Ok-- now that I got my cry for help out, I am going to try to answer some of your questions, TMTS...

When I found out about the first two EAs, I didn't really react actually. I guess I was so far removed from them... they had happened about a year before I found out about them... and the people inovled and such were so foreign to me (they were people he met traveling)... that I didn't really react. He also downplays it a whole lot... but as we've seen, he's a perpetual liar, so who knows... and I really don't think I could ever find out about those. He claims to have forgotten last names of people, and convientely they've all moved away, and it wasn't a big deal, yadda yadda yadda...

When I found out about the third, yes, I FREAKED. I did it all wrong. Plan A, no way. I made demands, I flipped, I screamed, I acted like a lunatic. I was so upset and hurt. I was MORE upset and hurt that he lied to me for 5 days striaght about it, and everytime I FINALLY thought I had the whole story... I found out MORE. I finally got the whole story from the OW. Not him. Yes, I flipped. But, since then, I've forgiven him for it. I kinda have had to. And yes, I realize my contributions to it.

And yes, you'd think he should be doing some sort of a plan A... but no way. He claims I should "know" that he can change based on teh fact that once or twice he "changed his behavior". But consistantly and long term?? No. Case in point... he's still lying to me now. And, btw, its 10:40. And STILL no phone call. Still hasn't left the bar. Another lie.

He's so much in denial... so much in denial about who he is. But the funny thing is... he can butter just about anyone up. He makes people think he's the greatest thing ever.

Oh-- and I just got a text. He say's he'll call when he leaves. So mcuh for leaving no later than 10:35. Its 10:45. more lies and broken promises.

What do I do with this mess?? What do I do with it??

Half of me says I should just go plan B... now. This is absolutely ludicrious. He might not be cheating on me, but with the damage he's doing right now, he might as well.

So-- its 10:45. He still hasn't left the bar. Nice. I f'ing hate him right now. I really do. Why does he do this?? WHY?? Nothing has changed.

And its funny you asked the question about me being a trophy... because that was always one of my complaints to him. That I felt like I was just some sort of trophy wife, his arm candy at home to brag about, and I hated that feeling. That I was just his trophy.

I am calling him again. I am getting desperate, aren't I? Look at what this is doing to me. Quite frankly, I don't even believe he was at the bar... the last time he went out with this guy he lied to me about where they were (just a month or two ago... he went to a strip club and lied to me again about it... and then sent his friend an email... that said "W was mad I went to the strip club... I told her to get over it. Good thing we left when we did or we both would have ended up married to strippers!" WTF.

What did I get myself into?? Some husbands are just neglectful...mine is outright abusive anymore. And this is MUCH of how he acted before my A started. Now I'm not justifying my A.. at all. It was NOT RIGHT and made things so much worse... but still... do you see what I deal with?!?!

Maybe I'm just idealizing him. Making him into the H I want him to be, not who he IS anymore. I don't know WHO he is anymore. I really don't. He's so selfish and egotisitical. I think he told me over and over he could be the H I needed and wanted... and I believed him. I was so stupid. I just feel stupid.

That's all I am... a trophy....

RIM

PS-- he just called... he's on his way home.

Do I take the remaining vicodin now?? I have the bottle. I found it. He doesn't know I have it. He DOES NOT need it. He had a TOE NAIL removed on Friday, for chrissake. I had 2 broken bones, one completely dislocated. He no longer needs the vicodin, and I doubt he ever even did. His toe is almost completely healed. That means this past Friday, the best date night we've had in a long time... he drank that night, and took vicodin. And I bet AT LEAST 2 of them. Probably more. I feel like an idiot. It was all a sham.

And-- should I write and email to this "friend" asking him to please stop giving H prescriptions for vicodin, because he has a problem? Or do I leave him out of it? I'm sure he'd hate to lose his lisence because of my idiot hubby.

I am not going to talk to him tonight. I need to sleep on this. I may actually just truncate this and go plan B. This is getting out of hand... he is PUNISHING me... acting like a WS... and taking advantage of me. Need advice. Plan B?? Plan A??

We also have 2 trips coming up that we planned. One to a casino (just an overnight trip) and one to VT to go snowboarding iwth friends, in Feb. I thought those would be good plan A weekeneds.. and my plan was to go plan B after those, in March, if he didn't "shape up". But-- does this mean I shoudl go earlier?? I feel so taken advantage of.

