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No wonder you are feeling bad.


I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Originally Posted by mimi_here
I couldn't stand to be away from my H at all...during free time...

You're doing better than I could...

I wish I could say that.....there are many, many times all I want to do is be with him....and then there are other times, when all I want is some space myself....but not for too long of a time.....

I don't know why, but I have always been this way. Maybe because I have always been surrounded by people in some form or another....

as far as feeling bad....it's because he said that he is done...he is not sure IF he can do this......

which, is something we need to address, because I can't always be walking on eggshells either wondering if he's just going to throw in the towel or if I do something that THAT will be the final straw....

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So you are saying that you're right back with him saying he's not sure about working on the marriage????


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When I went into PLAN B, I had had it. Either he was going to work on the marriage or not. I couldn't handle that stuff anymore.

Have you been in contact with the OW's husband?

What's going on with them?


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Originally Posted by mimi_here
So you are saying that you're right back with him saying he's not sure about working on the marriage????

yes

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Originally Posted by mimi_here
Have you been in contact with the OW's husband?

What's going on with them?

I hear ya.....he's been saying he wants to work and has been doing that, but whenever things got "rough" between us (hence me asking these questions....) he said that. Whether it is because he is scared about what the future holds or what I don't know.....

no I have not talked to BOW H. Last I know, is they are working things out and its going pretty good. I never did let him know about ALL the contact they had had after her "bogus" NC letter went out.....once WS sent his and we agreed to do this recovery, I didn't see the reason to muddy the waters over there so to speak.....


Last edited by not2fun; 05/30/08 09:36 PM.
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I don't see you as being in RECOVERY.


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I think you need to make your ground rules clear.

Get rid of that apartment so he can't run over there or else it's not RECOVERY.

RECOVERY is him being committed to working on the marriage.

When you are married, you have nowhere to run.

YOU DON'T RUN.

You're IN or OUT.


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ok....I think we are on the same page now.........

thanks for all your guidance, as usual you helped me tons....may not have been ALL I wanted to hear, BUT then sometimes the things we don't want to hear are the best things for us to hear.... crazy

I agree about the "IN OR OUT" part.

I'm heading off to bed now....DS has an early BB game (if its not rained out....raining like cats and dogs over here....) and my legs are so sore from working them out that some much needed rest in store for me.....

and before I FORGET.....TOMORROW IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE.....I OFFICIALLY QUIT SMOKING TOMORROW......

not2fun

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Good morning all....

Well, this morning is going ok....I did wake up in a angry mood, which is so very different from the hurt and pain I used to wake up to....but I am working on changing that....I do have to wonder if it is the Chantix. It did say that "agitation" is a side-effect.

Now, the NO SMOKING is going well. I do have to say I do not have ANY physical urge to smoke, which is GREAT......as far as the pychological, I am not sure. Yeah, I think about it, more like a habit, but its weird, I think "nahhh...I actually really do not want one...."....totally different than any other time I have tried quitting.

Anyway, got lots to do today......and my legs are hurting today, so I got lots to catch up on.......

not2fun

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Hi NOT,

Good for you...... It's hard to give up something that is addicting, isn't it?

wink


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Not2... congratulations on the not smoking!! That is one of the best gifts you can give to yourself and your children. Yeah!! for you! Do whatever it takes to keep with it!

Sorry to read things aren't going so smoothly. Your in my thoughts and prayers.



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HELLO Serenity.... How are YOU


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Oh, crud, Not2.

Either he's in or out. This goes for you, too. You must be willing to lay down the law, in terms of what is acceptable to you, and ALSO be willing to abide by them yourself, no matter what. NO letting yourself fall back into old patterns. I'm so sorry to hear this. WH really does need to be living with you day in day out. This is not marriage.

It's not easy, guys, not one bit.

I really am sorry to hear this updated stuff.

I applaud you for quitting smoking, Not2. You WILL feel better in the end. I know I am so happy not to be constantly under the cigarrette's thumb.



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DID Y0U ALL MISS ME????????


Yes I am back after my little bladder scare. Not quite healed, apparently, THAT takes time too....(rolley-eyes...), but at least I can do without the vicodine and can get around. Still some aches and pains, but I will get through them. WS is been kind and reminding me to take it easy, and him and the kids are doing their best to keep things in order,,,,though I think my kids are about done with all of that....lol.

As far as WS and I go. We are hanging in there. He's still foggy. But, he has been doing his part. I can't say I share some of his views, but his actions are going along way.....a long long way. Oh, he's messed up....and we've had some MAJOR miscommunication, but at least we are talking them out. I found out after reading "Love Busters" that I was reverting to some old habits....(because they ARE HARD TO BREAK....) and that my line of thinking sometimes gets in the way, but I am working on that. I have ALSO found out that my WS cannot READ my mind.....who knew???? wink.....and that my "EXPECTATIONS" are still getting in my way....so I still have area's to work on.
I know this is about me, but then again, it always was.

Anyway, other than that not too much to write. We did have some MAJOR MAJOR problems all at the same time all of my surgery stuff was going on, but we are at least working to resolve it.

Anyway, thanks for all the prayers and concerns everyone. I sure missed you all......

