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Good morning ladies!

SC have you ruled out an ulcer? With all the pretty steady stress you've had I wouldn't count that out. I hope seeing a professional will help you!

SL & SC you are both in my prayers.


EA4-7/07,Dday7/29,NC 7/30/07
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Well the psychologist said he thinks it is "situational anxiety" because of everything i have been through the last 18 months or so. He does not believe i have anxiety disorder just too much stuff happened and it caught up with me.

When i am calm i can eat and stuff so i tend to believe it is all just from anxiety. I just wish it would get better and stay better because having a panic attack basically 24/7 is just not fun.

I actually missed a whole week of work because i simply could not function at all. I have been back at work this week but it has been tough.

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I actually had a panic attack a couple of weeks ago, for no apparent reason. I had them off and on in the last three years, but they had never been severe. This last one lasted for hours; I just felt annoyed, anxious and couldn't think straight. My heart rate was elevated, and when I sat down and tried to relax, it wouldn't slow. Needless to say, I was EXHAUSTED at the end of that day. I still have no idea what caused it, but it could have been some email exchange with Zombie. No idea, but it was awful.

Anyway, for me, it's definitely stress related. It's situational. Funny thing that I have noted. I have them more often in times when the stressor has subsided. It's almost like my body can't get used to the calm right after a storm. While in the storm, I'm focused and working so my brain is otherwise engaged. When the calm hits, it's like my brain cannot shut off. It takes a while. That's why it has taken me so long to prepare to file for D. I needed by brain to calm down. The emotional tide is out, so I can think more clearly.

You have encountered a lot of HIGH stress situations recently.


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While in the storm, I'm focused and working so my brain is otherwise engaged. When the calm hits, it's like my brain cannot shut off. It takes a while.

Me too SL. I think that's why I have my sleep problems. You think we're type A(ish) personalities? I know I'm not a perfectionist, but maybe a bit controllish, YIKES I hate that thought.

Geezzz I was typing out how I'm not controlling yada yada yada and everytime I read it I think I am. frown Back to the drawing table, more work to do on personality challenges. I have to remember I DO NOT have super powers! cry If ONLY!


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H & I are having a weekend ALONE! smile

DD & kids are going away, returning Sunday.

I hope we remember how to act alone.


EA4-7/07,Dday7/29,NC 7/30/07
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Originally Posted by mvg
H & I are having a weekend ALONE! smile

DD & kids are going away, returning Sunday.

I hope we remember how to act alone.

mvg this is WONDERFUL news.

I am sure the two of you will remember what to do wink

Enjoy your weekend!!!

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mvg haven't heard about you in a while just wondering how things are doing in the SOB world. And with you and H. Hope they are doing well. Take care.

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I've been sorta in a blue mood so really have posted much here lately.

SOB world...weirder and weirder day to day. Latest he's appealing the protective order my DD has. ???? I dont' understand that and I have no clue as to what that entails other than gets it out of juvenile & domestic court and to circuit court. Driving me nuts because I can't figure it out, I'm SURE there are devious reasons. Being very unfamiliar with court system I don't get it...why not appeal the domestic violence conviction? Color me confused.

H&I are doing ok. Strained,stressed,claustraphobic...but ok.

I hope things are going better for you.

(((thoughts & prayers to you and yours)))


EA4-7/07,Dday7/29,NC 7/30/07
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Can we call this week the week if it can go wrong it's going to. frown

I really feel the walls closing in.

Is it normal when things are not going well that H's EA is on my mind AGAIN. Or is that immature thinking???? Do those thoughts EVER really go away?

Is our life truly crisis after crisis or is this JUST life?! I really feel quite weak minded that I can't just deal with what is going on in our lives, instead of feeling like I'm on the edge of cliff getting ready to fall.

I'm tired. Really really tired. I'm falling back into very bad habits of 'trying to take care of everyone' and can't seem to stop myself. Someone please help me find me again.


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mvg sorry you are having such a bad time in your life right now frown ((((((((((mvg)))))))))))

I am also sorry to say that i have BTDT myself. I think that the stress and strain of everything is part of your problem, but i am sure that because it was recently the one year D-day mark that the EA is on your mind much more right now. And with all the [censored] going on in your life you are worried that it may happen again. At least that is the way i was around the one year d-day mark.

So let me ask you this are you just worried about it or do you see signs of it? dontknow

Are you taking ADs? If so maybe you need to talk to your doc about upping your dosage until things get a little less stressful.

Trust me when i say that i know sometimes you wonder if life will ever be less stressful, but it will happen you just have to somehow try to get through it until it does. I wish i could tell you how but i can't obviously. I think i kind of cracked and that is when the panic attacks started, i actually believe that it was a nervous breakdown as i have never felt that way in my entire life. And though i am feeling much better it was a really scary thing to go through and i think it was because, like you, i just have had one crisis after another for about two years. It has been truly overwhelming.

Just know that i am thinking about and praying for you and your family. I wish i could do more.



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Ahhhh SC thank you. I posted that at home...I get to work and read my horoscope:

You've been working your fanny off to try to meet a goal, and it might feel like no one has noticed your struggles at all. But before you hop on the 'self pity express,' stop and think about it -- the reason that no one is reaching out to give you a helping hand is probably because they have faith that you can handle it on your own! Don't assume that people are abandoning you or overlooking your efforts. Keep your head down and don't worry about who is or isn't paying attention.

