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Hey Lil,

I know the statistics too. It's been almost 2 1/2 years since the A began and 16 months yesterday from D-day. So there is still time.

It's just very hard to keep waiting on a hope and a prayer.


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Yeah I know.

Personally I think your a great woman, and he is going to lose something wonderful when you do a Believer, wake up one day and know your done.
Then he'll come crawling.

My mum walked off from my dad 5 years ago, and now she's asking for him to let her come back. He's just moved on himself now and isnt really interested.


Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday laugh
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Oh thank you so much.

I almost wish I would be done. But I know that I simply am not and so his control and power continues.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{[LIL}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I'm running out of steam, and I need to really listen to G-d tonight.

I'll be back tomorrow.

and see how you are doing.


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Hi Queenie-

Have you ever considered that God is protecting you from something that you can't possibly see? This is something that God has shown me recently.

God knows what lies around the bend on this path we are walking on with Him. He asks us to trust Him, that He knows best, that He has something better for us.

I may never know what God is shielding me from, but I trust Him to keep me safe, and to give me a future like He has promised in Jer. 29:11.

Here's a Psalm that my mom sent to me at a very needed time. (Sometimes I think God just whispers in her ear what to write and she does it, not even realizing what a blessing she is sending). smile

Ps. 71:20-21

"Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter,
you will restore my life again;
from the depths of the earth
you will again bring me up.
You will increase my honor
and comfort me once again."

Good night my friend.






johnstwin-

"I may not know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future." -Martin Luther

Remarried my FXH 25 years to the day of our first M. God is so good-and sometimes so unexpected!

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Psalm 86 (Contemporary English Version)

1Please listen, LORD,
and answer my prayer!
I am poor and helpless.

2Protect me and save me
because you are my God.
I am your faithful servant,
and I trust you.

3Be kind to me!
I pray to you all day.

4Make my heart glad!
I serve you,
and my prayer is sincere.

5You willingly forgive,
and your love is always there
for those who pray to you
.

6Please listen, LORD!
Answer my prayer for help.

7When I am in trouble, I pray,
knowing you will listen.

8No other gods are like you;
only you work miracles.

9You created each nation,
and they will all bow down
to worship and honor you.

10You perform great wonders
because you alone are God.


11Teach me to follow you,
and I will obey your truth.
Always keep me faithful.

12With all my heart I thank you.
I praise you, LORD God.

13Your love for me is so great
that you protected me
from death and the grave.

Last edited by Mark1952; 09/16/08 02:21 AM. Reason: To highlight certain phrases...
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Queenie,

You had some great posts there girlfriend. You very eloquently stated something that most of us feel but maybe can't quite express. Good job.

Sorry we didn't get to connect. That time change is a killer. Will try again this week.

hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Hi Queenie,

I hear your PAIN, Queenie.

I also know that my situation mirrors a reality that you may not like.... a WS who remains a WS (waaay past the estimates)!

...I also heard what you EXPECTED to happen by NOW, based on what you HAD in the PAST....that by now WS would have 'hit bottom, seen through the fog, and chosen M recovery with you'....expectations, based on what you had in PAST, that have proven NOT to prevail TODAY....and so are causing you PAIN.... with some LOSS of hope to compensate....

...the TRUTH, Queenie, is that for NOW your WS remains a WS....and you DON'T KNOW what will happen in the future... he MAY remain a WS, or he may NOT...

...what is TRUE, TODAY, is that it's less PAINFUL for Queenie to continue to be REMOVED from WS, someone with no consideration for others, or else be subjected to EVEN greater pain, TODAY.

...let the PAST be....let the FUTURE be....

...base decisions on WHAT IS....TODAY....

I am sorry, Queenie, if I don't make much sense :RollieEyes:.... KNOW that my intention, at least, is to help....

((((((((((((((((((QUEENIE))))))))))))))







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Queenie,

I agree with everyone's posts. From the wonderful scriptures, the lovely & STRONG prayers, to Luna's advice of working with what we have TODAY.

I'm with you, my friend. I do not like the fact that my emotions/continued love for Drac gives him any kind of power in my life. I work hard every day to maintain the control and power of MY life for ME.

I am coming to accept that despite the end of his A, he has no interest in reconciling with me. What he really wants, not even HE knows what it is. It just can't continue to be my problem. Nor can your WS be yours.

I know, easier said than done, isn't it. So as you know full well, take it One Day at a Time.

You are one fabulous person. Don't forget that!


