MIN.....

Repeat this early and often....

"I will not move, I will not move..."

Just be Dorothy and click your heels together if you have to:

"There's no place like home, I will NOT move..."

Or pretend you are a new recruit in the army in training:

"Wayward Wife I will not move!!!

Gonna change my attitude!

Sound off....."

Etc.

DO NOT MOVE!!!!!!!

That's an order, Marine!!!!!!!

Thanks guys for all sounding off. My mind is made up and I am NOT moving out. If she wants to move out that is on her. Your input is greatly appreciated and has made a difference. Thanks again.

Hurrah for MIN!!!!

Way to go buddy!!!

Merry Christmas and God Bless you and your family this season.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

YAY!!!! MIN!!!!!

You made my day, Clint!!! LOL!!!!

We're behind ya' Dude!!!!

Good decision. It's a start to save the M. I see some moments of your previous posts of your wife trying to reach out. This is a good sign - don't discount them.

Now you need to get a plan - follow K's advice.

Did you get an Anti-D prescription while at the Dr office for the STD check? Your emotions are still raw & they can take some of the edge off of them.

Take care of yourself - this isn't going to be fixed overnight. Enjoy the holiday season now that you have made a decision to save your family.

yay MIN!

MIN,

Smart decision. Be prepared though, because when you tell her you changed your mind she is going to be Pi$$ed. I think that you have an excellent chance of saving your M because it sounds like she may be questioning this whole thing.

MIN,

I just wanted to add my prayers and support for staying in your home. I think now that the affair is out in the open....that your Plan A actually has a better chance of working. Continue to demonstrate consistently that you ARE willing to be the husband she's always wanted....without taking the responsibility for the affair. Even if she had legitimate complaints, she had lots of ethical ways she could have addressed the marriage problems....so don't accept any blame-shifting about the affair.

I'm glad you're not moving out. Stay strong buddy.

(((((((((((((((((min)))))))))))))))))))

Okay....crazy things just happened, but I am still not moving out.

I snooped again and found out that my WW booked a flight to go see him next weekend despite him having this STD. I couldn't believe my eyes. I then wrote a Plan B letter telling her how much I love her, but couldn't do this any longer and was just going to let her go.

She was livid after she read it because she now knows that I snooped again and also was livid because I told her I couldn't go to her folks (7 hour drive away) due to my emotional state as it would just be too hard.

She then starts going off on me telling me to Go To H*ll and telling me F you and everything else. Also, I called her dad and mother for the first time to expose and let them know the decision she was getting ready to make in regards to seeing this guy again with an STD. They were mortified and are going to do everything they can to talk her out of it.

So what I have now is this:

1) She is highly p*issed about the Plan B letter.

2) She is highly p*ssed about having to drive the 7 hours by herself with our daughter to her folks.

3) She will be even more furious when she finds out about exposure to her parents.

4) She has called me every name in the book and said she is filing for the divorce on Monday using her ex-husband as the attorney.

Long story short I am going to have a miserable Christmas without my wife and child in a large empty house when just 2 days ago there were such great signs that our marriage had a chance.

I feel like I did what I had to do considering the STD issues, but now I am headed for a divorce next week and my wife literally hates my guts and never wants to see me again. All of her nasty feelings and words are even before she finds out about exposure so I fully expect it to get much worse. How in the world did all of this happen so quick? Help and advice needed more than ever.

MIN:

I know that you're hurting and you don't need to be B-slapped---but you really need to be B-slapped.

1. Stop the spying. Did it help you? NO!
2. Plan B is a carefully crafted plan, not some reaction to something your spouse does. Another great quote around here: Be the thermostat---not the thermometer. Act---don't REACT! You're completely reacting.
3. Call Steve Harley and get an appointment. You're not keeping this together, and it's patently clear that this will not be a DIY project.

You're getting the help and advice you need here---you're just not taking it. And IGNORE your wife---she's an addict, and you've just threatened her stash. It's classic addictive behavior. It means nothing with regard to your long-term success chances.

And don't drink hard now...

I guess I am justifying my snooping because of the fact I knew my wife would be too weak to keep from seeing him and considering the fact he could endanger her health with his STD I thought I was doing the right thing. This is a little different circumstance than other types of spying, but who knows.

