Nope, especially if she leaves her cell phone at home when it's "your" time.

ITA!

Remember, my dear, you are still very early in Plan B. I think you are doing very well. Hubby is still extremely connected to the family, and that is good. It makes it a bit harder though, and many others have had similar problems, especially when they have teen girls.

And while you are struggling away, hubby is getting a great taste of reality with the SH. Wonderful!

Is it REALLY a DJ when it's the TRUTH? :RollieEyes:

As far as the phone goes--and I know how radical this will sound--turn it off! Although leaving it home (as previously suggested) would be even more of a preventive, should withdrawal prove overwhelming. If a phone MUST be had (and I recognize that it DOES provide a certain safety net in the unlikely event of a true emergency), borrow a friend's for the day. That way you'll have a phone, but he won't have a number to call. Best of both worlds...

tl

Just got back from church, Pastor asked to meet with me afterward. He said that he wants me to step down as Head Worship Leader. He said he does not want me to quit, and he wants me singing every time and that he says that he doesn't want me responsible for everything right now. He said he had been keeping an eye on me for the last month and that I have been up and down a bit and he feels that it would be good for me for a season.

I am to say the least heart broken as it is a joy to lead. I feel like a complete failure, but know that my Pastor would never do anything to harm me or the children and has asked me to call him for anything. I trust him and said Ok. I think that when God places people in your life to Shepard you and that you submit to the leader. I know the Pastor loves me and the kids and is still praying for H he says until he feels that God has removed grace to.

I thought i was hurting already but I am sad once again. I feel completely empty. A close friend came with me to church today and so she is one of the first people to know. She said are you in shock? I said yes a little why she said I can tell, you have no feelings. The general congregation will be told that I am taking some time to focus on my family. I have told DS10 that I am stepping back from leading but told DD17 the truth and that if somehow it makes its way back to her dad that all he needs to know is that mom needed to step back right now because of things. This is the 1st time in 10 years that I have not lead worship.

Why is it sometimes that some people in life always seem like loss is a part of it. I now question so much in my life. I question myself. I am tired of pain and loss. This has been a lifetime of it. My childhood was horrendous, every boyfriend I had in high school cheated on me, my H cheated on me, there's tons more really. Maybe one day I should give you the whole story. Loss and pain, loss and pain, loss and pain. Can someone please tell me why? Am I some sick person who needs humbling? So exhausted with pain. I just wanna crawl in a hole. I have a tendency to just hide and disappear when things get hard, I wanna give up. I have my kids, the only light I can see and what keeps me going. At this point I don't even want to believe in myself. I am sure God has a reason for this but I am tired of being discarded, and I am sure I should not view it that way.

I am off to the bath tub to cry as I am here alone with DS10 and don't want him to be alarmed. I am sorry I sound like such a whiner so much you guys.

EDIT: Sorry that Lil DD17 of mine uses my computer and forgets to log off. So this is T2L.

T2L, having been raised in church all my life, the daughter of a pastor, and now a minister's wife, I can tell you that what he did was not a reflection on you personally. Sometimes in our lives our circumstances around us cause us to need to be carried for awhile. I personally believe he is looking out for you.

I know what goes into being a worship leader, the prayer, the practices, the planning, the leadership of the team. I believe that even though you love this position, this is a time for you to get even closer to God. When you come back as worship leader, and you will, you will come back from a position of strength like you've never known. You will have a testimony that will shine through in your music. You will have a deeper level of worship and an ability to reach hurting people.

There is a reason you have experienced so much pain in your life. You may not see it yet, but you will. I believe that your music will become even more annointed and more precious than ever. Don't give up! That's what the enemy wants.

You are a treasure and there's a heavenly battle being fought over your life right now. I already know the ending. You do too.

Prayers going up for you from Texas.

So sorry to hear this. I hope your pastor knows what he is doing. I keep going back to Satan getting a foothold in the family.

Prayers going up for you right now.

Hon, this is ALL the more reason why you need some space right now. You are not WH's wife. You are T2L. Alone. Separate. With your own thoughts and opinions and beliefs and value. Think about how valuable this time is for you - to get to be just about YOU. You NEED this! It will make you stronger for you, for your kids, and for your H. Take this time, relish it - it will be over all too soon - and learn from it. Listen to the silence and learn all about yourself. You need it.

