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I understand your confusion around the issue of love, since it is very likely that you became involved with an adult at the age of 13. I also understand the pressing issue of wanting to get a driver's license at 38, and I would encourage you to do so. I would also encourage you to seek out an IC in your area as well as a women's shelter. Be honest about your complete background and how you first became sexually involved with an adult as a minor. At some point you may change your perspective as you gain more insight.
For the record: I am not being mean to you. Sometimes advice that is helpful to you may not be in line with what you want to hear. Just keep that in mind.

I apologize for seemingly attacking you Yankee.

It's your husband actions and behavior that I am appalled at.

Please...find a way to get your driver's license.

Mayb a job too.

He is your husband...he should support you becoming a strong, independent, fully-functioning member of society.

He doesn't have the right to suppress you and hold you captive.

Keep the phone number of a woman's sheltor handy in your purse or under your bed.

IF he ever hits you get out. When a man raises his hand to woman he loses his claim on manhood. ONE TIME is too much.

I realize you are likely trapped so the initial steps are to do things you can to become a functioning adult so that if and when the day comes you need to leave...you can.

YOU matter.

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - go to the "my home" area of this website and immediately change your member name. Yankeexxxxx, when googled shows over 100 hits and by using such name ANYONE with the time and inclination can research and determine all your personal information. This is supposed to be an anonymous board. Don't ever use your primary email address, ebay account, etc. name when you register on a board and if you do...don't put your real name in the member information. Create on on-line persona separate from yourself.

You keep saying you're not going to post here anymore... but yet here you are!

I think you just like playing the victim. Some people may have come to some conclusions about your situation that were unfounded, but many here have tried to help you. Instead of listening, you go into "stop being mean to me". Whatever. You're a victim of your marriage and a victim here too. Time for you to lick your wounds, I guess.

I'm done.

seeee people are calming down and helping you.....now can you do us a favor and explain your situation FULLY so we may understand your needs better.

EXACTLY. People here CAN help you, you have just got to let them help you. If you give more details it helps because people can give you the appropriate advice, given your situation.

I assure you, no one is MAD at you. They are all CONCERNED.

BTW, this is totally unrelated to yankee's story... or maybe it isn't... but it's actually quite common for a young teenager to become enamored with an adult and then spend the rest of their lives with them. I'm thinking about a celebrity in particular. Celine Dion. She was 13 when she started dating her manager who was probably in his early 30's at the time. He's never been to jail as far as I know. I know it is still statutory rape, but it happens. Just wanted to put that out there.

ok first I want to say I dont want to leave him I love him and I know he Loves me as for being raped I was raped for as long as I can remember my my step dad and I thank God my husband got me out of there yes we were young when we met and we met at my school he was hanging around and we became friends and it was him who convinced me to leave with him and I did .my mom was the one who signed for me to get married and I am sure she was just glad to have one less mouth to feed. and yes my husband said I should not talk to my family but that was just because they eather did not believe me or they thought it was my fault, as far as his parents I have never saw them, My oldest sister died in a car accident and her boyfriend did not want the boys so we took them in but they were mostly raised anyway and I know I had my kids early I did not want to but my husband thought it would be best and one thing led to another and we had our kids I do work from home my husband made me learn to type and I work on my computer from home 40 hrs a week my weekly pay checks go to his bank account because he pays all the bills anyway,I just wanted to get a drivers license but he said I dont need it, as far as friends he said they are just trouble and to be quite honset I have never had a friend so I wouldnt know but we live in a very rural area and I dont know anyone around here,as far as school I quit in the 7th grade but have tried to read alot and I believe I am at least average, my husband takes me anywhere I need to go. and as far as being hit yes I have been hit over the years but its usually because I was nagging about something..which I am trying to work on and I know he has alot of stress at work, and when he does get mad he dosent mean it and I know he is just trying to protect me from getting hurt . and I know you all are thinking I should leave him which is so wrong if you knew him you would think different. I mean he took me when no one would have wanted me and taught me so many things cooking,cleaning, typing, etc so he has helped me so much with my life.. anyway there is my story

Oh how I understand how you are thinking. I spent eight years of my younger years in a simmilar situation. Just like no one understands what an affair feels like until they are in it this is also very hard to understand unless you have lived it.
Let me assure you that you owe this man nothing...you may be gratefull but the only person you owe is yourself. I always said I wish I would have been hit more instead of the psychological crud that he did. I too JUSTIFIED bad and violent behavior. There is NO justification to hit a woman to hit a child or to hit anyone. I don't care if you nagged all day long it will never make it right. It is not an easy thing to get your head into but you have to realize YOU DESERVE to have anything and do anything you want. Think of how you have helped yourself in your own life do not give him all the credit. He is scared of losing you and he needs the control because they are his issues. Don't lose yourself in the process. I remember once wanting to leave because I decided I could not take the abuse anymore but before I did I thought I should go and fold his laundry first. It is not the hit that is damaging it is what it does to your mind. Keep posting there is so much support here and I just got here.

ok this is a start....you opened up....be proud of yourself..

now...lets start with the past....you got out of a horrible situation....that is commendable....however...Staying in school should have been a priority.....were there no agencies to help you that you could have looked into?

