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you can't worry too much about what others think ms. manners.

as i said before, differences of opinion is what makes the world go round.

you learn to take it with a grain of salt.

mlhb


God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.

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Out of site, out of mind.

I was doing much better when I had taken my furlough from here.
After much thinking, I have decided I am going to remove myself from the boards again. Call me dramatic, call me what you wish, but all I am going to say is, it is better for me not to be here right now. I also have concerns that anything I post of personal nature, or of concerns I have at the moment, may get back to ow since there is a person who decided to befriend her for whatever reason, and if it gets to her it will get to my ex, who is back with her, and I do not need that headache.

SO, it is all good.
And I do much better when away.

Thanks everyone, and I will continue to keep in touch with those on here that I have befriended, although most of you do know how to email me if you would like to.

Thanks to all again, and moderators, if you would, please lock this thread for me. I won't be back to read it any longer. Thank you.

I do this for ME and for no other reason. I know what is better for me right now.

mlhb


God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.

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Ok, I'll call you dramatic. mlhb, you're the one who keeps posting stuff. If you're afraid information will get back to OW, and therefore your STBX, locking a thread doesn't alleviate that concern. Seems to be more of an attempt to control others.

Just quit posting stuff if you don't want people to know about it! You've left before and popped right back. Heck, I doubt *I* could ever permanently leave so I'm not going to say any theatrical goodbyes.

I hope you get your ducks in a row. You do seem to be very...excitable. Who cares what STBX and OW think? But for any legal maneuvers, just hush up about everything except in the most general terms!


Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.
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:RollieEyes:

Yeah, mlhb, you can be dramatic.





cool

Lucks, I agree with you.








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Hey MLHB - I am with Lucks - who cares what STBX and OW care or think about you - or what you write.. You are not doing anything wrong... Obviously you come here because you find comfort and it is an outlet for you...Do not let other people run you away.... Stop saying goodbye and just hang around... geez - it is very easy to just read and reply when you feel the need you do not have to post topics.... If you want to vent publicly then do it.. but don't apologize for it and just take everyone's suggestions with a grain of salt..... In the end all you can do is listen and then do what you feel is best for you... Sometimes you may laugh at other people's suggestions and sometimes you may cry.... and sometimes you may want to scream.. but in the end no one is out to get you - they all want to help in some way......


Trying to Let myself find a life after four years of being divorced - Great at the mom thing.. Just not good at the "ME" thing....
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OK MLHB - This is about the sixth or seventh time you've said goodbye since I joined the forum a couple of years ago - and this is about the 12th or so thread that you've asked to be locked when you don't like the stuff that is said.

As for your STBXH and his OW - this is a sure sign that you're not "done" here......worrying about what gets back to them, etc......

I hope you find your happiness.....

Laura


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And, can you lock a thread that was originated by me???????????

This is my thread, not yours.....

Laura


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rotflmao

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Quote
And, can you lock a thread that was originated by me???????????

rotflmao

I spewed....BEFORE I rolled on the floor laughing.

Some people just gotta have the drama.

Shoot, if I ever "leave" I won't say a word.

I certainly wouldn't contiually make the "Goodbye Cruel MB" ones...only to keep showing back up.

Lorda mercy...there would probable be NO response if I did. laugh

committed

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Alright, I will be brutally honest and respond to all of you who posted.

Laura, I do like you and I do hear what you are saying. I forgot that you were the one that started the thread btw, so, sorry about that. I know I can be a frustrating person at times, I am well aware of that. When things get uncomfortable for me my first response is to get as far away from it as I can. I did not want to read or see the responses I was sure to get when I said I needed some time away right now. Over all Laura, I am a happy person. My one "fault" if that is what you wish to call it, and one I have always had to deal with, is that I do not let go of anger very well when I have been betrayed by someone. For some reason, I really take it personally, and when it happens over and over again by the same person, it really is hard for me to let go of. I know that is something I need to work on. I really really need to work on that.

In fact, it was not until I moved that I was able to finally start letting go of the anger and resentments I had towards my exh. I was doing pretty well with that until he got back together with ow. I have definitely not let go of the anger I have at her simply because a lot of it has to do with how she treated my kids. And as far as anyone else, I was doing well with letting go of that anger too until I saw them posting here again. It triggered me and the old feelings of, well, anger. Not due to anything other than being angry that this person befriended ow after KNOWING the pain she caused me and my kids. Befriending her had nothing to do with me, but it still cut for some reason.