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Good to see you back again.

Do you mind me asking what the MAJOR, MAJOR problems were?

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((((B))))

Good to see ya honey..... grin.....I've been reading some older threads lately and I love it when I see you and Mimi old posts on there...asking questions, knee deep in the same issues we all struggle with today. The women you all have become is such an inspiration.....


Problems you ask??? What problems????....jk

Well, in a summerized version, my WS and my family (mom,dad, brother and sister, well not her so much, she was actually playing peace maker this time around....) all end up in a HUGE HUGE fight while I was in the hospital. All concerning me, but I was in the middle and drugged up so I was not helping at all. It continued even after I got released and home for a couple of days.....it was really bad. In fact, issues are still not resolved between WS and family.....so that is the jist of it. I will go more into it later. Want to talk to WS before I do...because to be honest I would like some of the VETS opinions on this. I just want him to know before I do this.....

On a great note, WS and I had had some good talks yesterday(I think I already mentioned this I think...). We had a small issue last night and I didn't like how we had left things when he left. So instead of going everywhere else for advice, I called WS told what I was feeling and thinking and WE (yes that is a "WE" worked through it together....). It was so incrediably wonderful to finally get through something together. Without it getting blown out of proportion......

Oh.....and WS did something for me this weekend I have been dying to do. He power-washed the patio for me and all the furniture and he got all ready and opened for the summer. I am so incrediably thrilled about that. Now all I have to do is get some flowers in OUR pots and this 1 bed, and OUR patio will be complete..... grin.....

I do have a cute story about that....when WS started power-washing the patio, he went down by the end where my bedroom windows are and sprayed onto the pation "I heart U".....it was so cute and sweet....my DD11 got a kick out it....she had a big ol' grin and said that dad was goofy and that this was very surprising to see dad do something like this....the way she was smiling you would have thought the message was for her.

I love it that the kids are starting to see how special and great their dad can be. And that maybe, just maybe, their parents really can work through anything and that in the end.....love can survive and thrive. Plus, its is nice for them to not see us fighting/argueing/crying so much. Even though we tried very hard for them not to see all that went on, they saw and overheard enough, plus were very much effected by everything. My hope at this point is that through WS and my healing, they too will be healed......

ok.....gotta run...got loads to do today.....

not2fun

Last edited by not2fun; 06/10/08 11:58 AM. Reason: because Mimi is helping me to do this right....lol
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It is "MY" patio and "MY" pots or "OUR" patio and "OUR" flowerpots?


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Originally Posted by mimi_here
It is "MY" patio and "MY" pots or "OUR" patio and "OUR" flowerpots?


Way to knock me around Mimi....thanks....will watch for THAT in the future....and its OUR PATIO and OUR POTS.... wink


thanks again for keeping ME on MY toes....lol

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Good Good morning everyone.....


Wow, its kinda funny how Recoveryville keeps ya busy.

How are we doing??? Well, we are doing pretty well. I can't say we were ever in a "honeymoon" stage I have read about, but I think all that got messed up with his continual contact back when and my stupidity for not enforcing my boundaries sooner. Then we had the whole surgery thing...

Anyway, I still say this is a very nice period for us. We are communicating better than we have in years. And we are spending the 15 hrs a week, no problem. Meeting EN's??? yep.....advoiding LB's????....now that one is a little bit harder, for both of us.

It's kind of funny too, because if you read Dr. H's guide for Marital Recovery, the first rule is "Do not be the source of your spouse's unhappiness"....To me that would mean advoiding all LB's. Now, that doesn't mean you can express your concerns or complaints, but to do it in a loving way.

Anyway, we both struggle with area. Those pesky AO'S always foul me up. Now, for WS, he totally loves the whole EN concept. Always did, but the LB concept. Oh he likes it, but I do not think he really understands it. Anyway, he was always pretty good about meeting some of my EN's, its his LB's that get me. I guess we need to go over those.....and discuss them....

I will say, Recovery is much harder than I expected. Also, I didn't think about how real life goes on even during this period.

Like I said, we are communicating better. I am learning to speak what's on my mind (thanks for that 2x4 MImi.... ;)). I will say I do need to learn not to be too sensitive to things he says. I will say I also struggle BIG time with things he says.

By that I mean, he will say something totally innocent, but I have going through my mind "Is that something you did with BOW???" or "you like that because she did that for you???". I know that may not make sense, but its like I have a hard time getting around that whole time period. Plus I have to admit, I struggle with the whole "competition" thing.... sick....I know, I know, this is not a competion.

I have been trying to wake up every morning and asking myself which EN of WS am I meeting today???

I also repeat the EXPECTATION quote from KaylaAndy....you know...EXPECTATIONS ARE NOTHING MORE THAN PRE-MEDITATED RESENTMENT.....I still love that one...

WS is keeping up with NC. And he is doing all he can to ensure my security on this. Now, that doesn't mean I still worry from time to time, but I guess that would be normal.

Anyway, I gotta run because WS invited me to lunch..... grin
and then I'm going to get my hair done....(gotta keep up with the GODDESS thing KWIM....VERY VERY IMPORTANT TO WS).....

NOT2FUN

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