Hope,

I am so sorry! Please understand I know in part how you feel. My ExH M'd his OW early this past summer. He never told me or my kids. I found out accidentally a few months ago. I too thought/hoped even after our D, he would wake up and come back or at least make ammends. I NEVER thought he'd marry her! I always thought the A would end, with them being so far apart in age and all.

The hardest part for me recently was seeing ExH at a school function and seeing his wedding ring on! That was tough for me. That made it REAL.

I'm glad he never told my kids about it cuz I never would have wanted them to be part of it. I hate it when he takes my DS to his house knowing she is there, and they are pretending to be one big happy family. YUCK! I'm sorry your kids had to be there for his wedding.

There's not much I can say to you, just that I know how painful it is hoping that things would go how we wanted and they didn't.

I too can only hope the M won't last, but then again I can't revolve my life around that.

I am trying very hard to really move on now and not even think about his life. I cannot change what happened and me crying/hoping/praying for things to be different won't make it so.

Unfortunately it is what it is, and I have to accept that, no matter how hard that may be.

I pray that God has a better plan for me, and that I get to see it soon!

Hang in there. I will be thinking of you during the holidays...

Cat

Actually Smartie Pants's ex was married within a week of the D being final.

I wish she would pop in and tell what has been happening since the D and immediate marriage. Can you believe we even thought possible he would be a bigamist for a time it was so close

Smartie, if you are reading this... Can you give Hope a little help in getting through... Love ya girl.

T/J, I am so totally there with this statement. Thanks wild for posting it.

T/J over...

Hope, Wild is giving you some of the best advice I have seen today. Please read it and internalize it. Your exWH is sick and dangerous to life. He doesn't have G-d in his life and is living in a fantasy that ONE DAY will implode, explode or do whatever.

Imagine said it right, you are in your own prison. Release yourself, and live life... You deserve all the good blessings G-d has to offer.

I personally would be darker than darker can be. The hurtful reality is he is someone else's H now and its their responsibility to meet each other's needs. Not yours... Leave the sick, unhealthy, destructive couple alone, live your life and just let G-d have his will in all your lives. Because he will turn this all to good... In a way you can't even imagine.

I love you girl, Merry Christmas....

G-d does have a better plan for you Cat... One that is beyond your imagination or dreams... Trust him.. But it will be revealed in HIS time.

Please know Cat, that we will be thinking about YOU during the holidays and saying an extra prayer of shelter from HIM.

:MerryChristmas:

Thanks Queenie,

I've never been very patient and although I know I have no choice but to wait, I wish it was NOW! And I do hope that what is in store for me will be great. I'm really trying to keep the faith, but it is so hard especially now during the holidays and knowing ExH has a new wife and is celebrating their 1st Christmas togehter as a married couple etc. I'm having a tough time with that.

Hope,

How are you doing?? Please know I am thinking about you...

Cat

As anyone in their right mind would have a tough time.

It's despicable and sad and hurtful. Plain and simple.

I'm sorry you are hurting. Over and over its been said when those thoughts creep in, shake your head and change your thought. It's simple but HARD when the thoughts are creeping down that tunnel...

We love you Cat, we are here for you.

Merry Christmas Hope, I'm thinking about ya girl. How are you?

Believer,don't you think they would have shown each other their true colours by now?...2 years is a long time to not show them??

DS18 told me that their rings are "not real wedding rings..but cheap silver rings...?

The boys went back to WH today as the cousins are there till monday....I'm at work this morning which is helping me cope with this nightmare....

My sisters EX told her yesterday that he popped into the shop on the 24th to wish them and WH didn't look very happy??

Do you think I should write him a letter and tell him how I still feel or not?

No, No, and H3ll NO!

Hope, he is M now. He knows how you feel and M her anyway. You have to let him go and live with his choice. I don't want to sound harsh, but he is certainly going to share that with his new bride Do not give her the satisfaction of knowing that she won and that you still are pining for him. She'll gloat even more than she probably is now.

Hold you head high and make a good life for yourself. Heck, you start your own business and be more successful than he is. That will show him.

Hope,

Please don't write to him. As someone said on your post, he is someone else's husband now. As hard as it is to accept, I KNOW, trust me, that's the truth.

It is so hard to accept that he now loves someone else, enough to marry them. I think about that all the time. How can he just shut off his feelings for me after 20+ years and be with her? But the fact of the matter is, he is.

Hope I don't think I ever mentioned this here, but right after my D, I was like you. Although ExH and OW were not M'd then, they had been living together for 2 years. I still thought he'd leave her or she'd leave him and he'd come running back to me. I did not write him any letter, but I guess the way I acted around him when he came to get the kids indicated that I was still desperate to get back with him.

Well a few months after our D, I received a typed letter in the mail from him. Or it could have been from OW as it wasn't signed, just had his return address on it. The letter was very sarcastic and hurtful, saying that he was VERY concerned with my well being in that it appeared that I hadn't moved on after the D, and that perhaps these would help. He then enclosed various random posts from MB about moving on after D, etc.!! He knew I was a reader here.

