the vessels that brought about the restoration of the M, when seemingly, nothing else could. Not to mention the pure joy that many of these BH's find in loving a child, who they don't "have" to love. And the love and joy these children GIVE... I can't even explain, because again it seems so unbelievable. Anyway...Satan must surely give a big huge shrug and say, "say WHAT?!?" when the situation unfolds in that manner. Definitely not what he had in mind, hey?

Plus medc, I think you're blurring the sin together with the child. No, a child should NOT be produced of an A, because there shouldn't be an A in the first place. But God doesn't make mistakes, so all children, including all OCs are meant to be, even though the *way* they were conceived was not meant to be, nor pleasing to God at all.

(sorry for the tj Pep)

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(((((McBecca)))))

how are you doing today?

we are still worried about you, you know, you still have a long way to go.

Tony.


BH 44
WW 40
2KIDS DD 6, DS 7
MARRIED 13 YRS.
STORY THREAD http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...fpart=1&vc=
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Quote:

Plus medc, I think you're blurring the sin together with the child.




I am not seeing the child that way at all. I see the child as being the innocent in all of this. I am merely saying that I cannot believe that any person if they could turn back the clock would want a child from an A... and that given the chance, the A and therefore the pregnancy would never have happened. The child is not the sin.... it is a result of the sin.

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I can't think of anyone who would choose to have a child with Down syndrome (sp?), but yet I have heard countless stories of how that precious life has brought more joy and pleasure into the family's life then a "normal" child might have.

I know and agree with what you are saying, MEDC... but the time is past to think about that... Becca and her H now can focus on the joy of that little life.

Shaden


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
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HI everybody.

McBecca is been an inspiration to a lot of people here.
PEP beat me in starting a praise thread for her.

Now let’s remember she is still extremely vulnerable and emotional right now.

IMHO I don’t think we should question her belief.

Without talking about the sin or what she did, she knows it was wrong.
And I believe she will recover.

Now the OC could have been the reason the A ended and could be the reason
Becca and her H got closer together. No body knows.

I don’t think I would have taken her H’s position and raise the child as my own.
But I will never know.

When you look into a newborn's eyes, when you hold a newborn in your arms,
Your oxytocin level goes sky high, either you are a man or a woman.
When a mother breast-feed her new born her oxytocin level rockets too.
And we all know that oxytocin is the love hormone, it ‘s in us to keep parents
Together while the kids need them together.
So you see maybe this is the reason they are recovering or on their journey to
Recover.
And you know what “ God work in mysterious ways”

The truth is we will never know, and everybody’s opinion is only an opinion.
If Becca believes what she believes then it’s valid for her it’s her truth, and if it’s the only
Thing that is helping her do the right thing so more power to her.

So let’s not argue with her belief and let’s not pick it apart.

We all could be right, but do we want to be right or help Becca with her recovery?
So let’s keep this thread for praising Becca, and start another one for arguing about
The subject.

MY 2 cents.

Tony.


BH 44
WW 40
2KIDS DD 6, DS 7
MARRIED 13 YRS.
STORY THREAD http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...fpart=1&vc=
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I am doing well. I do understand MEDC's point, and trust me, I have learned these very hard lessons. However, now I am choosing to see the blessings in all of this and one of them is most certainly OC. The truth is when I became pregnant, both men (BH and OM) had plenty of reasons to want this baby. OM thought the baby meant I would leave BH and BH thought the baby meant I would leave OM. They both told me this in several ocassions. However, once we knew the results for sure, it wasn't just about OC anymore, I had to think of my 2 other children as well. What was best for them, for me, for all involved. Frankly, until I accepted in my heart that the stability my children need could only be by me working on my M and letting the OM go, I was a complete confused mess myself.

Like MEDC says, I cannot longer concern myself with OM and his life. But I am still working on that. OC is a replica of OM and so it is going to be very hard for me to just put him completely out of my mind but at least now when I see her, I don't have a stabbing pain in my heart, but more of a peaceful feeling knowing this is what is best for her too.

So one day at a time........ BH is truly amazing. I am so grateful for him. He wants nothing more than for us to grow old together and that if one day OM reappears in OC's life, for that not to have ANY impact in our lives. Only time will tell.

