Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 4 of 4 1 2 3 4
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 56
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 56
Wow, that stuff is kinds deep for a "good ole boy" lol. I'm a simple man that uses simple words. lol

I think I am detached. I think it's time to help her speed this thing up and get the pain over with. It's clear to me now that nothing can stop this so I want the pain to stop dragging out and just speed this up. Monday, I want to go to my lawyer and get the scoop on a few things and then get this over with.

Let me say in my words what I think detached is and then you all can correct me if I'm wrong.

I feel that detached means: let her go but continue to show my change is real and my change is a need that I have for myself. Continue to show her that I mean business. The new me is coming soon to a heart near you! Stay focused on my therapy and the success of a new me. Hope she sees it and stays but if she doesn't, then I did it for me and everyone else in my life will benefit from it including me. Hope she realizes the change is real before it's too late, but don't force the issue if she does not. There will be life after my one and only true love. A rough one at first - but there is life.

Now here's a concern that I have of wondering if I can truly become "detached". Let's say that the house is sold, the divorce is final and she's in an apartment and I'm in my house. She still has not found that being away from me brings her happiness, so she hooks up with "Rod" and goes on a date. She calls me and says, I went on a date and I hated it, I want you back and I want to work together to make our lives the best it can be. Well, I gotta take her back - no doubt! But then let's change things up a little bit. Here's where I'm afraid that I don't know the true meaning of detached. She goes on a date with "Rod", calls me up and says, I went on a date and I hated it. I gave myself to him and found out he was just using me for sex. I felt used and I want you back and I want to work together to make our lives the best it can be. Here is where I stop and say forget it. I could not take her back knowing that another man has had my wife. That would be unforgiveable, unforgetable and disgusting. Is there any reason that I should "detach" from those thoughts as well? Or am I simply a rational man that cannot stand the thought of having my wife come back after something so drastic such as this has taken place?



Status: Dissolving in January

Male: 38
Married: 14yrs
Wife: 34 (finding herself - yes she is "lost")
Son: 9
Daughter: 7
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 254
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 254
True detachment is not worrying about things that you can not control. So if you have truly detached then if it happens, it happens. There is nothing you can do about it and letting it get you upset or letting it build a wall between you and her is not the right thing to do.

But, honestly I can't say how I would handle that myself. I am a pretty jealous person and I am not sure how well I would handle a situation like that. I have not reach that level of detachment yet.

Another example from my book. When we first got divorced and my wife started spending her weekends at my house, I started snooping. I started looking at her text messages on her phone. I found some text from a couple of different guys. Nothing serious or overly threating, but playful banter all the same. One weekend we were at a children's museum with our S and she gets a call on her cell. She had a shocked look on her face, but took the call anyways. She quickly walked away out of hearing range from and S. She spoke for ever an hour with this person. From her body language I could see that it was a very light and playful conversation. I was convinced it was a guy. If it was one of her friends she would have stayed by us and spoke or told them she would call them back. I was furious. One from my own jealousy and two that she had ignored her S for over an hour at a special place that he wanted to go to and when she only sees him mostly only on the weekends. Later that day I went of on her about it.

Now, I have detached enough with her that I do not snoop. She has even gotten more protective when she texts. She will sneak into another room to text and if I come by or I see her she will quickly close her phone. I told her last week, that she does not have to hide to text on her phone. I told her it is her life and I do not control it and I can not control who she talks to to texts. One thing that does make it easier for me is knowing that even though she is talking and texting OM, she is not serious with them. I know this because she spends all of free time with me. If she was serious she would blow me off and not come over to my house when ever she is not working. All I can do is control what I can control and that is my and my actions. I can control how I treat and act towards her. My behavior and actions have to attractive to her then those of the OM. That is the only way I will be able to have any control over the situation.

Now if she was to hook up with some guy. I am guessing my initial response would be to cut her out of my life, except to do things with her and our S. I will always have a loving parental relationship with her. I am sure with time and detaching, that I would forgive her and get over it. Just as I have with her being in contact with OM.


"HAVE A GOOD DAY" or do you have something else planned!!!