Now, I did post about some concerns I had of a certain nature because I wanted some advice of what to do. There is nothing wrong with that. I figured someone might be able to relate and give some advice. I was of course concerned when I saw someone posting again, knowing they had befriended ow, and thought "oh crap, now she will probably find out and tell my ex what my plans might be" I never would have requested advice on the topic had I known he still read here, when he said he did not anymore. THAT was my concern there. I don't care what my ex and ow do or think as long as it does not effect my children. I do care if they find out what I might be thinking of doing. As another poster said, I guess I will just not be able to post anything of personal nature since I have that concern.

When I say that I am leaving, it does not mean forever, as is obvious from my past "good byes". What it means for me is that I need a break away until I am ready to come back. I do enjoy it here for the most part, and have made some really nice friends. But, when it gets to be a bit much, or the "drama" as you all say, is too much, then I need to be away for a bit, because contrary to popular belief, I don't like it.

I'm not perfect, far far from it. I know I have things I need to work on, like getting over anger. Not sure how I am going to do that quite honestly. I have prayed about it, I have been to counseling, I have read books. Usually the best way for me is to put it and the people out of my site, out of my mind, and far away. I guess that is not dealing with it, it is just covering it up. Any suggestions on how to let go of such deep seeded anger would be appreciated. Funny thing is, I am a pretty forgiving person. Just not when I have been asked forgiveness and forgiven people, and then they continue to do the things they wanted me to forgive them for! I also have an easier time letting go of anger when I am given a true apology, but, you don't always get those in life, and I have not learned how to move on without one I guess.

That is me, being completely raw and truthful.

If that is all funny to some, fine, take it as you wish.
I don't actually think it is funny at all because all other parts of me are happy except for the parts that can't get over anger.

If people would like to constructively have a dialogue about how they got over things like this, I would be very open to that.
I do feel I am very stuck in that part of my life, and it does effect other areas of my life whether I want to admit it or not.
I have a great job, am almost done my bachelors, have great kids, am very active in their lives, but a part of me is still very unhappy and I am sure it is because I can't let go of this resentment and anger I have at some people who are in or have been in my life. So, when that comes to the surface I want to run away from it.

I will listen and take constructive criticism and promise not to run away or have threads locked (lol) if people would like to share how I could move on from those feelings.

mlhb


God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.

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Dear mlhb,

Have you ever heard of The Highly Sensitive Person trait? There is a self test that might interest you here--> http://www.hsperson.com/

I am an HSP. If you cared to look at my past threads (back as far as 1999 with my first user name new_beginning until this one -my second or third incarnation) you would find over 10,000 posts attributed to me, along with an ample helping of Goodbyes.

I understand that aspect of your personality... because I share it.

Take the test, read about it. And perhaps you will find, as I did, that you don't have to apologize for being sensitive but you will need to learn some ways of dealing with it.

I hope this helps you. The person who shared it with me helped me to quit feeling bad about identifying with EVERYTHING so strongly. I accept that "I care". "I feel deeply". Nothing wrong with that unless you act rashly on the emotions and it causes harm to yourself or others.

By the way: Learning how to deal with this has has the added benefit of stopping yourself before you do that Goodbye Cruel World post that embarrasses the heck out of you after the fact.

Let me know what you think!

Last edited by Nyneve_new_beg; 09/10/08 04:53 PM. Reason: clarity

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mlhb,

One thing that helps me is to realize that our exes are free to do what they want with their lives. We can never have an expectation that they will improve in our eyes and that they will say that they're sorry. Keep all contact strictly to business regarding your divorce and children. Do not allow yourself to be drawn into any other drama in the XH's or OW's life. You are the bigger person and you do not need validation from them. Have the realization that the other party's will be around for a long time and that en emotionally mature way of dealing with them is the best course for you in the long run.

Exercise strenuously when the anger sets in.

I'll send some positive thoughts your way.


Me: 48 XW: 44 DD: 15
Lived Together: 7 Married: 18 Total: 25 years
W announced divorce 11-3-2006, I moved out 11-7-2006, served papers 11-8-2006. Divorce final 12-19-2006. Life gets better every day.
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Nyneve
I have never heard of that "diagnosis" but I would say that I am. I took the test and it says I am. Not sure how much I put into it as I did not completely read the website, but for what it is worth, I'd say that is probably me.

My daughter is supersensitive as well and she is a LOT like I was as a child. I see how she reacts to things, etc, and it is exactly as I did. And we joke and call her a total drama queen... hmmmm.. I guess if the shoe fits....Like how hard she took it at first when we moved. I felt what she felt because I remember moving when I was in second grade. She and I are exactly the same. I worry about that. My father was a lot like this too. Boy, someone ever betrayed him and he never got over it. I completely remember that about him.

Booka,
I hear what you are saying. I like control and order in my world and it drives me crazy, probably literally, when things aren't going as I want them too. I like to control what is going on around me and when I cannot, it is very hard for me. It bugs me that the schmucks that have been in my life both past and present, I cannot control! LOL Their actions, what they do, or their at times stupidity. See, if I controlled everything it would be just right rotflmao

Thank you both for your helpful and constructive thoughts.

mlhb


God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.

