Well, there's a plus! Now you don't have to worry about him complaining anymore!

Honestly I think that's all he ever did, mutter things under his breath instead of verbalizing ANYTHING.

My husband does not know how to ask for what he wants and I swear over 14 years I became just like him. I am now taking that back. I am empowering myself.

No kidding....

What does it mean to you to eat better? What are you eating. How is the weight loss coming. What kind of music do you listen to? How are you surrounding yourself with positive influences?

AWESOME unconditional! I love to hear people empowering themselves in ways that are good for them and their children, if any. Doesn't it feel good?

I can remember the feeling of finally being free of an oppressive ex. YEEHAAA!!!!

It's amazing at some of the statements that people say on here and how they hit us. Thank you. You probably won't understand and how it applied to me, but thank you.

It feels great. I would certainly spend my energy on myself rather than on my crackhead husband and his hotel ******. Opps sorry, rage emerging!

I am sad in some ways but in others I feel completely liberated. Why do we bury who we are to be in a relationship?

For me, because I lost sight of G-d and who is most important in my life.

My priorities were all screwed up. If we have G-d as our number one priority, then there isn't a chance of us losing ourself, because he LOVES us just as we are, which is perfect in his eyes.

We bury orselves because we are at heart givers, and truly meant our marriage or vows or unspoken relationship promises. Also, we let ourselves be bullied by our significant others, to our own detriment, sadly. In other words, we mean what we say and do all we can to fulfill our promises.

We are good people, that's why. Sadly, the bad apples out there abuse our good will.

There are many out there who will appreciate us. Just look for the good heart (Leah) and not only the good looks (Rebeccah).

Since I rid myself of the anchor, I found both a great heart AND much better looks!

You know how people can look good froma distance then when you get up close - whoa!

My wife looks good from afar, but gets better the closer you get! And her heart is golden, never found one better.

Unconditional, if you decide to get involved again, search for that good heart. You will not be disappointed.

For the first time in years I am actually cooking all the meals. My husband normally did and he cooked it all his way. More balance. I have lost 20 pounds since November. I wanted to lose weight but not by not eating. I am finally able to get two meals a day down and keep it there.

That's a great sign. I lost a good amount of weight when I left the anchor.

Good and bad, my wife is an excellent cook, and I'm fighting gains now.

Yes either way I am open to the possibilities that there is someone out there who will appreciate all of me. Good and bead.

There is, but you will better attract them when you are happy with yourself. You seem well on your way.

Rough night last night. My son says "I miss Daddy already". Then this morning he asks me for my work number so he can call me anytime. Poor kid. I feel like he feels like his world is falling apart. Mommy is gone to work maybe she won't be back either! It's killing me that I am shouldering this burden. What do I say to my son?

UC, your son's world IS falling apart. There is no way around it, I'm sorry to say. It is just another consequence of WS's selfish actions.

He will need a lot of reassurance from you. Tell him often that you will be there for him. Be very sensitive to not being late to pick him up from anywhere. Cuddle with him lots. Read to him. Play with him. (I forget how old your son is, but I was thinking he was still pretty young.)

Children each handle this differently. One of mine raged, another became depressed, and another withdrew. But they all needed to be reassured and have lots of opportunity to talk about their feelings.

Don't make excuses for daddy, because there is none, and in their gut they know this. So if you make excuses, it is justifying daddy's cruel behavior toward them.

You can do this UC. Be honest and be the one he can trust. Because he needs to be able to trust someone!

UC, I believe children, no matter what their ages, should not be lied to. My youngest was 6 at the time that his daddy left. I told him (and his older siblings), "Mommy got married forever, but daddy did not. He has a girlfriend and is leaving us. He is moving out of our home." I told them that I loved daddy just like they do, and if he is willing to do what is necessary, I want him to come home.



It is good not to use the kids. But that can become an easy excuse to not be honest with them (not saying you are doing that). Children suffer huge damage from a parent leaving. There's no way around that. The world has come up with some great lines that parents buy into as good for their children, but when you think of it from their perspective you realize just how absurd they are.

Tell my kids the truth? Will that not turn my son against his father? Should that matter to me?

I am overjoyed to see that it does matter to you!

"Truth" is not always the best, and some here will obviously disagree with that. I believe that you should never bad mouth the ex in front of the kids - it ruins the moment when they figure it out for themselves.

There is no problem with telling them there are problems and daddy has moved out, and that you would like him to come back. That doesn't lay any blame and puts you in a good light without ripping on him.

However, I would strongly advise against telling the kids that daddy has a girlfriend. Hopefully not, but they will probably soon find that out for themselves.

This next quote of yours brings tears to me eyes-

"I am doing everything humanly possible not to use the kids to hurt him. I love them far too much to do that."

That comment alone shows you are a very wise woman. I understand the hurt one feels when they are told goodbye for another, but to take it out on the kids, which ripping on the ex is doing exactly that, just lowers you to their level.

Please keep that motive on the top of your list. You will be doing the best for your kids that way.

Again, you are very wise.

UC,

This is certainly your decision, and I respect you greatly for taking it very seriously. I thought long and hard about how to handle my children (age 17-6 at the time). For me, a relationship based on honesty was a high priority.

Obviously, I do not agree with SYF's view, and she does not agree with mine. That's OK. In the end, it is you that has to live with your choices.

My FWH came home in October and has thanked me repeatedly for being honest with the children, for teaching them right and wrong. He agrees that it was the right thing to do.

I want my children to know that I will tell them the truth even when it's hard. My children know that my relationship with them is based on honesty.

My children were not damaged by knowing the truth. They were damaged by the affair. They were damaged by their father choosing to leave.

My core beliefs will differ with some here on MB, but I value honesty and think my children do just as much.

Perhaps your 3 yo is too young to "get it". But your 5 yo is not. He will learn what is right and wrong in a marriage by what you teach him.

Life as a parent isn't always about protecting our children from pain. In fact, sometimes it calls for just the opposite. Sometimes to do what is best for our children, we are required to allow them to feel hurt. That's part of some of the greatest lessons they can learn.