Rin,

None of us BS or FWS or WS really knew what we were getting ourselves into.

You fell for his act maybe but that is because you hadn't seen it before.

I heard a quote one time that went somewhat like this, and it was from a chick flick.

"I don't love you in spite of your flaws. I love you because of them."

Then at some point we see that some of these aren't flaws but major defects.

We try to take them back to the dealer to see if there is a recall and there isn't. So we suck it up and try to get it fixed. Darn mechanic can't find out what it is.

Then one day you decide to keep driving it till it dies or get rid of it and get a new one. LOL.

Not only that but the defects don't bother us till they bother us. Then they start to really bother us and we want it to change.

Then the other person says it never bothered you before. Why should I change. I been doing this forever. If you didn't like it then why marry me. Makes sense really.

Because when you were 23 and we had no kids and my job was no stress I could talk to you 10 times a day Now I can't. So please stop. LOL.

So don't blame yourself. It took time for you to grow to realize you didn't want that anymore.

LMAO...one down and two options to hope for!!! LMAO...

Can I have my cake and eat it too? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


Thank God I did! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

hey, CJ...I would like to be a fly on the wall when (if, I pull this off) POWS hears I bought my own house!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Not gunho tonight...called my uncle and talked to him about "the house"...he hasn't talked to his friend yet...said he would when he saw him...

SO, that could be next week, next month, whatever...apparently, his BIL is trying to do a lease purchase on the house...so, I'm thinking that is out...

So, a have a meeting with the bank manager to "discuss" my options...but legally I can't purchase anything for fear that POWS will come back and try to take half of that...

I'm stuck in the legal quicksand...not able to stink or pull myself out of this...

I can't apply any pressure, I can't do anything...but wait!

I picked up the kids today and my babysitter informs my that her daughter called her and said that POWS is going out and telling everyone that I was the one who wants to have the swinger lifestyle and just lying his @ss off to at the people in our local chapter...

My babysitter was nice enough to inform her daughter that is not the way it is going and that I left becasue POWS wanted these things, etc...

So, he's turning everything around and saying it's me, and I have to let sleeping dogs lie b/c one: I can't make him stop and two: I'd be reacting and he would know that he has pushed my buttons...

My PLan B hasn't been so dark these days in my mind...

Sitter said that POWS is stil stopping at his HO convenient store, and just slinging the mud out to whoever is in ear shot it seems...

Is he losing control? Please explain this behavior to me...

It was so nice when I didn't hear anything about him or know what he was doing...but now it seems like a make a turn and "he" is there...


????????????

Rin,

He is feeling the pressure of Reality closing in so he is lashing out.

He's just trying to fling [email]cr@p[/email] at you in an effort to get out of it himself.

Don't worry, you have the invisible Goddess/Angel shield around you that automatically deflects that [email]cr@p.[/email]

No need to 'react'. As appropriate, continue to state Your truth.

Head held high, operating in classy Goddess mode!

Strength will rise as you wait upon the Lord......

Thanks BUgS...I needed that...his appearance is SOOO important to him...amazing, just amazing...

E- Thank you, you reminded me of my favorite Psalms...I needed that too..

BC- What you got goign on this weekend? Busy?

Oh, and would everyone please do me a favor...I have really taken to Lieslies...I see me in her and want to ask that you all do your best, with what time you have to support her...

It would mean so much to me, and I'm sure her also...she's dear to me...

So any support that you can offer, a laugh, a hug, whatever...you've been in those dark places, those happy place...

Thank you!

Oh, just a reminder: word for tomorrow: B Still <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

someone passed this on to me, so I am passing it on to you.

Psalm 40:1-3 (The Message)

I waited and waited and waited for God. At last he looked; finally he listened.
He lifted me out of the ditch,
pulled me from deep mud.
He stood me up on a solid rock
to make sure I wouldn't slip.
He taught me how to sing the latest God-song,
a praise-song to our God.
More and more people are seeing this:
they enter the mystery,
abandoning themselves to God.

Good Morning! E, thank you for sharing that with me...

No news from the lawyers...that's cool...