And this:
is utter BS. He is fighting you. He is trying to be more stubborn than you. He knows you cave all the time and he always wins, so he just ASSUMES you're going to cave as usual and let him have his way. THAT is why he is not using the IMs. He is just waiting for you to cave.

Prove him wrong!

I agree with PM. And also must tell you that within all this feeling of LOSS comes a real awakening of you to what will be YOUR DAILY BREAD.

Look at a typical day of yours. You have up things and down things go on every day. We all do. My life looks like a graph of todays severely fluctuating stock market with its severe ups and downs!

What I have been doing is:

Asking God to give me every day, my daily bread.
Asking God to SHOW me every day, this DAILY BREAD he gives me.

Often God gives us daily bread but we do not see it all. HE gives us immense amounts of daily bread but we do not view it we look at the bad things in life and see our life as all bad! Is there something wrong with our eyes!? Maybe!

I will list my bad things for today and also my Daily Bread for today and show you what I mean.

Bad things today:

My eyes are watering/itching today again and this two month problem is still there even though I went to eye dr twice.

1. I feel tired.

2. I looked at my stocks and they are down again.

3. It is dark and cold out.

4. I want to just sleep and avoid things.

5. My husband is laid off


GOOD DAILY BREAD TODAY:

1. I got the office cleaned out

2. My clerk called and she can come help me tomorrow get ready for tax time.

3. Husband made a large cherry pie for us.

4. My French toast came out better than a restaurant.

5. The breakfast sausages were good.

6. The cats are happy and healthy

7. I dont ache today.

8. Our snow is almost melted

9. I have my lists ready for working tomorrow

10. My husband is laid off, he can help me!

11. My H is getting unemployment!

12. God loves me and I know this.

13. My car runs though it has been a week under ice and snow.

14. I found some great snow boots on Amazon.com

15. We have plenty of good foods to eat.

16. Leftover turkey will make good sandwiches today.

17. I and my H are happy and healthy.

18. We have heat and shelter.

19, we have more food than we can eat in 4 months!

20. Gas prices went down.


Anyhow you see how the daily bread is given all day, every day, each hour of the day. But it is hard to see since the seemingly negative things often dominate our minds and seem to overshadow the good daily bread.

Also, some of the negative things, I feel, about half of them, turn out to be NOT NEGATIVE in the long run. So we can ask God to help us change our viewpoint on the seemingly negative things in our lives.

I am praying and hoping that God reveals your DAILY BREAD to you every day. You can ask this also and HE will show it to you. You will not believe the blessings that drop down on you and I day by day that we ignore like it is nothing.

{{{{{{{T2L}}}}}}}

I'm so sorry you are hurting.

During tst's affair, a dear friend told me:

"I don't know why this is happening to you. I don't understand it. But I do know that God is the same today as He was yesterday and He cares about you."

((T2L))

I know it feels like you are being discarded with the worship team thing, but sometimes God knows when we need to be restored. Think about Elijah who did such a huge thing on Mount Carmel, then ran to the mountains. He had to just sit and an angel came to make him food.

Sometimes a Pastor has to protect the people in his care, even if it doesn't feel like it. Considering the huge spiritual attack your family is already under, maybe your Pastor realizes that you don't need added attack as a ministry leader right now (because that puts you between the enemy's cross-hairs as well). Consider it God's way of putting a hedge around you.

We can't possibly know what God's reasons are, because we aren't Him. David felt like this and wrote about it many times. And God put the Psalms in the Bible for us to know that it's okay to feel wounded and hurt; to feel like God is delaying and not hearing our prayers.

"I remember my affliction and my wandering...I remember them and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope. Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness. I say to myself 'The Lord is my portion. Therefore I will wait for Him.'" Lam. 3: 19-24

No! IMHO this says you probably have too LOW a self esteem! And so that is where you are attacked... because that is where you are weak.


All the more reason to take a break from any unnecessary responsibities. I bet your pastor was looking out for you and your family. Hon, I can't even *imagine* standing up in front of people in any kind of a leadership position, especially one where I am expected to be joyful, during such a difficult time!

