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Originally Posted by QueeniesNewLife
I am not that worthless piece of crap that came to these boards almost a year ago.

((((Queenie))))

(Not sitting here shaking her head)....

Ummm...honey, you were NOT a piece of crap a year ago either....know that one. I may not have known you, but NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE deserves this. and yes, you DESERVE better than what you have gotten and are continue to get.

Now, you need your rest. You must sleep. How is that going for you?/? I know you were having problems, is it getting any better??

Me, I am exhausted. I need to get some sleep myself....

Keep that GODDESS chin up honey....

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Sleep, still not going well at all. The good thing I was on vacation this week and so I could just fall back asleep, but it's back to work on Monday.

N2F, I didn't know that I was a person who deserved to exist on this earth after the A was found out and WH just walked away with not ONE CHANCE. It devastated me beyond imagination. I literally crawled back from a death in so many ways.

Whether I deserved it or not, can't say, what I didn't realize was how much control WH had over me and my thoughts about myself. I seriously think he was abusing me in ways. I even mentioned it to him once. But alas, he was having the A by then and so he didn't really care.

G-d has worked very hard through people on here and in me to get me to realize that I have a right to live and it's ok for me to be happy. I didn't know that my self-esteem was so in the gutter because I just wanted to make my H happy. I love him, I want our M, but it's not my job to make him happy. Just like it wasn't his job to make me happy. That had to come from my relationship with G-d.

Sleep well, I am not ready for it yet, or I will be up in an hour. smile


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
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I'm struggling with sleep problems too Queenie. I hope you are able to rest before work on Monday. You are so right when you say that God works through so many people here on the MB board. The advice and guidance here has helped so much. It is a great comfort to me to see that other people understand what we are going through.


BS(me) 40
WH 40
D-day 10/03/2007
***Recovering and growing wiser and stronger.***
I was divorced 10/08/2008.

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Yes, I had a horrible night sleeping. I usually only sleep about two hours at most at a time and then wake up and fall back asleep. But the challenge with that, is that I get the most nightmares that way.

Yes, not only do they understand, but they can walk us through how to get through it and give us something to do.

Our time will come when we need to give back to people. Be prepared, they will need us as those who help us now, we need them so much.


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
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Thank you for continually thinking about me ;-)

I'm with you and ((Not))... just in a different sort of way.

I worry about your sleeping problems, they're not good for your health. Not to get personal/pushy but, when was the last time you saw your doctor? Not sleeping could be because of the current situation or it could be caused by something else. Whatever it is I know for health/sanity reasons you need some good sleep!!! Talk to your doctor about it, please!?!

What sport is it that your boys are playing? Lacrosse? My daughter is playing lacrosse and is even getting sometime in the varsity games and she's a freshmen ;-) Yep gotta brag. Ok, not to leave the other two out. My "shy" one is performing in the middle school version of Grease, and my son is continually amazing me in his grades- at his age I could careless and did really bad and so far his sophmore year he's had straight A's. Unfortunately for him he loves ALL sports and just isn't athletic enough, he tries though!! for the 4th straight year he tried out for a sport and didn't make the team, talk about a commitment. I feel bad for him, but after one day he moved on and does not let it get him down.

Jeesh, sorry for the threadjack! Ok, thinking of a different word beside sorry.... hmmm I "acknowldge" that this isn't my thread, but... something I wanted to share with YOU. You are definately welcome to post anything and everything on my thread if/when you want ;-)

(((Queenie)))



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Hey Queenie,

I still like the name Queenie so much better! More fitting of a Queen! I call SMB "My Empress" but she is a sexy mama bear too. smile

FWIW....my sleeping patterns have always been erratic. I go for weeks with only one hour of sleep a night. Not so good!
But something thats helped me... I learned that focus and concentration for 30 minutes and deep, slow breathing during that time can allow my body to feel very rested..I generally lie down in bed and focus on a spot on the ceiling or on a candle flame, my concentration is on my breating deeply and to a perfect rhythm. I often count to ten as I breath in and count to ten as I breath out. After about 30 minutes of this I am so relaxed, actual sleep doesn't seem to matter.

I hate when stress and fear cause my sleepless nights, and sometimes they do, but I still find prayer is my best solution to these times.

Rest Well!






Recovery began 10/07;

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Serenity,

How does your daughter like playing lacrosse. My boys absolutely love it. I am toying with coaching girls lacrosse in a couple of years when my youngest is out of school. Who knows.

TST,

I will try that. I will really try anything. The sleeping pills scare me because I took too many and I went back to sleep this morning until 2:00 and was in a very somber mood.