On the home front, TODAY IS F's birthday, a whole 9 years old...I just called for an emergency dentist appt. for him. Since tues. he's been complaining that the tooth that got filled has been hurting, sometimes the jam...

Well, I've been asking him if I needed to make an appt., no answer, so after he woke me up AGAIN in the middle of the night, I said that's it, then, I look at him this morning and one side of his face is slightly swollen...

I said oh, yeah, that's it, so we have a 9:30 appt, this morning to handle that...hopefully he'll be able to eaet his birthday dinner...BBQ pizza...that's what he wants...no problem..it's cheap!

So, for the time being he's here at work with me...I've got him stuffing some envelopes...told him I would pay him if he did a good job...I love bring the kids to work and having them help out, teaches them a good work ethic...

I won't pay if they don't hold up their end of the bargain, but if they work good, a few dollars for them!

well, let me get some stuff done this morning...I should be around...kinda quiet this morning in Rin's world!

I like it like that!

I Like It, The Blackout Allstars

Happy Birthday, F! sorry to hear about your tooth. What a bummer on your b-day! Good thing your mom is taking such good care of you, and it is kinda cool that you get to go hang out with her at work!

Hope your mom has a good day today, too...I'm sure she will with you around to keep her company. I bet she'd like it if you just gave her a big hug for no reason.

Have a great day, F!

Well, thanks SIS...I got my big hug!

F said thank you, I gave her a big hug for no reason...he said we will let you know what happens at the dentist...he said "IF I SURVIVE!" LMAO...too cute...

And thank you for saying Happy B-day!

We'll be leaving in 5 minutes...it's right over the bridge and I don't expect to be gone long but you never know! LMAO

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR F,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

Wow,,9!

Wish I was 9 again!

Hope the dentist went well! It has to be better than the pain you had.

Careful w/the pizza tonite!

Hi, All...the dentist DID not go well at all...major infection from the cavity that was filled on the 11th...

The nerve is so raw that three shots of numbing stuff didn't do the trick...they were going to pull it but couldn't...

So, HAppy B-day F...very tramatic for him today...he's on antibodics and tylenol...the pain finally subsided and he's asleep now...

He has to go back next Thurs. to get it pulled, and put a spacer in...

I called POWS to let him know what was happening with F...and he said that he was glad that I called b/c he wanted to tell F happy Birthday...

Then, he asked me about my dog...told me that he didn't give her to HN1, that she's been staying at both places and asked if I wanted her, had a place for her to stay...

I have to talk to my Spon. about it before I can give POWS an answer...and they left for FL this morning...

I would love to have her, but this is not my house and I'm not sure where she is in her training...I told him I would call him tonight and discuss it with him...not to mention let him know how F is, b/c the poor chap was crying for about an hour after the dentist...

Just hurting sooo bad...I'm sure POWS was freaking out when he talked to F b/c F was so horrible at the time...

Given the right opportunity I have some things I want to say to POWS...nothing horrible, just matter of fact...personally, I don't care what he thinks of what I have to say...like he's been a horrible husband, father and friend...that's it, that's all I have to say to him on the issue....

But like I said, the opportunity has to be right and I'm not sure when that will be...

Well, now that F is comfortable, I'm in a good place...took the rest of the day off...didn't get out of the dentist until after 12...filled meds and was home by 1:30...F ate and fell asleep watching TV...

I napped a little...plan on doing a little more...before going pick up L and F's pizza...

Look forward to hearing what you all have to say about POWS and the dog...I really want her but I don't think that I can do that right now...

Wow, F, Happy Birthday to you! I know that the dentist can be rough, I've had so many fillings in my lifetime so far, oy, I lost count. Hope you feel better soon. Mouth pain can be the worst! My son is 5 and he had to get a filling in the tooth aaaaaaall the way in the back; he got laughing gas, but he was still hysterical; you know what, he is fine today. You will be fine too, especially after that bothersome tooth comes out!

Rin, just be completely honest with your sponsor about the dog, about where she is in house training and such, and let your sponsor know that she is under NO obligation to say yes.

