AMEN Sistah!!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> Your post says it all!!!!!!

((((bugs))))

Just wanted to say that I'm following along and cheering for you....

(((BUGS)))

Its more comfortable for "people" when there is no conflict.
I think the majority of the population are conflict avoiders to a degree.

They become uncomfortable with your ongoing "conflict" so to soothe themselves, they push you to end the conflict.

Bottom line: Drac has behaved dishonorably. He is not the sort of person I would associate with. Just because you share a child does not mean you need to share anything else.

Figure out a good communication plan that does not include you interacting with him. No more emails, phone calls, voice messages, texts.

Mimi is right. You are not in Plan B.

I think LG's suggestion was a good one. Sit down with him, let him know that you are going back into a true Plan B and WHY (Drac; you treated me worse than anyone ever has. I don't need people in my life that do that. You behaved terribly and have shown no remorse. I can't let you be a part of my life if that is your character.)

Then let him participate in developing a communication plan that doesn't involve direct contact with you.

AMEN to LEXX!!

Bugs:

I liked THIS from you:


He is DRAC. Repelled by your very existence.

HE doesn't like your requirements to have a relationship with you?

Fine, let him change.

IT's about to get even more stupid for Drac. Look how much TIME he really spends with DD? Most times its "lets go to X, Y or Z's place" so DD can play, hang out, or spend the night with, X, Y & Z. But Drac is doing something else. Yeah, he's probably AROUND, but its one of the reasons that she is hesitant to go to his place, she senses that SHE is out of place, and a bother. Like DSS has been all these years. DD is just finally starting to experience it. Sad.

So, I will reinterate your Point:

"The only thing *I* see about talking to him about it is that it makes it easier on HIM and harder on me."

And the rest of them? Family? Good Friends? etc? The "Be NICE now crowd"? Sure, you can be NICE. Once someone STOPS poking you with a Stick, apologizes for it, and trys to treat the wound. But not until then.

LG

Bugs:

I was listening to the tv today to Joyce Meyer. When you need motivation, that the woman that can give it to you.
THen I listened to Charles Stanley on the way into work. I was so pumped up I felt like I was floating.

We have to remember, our husbands are going against God. We aren't to focus on them, right now they are like an anchor in the sea. Focus on them and we'll be in the debths of the mucky water. We are to be like Paul. We are to put our past behind us and focus only on God.

We are to keep praying for our husbands. The more we pray and have others pray for our husbands, the more chances they will have. The more they turn from God the more pride they will exhibit. And remember before there is a major turn for Good there will be an explosion of Bad, but God is there always for us.

Just ask yourself each and every day, " How will I serve my Lord today." Focus on that, and everything else will fall into place because the more we focus on and follow God's will the more pieces of his puzzle he can complete for us. We are not to just read his word daily but study his word and follow his instructions.

I am pumped and ready to read more of his plan. Hope you are too !!!

God bless, and don't worry about what evil is going to be done, worry about what Good will be accomplished. Focus on what you need to pray for and do it, then let God do the rest.

Heya Bugs... had to find your thread on PAGE THREE! What's up? How are you?

YEAH!!! What's up? you've been TOOOO quiet!

I miss you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

We miss you Bugsy..

Oh yes we do...

(((Bugs)))

Thanks all for checking on me!

I'm doing fine. I've just re-arranged some priorities these last several days.

Gave my FULL attention to the kiddos for the weekend.

Took the kids to a new church, which they LOVED. We all agreed that this is where we want to attend regularly!!

Am spending more time with God. Went to the gym.

Focusing on me. I really want to be in the moments of my life more and not in the details of Plan B, Plan D, concerned with Drac, etc. Just want to be in my life, doing good things for me. So, stepped back a bit from here for a break.

I've been trying to read and stay up with everyone, just haven't had much to contribute lately.

Gotta run for now.

Thanks again for checking on me,,,,,,it's so nice to know that you all care!

This is AWESOME Bugs!!!

I'm so glad to hear you're doing so well. Your focus IMO is right where it should be.

After my self-care weekend I'm feeling -MUCH- better because I'm not continually thinking about WW.. it's -so- much healthier, and I'm finding that I'm actually ENJOYING days instead of just getting through them.

