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Originally Posted by Carp54
I am quickly approaching the point where I am gonna come home one day early....pack up her chit....drop it on his porch...and not say a word about it.

This sounds like an excellent idea! Change the locks to your home also.

I would check with your lawyer and make sure there would be no legal ramifications (kids, etc) with this beforehand.


You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

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Originally Posted by Verve
Originally Posted by Carp54
I am quickly approaching the point where I am gonna come home one day early....pack up her chit....drop it on his porch...and not say a word about it.

This sounds like an excellent idea! Change the locks to your home also.

I would check with your lawyer and make sure there would be no legal ramifications (kids, etc) with this beforehand.

The day you do this will be the day she begins to respect you.

Texting her to wish her a HNY when she's probably in bed w/ OM just ain't gonna do it.

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Originally Posted by Marshmallow
The day you do this will be the day she begins to respect you.

Texting her to wish her a HNY when she's probably in bed w/ OM just ain't gonna do it.

I second this sentiment

Also, having her face real bills, responsibilities, etc. seems in order to me. Stop sheltering her and make her accountable. You can't let her cake eat and expect to stay married. Pick some boundaries and enforce them. (For me, her going out New Years all night would earn the stuff on the porch. Or call the crazy a$$ uncle to pick it up)

It seems she is forcing this to save your marraige. I feel very sorry for you and your girls.


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carp, along with the others, i am quite horrified at the disrespect and flagrant adultery your wife displays. She lives in your home but carries on a like an alley cat in heat right in front of your kids. And no one says or does a damn thing. She goes out on dates with her boyfriend, calls him from your home - she openly flaunts her adultery in front of you and your kids.

The lessons your kids are learning are just terrible. They are being taught that wrong is right and that it is ok to tolerate abuse without protest. It is clear that your wife believes you will do nothing to stop her and as such, is in full cakeeating mode. She has all the benefits of a married woman while carrying on like a single woman, corrupting her children.

It is a rare thing to see an adulterer who is this flagrant. This bespeaks a level of hostility and disrespect that we don't often see.

What is being done about this, carp? How will you get her out of the house so you can go into Plan B?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
carp, along with the others, i am quite horrified at the disrespect and flagrant adultery your wife displays. She lives in your home but carries on a like an alley cat in heat right in front of your kids. And no one says or does a damn thing. She goes out on dates with her boyfriend, calls him from your home - she openly flaunts her adultery in front of you and your kids.

The lessons your kids are learning are just terrible. They are being taught that wrong is right and that it is ok to tolerate abuse without protest. It is clear that your wife believes you will do nothing to stop her and as such, is in full cakeeating mode. She has all the benefits of a married woman while carrying on like a single woman, corrupting her children.

It is a rare thing to see an adulterer who is this flagrant. This bespeaks a level of hostility and disrespect that we don't often see.

What is being done about this, carp? How will you get her out of the house so you can go into Plan B?

Excellent question Mel....we all know no matter what I ask her she will lie...even if she doesn't I can't believe her anyway. I feel like I need to express myself to her....not about my plans bit about what I think/feel. Of course I have done this in the past to no results/poor results. I have gotten her to break down before and cry/say she would say....a few days or even hours later she would be back to her ways....it sucked.


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You didn't answer her question. What are you doing to change the situation?

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She needs to know/feel the repercussions of her actions. Right now she is living as she always has, in a home where she is comfortable with you paying the bills. She is able to come and go as she pleases and no one does anything about it. It's almost like she is a teenager getting to do what adults do, does that make sense?

Seriously, Melody has it right, what are you going to do about it?


You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

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Originally Posted by Carp54
Excellent question Mel....we all know no matter what I ask her she will lie...even if she doesn't I can't believe her anyway. I feel like I need to express myself to her....not about my plans bit about what I think/feel. Of course I have done this in the past to no results/poor results. I have gotten her to break down before and cry/say she would say....a few days or even hours later she would be back to her ways....it sucked.

Carp, I am not talking about what HER PLANS are, I already know her plans. Her plan is to continue to have all the benefits of marriage while she cats around like a single person and corrupts your children and causes you extreme emotional pain. Her plan is walk all over you.

What are YOU doing to get her out and protect your kids? Someone needs to step up to the plate here and protect your kids from her. She is doing nothing more than cakeeating. This is one of the worst cases I have seen.