BS (me)
ExWS -Drac
DD 9
DSS 15
D Day 11/06
Divorced 10/01/07

"You Can't Fix Stupid" - My Mom
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Hi Queenie!!!
Maybe you have already read this before but just in case.

My Child,

You may not know me,
but I know everything about you.
Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up.
Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways.
Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.
Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image.
Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring.
Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived.
Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation.
Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake,
for all your days are written in my book.
Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth
and where you would live.
Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb.
Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born.
Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented
by those who don't know me.
John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry,
but am the complete expression of love.
1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.
1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child
and I am your Father.
1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.
Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father.
Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.
James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.
Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.
Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love.
Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless
as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you.
Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession.
Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul.
Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things.
Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart,
you will find me.
Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you
the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires.
Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you
than you could possibly imagine.
Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you
in all your troubles.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted,
I am close to you.
Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb,
I have carried you close to my heart.
Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away
every tear from your eyes.
Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain
you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you
even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.
John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being.
Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you,
not against you.
Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression
of my love for you.
1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love.
Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus,
you receive me.
1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you
from my love again.
Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party
heaven has ever seen.
Luke 15:7

I have always been Father,
and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…
Will you be my child?
John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you.
Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad
Almighty God

This was taken from www.fathersloveletter.com. I hope this helps a little!!
Praying for you and for your h and your M as well.

Angie.

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Rin--

Quote
My question to you is what do you really want? Do you really want to be second to someone's addiction, whatever that addiction may be? Or do you want someone who gives as much as they receive? It's possible, it's out there...

I am glad to see you are well. Thank you--those are the words I needed to remember, the prayer that stays in my heart today and every day. Why should we ever accept less than the good God has in store for us?

Q--

I love you. Don't stay away too long, 'k?

Smartie

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Quote
Have you ever considered that God is protecting you from something that you can't possibly see?
JT, as time goes on, I know exactly what G-d is protecting me from. He is protecting me from WH. As I delve further into my recovery I am learning about healthy relationships/abuse. I suffered a great deal of emotional abuse from not just WH, but my H. He truly is a sick human being, who I happen to love with all my heart. I want him to be someone different, but that isn't reality.

The reality is he has YEARS of recovery once he figures out what he has done. I have come to terms that G-d is protecting me. The sick human being in me says bring him home and let me fix this, but that's the same ole mess and I know that G-d won't allow that to happen. He has worked to hard in me to have me hurt inside like I did.

Luna,

Quote
I also know that my situation mirrors a reality that you may not like.... a WS who remains a WS (waaay past the estimates)!
Misery loves company? NOT, somehow we will continue to walk through this and come out on the other side however it's meant to be.

Quote
...the TRUTH, Queenie, is that for NOW your WS remains a WS....and you DON'T KNOW what will happen in the future... he MAY remain a WS, or he may NOT...
Exactly, and this is such a hard fact for me. Because it also takes the ability for me to control right out the door. There is nothing I can do, but live a life without him. I hate that thought, but I do it everyday now and realize it might just become natural for me.

I still think I am the one missing out, but then again. I have to look at my blessings. I am the one with awesome relationships with my children. I am the one who holds her head up high and knows she has done everything possible to save this marriage. I am the one who has walked through the absolute horror of pain and annihilation to learn new ways to live and survive. And I am the one who loved him enough to set him free and let him live his life without me.

Oh Luna, you make perfect sense, I just don't like it.

Hi Bugs, nice to see you.

Quote
I do not like the fact that my emotions/continued love for Drac gives him any kind of power in my life. I work hard every day to maintain the control and power of MY life for ME.
Yes, you and I and so many others carry that unique love for our H inspite of what horrendous hurt and destruction they have caused. Is it a testament to the love that once lived or our inability to whatever. I truly don't know what the answer is. But like you, who I respect, admire and love to read about, continue to put one toe in front of the other and just allow life to be what it is beginning to be. In G-ds hands and G-ds plans.

Hi Angie,

I haven't heard from you for so long. How are you doing? '

For all of you who have given me the scripture. It brings me comfort like you can imagine because you have that walk with the Lord. And it's something that I treasure and value most in my life.

I'm so grateful for your support, all of you and just pray for us all everyday and the blessing from G-d to continue as we keep walking the path of life. Regardless of if we like it or not.

I have learned I'm not so special and yet we are all truly miracles.