At that point I felt like I was the laughing stock of his home. That he and OW were having a grand old time laughing at me that I was still pining for him, and that OW was gloating that she got what *I* wanted.

From that day on, no matter how hard it was, I made sure I acted, to him at least, like I HAD moved on. Some times I think I should have gotten the Academy award as I was that good! He still yanks my chain every chance he gets, but I try and not let it bother me. Easier said than done most times.

Today, I think he believes I am seeing someone, even though I am not. Let him think what he wants, but I have tried very hard to accept the fact as what it is. He is now M'd to the wh$re and there's not much I can do.

I gave him many chances to come back to me prior to the D, he chose not to. And believe me it is SO HARD to accept that, yes, he wanted someone more than me that he married her!

I still fake it till I make it, but there's not much I can do about it. There are days where I still pine for him and days when I'm glad I don't have him. I guess what I miss the most is what we could have had together in the future as a family. I resent what he did to my kids, breaking up our family unit. And I resent the fact that now OW will have what was promised to me all those years ago. I'm still working on trying to get over that in IC. It's not easy.

Just don't send him the letter. He knows how you felt, but he married her anyway. Why inflate his ego having him think that 2 women want him?

Just try and distance yourself as much as you can. Go to IC. That has been a life saver for me.


Of course I still think about him and his life with his "new wife". I still am angry that now she gets the life I should have had with him, but thinking/dreaming/wishing/wanting, isn't going to change the fact that he chose her, married her and that's it.

Sorry if this was abrupt. I didn't mean to hurt you, it's just that I've been/am where you are and yeah, it hurts like he##.

My mantra now a days is living well is the best revenge. Let him think you have moved on.

(((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

Cat

Good post Cat. Sometimes we just have to accept what is. There are A's that result in M and do last. For the most part, I think that as they settle into it and it results in the same routine and it has the same issues as the first M, they then realize that they have the same thing they were trying to run from in the first place. Doesn't help the BS though.

Cat and Hope, you two will heal one day.

Just follow the MB Plan.

Chai,

Nothing would make me happier than to have his marriage fail. Yeah I guess I am a vengeful person!

But if it does or doesn't, I can't control that. And by the way my kids said that they acted at Christmas dinner, VERY happy, I guess it will last!!

I've said this before in my other posts and yeah it is a woe is me statement...but it just doesn't seem fair that he's caused me and my kids so much pain, yet he and OW are so happy and have the life they want, yet I still struggle!

OK pity party over!

Do you know if either of them have posted on MB?

I'd sure like to know who they are

Pepperband,

I have no idea if they ever posted here or not. I doubt it, as ExH has to this day, never admitted he had an A, so why would he post here? He doesn't see what he did as wrong.

Yes, a few A's do "last" and result in marriage. The odds of long-term "success" in these marriages are very poor. Less than 10% make it a decade.

I do know of one AM that has lasted over 25 years. My old Dr. married his receptionist. Left his wife for her. She's like 20 years younger than him. They went on to have 2 kids. They seem VERY happy.

Hope,

Haven't heard from you in a bit...


Hope you are OK.

Cat

Hope,

Are you OK? Please let us know....

Bump...

Hope

Q is right-my xWH married his OW 5 days after the divorce was final. I think I may have the MB record for an ex spouse who remarried! :MrEEk:

The fact that they married so quickly after our D was final only reinforces what Pep and others have said to you - it was a sheer act of desperation. Not a good start for a M IMHO.

Will they last--if I was a betting woman I'd say no. But I choose not to wait around wondering if and when it will happen. Life is too short.

I can tell you this--he is NOT happy. And he is already moving into the next phase of their R -- coming out of "blissful isolation" with her and trying to get her accepted by his family. You know-trying to make everything normal. Which is not happening, by the way...

Hold your head high Hope and live your life. You fought a good fight but he is another woman's H now. We are here for you as you continue your journey.

Smartie

Thanks guys for all your kind words and thoughts....
The boys took their computers to their dads with them so I haven't had access..work is too busy to pop in here...

Well it has sunk in that he has married her.....friends and family are disgusted that he didn't have the decency to tell me but his a coward....

Since the wedding his sister that he didn't tell has phoned him and they are now not on speaking terms...she phoned her mom and had words with her to about why they didn't tell her,needless to say she put the phone down on her mom too....

The shop was robbed by 5 men 2 nights ago...the cops caught 3 of them and recovered some stolen items..although they are now in police custody as evidence which is freaking XH out as its stock he can't sell!!
DS18 had serious words with OW's eldest son...my DS16 told me..but won't give details as he wants DS18 to tell me....apparently XH and OW were forced to get involved as DS18 confronted them and forced them to comment on the incident.

My boys came home today ....their cousins and family are STILL with XH as their car is not fixed yet.My boys felt it was the polite thing to do and stay with them longer....I put my foot down as 3 weeks is a long time for me not to see them...I missed them terribly...especially after the recent events...

I still can't understand why he wanted to think about coming home then he marries her right after the divorce...what was the rush?

I hope it doesn't last....my lawyer is back on monday and I'll phone her then to find out when the divorce actually went through!