Happy Monday everyone!

Well, it's not so much a 'happy' Monday, but not UNhappy either. I really need to do a better job of figuring out how to get independently wealthy overnight, as this 'work' thing stinks!

Nothing extra special to report,,,,and that's not necessarily a bad thing. It was a kid weekend. Friday night we just chilled out at home. Chicken tacos were a big hit for dinner and I made up a big pot of chili for post-game lunch Saturday.

DSS didn't have meds for the weekend so he was more of a handful than usual. I don't know why I bothered, but I did email Drac & asked if DSS was completely out. He replied "yes, DSS did not tell me until this morning". I won't bother to comment other than to say what a load of cr@p.

Saturday we had DSS's final football game of the season. It was COLD! My mom came, but only stayed until 1/2 time (too cold & they were getting creamed by the best team in their division). Drac showed up late, but still had the nerve to come sit by me, even with my mom there.

He seemed a bit less nervous, but it was really strange how he'd lean over (close) to talk to Ladybugs who was sitting on my lap, so that it was like he was talking to me, too. In fact, most times I had no choice but to look at him as he was right in my line of sight as I watched the game. I will admit to a few remaining butterflies in my stomach when he looked straight into my eyes several times. I kept my cool, calm Goddess composure.

After the game we came home for chili. Kids helped do house cleaning and played outside when it warmed up. We went to a movie & dinner. An overall nice evening.

Sunday was church. I was pleased that DSS decided to stay for part of the youth day events they were having. Ladybug and I went to the store and bought 2 of the biggest pumpkins we could find. Picked up DSS and it was the Pumpkin Carving Party in the driveway.

The neighbor kids came over to help, and both their parents came by, too. They ended up bringing their pumpkin over to carve as well. We use the books of designs that turn out really cool, and they had never tried that before. We all had a GREAT afternoon. Then, all too soon it was time to take DSS to Drac's.

I was waiting in the car for Ladybug to come back out after going in to say hi to Drac. He came out with her & the puppy. I wasn't paying much attention at first, but then he had to walk by the car to get the puppy (I hadn't noticed the dog until then). I was looking at the puppy out the window as Ladybugs was climbing in the car, so then here comes Drac around to my side of the car to show me the puppy. I gave a it rub on the head & as a couple of other dogs were walking by, I said "There's a couple of girlfriends for you". Drac then found it necessary to tell me that the puppy had a girlfriend all weekend at his dad's house. I really hate it when he tells me things that have anything to do with where he was or what he was doing for the weekend.

I am VERY excited about this afternoon. At 4 pm, I will be doing the paperwork so OFFICALLY my house, as well as the debt, are in MY name. I can't believe it's taken so long to get this all done.

I am going to call my parents and ask them to meet us for dinner to celebrate. I have a pretty big check to write to them for what they had put down originally. It is going to feel GREAT to write that one, even if it is big. I owe them a lot for all they have done for me.

Well, as I am not YET independently wealthy, I guess I'd better get back to work!

Hope everyone had a great weekend.

Bugsy:

You post all that great stuff and nobody even says "Hello!"

Glad the house is "all yours" now...

Let Ladybug off your lap. There is NO REASON to look into those eyes if she ISN'T on your lap.

Think about it this way, Drac did it SO he COULD look into your eyes. You would have NEVER leaned over like that if Ladybugs was on HIS lap. Right? So don't fall into his trap.

LG

Wow, Bugs, lotsa great stuff!

You are handling things so well. I know it would be difficult for me to have such constant contact with WxH. I admire the grace in which you are able to do it.


That is so awesome!!!

Fox

Thanks for taking pity on me LG! I just figured it was just way too boring of a post to get anyone's attention!

I'm so glad to finally have the house situation resolved. Dinner with the parents last night was really good.


I laughed when I read this,,,becuase I think I would have frozen to death without her on my lap! ha! Seriously, I hear what you are saying. It's no different than him coming outside w/the puppy as his excuse. Just getting my attention for whatever reason. Maybe seeing if I'll take such a small crumb and ask for more?

Kind of like today,,,,I had to take Ladybug to the dr for a strep test, so I sent an email to let him know. He replied, "ok, thanks. We had a 'critical' incident today at X office, so I am buried up to my neck today".

Now that detail wasn't necessary. I will be honest, it was my first instinct to reply back asking what happened and if everyone was ok. I didn't,,,,,,,,,,,,but I really wanted to.

So, turns out Ladybug does NOT have step throat,,,just regular old toncillitis. She really doesn't feel all that bad, but she had the classic white spotted tonsils this morning so I'm glad we went to have it checked. I don't want her getting sick for Halloween!

