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I FEAR I will not know when to move on, when to stop this fight, and in that I FEAR that 'I' will end it too soon...
I FEAR the end of my FAMILY...
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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Another great post - absolutely inspiring. I'm grateful for this post as I fear most of the things listed right now. I confronted and exposed YESTERDAY, and I have been in fear ever since. I felt good knowing the truth, and when the assualt began after confrontation the fear returned.
I think it's a natural reaction for everyone to have fear, this should indeed be one of the stickies here. Every BS needs to read this. Often.
A great part two would be tools, tips and support for those letting go of the fear. It should be numbered in the Plan A checklist: LET GO OF YOUR FEAR. It does not HELP you to hold onto that fear.
You can never show the strength and confidence of a man or woman that you need to during this time unless you do exactly that: Let go of the fear. I'm talking myself into that right now. It's hard, this time in our lives is like grieving the loss of someone, it's very similiar to grieving a death.
Great job Starfish!
BS (Me) - 33
WW - 31
Married 14 years, together 17
Daughter: 16 yrs old
Separated: 12/29/06
D-Day: 2/2/07, EA/PA With Co-Worker
Plan B Started: 3/6/07
D filed by WW: 4/18/07
Olive Branch offered (Plan B resumed after): 8/8/07
R Attempt by WW: 9/1/07
NC Established: 9/4/07
NC Broken: 9/5/07, 9/6/07
Status: Plan B, Pt. II (9/10/07)
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Bump! This is so true!!!!! You dont have to be the victim!
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starfish! great post....I think the biggest problem I have with fear is that it stops me in my tracks...prevents me from doing what I need to do to survive... this whole process is teaching me to make the neccessary changes in my life despite the fear...and guess what?...I am still alive...still here...still up to my eyeballs in crap...but hey that fear didn't get me....and sometimes I even feel something that I haven't felt in a while...independence....self reliance...strength....those are pretty nice side effects. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
Fightingback
BS (me) 36
WS 39
3 kids 3,4,8
together 15yrs
EA 9/06, PA 10/06
12/07 plan A
1/13/07 WS moves out
1/27/07 1st attempt plan B
2/20/07 REAL plan B
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BS (Me) - 33
WW - 31
Married 14 years, together 17
Daughter: 16 yrs old
Separated: 12/29/06
D-Day: 2/2/07, EA/PA With Co-Worker
Plan B Started: 3/6/07
D filed by WW: 4/18/07
Olive Branch offered (Plan B resumed after): 8/8/07
R Attempt by WW: 9/1/07
NC Established: 9/4/07
NC Broken: 9/5/07, 9/6/07
Status: Plan B, Pt. II (9/10/07)
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BS (Me) - 33
WW - 31
Married 14 years, together 17
Daughter: 16 yrs old
Separated: 12/29/06
D-Day: 2/2/07, EA/PA With Co-Worker
Plan B Started: 3/6/07
D filed by WW: 4/18/07
Olive Branch offered (Plan B resumed after): 8/8/07
R Attempt by WW: 9/1/07
NC Established: 9/4/07
NC Broken: 9/5/07, 9/6/07
Status: Plan B, Pt. II (9/10/07)
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OP
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I have so much fear. The fear is overwhelming at times. This brings on the panic/anxiety attacks. It's not fun. The fear of no knowing is the worst.
Good post.
BS(me) 40
WH 40
D-day 10/03/2007
***Recovering and growing wiser and stronger.***
I was divorced 10/08/2008.
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Thanks for bumping this. It predates my introduction to MB but it speaks volumes to me.
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I dug it up to add add to a post about "trust"...because it's so inter-related with fear. But I thought some of you younguns might get a little something from it too. Infidelity is one of the scariest things that's every happened to me....and that fear can often sabotage recovery. It helps a little to know you aren't alone. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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Star*fish THANK YOU. You explained it beautifully! FEAR
I FEAR I will not know when to move on, when to stop this fight, and in that I FEAR that 'I' will end it too soon...
I FEAR the end of my FAMILY...
This is where I am today and it's crippling.
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Bumping for not2fun. 
Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. ~Benjamin Franklin~
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Wow....this puppy hasn't been bumped since Jan....it definately needed this...
If you are new here, well this one is for you....
not2fun
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I had a ton of fear for a very long time after d-day.
One highly effective way to deal with it is to get myself to a place (mentally) where I don't care very much.
I felt like I was being extorted into being a "good little BS", lest the affair begin again.
I've had enough of that. I contributed to the problems in our marriage, but the cheating was nothing more than a moronic way of acting out, like a spoiled brat.
I will be as angry as I want to be. I will be as imperfect as I feel like being. If that drives her to cheat, so be it.
Have fun living on government assistance.
Divorced
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Starfish - what a wonderful post! Thank you so much for this. This pre-dates my joining MB as well but I'm so glad it got bumped to the top. It SO speaks to all the fears I've been having. I contributed to the problems in our marriage, but the cheating was nothing more than a moronic way of acting out, like a spoiled brat.  I liked this as well.
Me(bw/fww) 39
recovering with amazing fwh/bh 36
DS 7
DS 4
His
EA Oct '07 - 7/2/08 (d-day)
NC 7/4/08
Hers
EA/RA 6/'09-3/'10
NC 3/17/10
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TAKE BACK CONTROL FROM THE WAYWARD!! You must or you will regret it FOREVER! I was fearful, but I concentrated on slamming her back as much as I could before filing for D. I was completely blindsided and feared the worst. You WILL gain your/their respect. She thought I was a wimp and would just let the A go rather than breaking up the family.(WRONG!) That I wouldn't tell anyone.(WRONG!) See below from an earlier post. Chalk one up for the Betrayed!
1)Take fWW on trips, make her see/remember the Romeo she risked losing.
2)Revenge Affair(Yes, I WROTE THIS ONE OUT!) lasting one month(had sex in our bed, left the condom wrapper on the nightstand, made fWW wash the sheets)
3)Moved out to own apt(DUMPED HER!)
4)Looked at it financially and my income jumps w/ a D due to stay at home WS.
5)Filed for D three weeks ago
6)Tell WS relatives the sorted details.(Ruins Holidays for them)
7)Lessons Learned-Me(No one deserves too much trust)-fWW(Be careful who you cheat on, you might awaken a sleeping tiger and
get it handed right back to you!)
8)Priceless - Its been five months and I think about it less and less. I already have a girlfriend and refuse to let her mistake Fup my life.
NO FEAR!! NO REGRETS!! You can and will overcome anything...DUDE
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TAKE BACK CONTROL FROM THE WAYWARD!! You must or you will regret it FOREVER! I was fearful, but I concentrated on slamming her back as much as I could before filing for D. I was completely blindsided and feared the worst. You WILL gain your/their respect. She thought I was a wimp and would just let the A go rather than breaking up the family.(WRONG!) That I wouldn't tell anyone.(WRONG!) See below from an earlier post. Chalk one up for the Betrayed!
1)Take fWW on trips, make her see/remember the Romeo she risked losing.
2)Revenge Affair(Yes, I WROTE THIS ONE OUT!) lasting one month(had sex in our bed, left the condom wrapper on the nightstand, made fWW wash the sheets)
3)Moved out to own apt(DUMPED HER!)
4)Looked at it financially and my income jumps w/ a D due to stay at home WS.
5)Filed for D three weeks ago
6)Tell WS relatives the sorted details.(Ruins Holidays for them)
7)Lessons Learned-Me(No one deserves too much trust)-fWW(Be careful who you cheat on, you might awaken a sleeping tiger and
get it handed right back to you!)
8)Priceless - Its been five months and I think about it less and less. I already have a girlfriend and refuse to let her mistake Fup my life.
NO FEAR!! NO REGRETS!! You can and will overcome anything...DUDE So you chose to REACT instead of ACTING Dude...I am sorry for you...In time you will come to learn that your reactions were not healthy for YOU...It will be a very sad day when you finally understand this... As a FWS myself, I can tell you that what you've done has eternally seared your soul...It is NOT something to be proud of...not at all... I wish you peace... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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