Married: 15 years
Divorced: 07/07
M: 36 yrs
W: 35 yrs
S: 5 yrs
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 858
D
dkd Offline
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 858
Originally Posted by hubiscous
I really don't think she has ANY feelings at all for me. Can I blame her though? Probably not. Just really scarry to think of the times that I'll be alone through this. And really, the reason that I decided to get the surgery instead of popping pills forever was my wife. I know our quality of life and alot of my anger stemmed from my discomfort with Ulcerative Colitis. My sex drive was very low and my anger was on high when I was flarred up. Kinda like being on "the rag" 6 months out of the year. I decided to get this surgery to improve our life! I would have went on forever miserable if it wasn't for her.

Wow. Both my mother and sister have Ulcerative Colitis, so I have a good idea of what you're talking about, and having to take meds for it and everything. Both of them are rather stressful people and I know how that makes things worse. My sister had part of her colon removed but not the whole thing.

IMO, this should be considered part of the 'through sickness and in health' clause of vows. Not to excuse behavior, but I wish spouses would take these kind of things into account when evaluating your spouse, at least to understand that maybe it doesn't have to do with them as much as it appears.

But anyway, detach. I think you need to find out that you can be ok without her. You are still your own individual. As for what happens when she starts dating, I don't know what I'd do either. I guess I'm mentally planning for it myself, and hear is some of the things I'm thinking about.

- She married me, not this guy, we have the history, they don't. They can't possibly have the intimacy that we shared.
- She has needs and is not in her normal state of mine. Thus she is likely lowering her standards
- This guy is not the father of her children.
- Being jealous will only make her think she made the right decision. Just keep it to myself.

And as for her coming back to you...you're already working on yourself...that doesn't change regardless of what she does. But I think you also get to think about what you need in a relationship. You can't just take her back and let her go back to doing all the things she did to hurt you. She has to win you back to to an extent, and know that even though she had her reasons for leaving, she can't just walk all over you. She needs to regain your trust. And if she cheated in some sort of capacity, she needs to know that that hurt, and she can't do that to you again.

All these things will help you going forward, with or without her, in a new relationship or on your own. You win.


Me 38
Divorced 8/09
DS 10,6
DD 4
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 56
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 56
Quote
IMO, this should be considered part of the 'through sickness and in health' clause of vows. Not to excuse behavior, but I wish spouses would take these kind of things into account when evaluating your spouse, at least to understand that maybe it doesn't have to do with them as much as it appears.

That's sorta how I feel. I mean, I did say for better or for worse. Now we are at our worse! The worst thing that can happen to our marriage is happening right in front of us. This is by far the largest trial we could both ever face in our entire lives. From "I do" to "I want out", we have been through the mill! But we never said, "I do, unless...". And I have kept that in mind every time I wanted out as bad as she does now. She has done some very bad things to me, not only due to my behaviour, but from her own lack of good judgement as well, and I have forgiven her. Honestly forgiven her. As time passes during this whole thing, I continue to learn of other things she has done and people she has had relationships with, things that she has done with those I trusted, some previous friends, and I struggle to find where I can blame myself for these things. Some I can, but others I can not. Some things I've heard just sickens me. But it's all temporary. I think about her and the vows I took, and I forgive her. If I could hold her right now and tell her some of the things I know and forgive her for every one, one by one, I would do exactly that. That's how much I love this woman. If I could hold her the way I did on our wedding day and start something new with her, I would.

Quote
And as for her coming back to you...you're already working on yourself...that doesn't change regardless of what she does. But I think you also get to think about what you need in a relationship. You can't just take her back and let her go back to doing all the things she did to hurt you. She has to win you back to to an extent, and know that even though she had her reasons for leaving, she can't just walk all over you. She needs to regain your trust. And if she cheated in some sort of capacity, she needs to know that that hurt, and she can't do that to you again.

