Carp, whatever you do, don't FOREWARN HIM about your exposure. If you do, he will get to these ppl first and spin the story. He will tell them you are a jealous nutjob who believes everyone is having an affair with his wife. Don't warn him!

I like this Melody!! I AM working/succeeding with myself!!

His GF told me he said this when I contacted her before!

When I confront him it will only be about him...what he has done....some facts I do know...not too many though and no "proof"....stay away from my wife....and how easy this will be legally against him for me if he continues!!

Your letter to your WW's employer is too soft and too personal. Businesses often take the view that what employees do no their own time is none of the employer's business. I have received many letters like these from employee's spouses. While I may feel differently about how they should be handled, my company has made the decision that we will only investigate if there is something that directly affects our business or our Code of Conduct. You need to make this letter about how it is affecting HIS business, not you personally. The letter that Melodylane posted earlier (thanks for the credit Mel!) gets the key pieces of information across - those that directly affect the employer's business. I would strongly urge you to send the one I drafted and Mel posted - no more, no less.

Point well taken! That's why I plan first....get advise...then proceed!

I am just putting out there what I have done/written so far. Almost all the letters Alexn is putting up have NOT been sent....the only one is a letter I sent my wife the day I filed. This letter should be up soon.

Carp's letter to his wife:

Jennefer,

I have told you recently that I would only react to your actions, now it is clear to me what my reaction should be

When this terrible mess first started I told you this fact.....I have never told anyone I loved them.....and no one has told me those words. This fact still remains true. I told you this simple fact hurts me the most. During these last months I have learned a lot about myself...I believe you have noticed it as well. I have learned forgiveness....and all the freeing power that comes with it....I have learned patience....and how very important it is....I have learned how to love unconditionally.....and no matter how much it hurts it makes me feel good every time I experience it. I have searched deep into myself to find the things that may have not been right.....fixed them...and moved on. I am happy.

I told you recently in an email that I have not stopped caring about us or our family. I need some time to decide what I feel is the next step in doing what is right for us and our family. I feel that time is upon us.

I am about to take our family on a win/win journey, and I pray that you will join me. The first journey will require hard work, love, pain, tears, compassion and forgiveness from and for everyone in both our families. The journey will not be easy...there will be many pitfalls, harsh words, doubt and many questions of "is this all worth it?". The answer is yes. It IS all worth it and will make our family stronger than ever.

The second journey will be the same....but the end will have one less person in our home. The choice is entirely up to you. I DO love you, but my patience is about up, and I am afraid of losing what's left of my love for you. Please let me know what you'd like to do.

CArp, thats a nice letter, but what are you saying? What is your goal? What is the bottom line?

Bottom line??

My W and I have both agreed....in the past right after bomb day..... we succeeded at 70% of what a "good" marriage is. Even today we still are probably at 50-60% even with all this chit going on. Like I said previously....if you were a fly on our wall you would probably not guess there is anything wrong! I am sick of being "almost" a family! I want my whole family back....

After bomb day she wrote me a 6 page letter about "us" and "love" and "trust" and how what she did was wrong and hurt our family etc....I shared it with our MC...."wow" was her comment. My W has commented that OM talks like a politician....but she can't get away. I know I am not perfect...she is not perfect....my kids having every rite for a fighting chance at a "whole" family.

I don't want to recount the last 6 months. I know that my "regular" W is in there somewhere...I see her sometimes...I want to see her ALL the time!

ok, then why can't you talk straight? She is a fogged out WS and I am a TEXAN, we need STRAIGHT TALK with a bottom line.

I don't get the POINT of your letter. I don't understand flowery words unless there is a point.

I sent that letter the day I filed for D on my W. It says....I have changed....you said you can see my changes....come back to your family....or get out!
She never replied to it. The only info I ever got about it was from a friend....why can't he quit trying and just give me what I want!
I also jus wanted to share these letters incase anyone wanted to use them as a template.

Window dressing does not a good marriage make, Carp. This affair will destroy your marriage because it is a poison that is spreading through your family. So, the window display might look nice from the front, but there is a robber in the store who is stealing you blind. He will put you out of business if you don't stop him. The niceness of your display cases does not reflect the true state of business inside.

