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I was just wondering, is it more common for an affair to be discovered by the BS or is it not until the WS confesses?
Me-41 BS (FWS) DH-41 WS (FBS) 2DD's- 10 and 12 Married 15 years Separated for 2 years after my A Reconciled for 1 year before his A D-day for his A 8/23/05 WH moved out 9/16/05 Divorce final 1/23/07 Affair ended or month or so later My Story
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Joined: Apr 2001
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In my case, I busted his [censored]. I suspect that describes the majority.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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DD27 discovered emails and confronted WH who then confessed to me the first D Day. I busted the other 3.
Ace
FWH/BW (me)57+ M:36+ yr. 4 D-Days: Jun-Nov 06 E/PA~OW#2 (OW#1 2000)
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Like a WS will willingly lay down the crack pipe in the middle of an affair. LOL.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW) D-Day August 2005 Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23 Empty Nesters. Fully Recovered.
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********************edit****************
Last edited by Justuss; 10/30/07 09:02 PM.
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So SSB, do you have a problem with your PC or Mac? Seems to be copying and pasting the same confusing stuff on different posts.
Care to explain why? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
L.
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I busted my FWH every single frickin' time... its why I'm still alert. Oh, well my oldest busted him the final time... walked in on him making out with the OW on our couch. My oldest was 15 at the time.
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I busted my FWH every single frickin' time... its why I'm still alert. Oh, well my oldest busted him the final time... walked in on him making out with the OW on our couch. My oldest was 15 at the time. Nice touch. She must have been destroyed. How could he do that. WOW.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW) D-Day August 2005 Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23 Empty Nesters. Fully Recovered.
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Busted my WH after 6 months of telling him I was worried about our relationship. He kept telling me everything would be alright. Yeah right.
He continued insisting there was no affair until I caught them in bed. Then he switched it to they were not living together. That went on for 3 more years until I lost interest.
In my time here, there have been very few WS's who confessed. I always look at owning up as a positive sign.
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I busted him. He confessed and all heck then broke loose.
BS(me) 40 WH 40 D-day 10/03/2007 ***Recovering and growing wiser and stronger.*** I was divorced 10/08/2008.
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My WS confessed.
I had suspected something a year ago. It was a ONS and my WS confessed in the end when the ONS resulted in pregnancy.
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Busted. I found old chat logs on our home computer when XH took work in another country and I was preparing to move us. The Internet was still new, and I learned how to use it when XH moved, so we could email and such. Once I got comfortable using the computer I started looking in files stored on it.
What I found curled my hair (and turned my stomach)... he had an online EA for 2 1/2 YEARS right under my nose. And here I thought he was working on the computer for 'work stuff' all those nights <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Of course nowadays everybody knows about chat rooms and stuff - I had no idea 12 years ago.
By the time I found those old logs, it was allegedly "over" for 6 months or so but they were "still friends" (gag). I told him at the time that wasn't going to fly with me. I had no knowledge of MB or its principles but I figured out a lot on my own - exposure, NC...
Oh and the kicker was that he and I had been going to marriage counseling for 18 months. I don't know if the EA started before or during the MC... but I know it went on all throughout. So he sat there in MC making like he was the perfect husband and the problems were all about me. After 18 months of weekly sessions the MC cut us loose.
I left MC feeling like there was something wrong with me. There wasn't - it was the fact that he was carrying on with a college student (she was 17 when it started!) He was 14 years older than she.
I confronted her by email too - didn't accomplish much but I felt better afterward.
If I hadn't explored the home computer I'd have never been the wiser. I became a world class snoop after that. It wasn't the first or the last lie I busted him in - but it was definitely the biggest.
OH and he denied it all at first too, until I read back some of his filthy chat transcripts - he couldn't lie his way out of those.
My mother busted my father too - twice. After the second time, she heaved him out for the last time. He cheated on the next wife too - and she heaved his [censored] out the door also.
Most people won't admit anything until they are busted - and even then they'll lie.
JinGA
F/40, DD15 DS13
M 1989
DDay his EA May 1998.
S Aug 2004.
D Dec 05. I filed.
4/07 Post-D Plan A with 180, with hopes of R.
6/23/07 XH said no to R.
8/24/07 Went on a date with someone new, "B".
1/22/08 Still seeing B, life is good! Learning and growing each day.
Ask me about Geocaching!
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Neither really. She left our home computer on with her/OM explicit text messages and pics on the screen.She always was a weenie in facing up to her responsibilities.This was an obvious "I hate you, I want to humiliate you" but I don't have the cojones to tell you face-to-face.
She disappeared for over a week and then rushed home so she could tell her parents that I had left her and she didn't know why.
She also ran home to find out why all her checks were bouncing and our joint credit cards were being refused. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />
Divorced: "Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle
You believe easily what you hope for ernestly
Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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Busted her while she was out of town. Cell phone records first, then Internet traffic and emails etc. I discussed what I had dug up with her twin sister while formulating my plan for lowering the boom.
When I confronted her I had so much information it took a couple hours just for me to present my evidence.
Funny that she still tried to weasel out of it...
If I had found this site by then I might have exposed to more people and more quickly. Her sister knew from the start, a few friends and family members heard over the next week or so. If I was to do it now, everybody would hear about it before she got home and I confronted her. While she was driving home would have been perfect..."You know this trip she is on? Well let me tell you about this trip..."
Mark
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In my case it was a little of both i think. My FWH had never ever stayed out late (in 24 years). The night i found out he did not come home until midnight and when i asked him where he was he told me.
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Busted. It took undeniable proof shoved in her face to get her to confess.
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Busted a few months after it ended. Full confession followed. I had some papers in my hand that he assumed was "evidence". It was some MB stuff and a phone bill.
Marriages don't fail, people do.
(And I don't recall who said it)
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I busted my wife.
The OM just couldn't resist calling her cell during supper time and SS handed me her phone.
Her only confession, even after all of the evidence shoved in her face was "yeah, I effed him!, so what".
I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
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Busted..
still hasn't confessed..
they were 'just friends' before she left me.
Riiiiiiiiiight.
Me - 32 DS - 5 DD - 13 DSD - 9 D final 12-8-08
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For what it's worth (or turned out to be worth), I confessed, unprompted.
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