About talking to POWS about his attitude and about lying and how he is as a father, etcetera, and so on, I don't know if I would waste my breath. You will probably just inflame him, and he will blather more bullsh!t to people. These types of conversations are better left to a post divorce setting. You know who you are, your friends know who you are. The people he is talking to mean nothing to you, and if they do, they will set him straight. Go a bit darker. If someone begins to talk to you about what POWS has been saying about you, then kindly let them know that you would prefer not to talk about him, and change the subject. It's not mean to do this, and most people will understand.

Well, I called my PSon. and talk with her...I told her that I didn't think I could handle that right now...she didn't think it was a good idea either with her dog...

So, I called POWS and declined...he said well, I offered...just with work it's kind of getting hard to keep up with her...

I said well, having three people live in one room for 3 1/2 months then adding a dog into the mix, I didn't think that it was a good idea...perhaps after the use of house and offer was settled, but we know how slow that's going...

I left it at that and said that I would have F called him later to let him know how he was doing...

Conversation ended...no opportunity and I really didn't feel like saying what I want to say...I felt like I said enough at this point...

Oh, earlier today I talked to him about switching weekend here in the near future...I have a weekend that I have voluntaried to work the state conference here in town...

i'm using this as the opportunity to get the kids weekend different from HN2's SS's weekend...also, I haev another reason...my stepmom works the weekend that I have the kids and I need to change that so we can go visit...POWS won't know any different...

SL- thanks for the advice...I'm still in a good place even having talked to him...I hear the real reason why he was offering my the dog...selfish...not that he really wants me to have her...it's inconvenient for him...once again...

Oh, well...I think I have a good attitude on how to handle him and I will use your advice of how to handle info from OP...

F,

So sorry buddy! I feel your pain, becuase I also have a LOT of silver in my mouth!

Milk your Mom on the sympathy thing!! Hehe!

Rin,

I am with SL on POWS. Do not waste your breath right now

Put that all away until post D.

It will only cause unnecessary turmoil, drama, and problems right now.

As you know, it will change Nothing

POWS will still be POWS. Sorry to say that, but at this point, it is true.

I'm sure that POWS already knows that you can't have your dog with you right now. He's just pushing more buttons to get a reaction from you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Hopefully you will be getting settled one way or another soon and then you can get your dog back! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm certain that POWS will not want to keep him around. Too much responsibility. It will interfere with his "Single" lifestyle. I just hope that he mans up enough to give him back to you and doesn't use it as a pawn to "get back" at you.

Sorry to hear that F had issues at the Dentist. But you can be assured that he will always remember this Birthday! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Stay Strong!

Yes, WTF, HE WILL always remember this one! LMAO...He says that it's been a just painful b-day...

I haven't gottent the chance to pass on all of your messages to him yet, but I did tell him that he had a few, andtoday he goes to his dad's...

I just woke him up to give him some more tylenol, I heard him whining a little...

At the suggestion of BC, I got some tylenol PM, and took one...directions said to take two but I didn't want to have to worry about NOT waking up for work...I did get a little more sleep I think that normal...will plan to take two tonight...

I had F call POWS again, and L wanted to speak...POWS asked that we call ILs so the kids could call...I said that the phone works both ways and that they could call to check on their grandbabies...

He said that they weren't going to do that b/c they didn't want me to call the cops on him and have him go to jail...ONCE AGAIN, I said there's a difference b/t harrassing and calling to check on them...

He asked that I call, so we did...oh, I also talked to him about visitation with the ILs...he said that they haven't taken them b/c their are still working right now...

Well, I talked to FIL (step), he's sooo enabling...asked me if there was anyway POWS and I could work this out...me, not at this time, POWS has to much growing up to do and wants to live the single life...

I used some examples that I know FIL doesn't like about vacations, spending, etc...

FIL said well, I think that you two need MC, I said I tried that, POWS didn't want to go, had the appts. set and everything...he said you two need GOD in your life...I said how long have I had these kids in religion, 3, 4, years...I'm nothing without the Good Lord above and I wouldn't be where I am today if it were not for him...

I said POWS will not admit it but wants no part of God in his life...