B


WW (me) 36 BH 37 Married 16 yrs 3 children, 12DD, 4DD, 7 mths DD (OC) D-day 8/05 2nd D-day 10/05 *OC* 3rd D-day 6/08/06 DD *OC* born ~~ If I had known then what I know now ~~
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I am going to look for this book!! I have not heard of them... but it sounds quite like the kind of book we need to read. Thanks for the info!!! I am going to order it right now!!

Blessings to you!
B


WW (me) 36 BH 37 Married 16 yrs 3 children, 12DD, 4DD, 7 mths DD (OC) D-day 8/05 2nd D-day 10/05 *OC* 3rd D-day 6/08/06 DD *OC* born ~~ If I had known then what I know now ~~
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God bless you McBecca. God bless your husband too. Give him a big hug from me, and tell him to KNOW that he will NEVER be sorry for this. If only I had stepped up to the plate as well as your BH, I may not need to be here now. Unfortunately, I decided to turn to the god that is bottled and canned in Milwaukee instead of the One true God that gave my son to me.

It just seems to be a catch22 for everyone involved. You hate the sin, you may hate the sinner, you love that little baby.

I would never wish the pain my WW put me through during her affairs back then on anyone but the OM. I would never wish the pain that she put me through after DDay on anyone but the OM. I would take that pain a million times over to have this little boy in my life. I would take it and I would smile and ask for more if I had to. In a way that is exactly what I am doing.

God don't make us do anything. Good OR Bad! God knows what we are going to do before we do it, and he knows what needs to be done. He knows these things because he has watched billions and billions of us make the same mistakes over and over again since the beginning of time. I couldn't understand back then. I couldn't see past my own pain to see that God was giving me a wakeup call. I just felt sorry for myself, and shared the pain with my poor WW. It wasn't until DDay #2 that God got through to me, and I started to see that we are all human, and we all fall down.

Her infidelity was probably the worst sin she could commit against me, but I am the one that made it hurt so bad. I am the one that took the joy of a new baby coming into this world and turned it into a nightmare for an expectant mother. And yet, she couldn't, she could not allow herself to regret what she had done simply because it would mean that she was wishing her beautiful baby had never been born.

I couldn't get THAT until I watched his birth. I cut the cord and they rushed him into ICU because the stress had caused his premature birth. To live with the usless guilt of blaming myself for threatening his life by badgering and yelling at my poor WW all because I needed help dealing with the pain that I wasn't strong enough to, and MY god wasn't able to wash away.

But to look into that baby's eyes that first time, and feel so much love. To hold that tiny little boy. How could a man not love him. I have loved him for eight years. I have done the best that I knew how, and yet I haven't done good enough. I would die for this boy, and I would walk through the fires of he ll for him. He deserves the best that I can give him, and that's not talking about material things. I have shown him what a bad father is. I will show him what a father that knows the one true God can do. I will protect him from this he ll that we have created for him, and I will fight for him as he is not yet strong enough to fight for himself. I love his mother, and I have hurt her so. I will love his mother for the rest of my life. I will love her for giving me this child. God knows, she didn't have to. I will trust God to bring us back together.

God doesn't use sin? I have to differ on that. God doesn't cause it, but he knows it's going to happen. So he might as well use it to his advantage.

God speaks to all of us. It's up to us to listen. Sometimes he uses a Mack truck, and sometimes he uses a baby. For us the baby didn't work, so he went and got the truck. I am so glad that for you the baby got the job done.

I am so happy for you. I pray that you continue to trust God to heal your wounds. I know that he is there for you.

Joined: Nov 2006
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McB,

I sincerely hope and pray that you & your BH make it work.

I had a 10-month A with a coworker. Moved in 2 weeks before last Christmas. Ruined my whole family's holiday season.
Once the D would be final, we planned to get married. But the family house wouldn't sell & D drug on & on.

I asked God for a sign if I was going the right way.
8 hours later the OW broke up with me.
4 hour after that, we got a contract to sell the house.
I may be slow, but I heard that one, and came back & begged my BS to give me one more chance.

We are 3 weeks into recovery, & things are looking great.

God doesn't accomplish his works through sin, but he sure makes the best with what little we give him to work with.


prodigalhusband
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