She is playing around the house, but is being very good about letting me get some work done. She's been VERY vocal this last week about me getting a 'boyfriend'. Even today she made some mention about needing a man in the house!! So we had a bit of a a talk about it. She eventually said that if I had a man in the house and Daddy had another girl, then we'd know what it was like without each other,,,,,,,,,,,and then maybe we'd figure it out and get back together. I don't know if she said that last part because she thinks that is what *I* want or if that was truly her logic. Apparently she is also encouraging Drac in the dating arena.

Or perhaps he is encouraging her which is what has led her to encouraging me. Who knows? I find it a bit bothersome in any event. I did tell her I am perfectly happy without having 'a man in the house', I am dating different people, but it will be some time before there would be anything that serious.

I don't think I mentined that V is out of town this week. He had let his friends who live close to me borrow his truck over the weekend. They needed a place to park it, so I told him they could leave it in my driveway until he gets back. Maybe having the truck here & knowing it belongs to someone I'm dating has triggered some of this talk???? Just a thought.

Thanks for the compliments Foxx,,,,but I don't know how well I really handle the interaction. I guess I'm not doing too badly, as it no longer ruins my entire day, nor do I think about it non-stop for the next 2 days, nor do I worry about planning for the next time around. I'm happy with that for now.


It's time for a Ladybug attention break,,,,,,,,,,I'll check back with you all later.

Out of the mouth of babes as they say. She's really been thinking about this. I'm sure that was tough to hear. I think you handled it right though. I'd be curious to hear how Drac handled it cause I bet she's said the same thing to him.

Oh and congrats on the house! I look forward to the day when I own a home again.

Even the little bit easier it is these days is progress Bugs.. don't try to convince yourself otherwise. We've got to take steps to get to where we need to be, and you're right.. so long as we keep lookin up..


I can imagine it's a little triggering for you to have Ladybug encourage you to date.. I imagine it's a combination of a few things.. maybe she really does hope it'll lead to you getting back together with Drac.. but I imagine there's also an element of replacement fantasy that happens with kids her age.. knowing that it just doesn't feel right -to her- to be in a single parent house..

My DS is exactly the opposite though.. he's very wary of women I chat with, even the waitress I always end up conversing with on Saturdays... his attitude towards her has gone from 'She's pretty..' to 'I like her.. she's nice'... to '*crickets*' to *climb on daddy's lap when she comes around* to.. 'I don't like her.. because you like her daddy.. like a mommy..'



Now I can't say the thought didn't cross my mind.. she's very attractive, easy to talk to, smart.. however.. she's very young.. old enough to drink, but not by much.. just wouldn't work.

But anyhow.. back to the point.. as time goes on I'm sure she'll get used to it and thrive.. and if you end up with someone, I'm sure you'll have made a much better choice and she'll end up better off all around.

You're doing a great job Bugs..

Hi Bugs,

Just got caught up... I enjoy reading your updates, so, if they do you good... keep them coming!

Congrats on the house.

I see Drac is still trying to see if you will only accept 'crumbs'...

I am with LG...you don't need any of this.... Drac knows the deal.... he commits...or he leaves you alone to go on with your life!

I think you're doing great.

Hey, Bugs

How did the appointment with Steve go?

Thanks for the great posts everyone! I started to reply to SD's question (that I've been expecting) this morning, when my day went down the tubes.

I'll answer that quickly first,,,,I started to put together my 'updated timeline' for Steve and frankly found it just too depressing/triggering to finish. Thoughts of why am I even bothering with this were overwhelming, so I decided to give it a break for a few days and try again later this week or next. That may or may not have been a good decision,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Work was crazy right off the bat this morning and I had a lot that needed immediate attention. A brief lull between 'projects' came and I needed to drive over to another office for some supplies. Went out, got in the car. Dead battery.

3 months ago when this happened, as you may recall, Drac offered to come help but I declined. At the time he did tell me that I am still on the AAA membership and that I could use it anytime. He'd renewed it and kept us both on it.

So, I called Triple A. They nicely explained, "We don't have a Bugsmom as a member, but under Drac's account we do have THE HO"

Anyone want to guess how this felt?

Yep

So, I emailed Drac "I thought you told me I was still on the AAA membership. They tell me the Ho is but I am not"

He replied "Not sure how that is possible. I never did anything but renew my membership, I never changed anything. When did you need them? If I need to I can call them"

I replied that I needed them now because my car would not start. Apparently he got right on the phone (left a meeting to go do it). While he was on the phone with them, he called me from the office he was at 3x (I was on the phone & didn't know it was him).

When I answered he said, "I'm on the phone w/AAA and am drawing a blank on your birthday"

OUCH!