He said something else (and this was a good conversation BTW) and I told him that POWS will not own up to his responsibilites, admits has a problem blaming OP, told him about the schedule to see the kids that was agreed on when I left, that POWS was NOT taking the kids during the week, only on HIS weekend...

He asked me if POWS ever hit me, I said no, but I thought that was next and I wasn't going to give POWS the opportunity...

At one point I teared up and FIL said that he didn't mean to upset me...by the time the call was over we agreed that they would (Probably FIL) call me to make arrangements to see the boys, instead of waiting on POWS, and we exchanged ILU's at the end...

I told FIL that I told POWS he could call me about the kids or finances and he doesn't...that I had been asking POWS about visitation with them for about 6 weeks now and nothing...

FIL's so worried that this will AFFECT the kids...I said well, my IC said that where it was a good change or a bad change it would take six months and we are all doing well...there's no more tension, we laugh and play more together...we go places all the time...talked about the b-day party and L's bowling trip...told him that we were happier...

IL's are in the mind set, from my POV, that you stay together for the kids, NOT IN MY BOOK! So, should a conversation like this happen in the future, I will handle it the same way I did tonight...bring reality and stand my ground...

I mention that it wasn't my place to keep the kids away from POWS that he had a right to have a relationship with them and vice versa...told him that if I did that then it would only make the kids hate me and there was no sense in hurting myself...He admitted that I was right...

So, this convo was good, and I'm not going to worry about future convos, just take it one at a time...there was even a few questions that I said I would rather not talk about, said that I didn't want to get into all of the details...he said that he understood...

So, I don't know, he asked for my address to send the kids something for their b-day, told him I was using my work address, and that we would call back on L's B-day...


Oh, I called POWS out of the "stipulations of letting someone live there"...he said there was and I said as far as I know there's NOT...said he would check into it...I did tell him about MY convo with BF... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I don't know, I'm in a really good place after so much interactions with POWS and FIL...I don't feel uneasy about convo with FIL and I can only hope that I shined the tiniest bit of sunlight for them...only time will let and it really doesn't matter...

I can chose how much "I" deal with them and how much the kids deal with them...

Well, I guess I'll try to go nap! LMAO... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

u r up quite late or every early? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> hm....

FIL's convo.... realize that's POWs family so they are probably confused.

Get God, be responsible, etc....not bad t/d but if POWs is choosing NOT t/d it, then that s/b exposed. Seems like you did that but they may not want to acknowledge it.

Easy to say, hard t/d especially when one of your own is a jerk! IL's have to face that music.

Keep on moving forward. Don't make it easy for POWs. Do the best for you and the kids. Time is on your side.

Hugz,
L.

From F:

SL- F wanted me to tell you that he hopes that it's true that when the tooth comes out it will feel better, b/c them trying to pull it yesterday, hurt really bad and thank you for the b-day wish...

BUGS- F says stop being so crazy and looked at me and said "it's hurts mom!" Also, thank you for singing Happy Birthday to me!

He said that the pizza and the ice cream was good. I brought them to the local ice cream place for dessert. He's racking up on money...spend all of what he had the other day...got 20 more yesterday and FIL is putting some more in the mail for them.

WEll, let me finished getting ready for work...see ya'll later.

O- I hear you on the IL's...I'm sure that it will all work itself out! On the sleep thing, I hardly ever sleep more than an hour and a half at a time...I need reprogramming...sometimes I can go back to sleep without getting up but most of the time not...

Ce' la ve! (That's life)

Rin... if you are having trouble sleeping, talk to your doctor or exercise early in the day. Do NOT get into the habit of taking Tylenol PM to sleep. It will only make things worse AND you don't need the Tylenol except for pain. The added ingrediantis nothing more than benydrl. So, you could skip the NSAID and just take the benydryl if needed. If your problem is staying asleep though, you most likely need something else. There are great, non narcotic and non addictive meds on the market right now that can help. Most likely your doctor will be happy to give you several weeks worth of samples to help get you back on a regular cycle.
Be careful with the things you put into your body... especially during times of stress. NSAIDS help a lot of people each year...but they also kill their fair share too.

MEDC