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Hello "OT" posters!

Saw this post by Mrs. GGW 12/26/07 and was inspired to start this thread I've been thinking about for a long time.

What I've learned on MB about setting and enforcing boundaries has helped me deal with difficult people at work. Thank you MB posters!

Mrs. GGW said this recently on the TMI/Slander thread (GQII):

Quote:

Dear Orchid, from whose posts I have learned a great deal,

...We both read much and post little.


I would like to thank you in particular for your postings about "Babble" and "Reverse Babble," which have been tremendously useful with our teenagers, especially a troubled one; The use of "Reverse Babble" really forced her to think, during conversations, and helped burst her bubble. It was almost immediately effective, and if I had not read about that method here, I would have been months (or even years) behind. Regrettably, there is no place on this site to share with you the success I had applying MB principles to childrearing over the summer, but I thank you from my heart. -- Mrs GGW




I've emphasized the above because I, too have learned a great deal from Orchid and there was not a place to share non-A successes from MB principles......but now there is....HERE on this Other Topic forum for now, at least.

What other things have you learned that has benefitted you in other areas of your life?

Ace


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Wow this should be very interesting.

The one area in particular I think about is enabling/codependeny/controlling. Cheerleader thread

Recognizing how these behaviors have effected every aspect of my life has been very eye opening.

I am so grateful to now recognize when I start this destructive behavior and to have the tools to correct.


EA4-7/07,Dday7/29,NC 7/30/07
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Pretty quiet over here, isn't it, mvg.

I agree that the Enabler/Cheerleader/Controller thread was very eye-opening for many aspects of my life, too. Thanks for linking it.

Anyone else have a story about how MB has helped reveal thoughts and ideas that have led to improvements in life not related to your R and M or an A?

Ace


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Hey, I have a couple!

First at work: my partner (a guy, but hey in science 95% of them are guys) got on my nerves almost constantly. He would just walk into my office, sit down, help himself to my snack, and start to talk. He really interrupted my train of thought and it was hard to concentrate because he'd do this several times a day. But I used to be too polite to say anything; I'd just sit there all resentful.

With MB I learned boundaries and openness and honesty Now if he does this I'll tell him "please don't interrupt me; I'm working on XYZ". Usually he'll apologize and leave. If he doesn't, I'll leave my office to copy something at the Xerox, and when I come back I'll close my door. After several months, he is now much better at respecting my "work time".

Second at home: I found out at MB that my biggest lovebuster is disrespectful judgments, and I do this to my kids all the time. I assume they are too young or inexperienced to do something, so I'll do it for them. Now I'm training myself to step back and watch- almost always they are fully capable of solving their own problems! What a concept! Now I have more free time, they are learning to be independent, and they find confidence in themselves when they succeed. Win-win all around.

edited to add: Awesome thread idea Acey!

Last edited by SaturnRising; 12/29/07 10:56 AM.

Me: 45
Him: 47
married 23 years
Two wonderful sons
D-day for my EA: 8/15/04
D-day for his PAs: 8/16/06

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Thanks, Saturn. I just saw Believer's thread on car buying I'm gonna steal for our new thread. OT is soooo quiet but I didn't want to clutter up GQII anymore than it already is.

Or maybe WE should.

Thanks for reading and posting. I think that for now, I'll just link B's thread and leave my carbon print for others who may just follow us to this quiet corner.

Acey

P.S. Thanks for teaching me how to link. You and MAZ were great teachers.......where is MAZ anyhow? I posted to her other thread up here and then she went MIA. Hmmmmm..should I take that personally?


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Well, besides buying cars, it has helped me in every aspect of my life - with choosing and keeping friends for example. After D-day, I got rid of several friends, but made an effort to meet the ENs of my true friends.

The meeting EN's thing is so simple, and I guess I knew about it before, but didn't consciously practice it. Now it is in the forefront of my mind, and I do it with my sons, my mom, my family, and friends, and even some people at work.

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I'm with believer, reading here has changed my whole outlook on my marriage and especially me. I think with personal boundaries in place I can do anything I set my mind to. My H deserves and attractive spouse, so I started Plan B on my refrigerator on 12-26, and have had a good result so far, no feeling sorry for myself, no cravings,this personal boundary thing is gonna make my H have a much thinner spouse!! Anyone else in?

The infidelity diet did wonders for me, but since we are so comfortable again and "dating" regularly, we always end up in a"food" situation. I will prevail!!!

Thanks for this thread, Acey! GF AKA 22devastated


Marriages don't fail, people do. (And I don't recall who said it)
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Another thought is that it has raised my level of awareness and has caused me to explore other boards. There is the "hoor board" that i do frequent occasionally. I have learned the insidious behavior of the "OW" there. I have learned the gifts they give and the lengths they go to to conceal their affair. I know that they only want a marriage with our husbands and will go to all lengths to get it.
This is why it is so important for the BS to speak to the OW/OM and let them know ANY little detail that their WW/WH has shared with them about that person. It causes feelings of betrayal within the OP and results in major LB's between the affairees. You see, they don"t think that we are having sex with our spouse. They think that we are making our spouse live a life of H3ll with no love, no sex no interaction. They think our spouses are only with us cause of the kids. They actually think our spouses live in the basement or on the couch and that he eats out. Very important that we call the OP and tell them not ask them anything!! Make it a fact exposing mission, never a fact finding mission!! Hey it worked for me Just the other day a "hoor" on the board dumped her prince charming cause she was confronted by the W and the W gave her some intimate details of the "hoor's" relationship. That just couldn't be tolerated. Mr dreamboy had to be dumped..how dare the W to know such things These tramps troll our board, and there is no doubt in my mind that they are the folks that sign in here and commence to give advice w/o giving any details as to why they sought us out. This board just makes us more astute! GF


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Quote:

My H deserves and attractive spouse, so I started Plan B on my refrigerator on 12-26, and have had a good result so far, no feeling sorry for myself, no cravings,this personal boundary thing is gonna make my H have a much thinner spouse!! Anyone else in?




