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When she gets this way, she completly shuts me out. If I attempt to push in she extends her hand and asks me to get away. Ok I get that. I did the same. Just let her know that you are there for her. It's almost impossible to accept loving gestures at times from the one who caused the pain. Acknowledge it anyhow. tst, Anger for me was the HARDEST thing to let go of. I learned to control it and learned to "not go there". But it took a good part of 18 months plus to not feel it constantly. And about 6 months not to LB with it. She's gonna feel it and there's like no place to let it go. She will have to learn what works for her. Time. It takes time. You're doing good.
BW(me)
DDay EA 4/05
DDay PA 6/05
In recovery
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Lots of time. Just when you think everything's going along great... BOOM, outta no where a trigger appears. It does get easier and less and less though.
I agree... you are doing good. In fact, I think you're doing outstanding.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Our chuch has 4 services and 2500 members. I am not comfortable returning and risking incidental contact, and I also feel it is not OM's burden to bear. Find another church. It's simply not worth the risk (W) or the pain (you). tst, you never answered some of the questions I have. It seems that you really value this church and the time you spent there. Did you attend this church or any church while you were having the affair?
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Went with my wife to meet a third party this morning to return a camera she borrowed from OM. Placed NC letter in camera case as I cannot get his current address.
Third party very supportive of both of us and shared that OM wanted me to know he was not returning to our church.
Any thoughts?
Later went, with my wife, to my mothers to make ammends to her for all my lying and deception. The visit went well!
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Went with my wife to meet a third party this morning to return a camera she borrowed from OM. Placed NC letter in camera case as I cannot get his current address.
Third party very supportive of both of us and shared that OM wanted me to know he was not returning to our church.
Any thoughts?
Later went, with my wife, to my mothers to make ammends to her for all my lying and deception. The visit went well! Few weeks from now, this OM might have urges to see your W and he can return. There is a risk for you to return back to this church? Why is returning back to THIS church such a big deal, it's not like you're being asked to change to a different religion. Why are you avoiding my questions in my prior post?
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TST..stay the course. If the OM has said he is leaving the church, I think it is okay to return there so long as the pastor knows of the situation and agrees that there needs to be NC for life. This way, if the OM shows up for some unknown reason....the pastor will already be aware of the issue and possibly even block his access to the church.
TST, regarding my earlier suggestion to you, I hope you are making use of the ignore feature.
Last edited by mkeverydaycnt; 11/10/07 02:58 PM.
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counseling with Jeniffer Harley went well last night.
She gave us both a lot of information and a lot of work to do before our next appointment on Sunday.
I will keep you updated when I have some more time.
----Thanks for all the prayers----
Keep them coming!!
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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TST..stay the course. If the OM has said he is leaving the church, I think it is okay to return there so long as the pastor knows of the situation and agrees that there needs to be NC for life. This way, if the OM shows up for some unknown reason....the pastor will already be aware of the issue and possibly even block his access to the church. I agree with MEDC, especially if you guys are really plugged into this church and are getting fed. Letting the pastor know is a great idea.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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We made the joint decision to stay at our church as long as OM stays away. We agreed to share everything with our Pastor so we can recieve his support. We are trusting God and each other in this decision.
Thanks
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Third party very supportive of both of us and shared that OM wanted me to know he was not returning to our church.
Any thoughts? He seems like a classy guy. It also seems that he will probably not show up at the church. If he does show up, he will probably show up with a mission and plan to win over your wife.
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TST...once again I implore you to ignore this bum advisor. A classy guy would not have slept with your wife. Ignore her baiting you...talk to SMB for she has also baited her as well. Bum advisor is one sick little individual.
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I have had BA1 on ignore all along. I hope BA1 gets the hint and stops posting IMMEDIATLY!
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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I have had BA1 on ignore all along. I hope BA1 gets the hint and stops posting IMMEDIATLY! No offense taken, but I will continue to post here.
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BA why do yo think your advice is "the best " ?
MB Alumni
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I have had BA1 on ignore all along. I hope BA1 gets the hint and stops posting IMMEDIATLY! No offense taken, but I will continue to post here. Why bother? It appears that most of whom you prey on have you on ignore, and those of us who don't know you are full of cr*p anyways, and all you are doing is giving us a good laugh. You MUST have something better to do with your time. Doesn't your hair need washing or something? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. 
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Went to visit my wifes attorney today. We sat down and reviewed Post-Nup. agreement. I agreed to sign all assets over to my wife if we ever divorce for any reason other than her own infidelity. I don't intend for our marriage to ever end and I agreed to protect her at all cost, which includes this Post-Nup. I feel very good at this point and I have no reservations about any decisions that can build her trust again.
My wife thanked me. I again apologised to her and reminded her that this was all necessary due to my poor choices and my failure to protect her and our marriage.
We then proceeded to her favorite activity - SHOPPING!
It's been a good day.
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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I just learned she gave herself to another man four weeks ago and that she told me she also gave her heart to him. tst Would you have written her the apology letter if you knew in advanced that she was involved? If you knew, what would you have done?
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tst,
The previous poster is a troll, probably bestadvisor1. I suggest you ignore this one too.
BW(me)
DDay EA 4/05
DDay PA 6/05
In recovery
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We then proceeded to her favorite activity - SHOPPING!
It's been a good day. Wonderful! We haven't heard much from you lately. Was just hoping that all is going well. It is so nice to hear that it is.
BW(me)
DDay EA 4/05
DDay PA 6/05
In recovery
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