This is all so true. And you see, detaching to me also means detaching from the past. Somehow, I'd love to make her realize that the past is the past and the future could be so bright for the both of us if we could both accept the changes we could both make could lead us to a stronger relationship than we even started with. Even after the divorce, I can imagine us together again and coming back together with a new understanding of eachother. Complete and total forgiveness would HAVE to be real. And then a new life would begin.

However, I fear that this will be the end. The end of what should have been and should be but will never see the light. I will find the strength eventually to not dwell on what we could be or what we should be, and will soon enough start a new life of respect and love for someone else.

Her and I were meant to be together. We were a beautiful couple much of our 15 years. It was NOT all wasted time. We had several beautiful moments and good times and two wonderful children. What we shared can not be measured. We did laugh, we did love and we were at one time unseperable. What will our futures bring? I pray to God every day that he will lay his hand on both of us and guide us on the correct path. I pray that he will show my wife that I love her and will respect her and give my all to her if she stays, but I also pray for the strength to let her go.


Status: Dissolving in January

Male: 38
Married: 14yrs
Wife: 34 (finding herself - yes she is "lost")
Son: 9
Daughter: 7
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 56
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 56
Update:

Everything still seems to be just as was. Seems as though d-day is eminent. However, thanks to all of you, I am "detached" from that and am strictly focusing on staying true to my objective and becomming a man! A MAN. I gotta tell you all that I feel really good inside. I feel like a brand new person. I feel like I can conquer this and come out ahead no matter what happens. I am getting stronger. The tears don't flow quite as long when I cry. My outbursts are in private and they only last a couple minutes now instead of hours.

My wife and I had very good conversation this evening. Then we went out to eat and I was blessed to have my family together. These moments as a family, I will cherish forever. I'm sucking up all of them that I can.

We returned to home and had even more good conversation. Affirming her that everything is going to be ok. D-Day or not. I will stay on this path I am on and treat her with the upmost respect and dedicate myself to her throughout this process, even if it stays on the current path of destruction. I will keep my promise to her and to myself to respect her and never hurt her again.

I rubbed her back tonight for an hour. She fell aslepp within 30 minutes of it yet I continued to caress her back with my hands taking in every piece of heaven that it brought to me too. I hated to stop, but I got so tired and was starting to get weak again, so I had to. I gently tucked her in with a soft kiss to her back and covered her softly with her sheet. Quietly, I left the room and lost it for a couple minutes.

I'll be ok. Thanks to all of you that helped me define "detach". You were all very therapeutic to my health and to my soul. Thanks to you all, I have become what I so needed to be for years.

I am kind. I am calm. I am loving even through this rough time, and I am respectful. I care about others, especially my wife. I care about myself and what I have to endure in the near future. I feel remorse. I feel happy. I feel forgiveness that has stemmed from my love for her. I feel whole. Therefore, I am A MAN!

Thank you all!


Status: Dissolving in January

Male: 38
Married: 14yrs
Wife: 34 (finding herself - yes she is "lost")
Son: 9
Daughter: 7
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 254
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 254
Glad to see you have begun the detachment process. Glad to hear that overall things are going a little more smoothly wit you and your W. You got in a little caring physical intimacy. Good for you!!! Glad to see you did not over do it (to bad) and you kept it light on the pressure. Remember slow and steady wins the race.

I am in the process of setting up a blog page where I can post some of the help information that I have collected over the past 3 years (God has it been 3 years) about how to save a a relationship and yourself. Here is the first post I have made there. I think it may help you to get a little bit of perspective about where your wife is right now and how she got there. I know I learned quite a bit from it.
http://nuggetsrelationshipblog.blogspot.com/2008/08/building-walls.html


"HAVE A GOOD DAY" or do you have something else planned!!!

Married: 15 years
Divorced: 07/07
M: 36 yrs
W: 35 yrs
S: 5 yrs
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 56
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 56
Thank you nugget! I promise I will read your blog right away. Anything I can do to stay on track and show my wife that I understand her and owe her what she wants and needs - I HAVE to do.

I gotta repeat myself though because it feels so good to.

We all know how we got here. Hate. Disrespect. Belittling. Ignoring. Power. Control.

I have to tell you, I feel none of this! I feel just the opposite.