Really fits huh?!

Quote
So let me ask you this are you just worried about it or do you see signs of it?
I don't trust my instincts right now to truly know. He is spending more time on the internet again. BUT I think it's something he said that really started the ST. He loves to hunt and he said day before yesterday he'd really like to hunt in the mountains, far back in the woods for a week, month, etc. THAT HIT ME LIKE A TON OF BRICKS because his 'friend' was to be a hunting pal. I want to think he means he just wants to get away from the stress we have right now but IMO that's why he did what he did before. I check behind him on the net, I don't see anything but he could be wiser now. I just don't know.

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I think i kind of cracked and that is when the panic attacks started, i actually believe that it was a nervous breakdown as i have never felt that way in my entire life.
I felt that way last year after dday with YDD 1st bout of abuse in Jan., ODD moving out with GD in June after living 3 yrs with us, YDD birth of twins in June too, planning YDD wedding for Oct. , and then dealing with such a betrayal in July after 29 yrs of marriage. Oh yeah I know that feeling! I'm afraid THIS time I really am going to break into very small pieces.

I'm just afraid of everything. I know I'll live thru it, I just don't know to what extent it's going to cost me, physically & mentally.

Thank you for listening and for keeping me in your prayers. I really do feel quite alone in a house full of people.



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Goodness, mvg, you certainly do have a lot on your plate. It's EASY to fall back into that negative place. The BEST thing you can do is find some alone time, even 30 minutes. Be sure that you are voicing your concern over feeling detached from FWH. Tell him what you are telling us (I say this not knowing whether you have or not).

Be honest about being triggered over the internet usage, and why. You will be voicing your truth. Tell your FWH that you would like to spend some time together. Don't assume he wants to be away from YOU; ask him.

You can get thru this. I know it seems like it's always pouring in, all that negative stuff. You sound overwhelmed'



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SL thanks for your advice. I do try to get at least a few minutes of 're-grouping' time unfortunately I can't at this point seem to cut off the wandering mind. frown I am trying though.

I know I need to talk to H about my concerns. I dread it, I'm afraid to, I can't handle it right now, I just can't take another crisis. I'm also concerned it's JUST me... But I know I have to. There are some warning flags I can't ignore. I don't want to go down this road again. I don't know if it's just the timing (dday 1 yr ago) but my thoughts are not very good about H right now.

Foreverhers posted this on another thread:
Quote
When you forgive one another, therefore, you are promising to do three things about his wrong doings. You promise:
1. I shall not use them against you in the future.
2. I shall not talk to others about them.
3. I shall not dwell on them myself.
Just as the only way to begin to feel right toward another is to begin to do right toward him, so the only way to feel properly toward another, and ultimately even to forget those wrongs that he has done to you, is to keep the threefold promise that you make when you say ‘I forgive you.’ You see, you don’t have to feel forgiving in order to grant forgiveness; you just have to forgive." (What Do You Do When Your Marriage Goes Sour?)


I don't think I've forgiven. I'm trying but I don't know if I truly have it in me. I wonder if forgiveness is a process that you bounce back and forth on for some time?! dontknow

OR maybe it's just my "full plate" that is making me question everything

OR maybe I'm nuts

OR I'm the only sane one

OR.....?????

Color me crazy


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It sounds a lot like you guys are BOTH falling back into old habits. MB is about changing those behaviors. You have to change even in the face of your fear. I hope you can. You two sound withdrawn, exhausted. sigh




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It sounds a lot like you guys are BOTH falling back into old habits. MB is about changing those behaviors.
You ARE right, and I do recognize it. Now just to get in gear to do it better.

Quote
You have to change even in the face of your fear. I hope you can.
Me too. Right now I am down,tired,frustrated,anxious,& not sleeping well. Hopefully with some rest I WILL be able to better get things together.

Quote
You two sound withdrawn, exhausted.
Oh YEAH!

I'm so thankfully for MB and all the folks here. It's so amazing to pour out your heart and have the somewhat obvious pointed out and help to get back on track.

I do feel a little more capable today. On agenda today is to keep positive vibes and act on them. Thank you dear friends.


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I faced my fear, now trying to decifer it:

I talked to my H about my fears this weekend. I asked him if he had any fears our M wouldn't/couldn't take much more (crisis, nonattention,stepping backwards). He said he didn't see that happening. He didn't have anything else really to say. He listened. Later he was trying more to be attentive and supportative. I guess this is good. I give him 'atta boys' for listening and acting. Now working on ME believing it too.



EA4-7/07,Dday7/29,NC 7/30/07
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mvg that is it you have to BELIEVE it, that is what i was going through for a long time, just not believing what my H told me.

You are the one who told me once that we can not let the A DEFINE our M's. And i also know what the the anniversary of D-day was like for me added to all the other STRESSORS in your life and know wonder you are wondering crazy (that sounded kind of silly).

Now get out of that darn ST and get back to taking care of yourself and believing (I believe in you Peter Pan laugh )

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:twobyfour: :twobyfour: :twobyfour: :twobyfour:
OUCH!! OUCH!! OUCH !!

You are RIGHT I gave you sound advise and NOW I need to listen to myself.

Thank you! hug


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Hope the 2 X 4's weren.t that bad :twobyfour:

We all need a little "push along" now and then grin

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mvg I hope you doing okay i haven't seen you posting much.

You better not be ST darn it :twobyfour: !

Well hope you have a great weekend.

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