The next worse one was Steve's wife and his 18 year old DD got so damn sick of it that she took matters in her own hands and kicked her mother out herself. NO adult would take control, so she did. Is there an adult in the house?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Thanks for all your comments/thoughts/ideas

I have done so much already I am running out of ideas

She pays to live at home
She pays all her own car payments, ins, phone bill, etc
I have filed for D with custody
I have done the nuclear exposure
I am monitoring all pc activity at home

Kicking her out would be great
Dropping her stuff at OMs house would be great

I have to find legit ways to get rid of her

I have done a "mini" plan B...more of a silent treatment for a few days and she notices it.

Keep up with the ideas......


Me 35
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Exposure day 12/29/08 (Ws 32nd bday)
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Carp,

Listen. I know where you are at. She is running around, doing all of the things Melody said. You have done many things you were supposed to do, and she still seems to be flagrant about it. Plus, you dont know how to get her out, as there is a legal component to that.

So, you are scratching your head wondering what to do, right?

Okay, you need some battle plans. First off, you need to find out what she is doing. Why? Because she thinks she can do as she wants to, and it is still secret.

I had Army buddies, my brothers, etc. follow her around. Take shifts for a few weeks. They enjoyed doing the covert stuff. They would document where she went with whom. They would take pictures of them going in and out of the Troll's house, etc. And I would get a call or email with where she was.

Added to this, I put a GPS tracker on her car, where I could follow at times or at least get the info of where she was.

Now, what did I do with all of this info? Well, first off, I live in Virginia which is a fault state. Adultery (and even fornication) are Class 4 misdemeanors. So, I was compiling this information to use against her in court.

Second, I compiled this for the custody hearing. Now, adultery in and of itself usually is not admissable for the custody hearing. That is unless it has affected the children!. So, while I am documenting EVERYTHING (including what the children say and do), I use the information I have to show a pattern of neglect by my wife, where she spends most of her time with the OM, etc. I had everything documented, to show where I was, where the kids were, where she was and what she was doing. And showing how the kids were being affected by her not being there. Judges do not like WSs that put the paramour before their kids!

Lastly, I compiled the information and used it to make her uncomfortable. How? well, take what happened just now with you. If you had intel on where and what she did all night, then once she returns, you can say "well, the kids missed you last night while you slept over at the OMs." Her response "You have no idea where I went last night. I actually was over at my GF's house after the party." Your response: "Yes that is true. But then the OM came by and picked you up and you spent the night at his place."

Of course, it will be at this point that her head will spin around and she will float off the floor. "Are you spying on me...following me?" Your response "You are my wife. I know everything that you do." And leave it at that.

You dont discuss everything you know. You make her think she is being followed, the room is bugged, etc. My wife thought she had 24/7 PIs after her, that the OM's house had bugs and cameras, etc. You see, with just a little knowledge, you can make their imaginations go wild.

Now, when your kids ask her once she returns home "where were you, Mommy?" She will respond: "I was at my GFs house. Did you have a good New Years?" You can then chime in with "Kids, your Mom spent the night at the OM's house."

You see, the light of exposure and continued exposure makes things more uncomfortable. If she thinks that everytime she comes home, her actions will be brought up for review, home is going to be a hostile place for her. Not because her home is a hostile place, but because her actions make it so.

My wife's attorney asked me in a deposition once, after seeing the mounds of intel I had on her, "Dont you believe your wife should have privacy? Doesnt everyone deserve privacy?" My response was: "Sure, she deserves privacy. When she goes to the bathroom, she should have the right to shut the door in that private moment. But, in a marriage, NO ONE has a right to secrecy." That shut him up!

How else to shine light on the vampires? Well, I think I read that you dont sleep in the marital bed, am I right? If true...then get your butt back into your bed! Do not let her keep you out of it or lock you out. It is your bed. You are not the one soiling that bed, she is. Now of course, her head will again spin when she sees you laying in that bed. She will scream at you to get out of the bed. Do not budge!! Make her sleep on the couch or even better...at the OM's house.

If she locks you out? next day, buy a door knob that doesnt have a lock on it, install it on the bedroom door, and then sleep in your bed.

Now, due to experience (unfortunately), I have to warn you. WSs, especially WWs, will use this as an excuse to call the cops and accuse you of all sorts of things (abuse, etc) in order to get them to throw you out. You MUST protect yourself. The first thing is to continue to document EVERYTHING. The second is to buy 2-3 of the voice activated digital recorders (handheld) and place in various places (including the bedroom) around the house. Some of them will record all day, only when someone is talking.

At night or whenever she isnt there, you get them, connect to your computer, upload the days intel, and save. Then erase off the recorders and place back in their hiding spots (hide them good, but where they will pick up what you want to hear).

