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You're missing the point. You shouldn't care what impression your email leaves on her. The email should simply throw a wrench into her plans and make her supremely uncomfortable. That's all. The fact that you are going to be with your kids is none of her business. Fight the affair.


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Listen, your email misses the point. You need to find out if she is going out to commit adultery tonight because you will not be accommodating her adultery.

JUST ASK HER, CARP! for crying out loud, you yankees make me crazy! just say it! grumble


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Listen, your email misses the point. You need to find out if she is going out to commit adultery tonight because you will not be accommodating her adultery.

JUST ASK HER, CARP! for crying out loud, you yankees make me crazy! just say it! grumble

Blind faith here....Mels or Princess??

Let me know...I will send it then post her response.

I wait for a couple replies.


Me 35
W 31
D12
D9
Exposure day 12/29/08 (Ws 32nd bday)
I wanted to fix marriage June 1st
A found out June 11th
W came home August 18th till the end
BS papers from her Oct 2nd
Real papers from me Oct 17th
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oh good grief...


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I don't know if she would really tell you the truth about whether the OM is going to be with her or not. However, it would make her supremely uncomfortable to have you ask her.



You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

The person who is always finding fault seldom finds anything else.

I pity the fool. - Mr. T
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Originally Posted by Verve
I don't know if she would really tell you the truth about whether the OM is going to be with her or not. However, it would make her supremely uncomfortable to have you ask her.

Exactly what I was thinking. WS lie all the time anyway!!


Me 35
W 31
D12
D9
Exposure day 12/29/08 (Ws 32nd bday)
I wanted to fix marriage June 1st
A found out June 11th
W came home August 18th till the end
BS papers from her Oct 2nd
Real papers from me Oct 17th
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Carp, am I missing something here? I thought the goal was to find out if she was going to be with the OM? Is this not the goal?

If you are not going to ASK, then how do you propose finding out?

I feel very much like I am wasting my time here once again.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Mel

The goal is to make this on MY terms. She will lie anyway. What am I gonna say......prove it?!


Me 35
W 31
D12
D9
Exposure day 12/29/08 (Ws 32nd bday)
I wanted to fix marriage June 1st
A found out June 11th
W came home August 18th till the end
BS papers from her Oct 2nd
Real papers from me Oct 17th
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Originally Posted by Carp54
I was trying to think of how my wife could use the answer "get your own sitter I have plans" against me. You gotta remember my W is fully lawyered up so ANYTHING negative for me=bad.

Huh? She can go hang with friends and leave you to babysit and THAT can't be held against her? I don't get it.

I think ML is right too. You SHOULD confront her about her TRUE plans for tonight. Do you really want to babysit while she brings in the New Year with a NEW MAN? Why not just tell her you've just changed your mind. You're allowed you know.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Originally Posted by Carp54
Mel

The goal is to make this on MY terms. She will lie anyway. What am I gonna say......prove it?!

Oh, I get it. The goal is to ANNOY HER for absolutely no purpose and still end up babysitting while she goes out and scrws the OM! it is just a GAME..

Sounds productive.............NOT! crazy

I guess I am not getting the point.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Ok, you don't want to babysit so your W can continue the A and you don't think that she will tell you the truth if you ask her straight up. So, just tell her to find her own babysitter (as PM said) and let it go. You don't have to say anymore than that. It's not saying that you don't care about your kids, not at all. Stop overthinking things (I'm the queen of that and it sucks) and just send a message that is short, sweet, and to the point.

BTW, I was saying that asking her would make her uncomfortable, which is good, because she should be. smile



You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

The person who is always finding fault seldom finds anything else.

I pity the fool. - Mr. T
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This should have been settled about 3 hours ago. All these posts over this little issue is OVERKILL. If every little issue causes this much vacillation and indecision, then you are going to be spending most of your time spinning your wheels.

In the time we have wasted beating this to death, you could have found out by now and been well onto the next issue.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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JUST ASK THE WOMAN!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Gonna send this mail

Is scumbag jones going with you tonite??

She probably won't reply at all

If she does or doesn't I will let you guys know.
She is at work for 45 more mins....if she does not reply then I will send a my errands will take longer then expected you should find a sitter till I be home.


Me 35
W 31
D12
D9
Exposure day 12/29/08 (Ws 32nd bday)
I wanted to fix marriage June 1st
A found out June 11th
W came home August 18th till the end
BS papers from her Oct 2nd
Real papers from me Oct 17th
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If she doesn't reply to your question, tell her you'll take her non-reply as a yes. And then inform her that you will not be available to watch the kids tonight.

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I apologize for my crankiness. I have a low threshhold for indecisiveness.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
This should have been settled about 3 hours ago. All these posts over this little issue is OVERKILL. If every little issue causes this much vacillation and indecision, then you are going to be spending most of your time spinning your wheels.

In the time we have wasted beating this to death, you could have found out by now and been well onto the next issue.


True. By waiting until the last minute, you could very well have set it up so you are definitely babysitting while your wife is with the OM for the New Year.


You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

The person who is always finding fault seldom finds anything else.

I pity the fool. - Mr. T
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Originally Posted by Carp54
Gonna send this mail

Is scumbag jones going with you tonite??

She probably won't reply at all

If she does or doesn't I will let you guys know.
She is at work for 45 more mins....if she does not reply then I will send a my errands will take longer then expected you should find a sitter till I be home.

I love email like the next guy. But, my impression of all these emails is that it makes you look weak and leaves a written trail (you seem very worried about those type of things)

Pick up the phone, call her, and ask what you want to know. Weed through her BS and come up with your own conclusion.

Start working from a position of strength and she will respect you, at least. All this email seems weak to me. My $0.02



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AGREE!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by Marshmallow
If she doesn't reply to your question, tell her you'll take her non-reply as a yes. And then inform her that you will not be available to watch the kids tonight.

I like this!!

Gonna use that ! Everyone knows silence=agreeing. W and I have even had this conv.


Me 35
W 31
D12
D9
Exposure day 12/29/08 (Ws 32nd bday)
I wanted to fix marriage June 1st
A found out June 11th
W came home August 18th till the end
BS papers from her Oct 2nd
Real papers from me Oct 17th
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