I would tend to agree...but I have met some nice women too. The funny thing is, I really don't want to have any more children of my own right now...although adoption and foster is always an open door. I figure that turning 45 this year makes me a bit old for a new one. So, who do I meet...women that want to have children! Go figure. I'd like to find someone with anywhere from 1-10 kids already...an ex husband that doesn't cause too many troubles...someone that respects my role as a full time dad...and someone not so jaded by life's curve balls that she is still able to care. Doesn't sound like a tall order does it? LOL...

I'm glad you got away from him. There are people out there whose only focus is making those around them miserable. After what every BS on here has been through...well, that should just never be tolerated!

You know MEDC, I believe it was just who he was. He was someone who need constant reassurance that he was attractive, or a good person, or this or that. And for some reason had this thing about younger women. Like if one even gave him the time of day, he would drop everything to go after that. He was VERY needy. Had some very bizarre mood swings, and didn't not trust his own instincts or decisions. His ex, I truly believe he turned her into the hardened b*tch she became. She was not easy to deal with BUT I am sure he was not easy to live with.

For me, I would just like a main who was confident in who they are, doesn't need to run after some 20 something to feel like "he's still got it", is a family man, and easy going like I am. I am not finding this very often in my age group. I am starting to tend towards men in their 40's right now. I have children but would like one more although not a deal breaker. I don't like needy. I don't like liars. If they have children that is fine. I am not really looking per say. I am communicating with one man from eharmony right now. I had a 3 month special and said "what the heck". I won't renew. I live in a small area so matches are few and far between. But this man is someone who would be willing to relocate so we shall see. He is 43, NMNK.. Which brings up a whole other area of concern for me LOL

That is something I am sure many think about when thinking of divorcing. Being back out on the dating market! Our spouses sure didn't seem to have a hard time finding a ready and willing partner, why is it so hard for us! LOL

mlhb

1-10 kids MEDC... wtf? lol

You must have a big house!

I like kids...I like the idea (although I know it isn't a reality) of being able to field our own football team...or have a full court game of basketball right here at home! I just find that women with children are more in step with my life.

NMNK thing would scare me a bit too. I have found from experience that there is usually a reason they never married. That probably is unfair on my part...but I base it on experience.

I belonged to match.com a long time ago. For some reason, I still have a membership to a site called Chemistry (which I have never paid for) and find it to be a place to meet pretty nice people. For the most part though, blind date fix-ups seem to be the order of the day. (Heck, even my ex wife fixed me up...now that was weird!).

yeah...much too big for just my son and I. I keep thinking about downsizing and then figure as soon as I do, I will get another fc or meet someone really nice with kids.

Go figure!

You have some neat ideas MEDC.. I hope you find what you are looking for.

I asked point blank why this man has never been married.. He said a few things. First, he said he has only been in love once, back in college, and that did not work out. He also said that in his 20's he knew he was not ready for marriage. By his 30's he was starting to feel that maybe it was something he wanted. Now, at 43, he said he would like to be married. He does not mind if the woman has children realizing that at this age they probably will. Having children of his own is not a deal breaker. We talked on the phone for the first time yesterday and he said he is honestly very happy with himself and by himself. He does not NEED a woman in his life but would LIKE one to be there. He is very active, etc. SO, we'll see. He lives about 8 hours from me so we have planned a meeting in August. I know I know, that is far off, BUT, I am in NO rush after this last relationship disaster. That ended last summer but dragged on a bit through the fall until I established no contact. I am in no rush for anything. He is fine with that and we will just chat on the phone and email until then.

I am more concerned that someone who is 43 will be very set in their ways and used to be alone. Independent behaviors and such concern me. And, of course, you wonder WHY someone hasn't been married yet, like, ok what is wrong with him! Only time will tell.

mlhb

LMAO...I think people in their 40's are more flexible than those in the 20-30's...but hey, that could just be my allegiance to that group.
I live in a town of about 2000 people now. To say the pool of available people right here is limited is an understatement. The tooth to tattoo ratio in these parts favors tattoos. That being said, I would have strong doubts about any man that is willing to pursue a relationship with someone 8 hours away. To me, that seems more like the thrill of the hunt.
While your options real close to home might be limited, I think that there must be closer options. When people live really far apart, it tends to speed up certain aspects of the relationship and IMHO, more often than not results in a "flash in the pan" relationship.
Without being flirty, I have seen your picture on Faith's web page...I have a feeling that when you put your mind to it, you will find that the options available to you closer to home are plentiful. As you are not in a rush after the last "disaster" I would say patience will most likely pay off for you. Just don't ever sell yourself short. I find that many women that have been BS forget what a special gift they bring to relationship. Value yourself and others will follow suit.

