Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 3 1 2 3
Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 1,194
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 1,194
Quote
edited to add: someday ill figure out how to do this fancy quote feature for real... until then, ya'll just have to deal with my weird versions of a "quote" while I try to figure it out... every time I think I got it finally (like now), I go to my post and it looks funky...

sigh <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Hey Tea-tea...On quotes, just remember that every tag is part of a pair...[ tag ] and [ /tag ]
[q u o t e] (without spaces) followed by the 'end-quote' [/q u o t e]
gives you
Quote
(without spaces) followed by the 'end-quote'


"If you put away those who report accurately, you'll keep only those who know what you want to hear. I can think of nothing more poisonous than to rot in the stink of your own reflections." (The Lady Jessica to her daughter Alia, in Frank Herbert's Children of Dune)
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 154
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 154
Quote
Quote
IMHO for many reasons, the fallout of a married person engaging in soliciting prostitutes is so damaging

The damage is caused when the married person engages in *ANY* extra-marital ugly-bumping...Prostitution is just one of many, many possible scenarios.

I'm so tempted, but will refrain from taking the earlier bait about the world's 2nd oldest profession.

Prostitution is just one of many possible scenarios, I never suggested that it wasn't...it still doesn't make it any less damaging in my opinion...It is one that I find EXTREMELY DAMAGING....and yes, you may argue that all ADULTERY is EXTREMELY damaging, I have no problems with that..I am not interested in a debate..my opinions on this subject have been expressed and they won't change as I am sure yours won't either...

Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069
Quote
“It was a victimless crime. He only hurt his family.”

So "family" (including the innocent children) don't fit into the political equation as someone who matters, according to the author. Wow.

I'm somewhat certain if this author ever became a BS their story would change quite quickly.

Its too sad it takes experiencing adultery for some to understand the gravity of its destruction.

Jo

Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
Quote
Quote
...we are the only country that concerns itself with the private lives of our politicians, and we shouldn't care about who sleeps with whom and should just focus on how they perform their jobs.

A pretty darn shortsighted and stupid reliance on their ethical facades.

This kind of fuzzy thinking bugs me no end.

And besides, so what? Do you blindly follow Europe or China or the Middle East in everything else too? If not, why this? Are you saying I have to think like a Frenchman and have multiple mistresses or somehow I am not an enlightened man?

Yikes, I hope you are talking to Dershowitz, not to me - I was simply relaying his words!

AGG


Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069
Quote
I agree, adultery should be a crime.

I also agree 100%.

The laws governing adultery should have never been changed, IMO.

Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
Quote
I think both would have their own unique problems...I think a hooker removes the emotional issue associated with affairs though.

Yeah, kinda my thinking too - the "good news" about prostitution vs. an affair partner is that there are no emotional ties with a hooker; the "bad news" would seem to be that there is no excuse of "making a mistake" or "being seduced" - soliciting a prostitute across state lines, making complex financial arrangements to pay her, etc, all point to a very calculating and preplanned set of actions, which would hurt the BS with their callousness... No win either way, I guess.

AGG


Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069
Quote
Quote
I think both would have their own unique problems...I think a hooker removes the emotional issue associated with affairs though.

Yeah, kinda my thinking too - the "good news" about prostitution vs. an affair partner is that there are no emotional ties with a hooker; the "bad news" would seem to be that there is no excuse of "making a mistake" or "being seduced" - soliciting a prostitute across state lines, making complex financial arrangements to pay her, etc, all point to a very calculating and preplanned set of actions, which would hurt the BS with their callousness... No win either way, I guess.

AGG

Lest we not forget life threatening STDs.

Why is that always the thing that is at the bottom of everyone's list, or even omitted?

Not targeting you AGG cuz you must know I really respect you. But it just seems like most look at STDs like "it won't happen to me" or an unlikely scenario.

Jo

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,703
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,703
wow...I think both would have their own unique problems...I think a hooker removes the emotional issue associated with affairs though.
I think there are a few people on this board that have dealt with both.
********************************

I beleive star*fish has experienced both.

I don't think it's uncommon for serial cheaters or SAs to engage in types of prostitution, ONS's and affairs that might include emotional connections.