You respect you husband for what he did for you......but you have rights this is america.....you have the right to drive as well as a right to be able to go places....do you think he has a fear that if you start leaving the house you will leave him?

Also no matter what the circumstances 2 adults should be able to communicate by talking.....using hands and aggression (ie hitting) is not acceptable....what does that teach your children? I don't care if I simply asked when a bill was going to be paid if my husband had ever hit me....no matter what he had done for me in the past....it would have been on like donkey kong.....

Yes he taught you alot....but you are your own person.....he has no right to rule your life you are not his property......he cannot move and mold you as he sees fit. I see you isolated being in a rural area...with no friends....so no one knows where you are and if there is trouble....no one can help you....

I am not telling you these things to be mean.....I want you to think....you had the instinct to think and look and you found this place.....you wouldn't have looked for help unless you needed it.

Yankee, OK...so you lover your husband.

I'll be honest with you and tell you that he was wrong to develop a relationship with you when you were a child. A 24-year-old man has no business hanging around a school. That is what a pedophile does, and his actions toward you were those of a pedophile. I am so sorry that your step-father raped you. He should be in prison. He stole your childhood from you.

However, your husband should also be in prison. Men who "like" little girls manage to get to them by winning their trust. Your husband KNEW what your step-father did to you, yet he STILL initiated a sexual relationship with you...when you were just a little girl.

I will repeat to you again: Your husband has absolutely NO BUSINESS HITTING YOU.

That is abuse. Your nagging him is NO EXCUSE FOR HIS ABUSING YOU. There is NOTHING you can do that would justify his hitting you.

Your husband hits you because he is a COWARD.

One reason that your husband does not want you to have friends is probably so that you will not learn what a REAL marriage is all about. He does not want you to learn from real-life people that good husbands do NOT hit their wives. He does not want you to learn that good husbands do NOT take all their wives' earnings. He does not want you to learn that good husbands do NOT isolate their wives from people who can HELP their wives if they need help. He does not want you to have real friends...and by the way, TRUE friends are a BLESSING! He doesn't want you to learn that good husbands do not treat their wives like children. He does not want you to learn that good husbands do not control their wives' every action.

And, although I'm sure this will make you angry, if your husband is still messing with little girls, he doesn't want you to catch him doing it.

THOSE are the reasons that he doesn't want you to learn to drive.

I know that you don't want us telling you this, but from what you've told us, it's the truth. TRUE friends will tell you the truth.

I realize that we are all just IDs on a board to you, but many of us have been here for a long time and have learned a great deal about each other. Some of the members here have even met in person. There are many, many kind people on this site, and they will help you as much as possible.

We are not going to tell you to fight with your husband, but we do want you to learn to stand up for yourself and to protect yourself.

I will pray for you and your husband, if you don't mind. I will pray for your safety, and I will pray that God opens your husband's eyes and that your husband will seek counseling and help to stop his abuse of you.

sweetie....I am not going to tell you to leave your H. I want you too...but that is your decision. But bottom line is, he has brainwashed you.
First off...he was a man hanging around a school of children. What does that tell you?

As far as "knowing him"...I do...I have known hundreds like him. They isolate and make their victims feel inferior. They use verbal and physical abuse to keep their victims down...because they are cowards.

So, what can you do? I would pray that you seek shelter at a women's center. From that point forward, if your H wishes to have a marriage with an equal...he will change. But you should never tolerate the type of behaviors he is displaying. never.

You talk about what he has done for you. I don't even know you....and I would take you out of that situation into my home tomorrow. You would be treated with respect and dignity....just as you would be at a woman's shelter. See, your H didn't do you any favors...he cornered himself a person that he knew he could manipulate into staying with him under his ridiculous terms.

My background...I was a police officer. I also am a sexual abuse survivor. I work with victims of abuse on a daily basis and truly want to help you. If you say the word, we could have you placed in a safe place as soon as tomorrow. Your life could change for the better immediately.

Friends are an invaluable thing in life. You will meet some and learn that the bond you form with them will help you through your life.

Please step back for a minute...let me talk to the young girl that was assaulted all those years ago by her step dad and then her H....is this really God's plan for your life? Would you want this for your daughter? Well, God does not want it for His daughter. You have made it to our "doorstep" for a reason. We can help you...but only if you are willing to help yourself some too. I know it is scary...I know it seems that your H has your best interests at heart...but LOVE true love is not a closed fist or a slap across the face. It is a gentle and caring hand that protects those most dear to it.

Say the word and I will open every door I can to find you the help and compassion that you need. It may be cliche...but tomorrow can truly be a new day for you.

I offer you Thing One or Thing Two.

Thing One:

You do not ASK him to go get a driver's license.

You go get one yourself. An adult woman of 38 goes and gets a driver's license independently of any other person on the earth. You have the independent ability to negotiate the Internet. You say you work 40 hours per week, "typing". You say you have a bank account.

If those things are true, then you have the perfect and innate ability to access your own bank funds from your own paycheck, garner car insurance for yourself via the Internet (which you OBVIOUSLY can use), obtain training for yourself to learn to drive a vehicle, and obtain the license to drive from your state department of motor vehicles.