Hey Dev.......I thought that was you! Missed you and glad you're still around. I like your new name, btw.

No time to link but please check out my latest post on the Smiles and Trials 2 thread on the Recovery Forum. I AM IN!!!! (Anyone else wanna join us, come one dooooown!)

Except I am PLAN Bing my white flour/white sugar breads, pastries, cookies, etc. and PLAN Aing salads and fresh fruits and veggies and water, which lives in my fridge. So I can't PLAN B it. (But I know what you mean).

Love to have you journal with me on my recovery thread.

I even made a movie about how I lost the first 60 pounds (before I gained several back), but forced myself to watch it Dec. 28. I learned some things and got re-inspired.

Glad you've posted and I'll see you in Plan B (as in Plan Being Healthy!)

Acey


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Quote:

Another thought is that it has raised my level of awareness and has caused me to explore other boards.




I have that awareness now, too, but I have not explored ....can't keep up with this one as it is!

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I just listened to HNHN on CD again. I learned about how to get our home piles organized into orderly files. Gotta listen to it again as I don't remember hearing those concepts before during the many times I've listened previously.

Anyone else recall hearing 'how to get organized' steps in HNHN?

Ace


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In HNHN, Dr. Harley mentioned how his grandmother constantly told him sincerely that she thought he was brilliant.....and these thoughts sometimes got him into trouble when he bragged about it unknowingly in kindergarten.

Years later, his HS counselor said he would be better off to focus on a vocation and not a 4 year college cause he was NOT college material.

But Dr. Harley proved that counselor wrong, choosing instead fo believe the words of his grandmother that he was brilliant.....and he earned his masters AND PHD.

In light of the recent 'war of the words' being thrown around, Dr. Harley's experiences with words (shared in HNHN) can affect anyone's self image, regardless of his/her marital status or affair or recovery situation.

That's why it's best to keep our words sweet.....some day we may have to re-eat them!

Ace


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Ya know Ace, I don't recall organization either. I guess I was in such a hurry to read and fix I missed it! LOL

I'm going to re-read the book slower this time, really grasp the information.

Thanks!


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Good morning, Acey!

It's nice to see that you got this thread started, but I only saw it by accident because I'm used to reading over at GQII!

Things my wife and I have learned from MB:

1) Orchid's Reverse Babble works extremely well on alien fogged out teenagers, especially if they have been dabbling in forbidden substances (no need to elaborate here);

2) Reverse Babble also works extremely well on passive aggressive elderly parents and in-laws! My wife (like a lot of mothers) has a caretaker personality, but she was getting rundown by the demands of both her mother and mine. All of these demands, of course, were couched as if they were requests or opportunities for MrsGGW. So she began responding to the literal message, and this worked like magic!

3) Reverse Babble is effective with narcissists. Sometimes there's a fine line between narcissists and passive aggressives ... or maybe in our family they are just one and the same. But we seem to harbor several extended family members (including me from time to time, I'm ashamed to say, trying to change this) who will say or do just about anything to get their way.

My wife is a very non-confrontational person. But she's a very smooth-things-over kind of person, and the Reverse Babble technique has been a godsend.

MrGGW

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Hi GGW,

Did you see that I posted to one of your threads on GQII? I forget about this one up here. Maybe it's not an off topic and it should be addressed on GQII. But for now, we'll just explore things up here.

I have used the boundaries instruction in additional situations at work.

Also, the Goddess Thread Mimi started is helping me continue to work on my outer self as well as my inner thoughts and dreams.

Who else has another area of your life that MB has helped?

Ace


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It's party time on the "20-90 Something Vacation thread" and all newbie and oldie MB posters are welcome to stop by for some cake and ice cream anytime today.

We're also playing some trivial games with the answers hidden on my other threads, including this one.

Here's the first answer to Laughing Cow Cheese Question #1.

20 miles


Now you're welcome to wander over to the 20 to 90 VACA party to celebrate my first year on MB and RIF's 45th birthday and Lifechoice and her DH docp's MB birthday and real life birthdays. That link is where the questions are being asked.

Remember to enjoy come cake and ice cream. And try to threadjack better than Cinderella does...she's really good but not unbeatable!

Ace

P.S. To restate the original Off Topic: So what OTHER areas has MB helped you?

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Ever had to fire a volunteer? Unfortunately, I did......but was able to accomplish it with dignity intact thanks to MB principles.

Ace


FWH/BW (me)57+ M:36+ yr.
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Quote:

It's nice to see that you got this thread started, but I only saw it by accident because I'm used to reading over at GQII




Hello GGW and Mrs. GGW,

I apologized on the Success Stories thread (GQII) but wanted to let you know here that I'm sorry I didn't wait for your permission to use your quote from another thread to start this one.

Please know that my intentions were good and I appreciate your graciousness once you realized it was here, even if you may have been surprised to see your words quoted without your awareness.

I appreciated your TMI/Slander thread and I'm sorry it was locked. Many things happen for reasons we may not understand. I hope you are not discouraged and that you continue reading and posting here on these forums.

Sincerely yours,

Ace


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Glad to see you're posting again Mrs. GGW. Hope you see this apology soon.

Ace

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Hi GF,

I have a MS movie maker question for you: Is there any way to have two programs open, one minimized, one running on the screen?

I'm trying to cut/paste clips from my practice timeline/storyboard to the original and it's tedious to have to keep opening and closing them instead of minimizing them.

Any ideas?

Thanks,

Ace


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