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Do not let her calm you.

Take away her cake.

Do not respond to her communications. Now would be a great time to send a plan B letter. Short and sweet, let her know it's time to communicate with a lawyer, not you.

She sends something cute, you reply with "Thanks, can you look for a good real estate agent to get an estimate on the house value".

Do not go to your home when you return.

Do not make any demands of her.

If she doesn't proactively take steps needed to prove to you she wants to truly remain M, it's just another smoke screen.

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...just catchin' up. An "AB3 moment," huh, that's hilarious. Good one SWW.

I know what you mean. As my D hearing draws closer (18 days), I'm being bombarded with the sweet, R texts and emails. I just ignore them!

Like you, I gave my WW EVERY opportunity to do the right thing, before it was too late.

She initiated and choose this path...not you! Always remember that!

Still praying...


..."An AB3 moment"...LOL.....too cool!!!! I have a "moment" named after me!

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SWW,

See the Plan B has a purpose and some of it is to keep you from being on that roller coaster ride with her. She knows how to manipulate you, calm you, get you to really like the way things are again so she can brush them under the carpet.

I feel bad that you settle for so less than what you deserve. I hope that she doesn't con you right back into staying in this mess.

It should not matter whether she calls the D atty or not, you should be moving forward with your choice of D at all costs. She can catch up either with her own atty or signing your papers at the finish line.

Be strong SWW....


BS(me) - 40
FWH - 36

6 years of discovery.
Now - one day at a time....
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Originally Posted by onlyUcan
SWW,

See the Plan B has a purpose and some of it is to keep you from being on that roller coaster ride with her. She knows how to manipulate you, calm you, get you to really like the way things are again so she can brush them under the carpet.

I feel bad that you settle for so less than what you deserve. I hope that she doesn't con you right back into staying in this mess.

It should not matter whether she calls the D atty or not, you should be moving forward with your choice of D at all costs. She can catch up either with her own atty or signing your papers at the finish line.

Be strong SWW....

Yep, it's been 2 weeks and she still hasn't called D atty. I got this from her today:

Me: Hi,

I kinda get the feeling you are dragging your feet on calling D Atty. Where are you on that?

WW: I have nothing to tell him. We have to put pen to paper first. You can file anytime you please, but I have a feeling we will have sticky issues on some things.

Me: Like what?

WW: We can talk about it this weekend. I had been advised not to put things in print, just in case.

Looks like things might get ugly after all. I am really confused but pressing ahead. WW is very nice to me, nicer than ever in fact, wants to talk about the holidays together etc. and then when I gently remind her of D atty she shuts down or gets nasty like she can't believe I keep bringing it up.

Oh well, gotta press. I guess she wants an occasional houseguest that pays all the bills so she can avoid getting a job and still hang out with her toxic friends. It's such a shame she never saw the "lighthouse" I offered for so long. Like Stella said, "SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU MAN!"


Last edited by sickwithworry; 11/04/08 04:36 PM.
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"I am really confused but pressing ahead. WW is very nice to me, nicer than ever in fact, wants to talk about the holidays together etc. and then when I gently remind her of D atty she shuts down"

Confused, Why?

WW does not want to divorce. She is happy being a cake eater.
Throwing you appeasment bones to keep you on a string.
WW is not ready to divorce you, or is willing to let you file so she can say it was your fault, or does not want to pay for divorce.

Time to plan B so WW get's put on a cake free diet. Cut off finacial aid. Let OM face the challenge of meeting all of her needs.

Nothing to gain by not going to plan B.

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Why would you engage in discussion with WW about getting an atty?

This seems like mixed signals to me. You tell her that you want a D but that you don't want her to be shafted in the D. This strikes me as ... leaving food out. What's with talking with her? Are you done or not? You are merely prolonging your own agony.

Further, I think that by continuing waving D under her nose is a form of control. Don't do it. Shut up, shut down.

Plan B.


But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams -Yeats
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Well said, imagine.

I think you need to go dark. Send the Plan B letter and then stop all communication.

At the very least, if you find that you HAVE to talk with her, become a broken record..."I love you. I want our M to work. When you are ready to meet the requirements I explained in the letter, I am happy to talk. Until then, please contact so and so if you need something." *click*

You are using the D as an idle threat and it is undermining your strength. It's like telling your kid that you're going to send them to their room if they don't stop a behavior and then when they try to sweet talk you, you say...come on, aren't you going to go to your room?...but not forcing the issue and taking them there. Every time you say something and then don't follow through you are teaching WW that you don't mean what you say.

If you're not completely ready for D, then do Plan B. But DO IT. Don't just tell her you are going to do it and then kind of do it. Be strong. You wouldn't let your kids walk all over you like this, would you? Why are you letting her?

MS


BW (me)
FWH (him - he's earning the F)
3 boys (4, 5, and 7)
M 1997
LT EA/PA 2004-2007
D-Day #1 Feb 2006
Joined MB.
D-Day #2 Feb 2008
D-Day #3 Aug 2008
Began REAL recovery Sept 2008.


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Everyone let's start the plan B chant.

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Plan B, dude...Plan B.


BW (me)
FWH (him - he's earning the F)
3 boys (4, 5, and 7)
M 1997
LT EA/PA 2004-2007
D-Day #1 Feb 2006
Joined MB.
D-Day #2 Feb 2008
D-Day #3 Aug 2008
Began REAL recovery Sept 2008.


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SWW, They are all correct! This is why we've been preaching Plan B to you for weeks now!

You're allowing yourself to be lead by emotions...you really have (need) to stop it!

Follow the advise you are getting here. We know you agree, you just haven't managed to do it yet.

PLAN B...PLAN B...PLAN B...PLAN B!

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PLAN B ANYONE?


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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dance2 Plan B, Plan B, Plan B B B... dance2
dance2 Plan B, Plan B, Plan B B B... dance2
dance2 Plan B, Plan B, Plan B B B... dance2
dance2 Plan Beeeeeee, Plan B B B! dance2

MS - This is a great song!




BW (me)
FWH (him - he's earning the F)
3 boys (4, 5, and 7)
M 1997
LT EA/PA 2004-2007
D-Day #1 Feb 2006
Joined MB.
D-Day #2 Feb 2008
D-Day #3 Aug 2008
Began REAL recovery Sept 2008.


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SWW,

She has no consequences and no motivation to make any changes, especially contacting the D atty.

You probably should seek help for your own emotional strength because I don't see that you are going to make any progress.

We've talked to you long enough through this that we can see your patterns now. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it stands for all of us. We all have patterns of how we cope.

Get some IC with the Harleys so you can get strong and move forward. You have proven that you cannot do it alone.

Good luck my friend.


BS(me) - 40
FWH - 36

6 years of discovery.
Now - one day at a time....
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Originally Posted by MogiSola
dance2 Plan B, Plan B, Plan B B B... dance2
dance2 Plan B, Plan B, Plan B B B... dance2
dance2 Plan B, Plan B, Plan B B B... dance2
dance2 Plan Beeeeeee, Plan B B B! dance2

MS - This is a great song!

Yep,

let me dig it up for y'all to see if you don't mind.

SWW

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How goes it SWW???

Just thought about you today and was wondering...

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SWW, You dropped of the face...

How about a note letting us know your alive and kicking.

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