I gotcha! Thanks for posting it. I have to admit, though, being from Texas, I didn't understand it at all. We just say things straight here.

In response to the original post:

H_ll no. Drop the bomb on that scumbag's superiors, his parents....have flyers printed up and distribute them to his neighbors, his fellow churchgoers, his co-workers, etc.

Not only will it make the A more difficult to conduct, but it is just about the only legal/semi-legal way you can strike back at OM.

One of the few things I can take comfort in is that I called OM's wife, and his boss. I made his life as much a mess as mine is.

Exposure can be theraputic for a BS. Do it.

Definitely going to....just want the best laid plan.

Just found some mail traffic from OM GF and my W. Mail was from GF thanking my W for clarifying some numbers....odd.

When I reexpose to family/OM family/OMGF should I note the last time I know OM and W were together??

No, that just gives them facts to play with. Just say you know they are still ongoing in the A. Not your job to provide proof.

Carp's letter to OM's parents:


Dear Mr & Mrs. OM parents

The love my family has for Jennefer allows me to write this letter. Your son and my wife, Jennefer, a mother of 2 daughters, have been engaged in an emotional and physical affair for over a year now. My wife has cried to me, yelled at me, told me how sorry she was, apologized for the disease she has contracted from this, but she cannot pull herself away . Her whole family knows of this yet she tells them all to "but out".


I have found it in my heart to forgive her and help her thru this tough time to make our family whole again....this process cannot start until all contact ends between them.


I mean no disrespect in asking you this, as 1 parent to another, to ask, no tell your son to end contact with my wife. My wife is not without fault here and I am dealing with her as her husband and a friend. I only ask you do the same with him.


I have welcomed your son into our home for a Halloween party in 2007 as a friend....while the two of them were destroying our family.

I have stood next to him and congratulated him at company softball games...with my kids by my side....while this went on.

There are so many more details to share...but I cannot.

My wife now stands on the edge of divorce..she is prepared to walk away from her home, children, and husband...by her own hand....because the relationship is clouding her judgment.

Please confront your son...like I have my wife, with love and compassion about this pain it is causing in my family

Pray for my family to come through this stronger. I will pray that the same happens for yours.
End letter

If you wish to contact me in regards to this matter my personal info is attached. Please at least acknowledge that you did receive and read this.
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CArp, WHAT DISEASE??? Did he give her an STD???

Your letter is very good, but there is alot of superfluous emotion in it which detracts from the mission of an exposure letter. We want the target to be focused on the FACTS, rather than your emotions. If you could tighten this up a bit, I think it will have more PUNCH:

Dear Mr & Mrs. SB parents

Your son and my wife, Jennefer, a mother of our 2 daughters, have been engaged in an adulterous affair for over a year now. My wife has contracted an STD from this. Our young daughters and my wife's family are heartbroken over the damage this affair has caused to this family.

WE are discussing divorce at this point but are still together. My children and I are very worried that our family will be broken up over this affair with your son.

My goal is to save our marriage and protect my childrens family. It is because of this that I ask respectfully that you speak to your son and persuade him to stop his affair with my wife.

There is no future for him with my wife because he will be eternally hated by my children and my wife's family for breaking up our marriage.

Please confront your son...like I have my wife, with love and compassion about this pain it is causing in my family and ask him to end his attack on my family.

Pray for my family to come through this stronger. I will pray that the same happens for yours.
End letter

If you wish to contact me in regards to this matter my personal info is attached. Please at least acknowledge that you did receive and read this.
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HOLY CRAP, CARP!! This is TOO DEEP! If I found my son was conducting himself in such a trashy, sleazy manner, it would not be COMPASSION he deserved! But the right end of my HORSE WHIP! Compassion, my hind end!

You need to lighten up on the PC stuff, my friend!

My first draft had the word "poison" in it about 20 times!!

My W was diagnosed with hpv this summer....she has a small growth of pre cancerous cells in her cervix.