HATE:
I have no hate for what she has done to me. I have forgiven her for all of it. Washed my hands clean of it. I love her no matter what she has done and what she is doing! And it feels good!

Disrespect:
I have nothing but respect and it shows. My Mother, my father, my sister, my coworkers, all see it. I do things for them that I've never done, because it feels good!

Belittling:
I am no longer blaming myself nor my wife for what is happening. I do not make her feel threatened by me, and it feels good!

Ignoring:
I now give her and everyone that I talk to my undivided attention. I look into their eyes. I let them speak and then I speak. I finally have the ability to hold conversation at a rational level. And it feels good!

Power:
I now feel that I HAVE NO POWER! I don't need power. I am only a man. I cannot do what God can do. He has the power to stop this if he wants to. Not me. And it feels good!

Control:
I do not have control. Nor do I want control. Who actually has control? God! I have no control. And that actually feels good!

What does it take to be a man? I've already told you. I feel good! Somebody out there is going to like this man! I really think that it might be my love. I really think she will see it before it's too late. If not, I'll still feel good that I became what she always wished that she had.

I am A MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I feel GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Status: Dissolving in January

Male: 38
Married: 14yrs
Wife: 34 (finding herself - yes she is "lost")
Son: 9
Daughter: 7
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 858
D
dkd Offline
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 858
Originally Posted by hubiscous
Power:
I now feel that I HAVE NO POWER! I don't need power. I am only a man. I cannot do what God can do. He has the power to stop this if he wants to. Not me. And it feels good!

Control:
I do not have control. Nor do I want control. Who actually has control? God! I have no control. And that actually feels good!

Perhaps this is a tangent, but I wanted to talk about this for a second. I certainly have thought about God's role in my relationship, and my relationship with Him. God certainly does power and control, but I don't think he will make anyone love another person. In the same way, he won't make us love Him. If it's forced, it isn't really love.

God can help you to fix your problems and turn the bad into good. He can help your spouse to see the truth of things, make them obvious. But he does not make us love someone if they choose not too, if the past is too much for them to overcome, even though they can see the past is gone.

I keep that in mind when I consider that my divorce may actually go through. God is not to blame if that happens. Either my spouse refuses to believe, or I don't follow His suggestions for reconciliation. There can and will be miracles if we ask, but ultimately, he won't make anyone love another.

I don't know, my opinion anyway.


Me 38
Divorced 8/09
DS 10,6
DD 4
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 56
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 56
God has proven to me in the past that he has total control. Let me prove that.

May 15, 1989 I was struck my a car as a pedestrian at 55 mph by a 3,500lb car. I was thrown 100 feet back the way I came from. y compound fractured legs were scraping up cinders like a shovel. I could not move my legs. All I could do is scream for help and beg for the pain to stop.

I was to leave for the Air Force in 2 weeks and those dreams were just shattered. I would be retiring next year and going into the civilian world as an air traffic controller making 3 figures.

While laying in the hospital for 3 months, not once did I blame God for what had happened. I did not know why it happened. But later I would find out.

Later: I met my love of my life. I had 2 beautiful children with her and all of these years that have went by, I have thanked God for my accident. I knew why it happened. I was destined to be with my wife! The one that is leaving me! My life objective was to meet my one and only true love, not go to the Air Force, have 2 beautiful children, not direct airplanes when to land, to learn how to love her and cherish her till death do us part, not belittle her and refuse her what she deserved. Now that I let God down, she is leaving. I know that God can see my heart and what's inside and how real and serious I am of proving myself to my wife and it brings me hope. I have to thank him for her and I have to prove to her that I am strong and she can live the rest of her life without fear, with comfort in my arms, with devotion to her happiness, with all that I have to give.

I think this is my life lesson that woke me up and wake up I did. This is why I pray to him to forgive me and touch her, if not directly, then at least through me and my proof of my love for her.

I WILL NOT give up on her or my gift that God gave me 15 years ago! She is my world. Without her, I will be weak. I will beg God for forgiveness, and he will forgive me and hold my hand until I find happiness again!