THanks for everyone's support and don't worry....got my Zoloft and Xanax and will take as needed. I'm a lightweight when it comes to alcohol so no worries.

Oh, of course she is angry. Ignore it and tell her you will do what is necessary to protect your family.

Also be sure to call OM's wife and let her know that a tryst is on for next weekend.

Good job on exposing to her parents.

MIN:

Don't justify snooping. It's not a surprise that your wife is weak---she's an addict. She also didn't actually do it---and with WS's, even when they appear like they have a plan with the OP, they can be pretty screwed up on that side too.

Do you think she knows he has an STD? If the answer is yes---then stop it. If she sleeps with him and ends up infected, that is her decision. You can't stop her from it. It would be so terrific if we could just rationally tell WS's exactly how they'll screw up their existence if they continue down the path they're on---but it doesn't work that way.

Done the experiment... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well that explains why she wants to separate - doesn't it? Giving space is allowing the OM in. But we already knew that - right - didn't need to snoop

Why would you change plans now for Christmas? This recent anger will blow over. You need to get some self-control and a plan in place asap. When will the STD results come in?

Plan B should come after a good Plan A anyway, so don't go there. A self imposed separation is the last thing your M needs now with the OM and STD waiting in the wings.

STD results will be in near the end of next week. I guess I am trying to be the protective husband considering the STD issue. I have done a phenomenal Plan A, but should have definitely thought through the Plan B before giving her the letter. With the STD issue I thought that if he had it and she didn't that this would end, but she didn't even go a week before booking a flight to go see him so I definitely just reacted instead of thinking this through.

The only thing about today that I don't regret is I finally exposed to both of her parents which has been the thing I have been putting off due to her threats about never being with me again if I told them.

Exposure is your best weapon. That is the ONE THING you've done right!!!!!!!

In this specific case (a health risk of their daughter), I think the use of exposure to her parents was highly appropriate. It's a good tactical use of the technique.

MIN,

Please stop for a second and allow your emotions to calm down a little bit. I don't have to guess at how crummy you're feeling....I remember. But your emotions and intuition will drive you in the wrong direction right now. One of my favorite posters, ark^^ says "be still". It's better to do nothing than to ride the reaction rollercoaster and do all kinds of things you'll regret later. Your wife his going to be saying all kinds of things that are meaningless. Until she actually ends contact and gets through withdrawal....she will make all kinds of threats and insults like most WSs do. If you can remember that you're not talking to the wife you know right now....it will help. I hope her parents will be a grounding influence on her during Christmas. She didn't want them to know....and she threatened you so strongly....because she knows that she'll be held accountable. She recognizes the amount of guilt and remorse their knowing will create. But those are things that will help clear her foggy head.

Your daughter needs one of her parents to be clear headed. I'm electing you. Sending prayers your way.

Thanks for your support. The next few days alone will give me a chance to get my act together and regroup. Even though I won't be spending Christmas with my WW and child I think it will do me a world of good.

Exactly, you need to get into a plan and stop reacting. Plan B is going to get you to Plan D, because you aren't anywhere near set up for it.

That being said, we all made mistakes and this one isn't a deal breaker. Don't worry about what she does. Files for divorce, gets pissed off, whatever, just because she files doesn't mean you'll end up divorced.

Good job exposing, that is a good step. Who else can you expose to? Is OM married? I think you said no. Church groups, anything like that? Since you've started, you should hurry up and expose to everyone that might be able to help.

Good job also deciding not to move out! Let her move, do NOT let her take your child with her! She is not acting in the best interests of your child and is not showing the judgement required of a fit parent. It is your job to protect your child!

Start studying Plan A and implementing it effectively. No more LB, no explosions or relationship talks or any of that. Any fights she tries to start, just tell her "I believe in our marriage and hope we can sometime soon begin to work to make it a happy marriage for both of us. That can't happen with OM in the picture." and leave it at that.

Its hard, we KNOW its hard. Come here to vent and learn the proper ways to react to her insanity.

You're going to be ok MiN, this slip wasn't too bad, you just gotta get your wits about you and start taking control of the things you can control, primarily yourself and the well being of your child. Let her do what she's going to do, that doesn't mean there won't be consequences, just stop talking to her about what those are and do your thing.