I cleaned my kitchen really hard to work off some of that somber, and went to an AA meeting, but it's still there.

I have a Plan B question. I am remaining totally dark, and WH has not tried to contact me in anyway at all, except for showing up at the kids' games. It dawned on me that I am having a reaction to him being there. Am I nuts, or is that possible, and could that be WH way of trying to see me?

I generally keep score at my YS's game, but I have only done it at my OS's game the last two times. Am I looking for something where there is nothing or could this seeing him have me reacting and I need to take more preventative measures of seeing him, even from across and at the top of the stadium.


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
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(((Queenie)))

Don't take too many pills. Only the prescribed dose. Do some journeling. It is quieter and less busy than the computer. I know how it sucks. I have suffered from insomnia for YEARS. It is hard to do. I know.

Now my vote on the games....hmmm...did he attend many games before???

My vote is that he is there to see you. I know they say this is a fix, but to me it is not much of one. of course, you are looking you GODDESS best during these aren't you????

Anyway, I say, try not to look for him but do not boycott the games altogether. It is harder to do a COMPLETELY DARK Plan B when kids are involved. Just the way it is. But you can do everything you can to advoid him, and not let it effect you. I know that is hard, but you can look at this way, by seeing him at these games it will remind you that you still have love for him altogether and that you need to protect that love at all costs....except at the cost of your kids.

Anyway, get some sleep love....sweet dreams....and may tomorrow be a much better GODDESS day for the both of us......

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OH NOT,

I'm so glad you are here tonight. Oh yes, I am looking my GODDESS best, especially last night, in my tight pants and black short shirt. Many comments on how much weight I have lost not to mention I had spent the day in the sun and had a glow about myself.

Quote
did he attend many games before???
That's not really a fair question because the season was just beginning when I went into Plan B. Actually I just checked and he missed three games before he started showing up at these. I do know that he could show up at the games and still be hidden if he wanted to, not up where I can see him.

As Mimi says, I need to stop thinking about him and I am working on it, almost two weeks since I checked the email or phone log. But I want to make sure that I am doing the best possible Plan B by staying completely dark and I have to wonder if him seeing me is breaking it a little. The funny thing is I don't go looking for him. I just feel him and he there. There is this connection and it's just there.

Love him, oh gosh. There is so much love for him that it's scary and almost unwarranted.

Journeling is a great idea. I am going to do that just as soon as Desparate Housewives is over. smile


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
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Hey Queenie!

Quote
I had spent the day in the sun and had a glow about myself.

Isn't it amazing how much a little sun can improve the mood here in the NW?!

Quote
what I didn't realize was how much control WH had over me and my thoughts about myself.

Yes...and it's control we GIVE to them...

A long week away and too tired to be any more profound than that...I'm glad you had a good weekend.

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Quote
Isn't it amazing how much a little sun can improve the mood here in the NW?!
A true gift from G-d, and selfishlessly would have like more of it.

Quote
Yes...and it's control we GIVE to them...
I am having to work very hard at learning how to stop this. I do it even when I don't realize I am doing it.

I'll just have to pray harder.

Have a good week Learning, thanks for stopping by.

Once again I can't sleep. Darn it. Ok, TST. time to try your suggestion. Thanks again.


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
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Quote
Yes...and it's control we GIVE to them...

L2F - only if a person gets their sense of value from other people rather than from God who created us to have a relationship with HIM. Change the purposes of God and God will allow us to see what results from substituting our will for His will.


Quote
I'll just have to pray harder.

Why is that, Queenie? Is God deaf or is it you simply want Him to do whatever it is you want done? Are you maybe thinking of Him as the "fairy Godfather" who exists to do our bidding and to fulfill our wishes, or as the Sovereign LORD of the Universe and WE exist, individually, FOR Him?

Referring back to L2F's comment about "control," I wonder who had the real control when Eve said to Adam, "Here, honey, I know best(her eyes were open to 'good and evil' at that point), take a bite of this juicy fruit I found, you will LIKE IT and I am still ALIVE and desirable!"


God "altered" the relationship between husbands and wives as a result of the "Fall." Today, we have been very busy trying to usurp God's authority in a whole host of areas, the marital relationship being not the least under attack.

God's way.

Our way.

We never learn it seems.



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ForeverHers,

Quote
Is God deaf or is it you simply want Him to do whatever it is you want done?
No, been on that road and done it totally. If there is one thing that I have learned through all this is that I don't want my will, I need to walk in G-ds will for peace and serenity.