I told him. He replied, "I was thinking February". He told me he was getting it fixed and that he'd go ahead and have them send someone out, but that I should call AAA again to confirm. He sent me an email to let me know it was all done.

So - - here comes the even more dumba$$ part - I replied "Sorry to have had to bother you. I appreciate it. It's really hard being all on my own when these things happen. Thanks again"

Why did I say that?

Oh, and it gets better. AAA called me to let me know a truck was on the way. I thanked the guy who said, "no problem" and called me by the HO's NAME!! I almost threw up.

So, I emailed Drac again and told him that they'd called. A truck was on the way, "thanks again, Oh and BTW - my day keeps getting better and better, the guy called me by the Ho's name."

Later he replied to my email, "I am sorry. My only thought is that she did this at some point in time without my knowledge. Again, I am sorry. I hope everything is taken care of."

This story is going to have to be continued,,,,I need to take care of some evening appointments. I'll tell you now that this followed up with a phone call from Drac - - suffice it to say that I feel really dumb. dumb . dumb.

I'll be back with ya'll later.

It can't be any worse than what you have already gone through. Come back and tell us the rest....

Sorry for the interruption, but I had to meet a friend to get them a key to the house to care for the ‘wild kingdom’ of animals this weekend!


So, I am working along after getting the car squared away when the phone rings. Without looking, I answered. Drac.

He first asked about the car and it was fairly short & sweet. I KNEW that there had to be more to come when he said something about ‘adding to my day of bad news’. He got a call from the asst. principal at DSS’s school. Surprise, surprise, his English grade isn’t any better. DUH!

He went into the conversation w/the principal as well as his discussion with DSS. He made it a point to tell me that he told DSS that I’d ‘probably’ be talking to him about all of this as well. The good news is that for a change, he has a specific plan to address things with REAL actions on HIS part, DSS’s part, the principal is involved, as are all of the teachers. FINALLY. He went into feeling at a loss about ‘punishment’. He apparently ‘relieved’ DSS of any household responsibilities to “allow him to focus only on football & school. Mostly because he is tired of fighting with DSS to get him to do anything, and when he did get him to do things it was always done half a$$. He went on to say that HE does all of the household work now so that the kids can ‘just enjoy their time together’ when they are both there. He ‘can’t’ get Ladybugs to clean her room either.

So,,,,,,,,,,,,,dumba$$ Bugs finally can’t stand it anymore. I piped up and helped.

I told him that he’s teaching DSS to do nothing or to do it poorly by taking away his household responsibilities. DSS and DD have responsibilities here. I don’t ‘ask’ I expect it and I make sure it happens. Period. With BOTH kids. I explained how you can’t just send a 7 year old into her room and expect her to clean it. I walked him through how to teach/help her to do it.

What was I thinking???????????? I know it will help the kids in the long run, so I’m using that as my excuse, but I’m really mad at myself for doing it.

He then went on to share with me issues he had this week at work

Finally, the conversation was wrapping up and I made it a point to tell him how the
AAA guy who came to work on the car ALSO called me by the Ho’s name. He replied, “I am really sorry about that. I can understand how horrible that was for you.”

Instead of saying, REALLY? You can REALLY understand? I just moved the conversation to an end.

I’m just really mad at myself and feel really dumb for meeting needs for him again. I have lots to take care of here at home tonight, so can’t elaborate much more right now. I need to process this all a bit more anyway,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,gotta get past feeling so dumb. I hate this feeling.

I also hate that it means something to me that he FINALLY has said he was sorry in any way about anything having to do with the Ho. Settling for crumbs again. YUCK!

Bugs

BUGS

I second that.

I'm with the hugs crew here

Bugsy


That, and I figure the thought of a hot young bald stallion of a bass player huggin on ya might help... plus I'm big enough around that it's hard to hit yourself when yer huggin.




And since Foxy ain't around yet to say it.. I'll beat her to the punch..





There..

Don't beat yourself up about this Bugsy.. sure it's caused you some triggering.. that's enough punishment without you heaping more of it on yourself.

You did what you did for the kids, out of love for them.. it had nothing to do with Drac. There's nothing to be ashamed of or upset about in that.

I'm sure the AAA thing was triggering as well.. but it sounds like you handled it the best you could.. and you know what? Drac's apology -should- have made you feel better.. at LEAST on some level he's acknowledging the pain he's caused you.. is it enough to start a R on? No.. but you know that.. and it doesn't relieve him of any further responsibility.. but unless I've missed something somewhere.. you're still taking applicants for the MAN WANTED position.. and Drac hasn't submitted a resume, and from this distance he's not looking like he's got the qualifications for the MAN position..