Thank you to everyone who replied.

There were some interesting responses, to say the least.

Am I the only person wondering whether you two live close to each?

TT--Nope, W2S and I were sitting here daring each other to come on and say something! Sounds like a good match to me!!

*lights candles and slowly backs out of the room and quietly closes the door*

LMAO.

I thought I heard Barry White playing in the background. I wondered if my hallucinations had started up again. SYKE!

Seriously, though, folks, even though I'm nowhere near divorced, I have thought about the prospects of finding the RIGHT man, and it is not something I relish doing. I like the wait-and-see method. Anyone I've ever liked just kinda popped up in my life. I live in a HIGHLY populated area, but I honestly do not believe my prospects of finding someone RIGHT are any higher than anywhere else. Just more duds to pick thru. YEUCKH!

BTW, dating while married is easy; you've always got a fall back girl/guy.(insert rolley eye here).

I'm rather shocked at the direction this thread has taken. I was especially shocked to read this:


Now I supposed the "alternative" could be just about anything, but I hate to think all these BS's are only fighting for their M's just because the "alternative" is worse?!!??!

Perhaps it's because I'm not fighting, but I'm still feeling the pain that I can see this. There are tons of valid reasons to fight for your M. Your WS is a person you love, someone you've built a life with, someone you've had and raised children with, someone you have a history with - someone who is part of you. All of the reasons infidelity is so painful are also the same reasons it's worth fighting for your M.

But not all M's are perfect or even close. A BS in the throws of discovery has to somehow gather their thoughts and feelings and figure out what is the best course of action for them. It isn't like comparing colleges to apply to - you don't get to compare outcomes or even calculate the odds of success. And you do it in the worst emotional state possible. Regardless of this, you should be able to say ____ is why I stayed (or left even), not that it was better than the alternative.

I really hope you all can find your happiness either with or without your WS's. You can't stay in pain forever.

Well Tabby it may be sad to say but it seems like a lot of us BSs (at least on this thread) seem to have the same feeling. Staying right now is the better alternative.

That's because we have higher standards ;-)

Tabby, I agree with you totally. I may be on the "other" side of the fence, but I asked W2S just a few weeks ago if he has stayed only out of obligation of marriage and/or the children. He said "absolutely not--I stayed because I love you with all of my heart and I knew if I could get through to you, we could make it. You are the love of my life!"

Those are great reasons to stay, not "because it is better than the alternative" or "it's cheaper to keep her!"

I shudder at some of the newly betrayed spouses that may be reading some of this!

To those that are...PLEASE understand that IMO Dr. Harley would not encourage this kind of settling in marriage. His plans are designed for people to recover and be ROMANTICALLY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER!

I am not picking on anyone in particular here- just wanted to point that out to BSs who may be discouraged by some of the stories that cannot be called "successful"...at least not yet. I hope and pray for those of you who feel this way in your M that you may find happiness and fulfillment...and deep, romantic love. Noone deserves to be unhappy "until death do us part" when they have been betrayed this way.

Well none of the BSs deserved to be cheated on either. Feelings are just that feelings, you may need to try to change them but they are there none the less even if you do not want them to be.

great post LaLa.

Off topic, I hope you guys are doing okay in regards to your dog.

I agree with all you have said, Resonance. It's just that some of us don't have FWS like you. I would love to be romantically involved with my FWW, but that's just not happening at the moment. Sometimes the feeling is there, many times it's not. However, choosing to do something that leads to my children being even worse off will NOT bring me happiness either, in fact, it would make me even more unhappy. So I choose to remain in the M and continue to do what I can to make it better.

I have a question for those that are just staying because it's better than the alternative...Do your spouses know that? If not, why not? I've heard many a betrayed spouse talk about how all this could have been avoided if their WS would have just come and really talked to them...If that is true, then wouldn't the reverse also be true? Where is the RADICAL HONESTY in these marriages? For those of you YEARS passed D-day, do your spouses know that you post here? Intimacy is a two way street...

Mrs. W