Help!!

I'm getting in the shower. I'm shaking and out of control right now. Need to calm down before he gets here. Will be back after shower.

WHAT DO I DO WITH THE PILL BOTTLE?? Put it back?? Keep it?? Dump it?? Should I call the doc?? Need to know SOON!

RIM

Oh-- and to answer your last question TMTS-- no, he woudln'nt have a conversation with me if I tried to tell him what I posted here. He'd either shut down, or he'd blow up. That's it. He says he can't talk about this with me because he doesn't want to fight and he "doesn't trust himself" to talk about it and not cause a fight (aka, be an a**). We can't talk about anything but the weather or other people anymore.

Nice, eh?

What a marriage.

Shower time. Before I blow up.

RIM

I'll make this quick, if you can get on later I'll be around.

Think about this one... What if this is a test? Maybe he wants to see if you'll crack and have another A. That's a little out there but he doesn’t put you first.

Check in later, I'm worried about you.

RIM, honey, calm down. Take a deep breath. And shake your hands, good Lord, they gotta hurt after all that typing! Sheesh!

I would not be surprised one bit to find out he is still engaging in inapropriate flirting, possible EA or worse. If he is a liar about everything down to small details, then he will lie about everything, including BIG things.

You should also know that MB principles do not work (especially Plan A) on an addict. Whether it is drugs, binge drinking, or whatever, Plan A is a disaster. I think you are correct in assuming that he is using this as a power trip and playing games with your head.

I'll tell you what-I'll make you a deal. If he comes home b4 midnight, and is sober, then you can disregard everything I've said. My bet is, he will roll in very late, and be semi-to-very trashed. I would avoid him at all costs if I were you. He will be primed for a fight.

Sorry to be so negative. If you read my stuff to most people on this board, it is not usually like this, so I always try to look at the positive. The reason I didn't write over the weekend is b/c I was sure that he was hiding something, which was causing him to be so nice. Now we know. I just think this is an extremely volitile and toxic relationship, and will not improve until he receives IC from someone GOOD and you both get into MC. You will be on the constant roller-coaster.

You need to make a decision for your own well-being here. In these types of situations, honestly, love is not enough. I want to see you happy and well, not in a constant battle. And certainly not appeasing someone who obviously doesn't practice what he preaches!!

Please think about it, RIM. HARD!!

About the vicodin...don't know. Throwing it away will probably infuriate him, and I don't want you to put yourself in the situation. Honestly, he is a big boy. You are not his mother and shouldn't be forced to act like one. I would confront him with them when he is sober, I guess. Not really sure..

He's home now. Was home by 11. And doesn't seem drunk at all. I have the bottle of pills. I still have to decide if I want to put them bakc by tomorrow morning or not. He still doesn't know I know.

He came home, all fine. Made me some soup (I STILL hadn't ate dinner...). We will be going to bed soon. He's asked me about three times what is wrong. I said nothing, but I'm keeping my distance tonight. I need a night to think. I'm not deviating from the plan A, just not going gung-ho tonight. I just shut down, I think.

He doesn't practice what he preaches. He just got on a soap box with me today, saying he "has dealt with his inner demons and is a different, better person, and that all of his problems now are because of me, not him". I said the same thing-- well, the first part, not the second, but I MEANT IT. Really, does he honestly BELIEVE he's dealt with this??

All I know is that I've become a rock when it comes to dealing with emotions. I will admit that prior to plan A, I could overreact sometimes, and could get overly emotional and do dumb things based on my emotions that I would regret later. I've REALLY learned to control that. I'm just still tonight. Just still. Just need to be in my own head.

I don't doubt that he isn't inappropriately flirting with other people, but I have no evidence of that. He's always sort of done that. If he's in an EA, he's hiding it well. That's all I have to say there.

If this is a test... well how long does this go on?? And what the HECK kinda sense does this make?? Doing lots of damage... just to see if I'll get into another A?!?! I mean, I can see checking up on me. I'm being as transparent as possible, and told him he can check up on me whenver he'd like. I meant that.

I am going to get some sleep (if I can) soon. I will be back around tomorrow moring. For now, I have the pill bottle and am probalby planning on keeping it. He doesn't need it. He can get as mad as he wants, but HE lied, and HE is the one with the problem. I'm not enabling anymore.