Status: Dissolving in January

Male: 38
Married: 14yrs
Wife: 34 (finding herself - yes she is "lost")
Son: 9
Daughter: 7
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 56
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 56
My prayers will not be answered. She found this forum and really went berzerk. The things in here was embarrasing to her even though no one knows who we are. I tried to make it perfectly clear to her that it is all for her. I started this thread to find out how to fix me so that I could fix her and us. It stopped right there and with a disgusted look on her face she looked at me meaner than she ever has, and with nothing but intentional hurt in her eyes. she said " I JUST WANT OUT! "

I want to thank all of you for helping me be what she needs. It was not all in vain. Hopefully someone else will see what I've become and like it. If I make it through the days to come.

I think it's time to close this thread and chaulk off another marriage. I am so sad. I have completely lost it guys. I had such high hopes coming here. I was doing everything right. And it failed. I failed her. I am so sorry to everyone I've hurt along the way to this new me.

I wish I could take it all back. Wish me luck all and thanks again!

~Hubiscous


Status: Dissolving in January

Male: 38
Married: 14yrs
Wife: 34 (finding herself - yes she is "lost")
Son: 9
Daughter: 7
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 858
D
dkd Offline
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 858
hubiscous,

You absolutely must slow down. Reading all the emotions the emotions in your post is driving me crazy. I can't imagine that it's making your wife feel comfortable, and it can't be good for your colon. You are not going to resolve anything in a day, and any changes you make need to go on for more then just a couple days for it to be real.

Yes, what she said is important and needs to heeded, but your reaction to it is totally off. You do not need to fix her, it's never been your job to fix her or anyone else. As well, you need to find a place where you are happy with yourself, regardless of what Mrs.hubiscous feels about you right now. You do not need to make be planning out your future without her right now. Just find yourself. Slow down. You will be doing yourself, your wife, and your kids a big favor no matter what happens in the future.



Me 38
Divorced 8/09
DS 10,6
DD 4
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 254
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 254
Hub, mel_vin is absolutely right. YOU NEED TO SLOW DOWN. You are like a hamster on it's exercise wheel running 100 mph yet going no where or a dog running in circles chasing it's tail.

As for dropping out of the game or giving up, just because your wife found this forum is BS. You are the one that makes that decision, not her's. If she does not want to work on things right now than that is fine. That by no means says that you have to stop also. My wife has shown me no interest in the past 3 years that she wants anything much to do with me at all. Has that stopped me, HELL NO!!! Have I let off on my persistence at times and become lax'd about it, yes. It is not only now after 3 years of working on things am I starting to see results. If you give up that is your choice not her's!!! I hope you will make the smart choice and keep at it. Unless you think she is not worth the effort.


"HAVE A GOOD DAY" or do you have something else planned!!!

Married: 15 years
Divorced: 07/07
M: 36 yrs
W: 35 yrs
S: 5 yrs
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 56
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 56
Working on myself is all I can do now. I've lost all hope of keeping her here and the family together. I did fail at that! I didn't mean that I'm giving up on me. I will stay on my current path but I have lost all hopes of the one I love staying with me. You guys are all so smart and are all so helpful. You keep punching me when I need it. Thanks!

I have nothing but me now though. I have to stay in touch with what my true goal is. I want to be the man she wants. And I've told her that even though she's leaving, because if I ever do get the nerve to replace her, I want her to be just like her.

I saw my therapist right after my last post and she helped me with coping. Just as you all have. I gotta say though, the closer this gets, the more scared I become. However, I am not scared of me. I know I am new! I feel new. I can't imagine EVER going back to the old selfish a hle that I was. If there is any glimmer of hope of her ever coming back, I gotta keep moving forward. I'm ok guys. I know what I have to do. I'll do it too! I will not let this defeat me. I will not let her defeat me. I can't! Cause someday, just someday, she WILL realize that I am everything I promised I would be.

Quote
[Scary1] - My heart breaks for you but I also know that you will overcome this. In some of your previous posts you said that you were preparing yourself for a life without her. Now is the time to focus on that... If she comes back she will be gaining much more than she ever bargained for...or maybe regret that she didn't take more time to make her decision.