I'd offer my spare doghouse and kennel fencing for a new position outside the house for you.. but then I remembered that one of the qualifications for FAMILY DOG is 'LOYAL' and decided to scratch that idea..




Seriously though Bugs.. stop beating yourself up. You're surviving this the best way you know how.. eventually, if Drac doesn't discover what it takes to be the MAN.. you're going to have to find a way.. just like today.. to get on with him for Ladybugs's benefit.. You're really doing great.

Well, James is right. He beat me to the punch....on all of it. I second everything he had to say - and the hugs. 'course I can't beat a hug from a 'hot young bald stallion of a bass player."

You did fine. So what if you met some of his needs in regards to the kids? It's the kind of person you are. All will benefit. What exactly is the drawback? So Drac doesn't have to struggle quite as hard with the kids because you gave him a hand. So?

I wouldn't necessarily RUSH to do it everytime, but a hint of a reminder every once in a while to Drac about what a GREAT mother to his son and daughter you are is not all bad.

It won't make or break the situation. If the only way to stop beating yourself up about it is to hug James, then by all means hug James as long as you need to.

Take care, Bugsy!

Fox

I'd check him for pig snot first.

Hi Bugs,

Being called by HO's name?...Ouch!


I feel this way too sometimes... keep telling yourself that it's for the kids' benefit in the longrun...I find that usually helps a bit! ....and 'settling for crumbs', well that's another story. You'll think of something.

On the bright side....look at how many this is getting you!

Fixed... wouldn't want any misunderstanding on that one..

Bugsy's a goddess.. Drac's the one who sleeps with the fleas.

Whew!!! I just now extracted myself from all of those hugs! THANKS SO MUCH all of you!

I was just really angry and upset over the whole situation yesterday - more than I realized & more than I wanted to be.

I don't know yet if I'm happy to have an 'I'm sorry' from Drac or not. As you all all said, it's a GOOD thing that perhaps he has recognized some of the pain his actions have caused me,,,,,,,,,,,but he's not requesting an application to be the MAN.

I am proud of the fact that I DO recognize that, even though I will also admit to wanting to give him a bit more credit than he has coming over it. Steve has warned me about this several times. I have to keep reminding myself about that and appreciate you all helping me with that, too!!

I am going to go get started packing for Chicago and finish getting our Witch costumes ready for tonight! Ladybugs and I are going to be twin witches for Trick or Treating! Maybe I'll finally post our pic.

Thanks again everyone! I don't know what I'd do without you all!

Oh, and I took a shower after James hugs just to be sure to get off all that snot! ha!

Morning!

Seems like I've been gone a long time, even though it's just been a few days. I hope to catch up with everyone's threads today, but have lots of work to do.

The Girl's Chicago trip was FABULOUS! From Friday through Sunday we had an absolutely wonderful time. Laughing, shopping, eating, drinking, meeting fun people,,,,,it was such a great time. What a great town it is. I'm so glad I went.

Friday we were on the plane around noon. Lunch at the cafe at Ralph Lauren with a lovely glass of wine to kick off the weekend! Shopping, then a night out on Rush Street and breakfast. More shopping Saturday. Night out to Mike Ditka's, a side trip to the Sears Tower observation deck, and back to Ditka's. Ended up closing that place down,,,,,a certain celebritie's son was buying all of our drinks - what a Hoot! Sunday brunch and back home in the afternoon.

VMs from Drac did put a bit of a damper things. Ladybugs needed meds from the pharmacy for strep throat. I'd emailed Drac about it, and for some reason he took my emails to mean that he needed to pick HER up from my house on Friday,,,,,,,,,,,,,when I'd said he 'might' have to pick up her MEDS from my house. I'd emailed again Friday morning to tell him to pick up the MEDS at the pharmacy.

By the time I got his messages, he'd called my sister and figured it all out, so it wasn't necessary for me to speak with him. He apparently asked her about V's truck that is parked in my driveway right now,,,,,,,,,,,,she gave him a bit too much information but at least did not tell him exactly who it belonged to. UGH.

Thursday night we had a great time trick or treating in the neighborhood and then took a trip by my parent's house. Ladybugs & I were in our matching witch costumes. It was tons of fun. She got to go on Friday night to a Hallowee parade with Drac. Apparently he kept them running around all weekend,,,,to his Dad's on Sat and his Mom's on Sun. I was hoping she'd have a bit more restful weekend with being on the sickly side - but nothing to be done about that.

As much fun as I had, it was good to come home and be with her! V only sent me 2 TM's for the weekend,,,but was a bit overboard yesterday. We need to have a serious talk about things. He's a great guy, but I'm feeling pressured and I don't like it.

I have tons of work to accomplish today, so I'd better get to it.

Hope everyone had a great weekend, too!