I will come out of this a better person... I am a better person. I have my doubts about him. I really do. This was a HUGE blow today. HUGE. I thought maybe we were over the lying bit. Guess not. The lying REALLY bothers me.

RIM

I'll bet! You TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!!

I cannot believe I was wrong about when he would come home, or his condition when he did...it is a first for sure! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

{{{{{{RIM}}}}}}

You sound better and much more still. Good for you.
It sounds like he was all sweet when he came home. Didn’t mean to offend with the testing comment, just something to consider because he seems to be all over the place.
You’ll get your chance to talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel. To me I've always told myself that Plan a and Plan B is only the beginning, the real work starts should I get the chance to reconcile.

Special prayer for you tonight.
Remain still, you're doing well!

RIM,

I'm sorry you are going through all of this.

In regard to the Vicodin, of course I assume he's getting them legally, I would call his physician and tell him your concern. They "should" flag his chart and if/when he calls for a refill his doc should question him about his use and not refill it for him.

LC

RIM

I Haven't read the whole post...

but here's some musings

you keep talking about your husband lying to you...but if he's abusing pain meds...
OF COURSE he's lying...

you seem all balled up on the lies....and the truth is that your husband may be in a addiction crisis....

elementary that users lie...eh??

My opinion is that confronting him and going after the vicodin issue from a stance of you are lying...I don't thinik is going to help.

where's the long term goal to get your husband clean.
for his health
his psychological health

the marriage long term...

I don't see how a huge powerstruggle over this will work

also...here's the problem with lamenting the BS actions during an affair...

no matter how bad...
having the affair did nothing to address them..and in fact typically makes the marriage...with all those bad behaviors tolerable...cause there is always the escape with the OP

In some ways active WS condone all these things they say they hate...because all their energy and emotions are for the OP ....

I'm not sure what your goals are...(but like I said I haven't read the whole thing...)

is there counseling going on

too many relationship talks without good communication skills can be tragic to a marriage


where's this heading long term

are you two enjoying eachother and doing things together at all

ark

RIM,

Do you want to credit the great date to the pain meds?

Is 11 pills in 5-6 days abuse?

If you want to find reasons to be angry, you will always succeed.

-JKT

Good Morning RIM,

How are you doing today? What kind of mood was he in?
Are you still?

JKT-- No, I don't think 11 pills in 5 or 6 days is abuse. But, knowing my H, I know he didn't take one a day. It was probably more like 3 at one time, 2 or 3 times. Combined with drinking. That is his typical pattern. Now THAT is a problem. And yes, these were legally prescribed, by a "friend" of his that is a doctor. The "friend" thinks he's being cute prescribing 30 vicodin-- with three refills!-- for a TOE NAIL REMOVAL. Yes, painful. Maybe, MAYBE, for a DAY, you might need some vicodin. NOT 90 OF THEM!

He also "stole" my vicodin when I had it for a broken arm. Which is more of a legitimate reason to have vicodin than a toe nail removal. Granted, I've never had a toe nail removed, but I've RIPPED ONE OFF MYSELF... (by accident), and yeah, it was painful, but I didn't have vicodin! And, his toe is almost entirely healed at this point. No reason for it anymore.

No, I don't want to credit a great date to pain medicine. But-- I can almost guarentee you he told AT LEAST 2 of those before hand. And then in the course of the "date" he proceeded to drink 2 saki drinks (pure alcohol), one shot, and then the equivalent of 4 beers. So-- yes, he was pretty messed up. I was just on cloud nine because he was acting "normal" and somehow MISSED how high he was.

Oh-- and this morning he STOLE BACK the vicodin. He knows I know about it. He hasn't mentioned it at all. HE STOLE IT BACK!

I am going to write the doctor "friend" and email, and ask him to no longer be such a good "friend" because he is only contributing to H's problem. If anything, he should want to keep his lisence... because I'm sure that if H gets caught driving with all that in his system, they are going to question why he has vicodin... when H produces the script, they are then going to question why a doctor would prescribe NINETY vicodin for a TOE NAIL REMOVAL. Hmmm... sounds like it could be trouble for his career.

Ark-- you are right, approaching this as "you are lying" is not going to help. But, the lying is a fundamental problem to our relationship. He is a perpetual opportunisitic liar. He CONSTANTLY lies to cover his own [censored]. To me, to everyone. About big things, little things... so, the lying also is a problem. Its not just lying about this in particular.