Your husband need not enter the picture, except to inform him of your activities. This is not an action that appears to me to be out of the norm of society in the 21st Century, and if you are not part of a polygamist society, which you claim you are NOT, then I see no reason why you are unable to do these things on your own.

IF WHAT YOU SAY IS TRUE.

However,

Thing two:

I sincerely disbelieve your story. Why?

Someone who works 40 hours per week "typing" would have to have much better skills with grammar, syntax, spelling, puncutation, and semantics than you present.

Furthermore, the errors you have made seemingly great effort to present in your writing "rilly" show some problems for me. I just don't buy this story, not "rilly".

Can you explain why you can spell "probably" correctly, and not the phrase "a lot". Hmmmm. And why, oh why, would you be able to utilize the rule of "ea" to make the vowel "e" long in the word "scream", and not in the word "really"?

If you "type" for a living, for whom do you type - illiterates? Or just people who do not care about the product?

Just had to throw this in there.

Either Thing One or Thing Two applies. Pick one.

SB

The reason you need a drivers license is so that you can drive the family van to the nearest community adult education center to take the necessary classes to obtain your GED.

Perfect logic.

Your kids are raised and out of the house. Time for you to join civilization, expand your mind and explore the world around you.

You also need to know how to take care of yourself should anything unfortunate happen to your husband including his disability. If he becomes disabled...you'll need to do it all...including driving.

Every community...no matter how rural offers adult continuing education.

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - schoolbus...she said she learned to type and works at home. I might have missed it but I didn't see her say she earned the money actually typing/typesetting.

Thank you MrWondering I never said I was good at it, sorry for not putting that in all i do online is verify orders and everything is recorded I cant say more about it here because we are not to post about it,but I can type ok but i cant spell very well but I have been using the readers digest word power things and i am trying to get better, i dont think my husband would allow me to go to school and like the other person said I cant spell so I would look stupid anyway, He said I didnt need it years ago that is why i quit and he was right I have been doing ok so far anyway I have to get off this for the night. I shouldnt be on when I am not working, but I will be back on tomorrow at noon see everyone later

Sorry, but my radar just says no, no, no.

Just note - no matter what you advised, there's a reason she CANNOT do it.

Yet....she's here....and husband hasn't busted her. No fear of that?

But she's afraid to ask for a driver's license? Or money? To make a friend?

Six kids who won't help her? What's up with that?

She took in her 14 year old brothers when she was 16 ish.

That makes them 36 year old men now. Can't they help?
What's up with them? Don't they have the Internet? Can't she email them? Can't she Google them for help? Google one of her own four kids?

Google the STATE POLICE?

I just do not understand someone who is 38 and appears to be completely able to find this forum - INFIDELITY mind you - and ask about DRIVER'S LICENSES - and come off talking like a 14 year old who is "yanking" our chains.

And the story is out of some old movie.

Rilly. A movie.

Maybe I am just too skeptical, but please.

Color me gone on this one.

SB


SB

Yankee,

Can't your children help you out? Can't they teach you how to drive? Or talk to your H on your behalf?

Aren't you friends w/ their spouses? Or how about their spouse's parents?

I take it you don't attend church either, huh?

~ Marsh

yankee29164, I advise you not to disclose this website and what you're donig on this website to your husband. If you do, you will lose the support and views that you were totally unaware of and at the same time, if he finds out, he could beat you.

How old are your children?

I have already told him I was on this site and I told him why
Although he was upset with me,he said he was proud of me
not lying to him and telling him the truith.
He said when the time is right he will
let me drive, So I am going to get to drive!!
He said I should not have told everyone about me
that I was still immature and never to tell
personal things online to people I dont even know
and he is right,I should not have done that.
and he said that you all would tell me to leave him
which everyone has done, just so I will be all
alone, Which I am not because I told everyone I was not going
to leave him. I dont have any ideas of leaving,
all I ask for was advise on a better way to ask
him a question, he read everything that everyone wrote.
and would have been a lot madder if I had lied and not told
him,I dont keep things from him, he said thats why
we have been together so long, look at all the marriages
now days breaking up so soon.like I said , you would have
to know him, He is not a bad person.

SB...I'm skeptical as well.

yankee,

Just for the sake of argument, assuming your motives are honest...

Here's the thing - you want a driver's license? You don't need permission. The way to bring it up to your husband is simply to say, "I would like to obtain a driver's license. Will you assist me in doing so?"

If he says no, your choices are to either comply or obtain the license on your own, without his help.

You don't NEED a reason to get a driver's license. You want one, you are an adult and your H is not your parent. You don't need his permission. I question why you would come here and pose a question to us that is along the lines of "I want this, but my daddy says no."

With all due respect, you are not a prisoner there. If you are unhappy about his unwillingness to agree to "allow" you to be a licensed driver, you aren't a victim. You are choosing to allow yourself to be controlled.

no, he's not a bad person. he was just an adult having sex with a minor that happens to beat his wife. But, he's a good guy...really.

Puke.