You are exhausted. You need a rest. You deserve a rest. Like someone else said, it's time for you to be carried instead of you carrying others.

Let others minister to you. To refuse is to deny them that blessing.


I don't think your pastor was discarding you. I think he is trying to minister to you and to lighten your load, so you can focus on what is most important right now.

I love Beth Moore and did her "Daniel" Bible Study last year. In it she says there are three types of deliverance God can provide when we face a fiery furnace (a trial or tribulation or testing or refining of our faith):

1. He can deliver us FROM the fiery furnace: He can take away the problem.

2. He can deliver us THROUGH the fiery furnace: He doesn't remove the problem, but He gives us strength and we grow as we survive.

3. He can deliver us HOME. In other words, some fiery furnaces we simply don't survive. But then again, being delivered home is a good ending too.

It looks like #2 is what's in God's plan, for the refining of your faith. And who knows who you will be able to minister to as a result of having gone through this.

I know that doesn't take away your pain. It's just something to remember, when you can, to possibly lessen the pain. Please don't feel discouraged or like I'm preaching to you saying you should be cheerful or whatever. There are prolly more eloquent ppl who could express this better. Just take it and think on it when/if it helps.

Also, the thing about "feathers." Somewhere, I think in a Beth Moore study and also in a Women's Devotional Bible, there was a thing about feathers, based on Psalm 91:4. There was a story about a mother hen who gathered all her chicks under her wings just as a hawk struck. Her feathers went everywhere but the hawk didn't get any chicks, and flew away. Then all the chicks came out, and the mother was ok too because she was so full of fluffy feathers that the hawk didn't strike anything vital.

That story was followed by another story of a woman who was stopped at a traffic light and a car-jacker jumped into the car with a gun. She remembered the story and wanted to claim God's promise of protection, but all she could remember was "feathers" and she just started screaming "feathers" over and over again. The car-jacker was so bewildered that he jumped out and ran away!

So, dearest T2L, God has you safely under His warm, soft, fluffy feathers right now. Rest there. You don't need to peak out; you just rest there awhile. He's got you covered.

[size:17pt]*hugs*[/size]

Oh Jayne, I am in tears and you weren't even posting to me. That was a beautiful encouragement.

{{{{{{Jayne}}}}}}

{{{{{T2L}}}}}}}}}

Dearest,

I am so sorry I've not been around.

With all that's gone on in my family coupled with moving AND Christmas, I maxed out on overload and my bod shut me down for 3 days (migraine during Christmas - YIPPEE).

I have been thinking of you.


How funny. I always think of Him "holding me" in His hand.

When I need carrying, I actually picture His ginormous, warm, caring hand enveloping me entirely and keeping me safe.

You need to do this for your husband, too, T2L.

You spend a LOT of time worrying about him...and it's time to trust God with the wayward. He is far more capable of dealing with a waynerd than ANY of us are...and your sanity needs a break from the worry.

I want you to practice giving it over to Him. Every time you begin to think on the waynerd, STOP yourself and visualize handing the waynerd to God.

It'll take a lot of practice, but you'll get there if you practice it. And if you do it enough, you'll feel that knot in your stomach loosen and feel yourself getting to a better spot mentally than you've been in a long while.

Practice every day, okay?

T2L? You there? Are you okay? I hope you've been reading these last few posts and finding some encouragement.

Goodmorning, all.

Thanks for the post. Yes I have read them, and the Text too Lil doggie.

I'm not in a good place right now. I've never been this bad. I took my wedding rings last night and threw them over the fence in my back yard out into the fields and i could care less. I honestly don't even want to see them again. I am sorry I didn't respond to the post, I just really have nothing good to say at this point so it's probably best to refrain.

I mean all this started because of H, and the 1 thing I really enjoy and loved doing is leading worship, has been removed and thats because of him as well. If I wasn't struggling to bad over this crap here it wouldn't of happened and that's why I threw my rings. I understand that my Pastor totally loves me and kids and that he has to do what is necessary for the betterment of the entire church and not just 1 and he did say that he doesn't want me thinking about everything right now, but sometimes that was the thing that helped me to not think as much. But whatever, I certainly don't want to be a hindrance to the Spirit of God during a worship service so I will step aside quietly and respectfully.