Long term?? I'd like for him to be able to "fix" some things in himself, so that he can have a healthy realtionship wtih me. That is what kills me. We are GOOD together! Very good. But-- the lying and the AO... they KILL US. And now, it is the drinking and pain meds. And these aren't silly little things, like "oh, well he's a messy person, and I'm not, and we fight about that, so if I just find someone else that is clean, things will be fine". The lying and anger management problems are SERIOUS character flaws that are universally not healthy in a relationship. Its not like he can just find someone else and this will all work out.

I guess what I resent is that he blames ALL of these problems on me and the A... when I can point to instance after instance that ALL of these problems existed BEFORE the A... and yes, my A didn't address the problems. It made them worse. Much worse. But-- I am not responsible for his actions. And I am CERTAINLY not responsible for the actions prior to the A. And yes, I tried to deal with these problems prior to the A. And, yes, I probably could have done it better. I realize I made some mistakes in trying to "deal" with them-- problems I'm fixing now.

So-- long term the goal is for him to pick himself up, fix these character flaws in order to make HIMSELF a better person, so that we can be together and be happy. But I can't MAKE him do that. I think he thinks it will be easier if he just runs away and starts over. But, truthfully, I think that eventually these problems are long standing problems that will come back to haunt him. I really do. He needs to FIX them, not run. And I think if he truthfully did some introspection-- really did-- and really TRIED, our marriage could be so strong.

When we ignore these problems, when we are together, things are GREAT. Yes, we spend tons of time together. I like spending time with him! We could be great. He needs to work on himself too.

So-- do I send him a letter saying (in a nice plan A style) that I want the vicodin back, and/or disposed of in my presence, or essentially I am doing a modified plan B? I can post my letter here, once I compose it.

I cannot live with someone who is taking vicodin and drinking to deal with life. He needs to face himself and get out of denial.

There is no counseling going on because he refuses to go. Refuses to even talk to the Harley's, even for a "game plan".

RIM

Hi TMTS--

This morning he was a little distant, but was "nice". Same way I was last night, I suppose. On my way to work, I was thinking about things. I wanted to see the exact date he picked up the medicine. And I went into my bag to get the bottle... and lo and behold, it was GONE. He knows I took it, and took it back. I should have just flushed it last night. I should have. Too late. I'm sure he's found an excellent hiding place for it now, and I'll never find it.

I've been still. Cool. Nice. But not gung-ho plan A'ing. He knows I know... and he hasn't said a word. NOT A WORD. I don't get it. Its like we are BOTH waiting to see who is going to make the first move.

I think I have decided that I am going to write him a letter (an email) and request that the vicodin be disposed of in my presence or that he hands it over to me. I know how many were left in that bottle. My fear is that... he is going to lie AGAIN and probably tell me he got rid of them already... in some place that I can't verify (such as threw them in a dumpster at work), and then continue taking them-- hiding them from me.

I am still still. Just in shock. I really am. I can't believe this.

I am also seriously considering coming clean with his family. I kinda wish they lived closer at this point... so I could do it face to face (although I'd probably break down). Just tell them the WHOLE story. As far as I know, they don't know it...(unless he's lying about that too...)... and see everything that has happened as my fault. I've been OK with that-- but at this point, someone needs to give him a big ol' 2x4... if not to save this relationship, then to save HIMSELF.

This is going to sound totally ridiculous... but I feel like I am dealing with Britney Spears. So incredibly self destructive and ruining all of her personal relationships... but she can't see it. She thinks she's JUST FINE. But is so self destructive. And that is how I feel he is. He's in complete denial of all of his problems.

How soon can you get an appt with the Harley's if you've never had an appt before?? I was thinking of consulting them on this sometime this afternoon, if I could get squeezed in at all. I need to seriously think about my next move... and not just react on emotions.

At this point, I'm not just doing this to save our marriage. I'm doing this because I DO love and care about him... and it hurts me to see him do this to himself. I just hope our marriage can survive at this point. I really do. This was AN ENORMOUS blow to my trust in him and my faith that we can even fix things. Or, I guess more specifically, that HE can fix things. I know I can. I think the fact that I held out on freaking out on him about this shows a lot right there. Time to process-- not just react on emotions. The "old" me would have been waiting by the door to confront him. Just still....