I just have a hard time knowing what his will is for me, because my will gets in the way and blocks him out.

Praying harder is seeking his will for me. And learning to accept whatever he is wanting for me. I have longer moments of it, but then something happens or a thought comes into my head and I go down that self will road.

We may not have learned, but I for one am still trying to just walk in G-ds will. For me I am grateful for my spiritual progress, not spiritual perfection.

There is no doubt I have much to learn in my relationship with G-d, but today I can admit that and not feel like I am stupid or bad. I'm just learning and open to help. smile


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
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I think there are many of us on here who receive the daily emails from Charlene Cares. I know that somedays the message being sent is absolutely what I need to hear. Now reading what I just wrote above, here is the message today.

Wow...

Just because He doesn't lead us on the shortest path, doesn't mean it isn't the right path.
- - - - -

Is This the Way?

"When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the
road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter.
For God said, "If they face war, they might change their minds
and return to Egypt." So God led the people around by the
desert road toward the Red Sea." Exodus 13:17-18

Can you imagine the Israelites confusion and consternation when Moses led them out of Egypt on the path he did? This was not the shortest path to their Promised Land. Why were they going this way? But the Israelites didn't see what God could see. God saw the obstacles and the problems and knew they were not ready to face them yet. So He led them on a different path.

Maybe you are on a longer route than what you would want. Maybe God hasn't given you the shortest route to your restoration and you are confused. But we have to remember that God sees what we don't. He sees not only the end of our journey, but all of the obstacles and detours in our way. Just because He doesn't lead us on the shortest path, doesn't mean it isn't the right path.
It is His loving hand that leads us and our job is to trust and follow. Perhaps He is protecting us from a battle we are not yet ready to fight. Perhaps He is taking us on a detour to avoid some snare the enemy has laid in our way. Maybe there are things we have yet to learn. Maybe He is waiting until He has both hearts ready for His miracle. We can't know what lies ahead or what the future will bring. But God does.

"By day the LORD went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to
guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to
give them light, so that they could travel by day or night.
Neither the pillar of cloud by day nor the pillar of fire by
night left its place in front of the people." Exodus 13:21-22

God did not leave the Israelites alone in their curious journey.
He went ahead of them to guide and direct them. The pillar of cloud and the pillar of fire did not leave its place in front of the people. Wouldn't it be great to have this kind of clear direction? How easy it would be to see the right road and avoid the pitfalls. We may not have the same kind of roadmap that God provided for the Israelites but we do have the same kind of guidance. The Bible is our map and our guide to show us the right way to go. God's Word is our instruction manual and in it He has promised to never leave us nor forsake us, just as He promised the Israelites.

I often envy the prophets in the Old Testament. They were always getting signs. The burning bush, the fire from Heaven, the pillar of cloud and light, the parting of the Red Sea and the Jordan, the mouths of the lions and the flames of the furnace.
Signs like that would make our walk pretty easy wouldn't it? But these prophets didn't have the Bible where they could read of God's promises and discern the right path. We want signs, too and sometimes God is good and gracious and gives them. But often our journey is made by the light of His Word alone. If we do what the Bible says, then we can know for sure that what we are
doing is right.

"Then the LORD said to Moses, "Tell the Israelites to turn back
and encamp near Pi Hahiroth, between Migdol and the sea. They
are to encamp by the sea, directly opposite Baal Zephon.
Pharaoh will think, 'The Israelites are wandering around the
land in confusion, hemmed in by the desert.' And I will harden
Pharaoh's heart, and he will pursue them. But I will gain glory
for myself through Pharaoh and all his army, and the Egyptians
will know that I am the LORD." So the Israelites did this."
Exodus 14:1-4

If you were an Israelite wouldn't you wonder what the heck was going on? First Moses takes you on a circuitous route, longer than it needs to be, and now he is telling you to turn back?
What kind of leader is this? He was the kind that listened to God and obeyed. Moses knew that God's plans were greater than his. And although he didn't understand why God was taking them this way, he did obey.

Why did God have the Israelites turn back? Is it because He wanted to make their life more difficult? No. God had a plan to bring glory to His name. God had a plan to show the Egyptians that He was the Lord. Do you think that maybe God has a plan for your family, too? Or do you think He just wants to make your life more difficult? God does have a plan for your family and His plan is to bring good to you and glory to Him. It might seem that we are traveling a strange path - plowing ahead, turning back, taking some detours. But God sees the road ahead and He sees just what needs to be in place to bring about His best for you.