I wonder if this governor has a history w/ this type of behavior. Something tells me this wasn't a brand new hobby.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,975
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,975
As I looked at the photo of his press conference on AOL today, the look on his BW's face spoke volumes. IMHO, it conveys anger and hatred more than hurt.

I suspect that he has done this before and got caught by her, this time it was worse because of the public humiliation. I think she has had enough.

Just my take.

Who


I am the BW,
He is the FWH
D-Day: 12/02/03

Recovered
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 154
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 154
Quote
Agreed, they are not the same thing, and I realize he was talking about the former (even though Spitzer made it a point to bust up prostitution rings)... But, Dershowitz went on to mumble that in the entire world, we are the only country that concerns itself with the private lives of our politicians, and we shouldn't care about who sleeps with whom and should just focus on how they perform their jobs. So, I think he was alluding to both aspects of it.[quote]AGG

This is exactly the way I interpreted Dershowitz's comments on CNN last night....

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,703
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,703
[quote]As I looked at the photo of his press conference on AOL today, the look on his BW's face spoke volumes. IMHO, it conveys anger and hatred more than hurt.

I suspect that he has done this before and got caught by her, this time it was worse because of the public humiliation.
**************************************


My gut was telling me the same thing.

Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,621
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,621
Quote
Yikes, I hope you are talking to Dershowitz, not to me - I was simply relaying his words!

AGG

Right. Sorry. I get carried away. I edited my post to make it less directed.

Dershowitz has also stated he is in favor of torture of criminal suspects in a broad set of circumstances.

Just like politicians, he likes the spotlight.


"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan

"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky

WS: They are who they are.

When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
Quote
Lest we not forget life threatening STDs.

Why is that always the thing that is at the bottom of everyone's list, or even omitted?

Good point Jo! I guess I was thinking that STD's would be equally likely for either scenario (affair partner or a hooker), but the risk should be kept in mind for both. Although I suspect that that is the last thing people think about when dropping their pants, because their AP or $5000 hooker are "special" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />.

AGG


Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
Quote
Quote
Yikes, I hope you are talking to Dershowitz, not to me - I was simply relaying his words!

AGG

Right. Sorry. I get carried away. I edited my post to make it less directed.

No worries, I figured so, but just wanted to check <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

AGG


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
M
Mulan Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
Quote
But, Dershowitz went on to mumble that in the entire world, we are the only country that concerns itself with the private lives of our politicians, and we shouldn't care about who sleeps with whom and should just focus on how they perform their jobs.

This mentality really, really burns me up.

People constantly say that the “private lives” of politicians or corporate CEOs shouldn’t matter to the rest of us. But they DO matter because these people are our leaders, and when they set horrible examples it only encourages other people to do the same.

After all, adultery is what the Important Successful Big Shots do to reward themselves for their success, and they almost always get away with it. Why shouldn’t other folks indulge in the harmless fun of a little cheating as well, just like the Big Guys?

And they do.

And their families suffer endlessly, almost always behind closed doors.

What a f***ed-up world we live in.
Mulan


Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,632
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,632
Heartpain,
I've never posted to you before, but here we go.

Quote
I seem to remember you once posting that adultery shouldn't be a crime.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Actually, neither should be a crime, and I do know I've said that repeatedly on many fronts as it concerns prostitution. Legislating behavior is ludicrous, stupid and fruitless, as thousands and thousands of years of futility have proven. Sadly, some even today, have not learned that lesson.

That being said, if a choice MUST be made, adultery universally harms, prostitution does not(universally)...Therefore the choice is logically simple.


Look in the mirrow and welcomn yourself to the apostosy that invades this generation of people.

To consider that sex with a prostitute has no consequence, today, or in the past, is faulty thinking. the type of thinking that has taken a moralistic society in America, to the edge of our own abyss and destruction.

To condone sin, is nothing less than participation of that very sin.

Keep the legislature out of it, consider instead, you own moral choice and defend it as if it were your child. Would you agree that your own child is free and could participate in prostitution and still be OK?????

Think again! Use your heart this time and contemplate the pain, Heartpain!

