|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,871
Member
|
Member
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,871 |
Two days ago, my son and I had an interaction where I gave him a set of instructions. He heard it differently, and got very frustrated with me when he showed up at work and told me I didn't say that. I just apologized and without questioning it, said it was my fault. Maybe it's not a matter of right or wrong, but about becoming more CLEAR in your daily interactions, being proactive. Unless it's disrespectful, intead of ASKING if you can put something on a calendar, be proactive and then INFORM your boss that you've scheduled the time for the meeting on a calendar with a reminder. Looking into the past to correct these problems isn't, IMO, the best place to start. Look at your interactions DAILY, and see where you can improve. You CANNOT improve others hearing problems or perceptions, but you can be CLEAR in your interactions. Hope this helps in some little way. I hear that you have a moment of struggle to deal with. It will pass... Hugz to you (((skinsgal)))
Last edited by silentlucidity; 01/24/08 02:27 PM.
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,583
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,583 |
thought I already posted this...but it didn't show up. Who knows! Here I go again.
{{{{{{{SG}}}}}}}
I understand your pain, SG, when you think about them together, and feeling like being thrown away like garbage, and hurting for your children.
I wish having faith meant the pain would go away, but it doesn't.
We all have moments like this. I know you already know that. Hang in there.
Happily married to HerPapaBear
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643 |
Maybe it's not a matter of right or wrong, but about becoming more CLEAR in your daily interactions, being proactive. I think this is a wonderful thought. Thanks. Looking into the past to correct these problems isn't, IMO, the best place to start. Look at your interactions DAILY, and see where you can improve. You CANNOT improve others hearing problems or perceptions, but you can be CLEAR in your interactions. This is a great idea. Actually what this comment brings up for me is a G-d moment. It's giving me a new way of living my new life and correcting those things in the past which were frusrating to me and caused problems. Wow, SL. A G-d moment, thank you....
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643 |
I wish having faith meant the pain would go away, but it doesn't.
We all have moments like this. I know you already know that. Hang in there. I am, and that's why I am posting, because I am not letting the pain grab hold of me. No, it doesn't make the pain go away, it just give me the OPPORTUNITY to ask G-d for help and watch our FAITH grow deeper. Because just a week ago, when I had those thoughts, it darn near crippled me for hours. Now, I just accept it for what it is... and let G-d hold me. Plus I come here and want to be with all of you. The recipe for success = G-d, MB and willing to go to any lengths to change and learn.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,900
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,900 |
The recipe for success = G-d, MB and willing to go to any lengths to change and learn. Amen SG.. you're in a wonderful place, and have the arms of the greatest healer around you. Give your anxiety to God as well.. Why worry when you can pray?
Me - 32
DS - 5
DD - 13
DSD - 9
D final 12-8-08
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643 |
Give your anxiety to God as well.. Why worry when you can pray? Not one good reason... It's funny, I don't feel like it's worrying. Just sadness which I perceive (but we know my perceptions), as different.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,871
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,871 |
Whenever I have been down, and posted, I was flooded with advice, with jokes, with whatever I needed at the time to climb the rocks in my path. I would also find threads that helped to either give me hope, or to laugh. I know we're supposed to be helping marriages, but I find it helpful when people joke and talk about REGULAR life, and it's many wonders. Even if I'm only distracted for a moment, it's a moment away from whatever is tormenting me, and gives me time to build strength, AND HOPE, that I, too, will be posting about REGULAR life again, instead of infidelity and it's many gifts <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643 |
REGULAR life again, instead of infidelity and it's many gifts What a blessing this would be. What threads brought you the most help, hope and laugh?
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643 |
I know we're supposed to be helping marriages, but I find it helpful when people joke and talk about REGULAR life, and it's many wonders. Actually this is helping marriages, especially for those of us who need to just be still. It helps to be still with people who understand and can support you and love you for what you are feeling and working through.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,871
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,871 |
Lately, it's been the Goddess thread, and minor stuff on my own thread, here and there.