"As Pharaoh approached, the Israelites looked up, and there
were the Egyptians, marching after them. They were terrified
and cried out to the LORD. They said to Moses, "Was it because
there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert
to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt?
Didn't we say to you in Egypt, 'Leave us alone; let us serve the
Egyptians'? It would have been better for us to serve the
Egyptians than to die in the desert!" Exodus 14:10-12

We know how this story ends so we marvel at the Israelites lack of trust. But are we so different? Do we not grumble and complain when circumstances come against us? Do we not sometimes doubt that God will protect us? Don't we worry and fret when our back is against the sea and the army is bearing down from the other side? Even when we have seen His mighty hand in our lives in the past, as the Israelites did, we sometimes think there has to be a better way. There is no way but God. There is no circumstance that He cannot change in an instant. There is no situation too difficult for Him. We may right now be in the middle of the same trouble the Israelites faced. But God will make a way for us, just as He did for the Israelites, even if it takes a miracle to do it. He will open up a path through our Red Sea even when it seems an impossibility in the natural realm.

"Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that
night the LORD drove the sea back with a strong east wind and
turned it into dry land. The waters were divided, and the
Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of
water on their right and on their left." Exodus 14:21-22

The Great Way-Maker had done it again. He had taken a hopeless situation, raised His hand, and worked a miracle. Don't ever think that He doesn't want to do the same for you. He goes before you to light the way and behind you to protect you. He guides and directs you with His Word. He knows the path to take and leads you in the right direction and when we come to a place where there seems to be no way out, He makes a way. I read something one time that has really helped me on my journey. "I may not know what my tomorrow holds, but I do know the one who is holding it." This, dear stander, is trust.

"But the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a
wall of water on their right and on their left. That day the
LORD saved Israel from the hands of the Egyptians, and Israel
saw the Egyptians lying dead on the shore. And when the
Israelites saw the great power the LORD displayed against the
Egyptians, the people feared the LORD and put their trust in
him and in Moses his servant." Exodus 14:29-31

God bless,
Kim, standing in Nebraska

Well, back to pondering scripture.... blush


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
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I need a little advice, please.

My YS is failing 4 of his 5 classes. I really don't want to take away his sports as that is relieving some of his tension.

I don't obviously want to bring his dad into the mix, but I am looking for suggestions.

I was thinking of taking away text messaging or phone all together, the computer, ibox games, etc.

My son has had multiple chances and is just not doing his work.

Any thoughts?


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
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Originally Posted by QueeniesNewLife
I need a little advice, please.

My YS is failing 4 of his 5 classes. I really don't want to take away his sports as that is relieving some of his tension.

I don't obviously want to bring his dad into the mix, but I am looking for suggestions.

I was thinking of taking away text messaging or phone all together, the computer, ibox games, etc.

My son has had multiple chances and is just not doing his work.

Any thoughts?


This is almost certainly an issue about priorities.

What does he prioritize higher than his schoolwork?

Start eliminating those things and you'll see schoolwork getting completed on time and well.

This is a great opportunity to teach responsibility and the value of a job well done.. not just 'done'.

Just my $.02


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Does he have a set time to do his schoolwork each night?


I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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The homework is supposed to be getting done when he gets home from school. Evidently that is a lie.

So, now I am signing him up to stay after school 4 days a week in homework club.

He has lacrosse practice from either 6 to 8 or 7 to 9.

As for prioritizing, I would say first it's his cell phone and text messaging, then xbox, then computer. If I take away the computer he will loose all contact with his father and I am not sure that is really an ok thing to do.

Would you agree wink



BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
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I would recommend you talk to his coach and advise him that your son will be at practice, but is not to play in any games until his grades improve. It's both the carrot and the stick! If the coach will not help you, you don't want your son on that team anyhow!

It was his choice not to keep up on his work, he needs consequences.........

I would remove all electronics as well and let those return as you deem necessary! Maybe as a rewards system for positive resulting grades.

But whatever you do make sure he understands what "HE" MUST do earn things back.

Good Luck





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Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Can I have a second to vent please. It just makes me so frustrated that here we are 11 months today is D-day and my kids have not spent two nights away from me the whole time.

I am the one dealing with their anger, their attitude, their sadness, their teenage stuff, their school work problems, running them around for EVERYTHING, while WH is off screwing around and having the time of his life.

Please tell me one day he will wake up and at least be sorry he abandoned us.

Ok, I had my moment. Back to killing the teenagers. I talked to my son and his attitude and lack of respect is so frustrating to me. He treats me just like his dad did.


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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