Now, how will this help? Well, when the cops are called,, she will be blathering on about how you shoved her or something up in the bedroom. You ask one ofthe officers to come with you...you go to the bedroom, pull out the recorder and have him listen in to what happened. He will hear you trying to go to bed, your wife losing her mind, she threatening to call the cops, you saying that you arent doing anything but laying in bed trying to go to sleep, and her saying that it wont matter because they will believe her.

Once the officer has that, then he can write in his report what the truth is...and you wont be charged with anything. When you go to custody and divorce hearings, to have police reports backing up what you have been saying...is huge. And makes your wife look like a liar. Which is what she will have been doing.

I am a former inspector general with the Army. Once way to get people to break down and open up is what I call the slow drip of truth. What we would do is put out some truth and then the other perso nwould respond (and try to lie). We would then put out some more, but just enough to refute what they had said. They will now be nervous because they have been caught in a lie, but they erronously believe we have told them all of the stuff we had on him. So, they come up with a second lie. Well, then we let go a little more information, just enough to refute that lie.

After we do that 2-3 times, most people are usually broken down and will begin spilling the beans! And never did they know all of what we knew. Many times, they would begin spilling the beans about stuff we didnt even know about!!

What this long post is trying to do is to make you start taking the battle to her. She was out all night, and you ask her via text where she is because the kids missed her...and oh by the way, bring home cat food. Huh? The correct text (which you would also document) is "Where you all night? The kids have wondered where you were. I told them you were at the OM's house." Dont ask her to get catfood, that just allows her to change the subject!

You must keep the sordid affair front and center constantly. You must keep her uncomfortable at this point. Dont be threatening (never threaten anything...just do!). Be calm and in control. Shoot, one night when she was ranting, and actually hit me in front of the kids, I immediately grabbed them and left and spent the night at a friends house down the street. The next day, we came home. I documented that I had left because of the physical violence shown by her in front of the kids.

Carp, there is so much you can do. But you are letting everything be done to you. You are not in control of this situation, you are reacting to the situation.

You can now take control. But that wil lrequire a steady had. And doing many of the things I have listed here (plus more).


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Excellent post MM!


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MortarMan

Thx for the info

I am in the marital bed!! I even bought all new sheets blankets etc. She was furious!!


I am actively doing some things....but not everything.
PC...we had 2 and now 1 is "broke". The only 1 we have is in my room and monitored.

Voice recorders....not enough of them. I have not shared 1 bit of what I have recorded but it is saved.

GPS for car will be this weekends purchase. I have read about phones that can be checked online.

I have mentioned some things about what I have overheard 1 nite when she was on phone with OM and now she thinks the house is bugged.




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Exposure day 12/29/08 (Ws 32nd bday)
I wanted to fix marriage June 1st
A found out June 11th
W came home August 18th till the end
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Originally Posted by princessmeggy
Excellent post MM!

Thanks! blush


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Good to hear that she thinks it is bugged! That will make her uncomfortable in the house.

Next thing is to find out where she is going, with whom and how long. To help show how much time she is with OM versus the kids. And to be able to leak information that will make her think no matter where she goes, it is exposed.

What have you done in regards to the OM (have you talked to him)?

Also, have you filed anything with the courts?


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

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Originally Posted by Mortarman
Good to hear that she thinks it is bugged! That will make her uncomfortable in the house.

Next thing is to find out where she is going, with whom and how long. To help show how much time she is with OM versus the kids. And to be able to leak information that will make her think no matter where she goes, it is exposed.

What have you done in regards to the OM (have you talked to him)?

Also, have you filed anything with the courts?

My journaling over the past 4 months is extensive. It's not all W did this W did that. There is a lot of positives for me

I have not confronted OM except via exposure to his family

Legal action against him is coming soon....waiting for last puzzle piece to get to me.


Me 35
W 31
D12
D9
Exposure day 12/29/08 (Ws 32nd bday)
I wanted to fix marriage June 1st
A found out June 11th
W came home August 18th till the end
BS papers from her Oct 2nd
Real papers from me Oct 17th
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Originally Posted by Carp54
Originally Posted by Mortarman
Good to hear that she thinks it is bugged! That will make her uncomfortable in the house.

Next thing is to find out where she is going, with whom and how long. To help show how much time she is with OM versus the kids. And to be able to leak information that will make her think no matter where she goes, it is exposed.

What have you done in regards to the OM (have you talked to him)?

Also, have you filed anything with the courts?

My journaling over the past 4 months is extensive. It's not all W did this W did that. There is a lot of positives for me

I have not confronted OM except via exposure to his family

Legal action against him is coming soon....waiting for last puzzle piece to get to me.

Good.

I would have had that conversation with him, though. So, he could hear in your voice how serious you are about protecting your family.