I hope your results are as good or better!

(((Bugs)))

PLAN BUGSY sounds GREAT!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Yes, Bugs

We miss you.

This is amazing and SO TRUE. Thank you INAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow Bugs, what an awesome way to live. I am cheering for you and watching with awe on how well you are doing. It's so nice when we forget the "sick one" and just begin to live our life for what's just in front of us - our kids and mostly ourselves. What awesome things G-d wants us to discover about him and about US.

Hugs Bugs........:)

Queenie

Good early morning!

Not sleeping, so finally got up and came by here. Spent some time on the Goddess thread, which is always good therapy!

I am really doing well. Had a couple of email from Drac, but forwarded to someone else to edit and advise. Nothing really important, one email about DSS's grades improving, another wanting to 'share' about DSS doing well. I just got the highlights and let it go.

DSS gets his report card tomorrow - - I have it marked on my calendar and will call and talk to him after school about it.

DD gets hers tomorrow, too. Drac will be picking her up, so he'll see it in her school stuff. *I* will be attending her awards ceremony tomorrow am at school. I don't know if Drac is going - I doubt it. I didn't send him any communication asking him about it. If he went through her backpack this week when he had her, then he knows about it. If he didn't, then he doesn't and that is his problem.

I wasn't even tempted to respond - no feeling of unease about it like I used to have.

I've really been more focused at work. Been to the gym. Gone to church. I spend time every morning alone with God before I do anything else and it really has helped me immensely.

Tomorrow we close on the last piece of property left to settle from the D. The closing is scheduled at 4pm, but I am going in the morning to sign my part so as not to run into Drac. That's one of the nice things about small town business,,,,more flexibility on this kind of thing!

The 'proceeds', such as they are, are probably going into an escrow account while Drac tries to take me back to court over them. His A messed up and is now trying to cover his rear end by taking me back to court. My A is 99% sure it will resolve in my favor.

You know what? No matter how it ends up, it will be in my favor because it's in God's hands. He's got control here and I don't have to worry about it!

Think I'm out on the town tomorrow night with the girls! Think I'll try to pick up a Goddess outfit for the evening!

Well,,,,guess I'd better atleast TRY to get some more rest.

LOL...you sound like me with the sleeping thing...perhaps I need to open that bottle of wine I have in the frig...I'm not one to drink alone...LOL

So, no uneasiness about responsing...like me with the TM...what is that? you know, I actually thought when I read it "What will he think if he doesn't hear from me?" AND THEN, I thought who cares, I hope that it adds to his fall...IS that mean?

Well, I see you are dealing with the report card thing...YS's great, OS, not much different then last 9 weeks...I can tell you that this week I have seen 2 A's, a B, and a perfect on a pop quiz...plus conduct had come up to an A...I think that was the last week before school...I'm not really sure...I think it was before...

Anyway, both of them have filled their jar's up and earned their place to go...so that will be this weekend...the pebbles have returned to my glass vase...I am full to give away again!

Well, i have to go...CUSTOMERS TO TAKE CARE OF...things to do...TGIF!!!

I can't believe it's Sunday night already. Where did the weekend go??

Friday night I went out with the girls and had a lot of fun. Saw an outstanding blues singer at a really fun place. WOW - - talk about a gift. This woman could sing!

Saturday, just worked around the house, took the Bo to the groomers for a bath, did some shopping, ate out and back home early. I was a bit tired from being out too late Friday night (Sat morning!)

Today, went to church and out to breakfast. Then relaxed around the house, did a bit more cleaning/laundry. BabyBugs got home from Drac's. Was a bit tough having to hear about the HO coming over for an evening of fun & games. Atleast she didn't spend the night! I did still get that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach when I heard about it. I just quickly switched the subject. BabyBugs was so sweet about it, concerned with my feelings.

Then, as she was getting ready for bed, she decided she was ready to FINALLY pull out the very, very, loose tooth she has. It's the first one to come out & she's been SO excited wanting it to happen. I let her do it totally on her own & she was THRILLED!! We had to call the entire family,,,Drac first.