When I was in Plan B, we had a big thread going for those in Plan B or in Plan a heading toward Plan B. We called ourselves the Killer Bee's. If you look up old posts from the poster Chrisner, you will usually find some humor, or be blasted by it. HE's a funny dude, and has survived his Plan A, Plan B, and D.
HUmor helps me a lot, even if it is poking at infidelity. THe main thing is that I don't ever feel ALONE; there is a brotherhood that I can go to that can swat me when I need it or lift me up when I'm down.
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643 |
HUmor helps me a lot, even if it is poking at infidelity. THe main thing is that I don't ever feel ALONE; there is a brotherhood that I can go to that can swat me when I need it or lift me up when I'm down. Humor was the one thing I lost in the beginning. I have found it again, thank G-d. Without it I am sunk. You are so right. This site has saved my life, not in place of G-d, but how so many kept steering me to G-d and believing in me when you didn't know me. That's what is most amazing, you know.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,536
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,536 |
Remember you are the daughter of the King! Hey, I didn't know Elvis was your daddy! (Bad attempt at humor.) You know what is comming next right? He really is losing a WINNER and AMAZING woman in me.
FBH 44
FWW 41
DD 16
DD 11
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643 |
I really appreciate you TMTS. Thanks for keeping this in front of me. I really need to see it.
I have a phone counseling appt in a few minutes and seem really weird about it. Not with the Harleys, but with the company who wrote 31 reason to NOT have an affair.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 188
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 188 |
You are giving it to God when you pray..."I want what You want."
When asked your opinion say, "I want what He wants..."
When trying to decide, "What do You want?"
When seeking direction "What would He have me do?"
When asked what was the most important of all the commandments, Jesus answered that it was this..."To love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your strength." and then he added that the second most important was "To love your neighbor as yourself."
After that, you can pretty much do what ever you want.
Psalm 42:1&2As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?
42:11 Why so downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my savior and my God."
Psalm 33:4&5 For the word of the Lord is right and true; He is faithful in all He does. The Lord loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of His unfailing love. Yup, that's what I mean. Also praise Him in everything and for everything. Continue to Walk In Love-What is Love?? God is love. When you obey God's commandments, not just the 10 commandments and living for Him and walking in His ways, that's also putting Him first. That's living a Godly life. Do it and watch your circumstances change for the best! What are God's ways, how does He think?? Read the word daily and you will know.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643 |
Continue to Walk In Love-What is Love?? God is love. When you obey God's commandments, not just the 10 commandments and living for Him and walking in His ways, that's also putting Him first. That's living a Godly life. Do it and watch your circumstances change for the best! What are God's ways, how does He think?? Read the word daily and you will know. Did you know that in Judaism there are 613 commandmants or Oral law. I have a lot to learn. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 188
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 188 |
Oh gosh, whatever God commands is good, it's for our good. So if it's 613 you have to learn then so be it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
gotta go for now! I'll be here later.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643 |
Well, now I am a wreck. Long phone call and so much pain. So much pain..... I thought I was past the crying... evidently NOT.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> But then I remember all you have told and given me and I am saying to G-d.... Here I am..... Please just tell me what to do next.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,871
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,871 |
(((skinsgal)))
There always seem to be tears at the ready, don't there?
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643 |
It's almost as if it is a cleansing of your soul which then allows G-d to keep moving inside, and working hard in you.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,536
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,536 |
(((((((((((Queenie))))))))))))
The pain is real and there is nothing wrong with achnowleging it and letting it out. No one here will ever think any less of you. You are the WARRIOR QUEEN to us and have forged a place in all of our hearts. Look at the past posts on your thread...that is love, and it's real.
You are strong, you are a WARRIOR, you are a GODDESS!!!
FBH 44
FWW 41
DD 16
DD 11
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
522
guests, and
41
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