My head is still spinning... and I feel so empty...

RIM

wait a minute..rim..
wait a cotton picken minute.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

So-- long term the goal is for him to pick himself up, fix these character flaws in order to make HIMSELF a better person, so that we can be together and be happy

soo this was a silly typo right??....
you didn't mean to say this right??
not here at marriagebuilders...
right....??


I cannot live with someone who is taking vicodin and drinking to deal with life. He needs to face himself and get out of denial.

OK stop there..
and what is YOUR plan about this..

and it may was well have nothing like

talk with
confront
argue with
discuss with..

I would say this calls for a boundary on your part...

what does healthy drinking look like in your marriage..
what do you need for that to work..

you have to know yourself
your goals
your boundaries...

otherwise you will just be powerstruggling moving lines in the sand...

what the HE^^ is a modified plan B...
what's the point of that...

I wouldn't recomend playing mommy and making him dispose of them in front of you..
that's not very mature for him or you...is it??

why does he tell lies
is it to do things he knows you wouldn't approve of you doing..that he wants to do and figures it's easier to do and lie about them...then anything else...

what would happen to your relationship if YOU stopped all relationship for a month..
what would that look like

ark

Hey ark--

Boundaries are in order. My boundary is no vicodin.. UNLESS IT IS MEDICALLY NECESSARY. But, my problem is-- with his lying problem-- how do I know he's actually ABIDING BY THAT BOUNDARY-- without drug testing him, I mean that is silly. I don't want to mother him, but if you are going to put a boundary up, then well-- you sort of have to enforce that! Especially with a liar.

I'm seriously, honestly, truly, interested in what your opinion on my next move should be. That is why I've been still. I can't deal with this. Something needs to change-- and NOW. I can't continue to plan A with this going on.

And by a modified plan B... I cannot afford our house. I have a Rottweiler that is my ONLY real contact support system anymore. I HAVE to take her with me wherever I would go. Plus, since she's more "my" dog... I doubt H would actually take adequate care of her if I left her with him. I don't really have any friend's houses I can go to-- and certainly not any I can go to with a ROTTWEILER. Even if I chose to leave her behind, I'm still not sure where I would go. I don't have a family support system, and most of my good friends have moved. The other "friends" I had were enablers of my A and I ditched them. So-- now I'm just alone. So-- modified plan B-- I just stop trying altogether. Do my own thing. Stay out of the house as much as possible... stay there to shower and sleep, that's it. Stay in the guest room. I don't know what else to do?? I'm seriously at the end of my rope. But I know I can't plan A a high person.

If I stopped all relationship for a month-- truthfully, I think he'd put himself up on the internet again as single. Start calling up girls. He has an admiration EN that is VERY VERY high... and if he's not getting that at home, he immediately goes out and seeks it from other people (this was a pattern with his three EAs too... and also he's done it in previous relationships). I honestly think that things would totally unravel. Every time we've hit rock bottom, its been me that's put the pieces back together. Its been me extending the olive branch. And I truthfully think he'd be too egotistical to humble himself and "come back to me".

And, recently, I'd say up until this vicodin smack in the face-- the drinking had been MUCH MUCH MUCH less of an issue. MUCH LESS. In fact, without me saying anything, I thought it was fixing itself. But-- it seems to be back with a vengence.

Do I write the doctor? He's a friend of mine too, and I'd actually hate to see him get in trouble because my H is being an idiot. Oh-- and H is habitually driving when he shouldn't too. Even his FRIENDS have made comments to ME about that-- like there's something I CAN DO about it. He doesn't listen to me. I just stopped trying. And H has a career where if he gets a DUI, in all likelihood he's just KILLED his career. Its just like he's not thinking...

I don't even know how I got here. I thought we were climbing out of this, that we were doing better. Slowly, getting there. But-- its like I was just blind to all of this.

And I can't control his actions. I can only hope that in changing myself, that he changes himself to help our marriage. I am doing everything I can to make those changes. But there's boundaries, and this is one of them.

And yes, he lies so that he can do whatever he wants and get away with it. He also lies to gain admiration from other people (like I said, high admiration EN). He's good at exaggerating things so much that they are hardly true anymore to gain other people's admiration. He also sometimes just outright makes crap up. I don't know why, my only guess is the exceptionally high EN for admiration, to the point where he will do ANYTHING to obtain that from just about ANYONE. He really builds his self esteem based on what other's think (which is an oxymoron, I realize).