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Originally Posted by mlhbisme
Nyneve
. I like to control what is going on around me and when I cannot, it is very hard for me. It bugs me that the schmucks that have been in my life both past and present, I cannot control! LOL Their actions, what they do, or their at times stupidity. See, if I controlled everything it would be just right rotflmao

Thank you both for your helpful and constructive thoughts.

mlhb

MLHB -

I will share some valuable advice that I learned an NarAnon years ago - it's called the 3 C's: You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't CONTROL it.....

When you finally let go of trying to control - I'll bet you'll feel 20 pounds lighter and 10 years younger, and you'll be much happier! I'm proof of that! Give it a try! Let it all go!

Laura


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Yes, that is a tough one. No, I did not cause a lot of the insanity, no I can't cure it either. And I know I can't control anyone but me and my actions. On paper I do know all of that LOL

It eats me up inside however when I can't control the insanity of others. It is like I want to feel there is justice in this world for those who do such effed up things. I want the world to see what a fraud some people are (and there have been more than one of those in my life, believe me). But, undoubtedly, given time, people figure that out on their own anyway. I need to learn to sit back and let things unfold in life as they will and just live mine.

The control thing, yea, I grew up in chaos with an alcoholic father. It was the only thing I had to make me feel safe was to try and control when I could not control what was going on around me. I did that by anorexia and bulimia for many many years. (I still have some hangups in that area truth be told).

I definitely try to run away when things are uncomfortable and things are uncomfortable when I cannot control them. It is a vicious cycle.

I am sure that spills into my poor choices in who I date and/or marry. I have yet to make a good choice in that area. That is why I have avoided for over a year. Because I keep choosing the same kind over and over again.

All things I really need to stop [censored] footing around and start delving into if I want a healthy relationship with myself and others in the future.

mlhb


God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.

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Hey Blondie!

Well, since you have finally seen how little we can really control in life now is the time to settle in and work on what you can- youself and those kids. I for one have seen what a truly good person you are. I too have the same sense of what is right and wrong with what WS's and other people do and constantly wish that Karma would finally come and bite them on the [censored]. All we can do is stay on "the high road" in life and keep our own stuff in order. Concentrating your energy and focus on your daughters, the new house and your work will settle things down all by themselves.

There is a post on one of the forums here that speaks volumns in a few well chosen words, it's called "just be still". I think ARK is the author. Every time I get all jacked up over something old or new I go back and read this again. Leveling out some of the emotional peaks and valleys we go thru makes for a much more peaceful existence.

My home computer is back up and running so turn on the IM some night and check in would ya!

duk




Dukhuntr

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that opened for us" - Helen Keller
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Thanks duk! Always awesome to hear from you. I will get the old IM going one of these nights so watch out! We'll have to get Karona online too like the gold old times grin

I will check out Ark's "Just be still" thread.

So glad you stopped by...

mlhb


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Well, had a very nice weekend with my kids. My son won his football game (there is a girl on the team and she puts the boys to shame! she scored ALL of the touchdowns. When she runs, there is NO catching her!).. We did some cleaning and got ready for my new furniture that I am anxiously awaiting the delivery for today. Living and dining room set. Next I think I will do the kids rooms.

Work is crazy busy along with college. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I am reading a good book right now by Joyce Meier called "Confidant Woman". I have decided I am going to really start reading again some of the really good Christian books I have that I have not read yet. I'll post if they are any good.

Gotta go, furniture store just called me and they are on thier way! Yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!


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MLHB,

One caution about Joyce Meier and this doesn't necessarily affect the content of the book, but her ministry is based near by here and let's just say that she and her family are in the papers quite a bit concerning the financing of the palatial mansions that they all have. Now being a Catholic I can't really toss stones, but at one point the church money paid for all of her family member's homes. There are supporting facts and you can take this as you wish.


Me: 48 XW: 44 DD: 15
Lived Together: 7 Married: 18 Total: 25 years
W announced divorce 11-3-2006, I moved out 11-7-2006, served papers 11-8-2006. Divorce final 12-19-2006. Life gets better every day.
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Thank you for the info Booka.

There has been some question about some of her positions in ministry as well and normally, I do not read her books. I usually have a hard time getting into her books. But this one I do find to be a good one so far in just understanding that God wants us women to be confident and working together with men, not against them or fighting against them. Not being a radical feminist, etc, but working together, side by side, with men.

So, for the topic of the book, I like it. As far as her, I am not a staunch follower of her at all.

Again, thanks for the input. :-)



God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.

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