One conversation I would have with my wife in the middle of our mess was how things were NOT going to be if she left and ended up with the OM. We would NOT have joint birthday parties for the kids (if the OM would be there...even if she had married him). We would NOT do anything jointly with the kids. Stuff like that. That burned her up, as she thought that after the anger and hurt wore off, that I would just go along with things. I made her understand that I would NEVER go along with things.

She even heard from me (and found out after our custody hearing) that I wouldnt even talk with her. I went completely dark. But before that, I had described how things would be. We would exchange info about the kids via voicemail or email, except in emergencies. Well, I went dark after that custody hearing and over a 5 month period, I talked to her three times. And all of those were mistakes by me, in that I accidentally answered the phone without checking the caller ID first.

She has a picture in her head of how things are going to be. You need to constantly be shining light on that picture, showing how it will never be that way.

I actually one day sat down and mapped out (and left a copy "accidentally" for her) under a 50-50 custody deal, how much time overall she would have with the kids (and me as well). I showed our 6 year old son, with twelve years left before he graduated. I then showed that on a 50-50 deal, she would miss out on a total of 6 years of the next twelve of his life...and that some other woman would have as much time (6 years) with him as her.

That was a reality check for her! It is a big thing that weighed on her. Now, in actuality, our custody ruling had it more like 65% with me and 35% with her. Which meant that out of those twelve years, she would only spend 4.2 years with him.

Once the reality of the situation was put in front of her, then what the OM was asking her to do (leave and give up some or all of your time with your kids) became unbearable!

So, you might put something together like that...and "accidentally" leave it out. Dont reference her in it. Reference yourself (e.g. I am going to miss out on my son's life 6 of the next 12 years).


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

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Lotsa good stuff again MM.

Took the kids to a movie last night. Had my "lil buddy" running for a couple hours while we were gone.
W actually feels sick just being by me/at home. Of course I am making her like that!! LOL

Sent her a "don't wait for me for dinner" email earlier so I can hit a couple stores. Gonna grab a phone and a couple more DVRs. Then I am gonna hit sears or something, grab some new clothes, get a haircut, stop by my dads for a shower and THEN go home!!

Texted Ws BFF....who hates OM.... I asked her if W is pissed at me....she hates you and thinks you are crazy was her reply. I asked BFF if she can think of 1 thing I have done that is crazy....got married LOL...was her answer.


Me 35
W 31
D12
D9
Exposure day 12/29/08 (Ws 32nd bday)
I wanted to fix marriage June 1st
A found out June 11th
W came home August 18th till the end
BS papers from her Oct 2nd
Real papers from me Oct 17th
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Originally Posted by Carp54
Lotsa good stuff again MM.

Took the kids to a movie last night. Had my "lil buddy" running for a couple hours while we were gone.
W actually feels sick just being by me/at home. Of course I am making her like that!! LOL

Of course you do!

Quote
Sent her a "don't wait for me for dinner" email earlier so I can hit a couple stores. Gonna grab a phone and a couple more DVRs. Then I am gonna hit sears or something, grab some new clothes, get a haircut, stop by my dads for a shower and THEN go home!!

Texted Ws BFF....who hates OM.... I asked her if W is pissed at me....she hates you and thinks you are crazy was her reply. I asked BFF if she can think of 1 thing I have done that is crazy....got married LOL...was her answer.

My wife said the same things. Recently, she brought it up again as we talked. She said "I thought you were crazy, with all of the talk about us being family, about trying to hold onto the marriage, etc. But, I realized that by trusting God's promise that if you named it, that He would back you up, that it came true."

Not just my wife thought I was crazy! So many around me did. But I just kept saying and doing what I knew to be right. And one day she woke up to see I wasnt so crazy afterall!


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

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Had to work late last night

Still managed to hit the store and get some goodies!!
2 DVRs with vox that have 61 hrs of record time and auto start/stop
A $15 boost mobile phone with gps. I installed some software on it that allows me to track the phone from this phone with 5min updates. It's a 3rd party software that uploads to a seperate server that you check online. I signed up for a month free and it's $6 a month after that.

1 dvr is in the cave all sounds are off.
1 dvr will go in her car with the phone. I will have to attach them under the seat somehow.

How often do you guys think I should confront her with what info I have??




Me 35
W 31
D12
D9
Exposure day 12/29/08 (Ws 32nd bday)
I wanted to fix marriage June 1st
A found out June 11th
W came home August 18th till the end
BS papers from her Oct 2nd
Real papers from me Oct 17th
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Well after you get the info from all the deivces, you should only expose info you could have gotten from other means. You don't want her thinking he could have only got that if he had something in the car etc. Unless you got a whopper of a smoking gun!!

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