Now, for the best news. Some of you have heard me trying to get tickets to the Redskins-Seahawks game in November. I have had no luck and tried lots of sources. Not to mention I can't really afford to go. On Tuesday night after choir practice the director threw an envelope to me. Turns out they are not only two tickets to the game, but in the club seats. Oh YES.......

I scored, I'm grateful and I am going to have a blast.

Something to look forward to.

Shabbat Shalom, Pretty and Mark


Last edited by QueeniesNewLife; 09/19/08 12:48 PM.

BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Quote
Now, for the best news. Some of you have heard me trying to get tickets to the Redskins-Seahawks game in November. I have had no luck and tried lots of sources. Not to mention I can't really afford to go. On Tuesday night after choir practice the director threw an envelope to me. Turns out they are not only two tickets to the game, but in the club seats. Oh YES.......

I scored, I'm grateful and I am going to have a blast.

Something to look forward to.

I love this! There are times when G-d blesses us out of the blue when we're really hurting. During those times we pray, pray, pray for our needs and hope that G-d will hear.

But when He does something like this... gives us the desires of our heart... it leaves us breathless. How much He loves us! Just as an earthly father finds joy in giving his child a "surprise"... I imagine it's the same with our heavenly Father!


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Hi Queenie,

Quote
Now, for the best news. Some of you have heard me trying to get tickets to the Redskins-Seahawks game in November. I have had no luck and tried lots of sources. Not to mention I can't really afford to go. On Tuesday night after choir practice the director threw an envelope to me. Turns out they are not only two tickets to the game, but in the club seats. Oh YES.......

...YEEESSSIR! ...and sometimes, when you least expect it!

((((((((((QUEENIE)))))))))))) flirt



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PLAN D: finalized!
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Yup! He does take care of us.

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And how I have learned to be absolutely so grateful to him for these things and treasure them.

I am so darn excited.......



BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Enjoy the game, Queenie. For those that trust God there is little that happens by random chance...

If you learn nothing else from all of this, learn that if it was within your power to change what your WH has done and continues to do, it would have been within your power to prevent it.

But it was never within your power to make him anything at all. You could not have made him faithful, less abusive or less addicted. Those were not choices you made for him but choices he made for himself. He is the man he is because of what he chose not what anyone else chose for him.

While God hates divorce and surely hates adultery, it is not His choice for your WH to be the way he is either. But God loves him and YOU enough to let both of you make your own choices. You are choosing to follow Him and your WH is choosing to follow his own selfishness.

So know that God is pleased with you and your choices and does not and will not hold you responsible for whatever choices your WH made in the past or makes in the future.

Numbers 6 (New Living Translation)
24 I pray that the LORD

will bless and protect you,

25 and that he will show you mercy

and kindness.

26 May the LORD be good to you

and give you peace."




Shabbat Shalom, Queenie.

Mark

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Yes! What Mark said!!!

And, Shabbat Shalom from me, too!

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Shabbat Shalom Cinders and Thank You Mark,

Mark, your words, how much comfort they bring me beyond measure and understanding but to my soul.

After work tonight I ran into that friend who sees him every so often. She asked him about me and he told her how we haven't been together for two years, it's only been a year and a half.

He just has a new life and has completely blocked that he is married still or a father. He says he emails the children every so often and came to a couple of games, but that's about it.

I finally looked and said, no more. I don't want to hear about his happiness no more. Not when my heart breaks and I go to bed alone at night and miss him or wish there was SOMETHING I could have done.

But you are right. He chose this and continues to destroy children's lives, forget about me. I keep coming back to G-d is protecting me from him because WH chooses what he chooses and continually withheld affection, love and controlled me until there was no fight left but anger, craziness and absolute hatred for myself inside of myself.

I don't even know what to pray for anymore. I just keep praying for G-ds will in my life and my marriage and to help me see the next move. Anything.

So, this weekend, no sun, but cleaning and being a domestic goddess around my apt. I have lots of things to make over time and that will help with the bills.

That's another thing. How he just doesn't pay his bills for his children. Oh well, he will have to deal with the consequences on his actions after the A broke. This one isn't on me.





BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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I have these thoughts running through my head and I need to get them out or I will go nuts.

I know they are redundant and certainly don't matter, but I don't know what to do from here. Is it time to call it quits or just keep still and see what G-d can do.

Do you think that he loves her and is happy with her because he can control her the way he couldn't me. I was more a partner who challenged and fought instead of letting him just do what he wanted and be darned to what was right?

I don't know, I just have so much in my head.


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
Joined: May 2000
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Do not worry about his happiness....it is beyond your control.

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