Thanks again to all of you!


Status: Dissolving in January

Male: 38
Married: 14yrs
Wife: 34 (finding herself - yes she is "lost")
Son: 9
Daughter: 7
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 254
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 254
You are absolutely correct. Someday she will realize that you have become everything you promised her you would be. smile

Don't get me wrong or take this the wrong way, but in my opinion, you feeling of it being over with her and there not being any chance is a good thing for you right now. It may be just the mind set that you need to stop, slow down and start to focus on yourself instead of on her and the relationship. That is something I have not see you quite start to do you. You seem to be going 1000 mph worrying about her and your relationship with her. That can not be dealt with or fixed, until you deal with your own issues first. So stick to that plan. You, you , you. Live up to that promise you have made to her and turn yourself into everything you told her you would be.


"HAVE A GOOD DAY" or do you have something else planned!!!

Married: 15 years
Divorced: 07/07
M: 36 yrs
W: 35 yrs
S: 5 yrs
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 56
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 56
I PROMISE I WILL! I WILL NOT FAIL AT THIS!


Status: Dissolving in January

Male: 38
Married: 14yrs
Wife: 34 (finding herself - yes she is "lost")
Son: 9
Daughter: 7
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 7
S
Junior Member
Offline
Junior Member
S
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 7
Quote
Live up to that promise you have made to her and turn yourself into everything you told her you would be.

Hubs, this is good advice. Please remember that you have alot of good friends here (mel_vin & nugget) to help you through when things get tough.

Good luck and all the best...

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 56
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 56
Hello again,

I'm doing really well now. I finally figured out what detached really is. We're definitely going through with the divorce. I am not trying to stop it and I am even to the point of not letting it stop. I am trying to rush this thing for her and get her moving on.

At this point, my only hope for us is that we both get out there and both recognize that the mistakes we made are all history and that we both need eachother. It takes two though. I'm not really holding onto that thought anymore either though. I really am not expecting much at all out of this. This mindset is helping me move on.

Everybody and I mean everybody in my life notices the changes I've made and can see the new me is sincere and for real. It makes me proud to hear my son come to me voluntarily and say Daddy, I know you've changed. You don't yell anymore, even when I do something wrong. My coworkers are saying, what's got into you. You're being so nice and you're getting a divorce! My family is telling me that my new attitude is a pleasure to be around. Even my mother-in-law has said she notices changes and she's only seen me for 5 minute intervals now and then.

So you see, finally, I am not the only one that sees it and knows it's real. This makes me feel really good about what I've accomplished for myself. I will take this new me back out into the world and I will have several others to add to this list. If my wife never gets put back on that list, then I will move on with my life and add someone else to my list to treat with respect and honor.

Thanks to all of you that have been here to help me through this, I CAN and WILL stay motivated through the rest of my life to live, learn, respect, love, and cherish those that are a part of me.

smile


Status: Dissolving in January

Male: 38
Married: 14yrs
Wife: 34 (finding herself - yes she is "lost")
Son: 9
Daughter: 7
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 254
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 254
Originally Posted by hubiscous
I finally figured out what detached really is. We're definitely going through with the divorce. I am not trying to stop it and I am even to the point of not letting it stop. I am trying to rush this thing for her and get her moving on.
So you have decided not to try to reconcile and you have given in to her way of thinking that divorce is what is best for the of you and your two children. Pretty quick path you took. You went from "HELP - She's Leaving and I LOVE HER!" to "We're definitely going through with the divorce. I am not trying to stop it and I am even to the point of not letting it stop." You went from wanting to get her back, to getting her on her way as quickly as possible, in under 30 days. All I can say is WOW!


"HAVE A GOOD DAY" or do you have something else planned!!!

Married: 15 years
Divorced: 07/07
M: 36 yrs
W: 35 yrs
S: 5 yrs
Page 4 of 4 1 2 3 4

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
1 members (NewEveryDay), 1,357 guests, and 77 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5