I notified via email the new leader and gave him all the phone numbers and asked him if he needed any thing and I would get it to him, but I also said I will not be there Sunday. I am not sure when I can go back, I am really hurt now and humiliated and feel like I'm done and empty. Really surprised I am posting as I feel like I don't want to talk to a single sole. In my 15 years walking with God and this church, I have scrubbed many toilets and vacuumed, worked the tape ministry for several years, worked in children's church and youth ministry, worked in the office and answered phones, sang on the team and lead teams and did what ever was needed and all because of my H everything has changed and really, the T2L that always sees good and sees God and believes best and does the right thing and not the wrong and always perseveres doesn't want to anymore.

I have always had a fight in my and think it's gone. I don't want to go back to church. I feel angry that If I don't go, H wins and if I don't go everything I have told my kids about not quitting will go down the drain and yet part of me doesn't even care anymore. I even thought I can get someone to come pick them up for church as completely lame as that sounds. I know for sure I will not attend Sunday, I just can't.

I told DS10 that mommy is going to let Mr. Friend lead and step back so I can take more time with you guys and not have so much to do, but I told DD17 that Pastor asked me to step down and he had been watching me and that he doesn't want that pressure on me right now. She seemed frustrated, so if you all can encourage her too on her thread. I told her Pastor loves with all his heart and that he would never do this unless it was necessary.

H is still asking questions to DD17, mild ones but questions. So feel free to keep talking to her and kinda keeping her accountable to using the IDK answer for EVERYTHING. She answers some things, like last night I told the kids that if H calls after 9 you cannot talk, I am tired of the late calling.

So he called few minutes after 9 and asked where DS10 was and she said to him and mom went to bed, which was kinda true as we were in my bed watching a movie and he kept on her asking why so early and asking her if he was in public or private school when he knows darn well the answer and I said respond everything as IDK dad. She made if 50% but would like to see any and all and every question pertaining to DS10 and myself to a IDK dad. So if you can ask her how she's doing with that and encourage her please even questions regarding bedtime and school should be IDK because its not her responsibility to inform him, and to only speak with him. And maybe to encourage he in the Lord and about church to as I am empty and sometimes it's better when she hears those things from anyone other than momma.

I will try to come on later, i will try. Thanks for the encouragement and I understand and would have even said those things to others, I just have no feelings right now, maybe shock, maybe my pride. Maybe a few days the shock will wear off IDK.

Do you know i have cried so much the since Thanksgiving that I actually lost an entire spot of eyelashes! Only happens when I cry too much. Do you know it takes over 3 months for them to grow back!


T2L,

Urgent prayers going up for you.

Please take good care of yourself. Try to exercise, as that might help some.

You have done an excellent Plan A and Plan B, and hopefully this is just a little setback.

And please go find your rings.................

{{{{{T2L}}}}}

What you are feeling is normal. You are again suffering direct consequences from the affair. It sucks, it hurts, it's unfair and it's not right.

You are allowed to have a day or two to pull yourself up off the floor from this last blow.

But...and this is a big but...

Do not forget who the enemy is.

Allowing this situation to cut you off from the body of Christ, makes who happy?

I'm sure that you are correct that your pastor is doing what he thinks is best for his flock, which includes you. I am sure he has prayed about this siutation.

But how you respond to it can allow satan a big toe into your heart.

You NEED your fellow believers around you right now. It is critical for your spiritual safety.

I realize being there on this first Sunday with the new worship leader will be painful. And if you feel it is too much to bear, maybe you and the kids can take a weekend road trip.

But do not let this separate you from the believers who love you. That will please no one but satan.

Is there a close friend that you could attend with that first Sunday you go back? Just having someone to walk in with, carrying your burden for you, sitting with you, knowing your sorrow, speaking to you through her eyes, and praying you through that service.

If you let this stop you from attending church, I am going to be very worried about you.

Don't you remember...

I told you, when satan takes out the head of the household, he gets a foothold in every family member's life.

He's looking at you right now, and plotting his destruction.

Fight back!

This is the ABSOLUTE truth.