All Blessings,
Jerry

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 154
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 154
Quote
Quote
But, Dershowitz went on to mumble that in the entire world, we are the only country that concerns itself with the private lives of our politicians, and we shouldn't care about who sleeps with whom and should just focus on how they perform their jobs.

This mentality really, really burns me up.

People constantly say that the “private lives” of politicians or corporate CEOs shouldn’t matter to the rest of us. But they DO matter because these people are our leaders, and when they set horrible examples it only encourages other people to do the same.

After all, adultery is what the Important Successful Big Shots do to reward themselves for their success, and they almost always get away with it. Why shouldn’t other folks indulge in the harmless fun of a little cheating as well, just like the Big Guys?

And they do.

And their families suffer endlessly, almost always behind closed doors.

What a f***ed-up world we live in.
Mulan

So true. That is why I had so many problems with Dershowitz's statements on CNN last night...

Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,621
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,621
Quote
After all, adultery is what the Important Successful Big Shots do to reward themselves for their success, and they almost always get away with it. Why shouldn’t other folks indulge in the harmless fun of a little cheating as well, just like the Big Guys?

Adultery runs rampant in the halls of power that control the large corporation my wife and I work for. All the execs do it. It’s an official perk.

A previous CEO has been married 6 times, most recently to the wife of one of his direct reports. He later resigned, for what always goes along with adultery – dishonesty. Then the very next CEO also resigned - but not over one of his affairs with a direct report – for cheating on a government contract.

Within weeks of being promoted to a Director of the company my wife started her VLTA. On the very next business trip to Asia, in fact.

And they all knew of it in her area the whole time.

Adultery and general dishonesty are opposite sides of the same coin. I do not agree affairs are an aberration with these people. Adultery is simply a part of who they are, who they have always been and who they will always be.


"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan

"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky

WS: They are who they are.

When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 2,424
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 2,424
Quote
I am wondering what would be worse - to find out that your spouse was having an affair, or that your spouse was visiting a hooker... Both make you feel like crap, of course, but I wonder which would be worse for the BS. Thoughts?
My spouse visited a hooker. I can't say the pain is worse, it's the same for all BS's. But the cover-up I believe is easier for the WS. Prostitutes are in every town, available at any time. They are easier to hide, quicker, and don't require an affair. I believe earning trust back for one thats been with a hooker is more difficult, if not impossible. Only because there "could" have been or might continue to be multiple hookers. You just never know.

Lady

Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,621
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,621
Using a prostitute is just that – using.

There is something scary in that kind of adultery. It’s as engulfing an entitlement as one can find in anything.

An example is active on this very forum: the governor’s dishonesty reminds me of what I am reading on Cruisegonbad’s thread. She used a gigolo and then hid it for eight years – lying and manipulating her husband into staying married at arms length, into adopting children, tricked into living her lie, and kept off balance with capricious and varying emotional distance. The hidden and invisible barriers she used to maintain her sordid secrets must have had him thinking he was insane at times. His marriage was as much of a fantasy as any adulterous affair found on this website. And she didn’t even do all this for the love of an OM.

No wonder she and her H can’t get pass this. Neither yet face the sheer magnitude of it. Even her user name blames the cruise instead of her near decade of conscious and intentional choices.

What a stake through her husband's heart. And she didn’t even do it for love.

I wonder if the governors’ wife will get past this same thing. I bet it’s the tip of an iceberg with this guy too.

And he didn't even do it for what might pass as love.


"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan

"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky

WS: They are who they are.

When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
Page 2 of 3 1 2 3

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 523 guests, and 58 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Steven Round, sonali pawar, Carter Whitaker, Pogre, katharine369
71,978 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by risoy60576 - 05/24/25 09:12 AM
Advice pls
by Steven Round - 05/24/25 06:48 AM
I didn’t have a chance
by Open Leaf - 05/20/25 07:15 AM
My spouse is becoming religious
by Open Leaf - 05/16/25 12:57 PM
Roller Coaster Ride
by BrainHurts - 05/15/25 10:29 AM
Lack of sex - anyway to fix it?
by Open Leaf - 05/13/25 10:42 AM
Question for those who have done coaching
by Open Leaf - 05/09/25 12:45 PM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,623
Posts2,323,505
Members71,979
Most Online3,224
May 9th, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5