I didn't think she would EVER get to sleep she was so wound up about it! Well, the tooth fairy is going to leave a bit of $ for her AND a brand new pink bible with a ladybug on the outside. She's wanted a new Bible for church & I found it for her Sat night when I was shopping. This seems the perfect opportunity to have the tooth fairy give it to her. Now I"M getting excited about her finding it in the morning!!

Guess I'll turn in and try not to dream about the Drac. I have been doing really well. Knowing that he's not any where near to being 'broken' or having any desire to be with me and likely, he never will hurts me, as I do still love him, but it's been manageable. The knowledge that the HO is still around just cuts and re-opens the wound. I really hate her. Having her around my baby just makes me so angry. But, I can only control ME - - so I"m working on letting that go. It's outta my hands and has been all along.

Gotta go play tooth fairy!!

Wow, Bugs. Highs and lows. Sorry for the Drac/HO triggers. It's nice that BabyBugs already knows it hurts you. You'll get to a point where she knows what to tell you and what not to tell you. It's a fine line--you have to be available to listen to whatever she needs to talk about but you still want to protect yourself. It sounds like you're doing a really good job.

I know exactly how you feel about having her around your kids.

(((Bugs)))

But the tooth news is very cool. The first one is always exciting. Around our house, the tooth fairy has been known to show up multiple evenings and leave notes. One of those fun milestones.

SD- that's really cool! That's the things that they will remember when they are older...

BUGS- I love the idea of the Bible...looking forward to hearing what BB thought about it!

In my FU convo with STBX this Sat. night, I said something about not talking bad about him and hearing from OP THINGS THAT HE WAS DOING...I told him that I asked OP to stop telling me what he was doing but it wasn't like I could ask the kids to stop, that wouldn't exactly be promoting a postive R with them...told him I have worked my @ss off for the R that I have with them, that I didn't have to ask questions about what he was doing when they were with him, they just came to me...

Laid into him for calling me a B!tch in front of them and getting on them about them passing info to me...I chewed him @ss up and down...told him that he didn't realize the damage that he's done and one day he will!

Is it horrible to want to ask to his suffering by being REAL with him?

Sorry I should have added that to my threat...LOL

Point being is that I understand where you are coming from...so you are not alone...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well, after a couple of pretty Down days, I think I am battling back.

The reality of the ho spending time with my kids really hit me hard. I decided to acknowledge the pain so that I could try to let it go. I'm getting there,,,,,albiet a bit slowly. Everyone around me seemed to notice that I was down,,,,,,,,,,,which I really hate it when that happens!

A co-worker friend told me today that she'd heard the rumor they were back together. She is of the opinion that the ho is 'playing' Drac. And, she is probably right. The thing I realized tonight is perhaps that is a GOOD thing. He hadn't hit rock bottom. He hasn't a clue as to what he has lost in me, as he was/is still addicted to her. Them "getting back together" may be just what is necessary for him to finally see their R for what it truly is, and then possibly for him to hit that bottom when her true colors finally come to light.

As long as my KIDS can be kept from the fallout and the pain! THAT is my #1 concern. I can't control that he is bringing her around again. I really HATE it, but I can't control it.

I am curious to see if he realizes that he has the kids again this weekend, due to the MLK holiday on Monday, he is to have them til Monday night. Normally, this is MY scheduled weekend. As such, he'd have DD Wed and Thurs after school. Thursday is my bday, so no matter what, she is supposed to be with me. We'll see if he tried to pick her up - - - I'm not going to remind him. My mom is picking her up early, so it won't be an issue no matter what he does or doesn't do.

I thought about having him notified that it's not his weekend, but I stopped myself. It's not my job to remind him of the schedule that HE created. I have updated the online calendar that I created and it shows everything thru the month of March. It's his choice to use it or not. Let the ho keep track for him. Yeah,,, right!

Ok, enough of this! I'm going to get DD ready & in bed. Then, I think a nice hot bath is in order - - with a glass of wine, candles, and lots & lots of bubbles!

Bugs,
I just had to pop in to say that I LOVE LOVE the quote from your Mom. Every time I read one of your posts, it just stares at me as if it is trying to penetrate into my hardhead!
It makes me laugh every time and lordy knows we all need that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />