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Hey L2F! Where's the other post? Is it in GQ2? I'll go look for it and will keep it bumped up while you're out and about! Stay safe out there and try not to bend anything, OK? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Semper Fi, RIF
Me, BS
Her, Forgiven
Married Dec 86
Multiple A's that ended '90
Rebuilding In Faith since then...
Currently deployed to Iraq, but TEXAS is Home!
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Good Morning RIF (or goodnight for you... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />)
ISD's thread is in the link in my sig line.
Leaving this am for some good "training"!
L2F
If God is a DJ, life is a dance floor, you get what you're given, it's all how you use it... Pink
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Hey L2F,
We got about 6" of snow today... so we're pretty much stuck here on the FOB for a while...
Hope you have a great time! Are they gonna let you get up and play with the 'kids', or are you going to watch them from the ground?
I'll Keep ISD's thread bumpped up while you're out!
Semper Fi,
RIF
Me, BS
Her, Forgiven
Married Dec 86
Multiple A's that ended '90
Rebuilding In Faith since then...
Currently deployed to Iraq, but TEXAS is Home!
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Thx RIF! I'll actually be on and below deck, learning the ins and outs of the new job. Let the "kids" play... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Don't have too many snowball fights while I'm gone... Have had the epiphany lately that I'm still focusing too much on the A and OM (and I truly think it's over), and not enough on Plan A... Any questions that fill in info on where we are in our M or how we got here that help you all better understand my sitch would be greatly appreciated...along with some words of support. Be back in a week! L2F OBTW, I'm getting indications that OM and his family are going through a "rough time"...karma's a bitc#, eh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />
If God is a DJ, life is a dance floor, you get what you're given, it's all how you use it... Pink
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OBTW, I'm getting indications that OM and his family are going through a "rough time"...karma's a bitc#, eh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> hee hee <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Plan-A... Semper Fi, RIF
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Hey L2F,
Just checking in with you to see how you're doing!
Hope you had fun last week!
Semper Fi,
RIF
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Hey L2F! Hope you had a safe trip!
Also, I hope you are not angry with me for being tough on your WW. She is very close to the edge and needed a good nudge back in the right direction....
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Hey RIF, LaLa...
Feel free to pile on to WW... coming from me it's just LBing.
...which I did do, last night, unfortunately.
She was gone when I returned home...kitchen a mess. She clearly felt either she had to leave before I got home, or her "appointment" was so important she couldn't be late...
This is why we go to Plan B...or should after this long.
As Lino put it, my feelings for her are "gone, bably gone".
She was back to her shrewish behavior on the phone last night and asked when I was going to "sign" the papers.
I gave her the "I don't do divorce" thing. She said she'd just have me served...
After a few more exchanges she gave me several "F you's", after which I stupidly allowed 2 years of venom and froth to rise to the surface and replied "well here's one for you WW...OM can HAVE your sorry a$$..."
class act, huh? I HATE it that I rise to the bait. I feel like crap, and no doubt she gains no small amount of satisfaction when I "lose it"...proving what a bad husband I am....damn....
Anyway, she chose to go to a doctor's appt yesterday after work, citing the fact that she has to go when the appts are available...problem is, it meant my DD15 had to walk home alone in the dark from her piano lesson on a very deserted rural road...something I've NEVER let her do.
I unloaded on her, saying that she only works 3 days a week and she can get an appt that doesn't conflict w/ hers or the kid's sched...I'm just so MAD at her I could spit.
someone talk me off the ledge pls...I do NOT like these growing feelings of hatred...
Plan B sure makes sense now...
If God is a DJ, life is a dance floor, you get what you're given, it's all how you use it... Pink
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Hey L2F!
Good to see you around again...
I can understand losing your temper and LBing. I've done it many times myself.
I'm surely not going to try and talk you into anything, but I have to ask what's changed since a week or so ago? It is entirely within your 'rights' to go to plan-b or even D if that is your choice...
We're here for you so vent away!
Semper Fi,
RIF
Me, BS
Her, Forgiven
Married Dec 86
Multiple A's that ended '90
Rebuilding In Faith since then...
Currently deployed to Iraq, but TEXAS is Home!
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I hope Plan B isn't coming too late. Try to control your anger, though...it gets you nowhere and (as you said) validates her warped sense of entitlement. Maybe you could use some re-charging of the batteries...a phone call with the Harley's would probably do that for ya! They would know better than us what to do at this point.
Waywards are terrible parents. I am so sad for your daughter to have to walk home alone like that...make SURE you are keeping a journal of these things. She is selfish and only thinks of herself right now.
I just went back and re-read some of your stuff. The OM is a total loser and will crumble under the pressure of trying to fulfill all of her needs. Plan B is the next step, but it has to be flawless. In other words, you have to go completely dark. Make sure all arrangements are made for visitation ahead of time and get a lawyer right away. I told you this a while ago, but I'm not sure if you have one yet. This is imperative as he/she needs to do all the negotiating in D or LSA.
Are you planning on leaving or is she going to go? Any way you can keep the house? Custody will be hard being that you are gone so much, but maybe shared parenting. Make sure she must stay within a certain vicinity of you so that she cannot run off with this loser and screw up your kids' lives even more for her little fantasy world.
It is so hard after being married for 17 years. I know you are heart-broken. My heart and my prayers go out to you. Please don't let her suck you into these fights. You are better than that! I have faith in you, and I know you will do what's best for you and your children. They should be told immediately- and before she gets a chance to spin her web of lies around them. They know something's wrong anyways, so don't keep them guessing. they are old enough to know the truth about their lives. Read up on Eyeofthestorm's thread as he is just a little further along than you (as is lino and chrisner). He has gotten some great advice on his thread that I think would really benefit you as well.
Take care!!
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Hey guys...thanks...venting is certainly one of the many selling points of this board...
I should have come there to vent rather than open mouth to WW.
RIF, what changed was that I allowed expectations to creep in and was disappointed by her fleeing again upon my return, then her continued alien behavior and how it affects our kids.
Honestly, that's what pushes my buttons the most. I am so hurt and sad for our kids that WW just doesn't have it in her to have a truly intimate and caring relationship...especially with our kids.
DD feels rejected (because she's more like me), and she's truly needing an example of a strong, positive and good mother right now... The fact that WW is being so damned irresponsible and doesn't see the impact of her choices is what puts me over the edge.
Her A was an escape, and OM is one of those jacka$$ musicians (sorry LaLa) who's more interested in himself and the "experience of life" than actually doing any work to contribute to anyone else's well being.
LaLa, if you go to my story and then search for that user name, you'll see that my kids know ALL of what's going on. They look at mom like she has two heads.
DD recently said that she'd think WW would be "doing all she can to become trustworthy"... I was impressed.
I've seen a L (WW criticized me for not being honest about it...), but have not retained him...yet.
My state is pretty liberal and rules largely in favor of the mother. If it comes to a custody battle, however, I won't accept less than 51%.
thanks for the opportunity to vent....
Now back to plan A...
JEEEZ this sucks!
If God is a DJ, life is a dance floor, you get what you're given, it's all how you use it... Pink
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Hang in there L2F! Give the Harley's a call and get some 'professional' advice! I do understand how it would be VERY easy to become angry... Mrs. RIF wasn't the best mom when she was involved in all of her A's. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> and I was spending most of my time in the field, so our oldest daughter suffered through numerous baby-sitters and day care providers while Mrs. RIF had her 'fun'... Semper Fi, RIF
Me, BS
Her, Forgiven
Married Dec 86
Multiple A's that ended '90
Rebuilding In Faith since then...
Currently deployed to Iraq, but TEXAS is Home!
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No offense taken, bud! And sorry for all the questions. Good for you about telling the kids. At least they are able to see who is destroying the M...plus, at their age, by the time (even if you started a D right NOW-which you WON'T!!) the D was final, they would pretty much have the say in who they stay with (they may even if it was finalized tomorrow). I think it is age 13 that they can make a determination on their own, although it can be fought by the other parent, I think. So VENT AWAY!!! I still think she needs to be sent off with Rico Suave to see just how smooth he is with her there all the time. I'll bet she would come crawling back within WEEKS (if not days!)!!!! OK-that wasn't very "MB" of me-sorry! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />
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Hi L2F,
No advice, just some moral support. I'm sorry there doesn't appear to be any improvement in your situation. Perhaps plan B time is drawing near.
Best,
Who
I am the BW,
He is the FWH
D-Day: 12/02/03
Recovered
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Hey WHO, long time no "see". Thanks for the support!
Had an email exchange w/ WW yesterday concerning my coming home a day early from work as she had tentative "plans". I asked her if her plans were "important", and she said I'd probably not think so.
To be clear I sent her the following:
"I want to make sure I’m not misunderstood. The boss has a standing meeting every Friday at 1030 and I’m expected to be there to represent my department.
“Important” was probably the wrong word. While going for a girl’s night out with your friends might not be “important”, it would certainly be legitimate, and I’d happily bow out of the meeting to “cover” for you.
If you want to go do something that you would be willing to tell your kids or husband about, great!
If, however, your desire is to go antiquing with OMM or meet up with OM and his degenerate friends, I’m sure you understand that I would not be willing to rearrange my work schedule to enable actions that hurt both me and our children.
Don't know if I'll get a response.
L2F
If God is a DJ, life is a dance floor, you get what you're given, it's all how you use it... Pink
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Also, in our conversation the other night, WW said that if I wouldn't sign the papers, she'd "just have to go ahead and have me served". I repeated that I don't do divorce and that she'd have to get herself a lawyer. "Rico Suave"... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> He's so not. Hmmmmm, "R.S"... That's IT! "Rat S#it"!!! That's one of the things that gets me...there's SO much conflict in their "relationship" that it makes me wonder if that kind of "drama" is what WW thrives on...it's just sick.
If God is a DJ, life is a dance floor, you get what you're given, it's all how you use it... Pink
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L2F
Just giving my support. It seems there are a few of us stuck in that limbo between plan A ending and plan B (or even plan D/FU) starting. I hate that other people are going thru the same [email]cr@p[/email], but I'm glad there is at least some support. Otherwise, I know I would have lost it by now if I hadn't been warned on what to expect.
Lino
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Thanks Lino, I think our situations do have much in common in that our WSs have definitely "affaired down". I've often just wondered what my WW's looking for--what would make her happy. My DD observed that she didn't think mom even knew...I sure don't. If she would read ANY of the numerous books I've read or looked at the basic concepts here and filled out the ENQ, I might have a better idea. I'm so with you, my man...hovering so near a viscious plan FU...then I come here to vent and get re-grounded. Sure is a great group of solid people here! Thank God for that...it restores my faith in humanity <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
If God is a DJ, life is a dance floor, you get what you're given, it's all how you use it... Pink
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Communication has been at the root of our M problems from day one, even though I only became fully aware of it in recent years.
I'd be having one conversation and she'd be having another. Or, she'd take what I said to mean one thing when I'd be meaning something entirely different.
I've tried to be so much clearer in my communication in recent years for this very reason.
Her comment about my not thinking what she wanted to do this weekend would be "important" is a case in point.
Don't know if that's code for her going to see OM, or instead something completely different--a desire to go do something on her own...who knows.
To clarify, I sent her this note to piggyback on my previous one...
…Pls know that anything you’d want to do (outside of those things I mentioned earlier) I’d find important and would find a way to support…that’s one of my many roles and vows as your husband.
L2F
If God is a DJ, life is a dance floor, you get what you're given, it's all how you use it... Pink
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Hey L2F!
I think your e-mail was great!!! Just because you're in Plan-A doesn't mean that you stuff your feelings... You stated your boundaries very clearly and let Mrs. L2F know that you aren't going to support her A...
Oh, and I believe that your DD is EXACTLY right! Mrs. L2F doesn't know what she wants!
Plan-A... Plan-A... Plan-A...
Semper Fi,
RIF
Me, BS
Her, Forgiven
Married Dec 86
Multiple A's that ended '90
Rebuilding In Faith since then...
Currently deployed to Iraq, but TEXAS is Home!
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