What do I DO? Seriously? I am being still- still trying to decide. The only thing I HAVE decided is to email the doctor "friend". If nothing else, to warn him that he's putting his own lisence in jeopardy. But at the same time, he prescribed these knowing full well he didn't need that many... so maybe he's not so concerned about his license in the first place. But he should understand how bad the problem is. I haven't sent the email to the doctor yet. If you think that should be stopped, let me know.

I am really at a loss as to what to do...

RIM

Hi RIM,

Girl you're going to drive yourself nuts. You re all over the place this morning, so we'll try to refocus you a little...

You had mentioned that he was doing a great Plan a after you had left. It sounds like that has gone out the window now. The drug and alcohol issue is the other thing that needs to be addressed and last but certainly not least the HO issue.

I would write the letter dealing with all three of these issues from the point of view of how it makes you feel. The hurt because of the lack of care, the fear of what he's doing to himself with the drugs and alcohol and the mis-trust created by the lying.

As men we get all macho and tell ourselves that we should be able to deal with these kinds of issues on our own and feel ashamed about getting help and comfort from the women in our lives, which is really the underlying issue. He may be affair to come to your out of fear that you will see him as weak, less than a man. So your letter wants to have a tone where you express that you are hurt and afraid by his behavior and want to be the person he turns to for help.

Now when and if he does turn to you, the main thing you want to be careful with is DJs. You want to listen to him like he was one of you GFs. You what to hear what he's feeling, what he's afraid of. Keep in mind that anger is a reaction to fear in most cases.

Now the 2x4....K.

You are doing like I was in the beginning and reacting to everything he says or does. It took me a while and a couple of 2x4s but I finally got it that I need to take the lead and not sit back waiting to see what she will do. I think your in the same mode right now, you react to his actions and the underlying issues never make it to the surface.
Well today is turn around day for you lady! You are responsible for your own happiness and if you don't lay out your expectations in a loving manner you'll not get the happiness you seek. Some will thing that he sounds like a monster, I don't buy it, he sound like a normal man that is afraid and only knows one way to deal with it, help him find another path.

OK TMTS-- I am going to write him a letter. I am going to eat lunch now, and then I'll compose it after lunch. Will you read it?

Yes, I do think that he's being a "normal man" (well, gone a little awry)-- and only has one way to deal with things. And I've tried just about EVERYTHING to lead the way, to help. I even tried your gently touching his arm, or stroking his hair. No such luck. He literally pulls away from me, rolls over...

I think if I write the letter I won't get any response. He's in a mode anymore that he can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants to... and I should just "take" it. There's no discussion. And no fighting. Which is good there's no fighting... but it is all avoiding this issue. He will find some excuse. Something to the effect of I lied to him a lot of times during my A, so it doesn't matter that he did now.

Case in point-- HE KNOWS I KNOW HE LIED AND THAT HE HAS THE VICODIN! It didn't "JUMP" out of my bag. He knows, and he took it back. AND NOT A WORD about it. Not a word. Its like we are both just WAITING to see what the next person's move is.

The sad thing, this is all become so predictable at this point. It really has. I just expect the worst over and over again... and pretty much that is what happens. Its like he truly has NO FEELINGS anymore. He's just an empty robot. I can't get through to him. Its like there's nothing to get through TO...

I wish we could bring the underlying issues to the surface. But he refuses. He just shuts down, won't talk. Or explodes. And neither ACCOMPLISHES anything. I wish he would open up and tell me these things. But I can't listen like he's one of my GFs when he just outright refuses to talk. Its like we are floating thru life together and we can have fun together, but there's an ENORMOUS elephant in the room that we CAN'T talk about. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing a piece to the puzzle or something because this just all doesn't make sense.

I am composing our "friend" the doctor a letter. I am very friendly, and just tell him that H has a problem with drugs and alcohol and I would appreciate it if in future prescriptions he gives H a reasonable amount of pain medicine for everyone's sake. Very respectful. I sort of see this as a "stick" part of my plan A.

I am all over the place, you are right. But he doesn't see that, so that is good. He just sees stillness. In fact, if anything he's just seeing some more plan A.

RIM

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